I opened my eyes, the sunlight streamed through the rain covered windows, I blinked sitting up.

"This is central London, it's never sunny.." I muttered, stumbling over to the window, hardly noticing I wasn't in my own flat. A car was crashed into the side of the building across the street, it's lights beamed up at the flat window. I gasped and ran to grab my house coat off the door when I realized I was in Sherlock's flat. 

"Wha..." I shook my head and ran down the stairs, a migraine sent pulses through my brain to turn back and rest, I ignored them. I pushed my way out the door and ran across the street, Sherlock and John were already there.

"You're awake?" John shot me a confused look. I nodded tiredly and looked at the car.

"Was everyone alright?" I asked, my eyes felt sore as I moved them around to catch a glance at the scene.

"Yes, Sherlock was down here as soon as he heard the car crash." John pointed to Sherlock who was seated next to a gorgeous black haired woman, chatting excessively.

"Sherlock isn't one to spend so much time talking to someone like that.." I commented, a bubbling anger rose in my chest.

"He's a man Y/N, as surprising as it is, he must feel something." John leaned against the building next to us.

"I guess.." I mumbled, John looked at me for a moment.

"Wait..." He started. I felt heat rise to my face, I turned and walked back inside, not waiting to hear what he has to say. I walked into my flat, and slid some comfy slippers onto my feet, before laying  down on the couch, attempting to ease my throbbing head. I heard the door open.

"Y/N? You look horrible." Sherlock observed as he entered my flat.

"Thanks... Very kind of you..." I whispered.

"Do... Do you know anything about asking a woman out?" Sherlock sat on the end of the couch. I opened my eyes and sat up.

"The woman you were talking to..?" I stared at him.

"Yes, she's a detective.." Sherlock nodded. I cursed mentally.

"Oh..... Uh, just go for it.. Be confident.." I sighed, standing up to go make tea.

"Thank you Y/N." He nodded, and walked towards the door. "Bring me a cuppa tea once it's done." He called before exiting my flat. I stared at the door, I didn't even notice the tears slipping down my face.

"Y/N? Quinn is coming in for supper, do you want to come up?" John walked into my flat a moment later, making me jump. I gasped and  quickly wiped the tears away.

"N-no, I had plans..." I lied, I had no plans.

"Are... Are you alright?" John asked cautiously, he must have seen how red my eyes were.

"I'm fine... Just got something in my eye..." I lied again, before walking to the washroom. "I'm taking a bath, please leave." I muttered, before shutting the bathroom door.

"Oh... Okay.. I'll see you later Y/N.." He mumbled, I heard his footsteps reach the door. I climbed into the bath and stared at the wall. I hated feelings..  (WARNING SELF HARM IN THE NEXT PART)

I should punish myself for feeling such things.. 

I noticed a razor on the side of the tub. I reached over and began to drain it, turning on the shower. I held the razor up, it had been years been since I had done anything like this. I lifted my forearm and examined it, old faded scars lined my arms. I placed the razor against it and drew it across. I let out a hiss of pain before continuing. I used to punish myself like this whenever I upset Liam, or failed a test.. It was mentally sick but.. I didn't mind.. I climbed out of the shower and cleaned up the blood and wrapped it. I sighed and stepped outside, I heard laughter upstairs, none from Sherlock. 

(END OF SELF HARM)
I put a can of beans on the stove, fiddling with the wrap on my wrist. I stirred the beans before putting them on a plate, and laying them on the table with a full glass of wine. I sipped it slowly and stared at the door. I began to eat, slowly at first, but more rapidly when I realized how hungry I was. I heard the door open, I didn't even look up.

"John said you had plans?" Sherlock's voice surprised me.

"Yep, these are my plans." I stood and put my dishes in the sink.

"You could have come up and had supper with us, it was quite enjoyable..." He leaned against the door.

"I'm sure it was." I spoke calmly, but I had a dark tone, that even Sherlock himself could feel.

"You aren't alright?" He stepped closer.

"No I am." I looked at him, his eyes were piercing my heart. He scanned me before stopping at my wrist.

"What did you do?" His voice grew stern. I shoved him away, tears welled up in my eyes.

"GET OUT!" I screamed, I didn't know why I was so upset, I just couldn't handle being around him.

"Okay." He nodded before running out the door, without looking back. I stood there alone in my kitchen, weeping. I sat on the couch, wiping my face sniffling. I gasped for air, before letting myself cry, I cried for what seemed like ages, the tears just wouldn't stop. I felt Liam slap me, he always would when I'd cry. I breathed a couple ragged breaths before laying back on the couch.

"Y/N..." I hadn't even noticed John had come back.

"What do you want..." I whimpered, trying to sound strong, but my voice was shaking like a leaf caught in a storm, that's all I was..

"I want to help, Sherlock came up saying you were upset." John sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"I don't know why I feel so bad.." I whispered.

"You haven't had it easy lately.. And I think you have feelings for Sherlock and now that he's.... With this Quinn girl... It just added to it and then you broke."  He explained, putting a hand on my shoulder. I sniffled and nodded.

"That... That makes sense.." I sighed, looking at the clock. 11:34 pm.. I had been crying for three hours...

"How long have you been here?" I asked, looking at John's exhausted face.

"Sherlock told me to stay with you until you calmed down, he was down here for a while at first, and then Quinn asked him to go out, he said no at first but I just told him to leave.. So an hour.." John rubbed his eyes and sat back on the couch.

"Thanks for staying..." I mumbled and hugged him, he hugged back.

"Of course.." He smiled weakly.

We must have sat there hugging for another hour, before I heard the front door open.

"Thanks for the chips Sherlock, they were delicious!" A women's voice giggled, I couldn't bear to listen to the rest so I blocked it out..

Why must I fall for him?

IM SO SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG!! IVE BEEN REALLY STRESSED LATELY :')