I couldn't think or breathe or even see.. What was happening to me? Where am I? Someone help me!!!

There was a girl her name was Lucy she was so full of light and energy. she was my best friend. Until a nightmare happened , July 20th 2013 she disappeared she was gone without a trace. No one knows what happened to her, Where she is , If she is even still alive. No one saw it coming and the trail went cold eventually the police stopped looking . My name is Nadia it's ironic my name means hope because i have none I lost it all when my parents died last month I was getting better smiling sometimes laughing others still depressed but hopeful now all that is gone along with my best friend and parents gone forever. I'm moving back to London for the first time since... the disappearance happened.

LONDON July 10th 2014

Today is the day i'm moving back to London with my Aunt Charlotte . My parents died last month. It feels like everyone is leaving me. I can't sleep at night because the nightmares are always there slowly drowning me and pulling me to the dark depths of depression. Once the plane landed i walked of a heavy feeling in my heart. the painful memories scratch and claw their way to the surface. tears flooding through my eyes and my heart pounding in my chest as I walk to grab my luggage. breathing deep as i walk outside I take in the familiar sights more tears stroll down my cheeks as the memories drown me causing me so much pain. Soon enough I saw my Aunt Charlotte she took one look at me and saw the misery on my face. she wrapped me in a warm, strong, loving embrace making me feel safe for the first time in forever. "Hi Aunt Charlotte I missed you so much" I said trying to make it sound like I wasn't crying. She smiled sadly "I missed you to sweetie. I know this is painful for you i'm so sorry sweetie." I tried to smile but it came out more of a grimace " I love you too auntie" I said softly. "let's get home so we can talk more privately okay sweetie." i looked at her and i knew what she wanted to talk about. My parents and how i feel about there death to be honest i feel like freaking crap i am upset that if my parents were not waiting for me to get home before going on there date night they would still be alive right now and I hate the fact that i cant to anything about it but she cant know that can she. i mean she is my aunt. but what if she blames me. I already have self-blame do i really need another person blaming me? But it will be good to get this off my chest. okay okay ill tell her i have to. we got into the car and drove to our new home. When we get there aunt Charlotte says "Take a shower then come down and we can talk ill get uncle Terrance to take your bags up when he gets home." I gratefully said thank you grabbed my clothes and made my get away upstairs. I turned on the water steaming hot and get in. The hot water pounding against my back loosening the muscles. I stood there thinking about the night my parents died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was out at a stupid party. It was passed my curfew i knew but i just did not care at all. while at home my parents where being murdered.
I had finally made it home and entered the house "Mom" i called "Dad you here sorry im late i was at a party. I walked into the most gruesome sight i had ever seen breathing heavy i called the police "911 what is your emergency" the almost robotic voice asked " my... my ...my parents they are they they are dead" i said sobbing into the phone "ma'am i am going to need you to calm down i can not understand you" she said you could her worry laced in her voice. I took deep breaths trying to calm down it just wasn't working finally calm enough to breathwith tears still free falling down my face like a water fall i cried into the phone " my parents are dead they aren't breathing what do i do please help me please" typing was heard on the other side of the phone " okay sweetie what is your address" she said softly trying to sooth me "169 abbey road" i said taking deep breaths so not to be sick " okay sweetheart police are on the way do you need me to stay on the line with you or are you okay?" she asked worried about me i didn't answer the shock and pain of the fact my parents died finally setting in. I sank to the ground breaking down and sobbing and screaming at the sky. I had finally lost it the last of my sanity the people keeping me from falling apart and they are gone. It hurts and i wish i couldn't feel a thing.