culpability
[kuhl-puh-bil-i-tee]
noun
guilt or blame that is deserved; blameworthiness.

Tyler had no motivation to get up the next morning. He wanted to lay in bed all day and go back to sleep. He would rather be unconscious and have bad dreams than deal with the nightmare that was his life. He couldn't bring himself to get up, not even when Josh started to get mad.

"What the hell are you doing? Get the fuck up and make me something to eat," Josh muttered. He grabbed Tyler's face roughly, the brunette's eyes opening in fear. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Can't you just fuck off for once?" Tyler groaned, instantly regretting opening his mouth at all. Why did he even talk anymore? Everything he said upset Josh.

"Do not talk to me like that," Josh glared, digging his blunt nails into Tyler's soft cheeks. He winced, finding the strength in him to sit upright and pull Josh off of him.

"Well don't fucking touch me like that, then," Tyler grumbled, touching his fingers to his cheek. He was bleeding. Great. "You're crazy, Josh."

"You make me crazy! You make me do all this shit to you!"

Tears fell without warning, only upsetting the brunette more. Should he be angry? Sad? It's Tyler's fault he gets treated the way he does... It's Tyler's fault. Everything is Tyler's fault.

"And now you're fucking crying again. God, you're such a girl Tyler. Will you ever man up?"

"S-Shut up!" Tyler yelled. His palms collided with Josh's chest as he shoved him back with a strength he didn't know he had.

Josh stumbled back, dumbfounded. It took him a moment to process what just happened. "What the fuck!? You think you're tough now, Tyler?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Tyler screamed, his bare feet stomping against the floor as he approached Josh. "I've had it with you! I hate you! I fucking hate you!"

Slap!

Tyler gasped, burning tears streaming over the stinging cheek. Josh hit him again! How dare he...

Before he could even think, Tyler swung and hit Josh square in the jaw, sending him stumbling back against the wall. The brunette's eyes grew wide with fear, realizing what he'd just done. Hesitantly, and with shaking hands, he took a small step towards the man.

"Josh... I'm sorry..."

Josh was shaking too, but with anger, not fear. The look on his face was enough to turn Tyler pale. He didn't have to say anything for Tyler to know he was about to get his ass beat.

He launched himself at Tyler, sending the both of them onto the bed with a grunt. Tyler was crying, apologizing, pleading for Josh to stop, begging to not be hurt again.

"Please! Please, I'm sorry!"

"Fuck you!" Josh yelled, the back of his hand striking against Tyler's face with a loud smack!

"J-Josh! Let me go!" Tyler cried, his arms pinned underneath Josh's knees.  He flailed beneath the older, crying out when he was hit again, and again, and again. "Stop! Stop!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Josh barked, grabbing a fistful of Tyler's hair. "You're pathetic, Tyler. Fucking pathetic."

Fingers closed around the brunette's throat, squeezing the air out of his lungs. Tyler coughed and sputtered, his eyes feeling like they would pop out of his head at any moment. He was sure this was going to be how he would die, choked to death because he pissed Josh off yet again. It's his fault, though. He deserved it.

Tyler stopped struggling, he gave up as black dots started clouding his vision and his head started to feel fuzzy. His chest was on fire, lungs screaming at him to just fucking breathe but he couldn't. Not until Josh realized his eyes had started to roll into the back off his head, so he got scared and let go.

Tyler gasped for air, panting as the oxygen soothed the ache in his chest. He no longer had any energy to fight back, he was so tired. Josh got up, slowly, his face drained of all color.

"Tyler..." he said softly, chest rising and falling so hard it would've seemed like he was the one that was almost just choked to death. "I-I didn't..."

"Don't," Tyler whispered, feeling as if he weren't the one controlling his body as he rose to he feet.

"I didn't mean it... I'm sorry... I'm such a fuck up, I'm sorry. Please don't leave... I-I don't want you to leave..."

He sounded like a broken record, saying the same lies over and over again. But no, Tyler wouldn't listen this time.

"Don't talk to me. Stay away from me," Tyler warned, shakily reaching for his phone. "You're crazy. You need help."

"No..."

"Don't talk to me," Tyler repeated, hardly able to focus on his phone as he dialed Elsa's phone number.

"Where... Where are you going? W-Will you be back? I-I don't..."

"I don't know," Tyler interrupted, sighing as Elsa answered. He wished he could cry, or something, but he couldn't. He just felt empty.

"Hello?"

"Hey, could I stay at your house for a while?" Tyler gulped, nervously watching Josh from across the room.

"Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. Can you come pick me up? Like, right now?"

"Is it Josh?" Elsa asked, said man picking his head up at the mention of his name. Tyler froze with fear, hesitating before answering.

"No..." he said slowly. "No, its not. Can you just come now?"

"Yep, I'm on my way as we speak. See you in, like, ten minutes."

"Thanks," Tyler sighed, stuffing his phone in his pocket.

"How does she know me name? What did you fucking tell her about me?" Josh glared, making Tyler's blood run cold.

"Nothing, Josh! I swear. I'm not a liar like you are."

He expected some sort of retaliation, but Josh only hung his head in shame. "I said I was sorry... I still love you."

Don't say it back, don't say it back, don't say it back...

"I love you too," Tyler blurted out, internally screaming at himself for doing so. How could he still say that? How could he still feel any ounce of love toward Josh? What the fuck was wrong with him?

Josh smiled, taking hesitant steps towards the brunette. He kissed his forehead gently, wiping the blood streaks from his cheeks onto Josh's shirt. "So you're staying?"

"No," Tyler frowned, unintentionally leaning into his touch. "No, we need to get away from each other before we kill each other."

Before you kill me.

"But I don't want you to go," Josh frowned, his thumb stroking Tyler's cheek.

"I know, but I have to. I..."

Don't say it. Don't fucking say it.

"I'll be back," Tyler blurted out, clenching his teeth together. Why the fuck did he say that? What's his fucking problem?

"You will?" Josh lit up like a Christmas tree, smiling at Tyler in a way that seemed like he didn't just try to kill him five minutes ago.

"Yeah, I will..." Tyler nodded. "But I have to go wait for Elsa. I'll see you later."

Josh nodded in response, letting the brunette leave without another word. Tyler was thankful, he didn't want another fight to start up. He walked outside as Elsa's car approached their house, feeling safe only when he was inside the vehicle with the doors locked.

"God, what happened to you?" Elsa gasped, leaning across the center console to get a closer look. "And you're still in your pajamas!"

"I'm fine, promise," Tyler muttered, noticing Josh watching them from the window. "Can we just leave?"

"What did he do to you, Ty? I'll kill him, I swear I'll kill him!" Elsa said, pounding her fist against the steering wheel. Tyler flinched, gulping at the sudden outburst. Was she going to hurt him too?

"Oh... Oh no, I'm sorry. Don't cry, I'm sorry," Elsa whispered, her hands running through Tyler's hair in a soothing way. "I'm really sorry."

Tyler hadn't even realized he was crying until she mentioned it. Why was he such a fucking girl? Why did he cry over everything? Why was he always afraid someone was going to hurt him?

"Can we just go, p-please," Tyler croaked, seeing Josh's sad face still watching them from inside. "Please get me away from here."