"What were you drinking?" Spencer asks as I sit next to her at lunch.

"I-I don't know," I slur as I look around.

She rolls her eyes as she hands me cheese, "you need to eat something and try to sober up."

I shake my head, but immediately get dizzy, "whoa! I'm fine."

"No you're not," she sighs as she stands up and pulls me up dragging me.

"Will you stop running?" I ask her annoyed.

"I'm not running," she speaks.

I roll my eyes, "where are we going?"

She stops for a second taking a short breathe, "the DX."

I try to rip my hand from hers, but end up failing, "Spence, no. I don't wanna go there."

She stops and turns around the second we're off school grounds, "what about Sodapop? He loves you Lacey! He doesn't know where you two stands, but he's really hurting! He took a car for you! If that's not love then I don't know what is! I don't know why you're self-destructing, but it sucks for everybody who cares about you and you not knowing how you feel because you're too fucked up, doesn't help any of us! I don't know what happened when you weren't here, but I think you should stop playing with everybody you love then wonder why they leave and get fucked up! Okay Lacey?"

A few tears drip from my chin as I look anywhere, but her barely getting out, "I-I don't know what to say."

"I'm sorry," she sighs looking away.

"Can we just-" I stop as I reach into my bag.

"What are you getting?" She asks.

"Aspirin," I roll my eyes. "I have a pounding headache."

She looks away from me muttering, "probably because you're hung over."

I look at her appalled, "what the hell?"

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

I shake my head, "don't be! I know what you and everybody else in the whole fucking world thinks of me! I'm just a good for nothing mess up! I'm a druggie and an alcoholic! Nobody can look past that to see who I actually am! To see why I'm like that! I had nobody Spence! Where were you when my life was spiraling out of control? When I was broken? When I was too depressed to even put on jeans? Where were you Spencer? You were down in Tulsa living it! You were doing just fine! You were happy and I was falling apart because, my friends 'who would never leave me,' the gang. They left me! You left! I'm just tired of getting hurt!"

She chuckles to herself, "I wasn't hurt. Life's not easy Lacey! I lost my fricken baby this year. She was in my hands then gone! I held my dead child! You don't think that fucked me up too! You might of had a rough year, but so did I! You're not the only broken one around here! There's a reason we're a gang! We only have each other. I'm sorry if we weren't there for you, but you're not  the only who life has fucked over!"

"Sorry!" I roll my eyes before stomping away.
***
I sit on the same dock I went out to with Sodapop finally sober, but a bag full of drugs next to me. I can feel everything and I'm not numb. I can feel the heartbreak, the pain, the tears, the suffering, and everything I've built up over the last year come crashing down on me like a tidal wave of feelings. 

"Sodapop," I whisper into the phone.

"It's me," his voice sounds weak. "We haven't talked in forever."

"And ever," I whispers tears forming in my eyes.

He sighs and with every word his voice breaks, "why haven't we spoken?"

I shrug as if he can see me, "do you love me?"

He takes a deep breathe and stays silent for what seems like hours before finally talking, "Lacey, please don't do this."

A few tears slide down my cheeks as if a symbol of my broken heart, "do you love me Sodapop? I need to know!"

"I do," he says those two words as if they can break the whole world.

"Thanks," I whisper as I continue to cry softly.

"Do you love me?" He asks and I can see those blue-green eyes piercing into my soul as they break me up worse then I already am.

I nod my head slightly, "don't tell anybody that I love you."

I slam down the phone throwing myself onto my bed as I sob.

I look down at my bag then at my black and blue forearms. I grab a needle and quickly stick it in my wrist, I wince in pain, but it quickly subsides. I dump the rest of a bottle of pills down my throat, there was only like six pills. I chug a bottle of rum and smoke two blunts. As soon as I am high enough to not feel anything, I feel at peace. I'm finally okay, I'm finally happy. 

"Here's to the one simple fix," I take a large gulp of vodka aka my drink of choice. I pull out a six pack and drink every last bottle. I drink away the pain. I do everything I can to make sure I'm completely numb....Maybe one day, I'll die.

I wake up the next morning still on the dock with this terrible feeling in my stomach. I quickly bend over and throw up all in the lake, although I feel my hair get lifted away as I throw up. My back gets rubbed soothingly until I sit back up. I turn around to come face to face with Sodapop. I gasp slightly stuttering out, "w-w-what ar-are y-y-you doing he-he-here?"

"I missed you," he looks away.

AHHHHH! Cliff hanger! Well, you're gonna have to wait a few days to find out everything! That Spencer and Lacey fight. Stay gold. Do it for Johnny!

-Beth