despondent
[dəˈspändənt]
adjective
in low spirits from loss of hope or courage

Who actually enjoyed bars aside from sociable young women, horny men, and alcoholics?

Definitely not Tyler.

He hated the loud chatter, the loud music, the intense smell of alcohol. He hated the way men eyed him like pray and girls eyed Josh like he was a meal.

He hated it and wanted to go home but him and Josh were two drinks deep and it was too late to turn back now.

They were sitting at the bar, Tyler with a tequila in hand and Josh with beer. Beer was so nasty. How could anybody in their right mind drink that shit for fun?

"Having a good time?" Josh asked, raising his voice over the obnoxious rap music playing in the background.

"I guess," Tyler yelled back, although he was extremely bored and hardly even drunk. He didn't necessarily want to get drunk, but that's the whole point of going to a bar.

"Wanna do shots?"

"I guess," he repeated, listening as Josh asked the bartender for four shots of vodka, two each.

Shit, this was going to definitely fuck Tyler up.

They went down smoothly, despite the burning in Tyler's chest and the strong urge to spit the liquid right back in the bartender's face. But he didn't. He drank it like a man should and he didn't complain.

"Dann, look at you," Josh grinned, leaning in closer to wrap his arm around the brunette's waist.

"You're hot," Tyler blurted in return, both men erupting into a fit of giggles.

"You're hotter."

"I want another shot."

So, they both downed another. In only a matter of minutes, Tyler's vision was blurry and his mind was foggy. He wasn't thinking straight at all, especially not when he said to Josh, "I want you to fuck me."

"Right here, right now?" Josh slurred, making a ridiculous face as he winked.

"I don't know," Tyler laughed, leaning in so their foreheads were touching. "I love you."

"I love you more, baby."

"Shit, I have to pee soooo bad," he groaned, eyebrows scrunched together.

"Go, then," Josh grinned. "I'll be right here waiting for you."

"Okay, I'm going. I love you. Don't forget! I love you so much. I'm gonna go pee now," Tyler rambled, most of his words jumbled together and most constanants drawn out.

"I love you too so much," Josh responded, making Tyler's heart nearly pound out of his chest because gosh it felt great to hear him say that.

Carefully, slowly, he stumbled his way through everybody and into the bathroom. But he forgot to read the sign and there ended up being a women inside, so he apologized and ran out.

He doubled checked the sign on the men's door, not fully trusting it, but he was relieved when he saw the urinals inside. It truly felt like he accomplished something as great as landing on the moon.

So after his five minute adventure of finding and entering the right bathroom, Tyler tried to hurry up and go pee because he missed Josh already. Unfortunately, he was rushing so much he got pee all over his shoes so now he had to take them off and wash them in the sink because, who the hell wants pissy shoes?

That's how Tyler ended up there, jeans just barely being held up by his ass, barefooted, scrubbing his shoes with soap and water, when another man walked in.

He took one look at Tyler.

"What the fuck?"

"I don't know," Tyler responded, not even feeling embarrassed. "I peed on them somehow, I don't know."

"Let me help," the man said, approaching him.

"No, no, no, I'm fine. Really," Tyler insisted, but the man shook his head and walked up behind him.

He stood with his crotch pressed against Tyler's ass, arms wrapped around him to grab the shoes. The poor brunette felt very uncomfortable, but was too afraid to say anything.

Come on Tyler, man up.

Don't be such a girl, Tyler. Tell him to get the fuck away.

Jesus, Tyler, man up already!

All rational thought exited the building as he felt warm lips press against his neck. He just froze and stood there like an idiot, watching everything in the mirror with wide eyes.

What was this guy doing? Why did he think this was okay? And why couldn't Tyler just snap out of it and tell him to back the fuck off?

Just as the bathroom door opened, the man groped Tyler's crotch. He gasped, disgust creeping through every single vein within his body. It felt wrong, so wrong, so disgusting.

But he was in too much shock to even speak.

That was until he heard Josh yell, "What the fuck is going on here!?"

As soon as it registered in Tyler's brain, he was turning around and shoving the guy away from him. He looked to Josh with fearful eyes, seeing the clear anger on his face.

"He asked me to touch him," the man lied, fucking lied, and Tyler just wanted to scream.

"What the fuck, Tyler? What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Tyler didn't answer, he was frozen again. Jaw slack, eyes wide, shoes left in the sink under the still running water. He wanted to say something, anything, but he was terrified. So, so fucking terrified.

"Answer me, bitch!" Josh yelled, veins popping out of his neck as he stomped towards Tyler, fists clenched at his sides. "Don't just stand there like a fucking idiot!"

The disgusting man managed to slip out of the bathroom unnoticed to Josh due to the man's yelling. But Tyler saw. He saw and he wanted to scream and cry and just do something but he was just standing there like the idiot he was.

"So help me God, Tyler, if you don't fucking answer me..."

"He... He... He touched me..."

"I know he fucking touched you, dumbass! And since you're a cheating whore you asked for it. I can't fucking believe you!" Josh seethed, making the fragile brunette shake.

Tyler didn't know what to say next. Josh wouldn't believe him. He wouldn't care if Tyler just got touched by some man he absolutely did not give consent to. His whole body felt dirty, disgusting, and it was even worse when Josh threw his fist at the wall.

He started crying, then, because he knew no good ending could come out of this. Tyler didn't know why he was so fucking stupid. It was his fault for standing there like an idiot and not doing anything. Otherwise, everything would be fine right now.

"I'm so sick of you. I'm tired of you running around behind my back and fucking other-"

"I'm not."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, I'm not."

"I'm calling an uber. You can find your own ride home. Or go stay with your stupid little friends like you always do. Why do you even bother coming back? I don't fucking want you there, and you don't want to be there, obviously. So just fucking leave already," Josh spat, slamming the bathroom door on his way out.

In mere seconds, Tyler was on the floor, crying his lungs out. Everything felt wrong, every breath, every organ, every fiber. This was wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Tyler wasn't supposed to be violated and Josh wasn't supposed to react this way.

Why did Tyler always ruin everything? Why? Why? Why was he so stupid? Why was he such a whore? Why did he want to go running back to Josh and just be held? Why couldn't he seem to get off the bathroom floor? Why did he feel like he was going to die?

His heart ached, the weight of his fucked up love for Josh pulling it down towards his gut. It really felt like he was going to die; he could hardly breathe, see, or think.

All he knew was that him and Josh were broken. They were broken people with a broken love.

A broken love that couldn't be fixed, they both knew that, but yet they still tried.

Tyler had to still try, so he picked himself up off the floor, put on his soaking wet shoes, ignored the way his head spun and his chest ached, and walked out that door.

He got a lot of stares, but chose to ignore them as he walked outside and found Josh already gone. So he did what any idiot would do and started walking home. To Josh.