My life is a mess. I am a mess. Everything about me is a mess.
I know that Fahad and Usama are dying to know the true story behind Tolaani's attempt to rape me. I can see the unspoken questions in their eyes each time I look at them. But they do not understand. They do not understand the kind of pain I feel in my heart.

It is not an easy task for a girl to recount the scary tale of how she was almost raped. Many victims are scarred for life and would not want to think about such incident again.

I have resulted to Self harm. At first it was painful and unbearable, but as days turned into weeks, the pain became bearable. I have placed my palm on candle light and used razor blade on my bare laps a lot of times. The marks heal but fade slowly. But the marks in my heart are forever carved.

Sometimes I feel I deserve all these sorrow I am experiencing. I must have wronged my mother in a way for her to have abandoned me in an orphanage. I must have been a bad daughter to my father for him to have left my mother and I.

For weeks now Papa has been eyeing me. He has been looking at me as if I am a piece of meat. I am scared. I don't want him to come near me. Or try to touch me. Or rape me! Ya Allah, pls protect me from the evil eye.
At least Tolaani has returned to school. He won't bother me again.

"Oma! Oma! Oma!" Fahad shook me roughly.

"Uh... What is it?" I asked.

"Why are you always spaced out? What are you thinking about?" Fahad inquired with worry etched over his face.

I faked a smile at him, "Fahad, I am fine."

"I don't believe you. Don't lie to me. Oma, what is the matter? Talk to me. Usama and I are really worried about you. Nowadays you don't smile like before. You stare into space more often. You're no longer lively. Where is my sister, Oma? Where is she? Please come out of that shell, please," Fahad begged.

I stared at his face. He was slowly growing a moustache and so was Usama. I looked into his eyes and saw love. Nothing but love. I know deep down that Fahad and Usama will do everything they can to protect me.

"Like I said before, I am just tired. You worry too much, haba!" I jokingly told him but he didn't smile.

"I brought you dates. Actually it was Usama that asked me to give you. He's at the factory with Papa. I hope you like them."

"Of course! They are so big. Thank you very much. Please thank Usama for me too," I told him as I sank my teeth into the soft juicy flesh of the date. It melted in my mouth like mixtures of honey, sugar, milk, etc. Yummy!

"I can see that you love them. I better start going back before Papa decides to skin me alive."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to do run an errand for Papa," he answered.

"Alright, bye!"

"Bye!"

These tasty dates have brightened my day.

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