— chapter twenty three —
TO REVEAL EMOTIONS

—

THERE WAS THE overwhelming feeling that she fucked up. That she shouldn't have needed any more time and she should've just been okay with everything that happened, especially with Remus right there looking like a kicked puppy and her left speechless. Remelda didn't get that feeling a lot, didn't get the feeling of sympathy or need to comfort in the immediate moment with a lot of people. Her brothers being the only ones.

Yet, there she was. Night time, standing in the middle of the corridor as Remus looked at her with such sadness and she didn't know what to say, but she knew she wanted to say something. Anything. Anything to make him smile again, anything that would wipe the frown off his face. Anything to take back her words from before. Her doubt, her apprehension...fuck.

Remelda fucked up. She knew that. In that moment, with him there, and her feeling some sort of way, she knew she fucked up. She did. And, gulping, her throat still felt dry as he tried not to meet her eyes and scurry past her, only from her grab his arm and tug him forward again.

That was minutes ago. Felt like an eternity.

He didn't say anything to her and she didn't say anything to him, didn't know what to say. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she didn't even know why she stopped him, he hadn't said a word.

Remelda Black, the girl who once held her head high and didn't let anything faze her, was now speechless at the sight of him. It wasn't as if she hadn't planned for the moment she saw him again, seeing as Remus had noticeably been avoiding her, but those thoughts, what she wanted to say, seemed to disappear as she looked at him. Same scar still adorning his nose, same brown jumper that seemed to be his favorite, and same stature – left leg jutting out a bit with his right hand rubbing his left arm. But there was also something different about him. His left sleeve was pulled up the slightest bit, showing a new pink scar, his hair was a complete and utter mess and the look in his eyes as he looked at her was different; it was scared. She had only seen that slight fear from him once before, and it was nothing compared to this.

This was a man afraid of her, afraid of what she would say. And something broke inside her. His mouth was closed and she was trying to form coherent words, ones she wanted him to hear. Wanted to say I'm sorry or please listen even I know I made a mistake but that didn't come out.

"You've been avoiding me," she dumbly pointed out, the only four words that slipped past her lips.

He was quiet for a moment before his deep, slow voice sounded in her ears, "Thought it would be better." And that hurt her. Before, if she said anything close to that, he would've quirked his lips up and teasingly said something, maybe like missed me?

But now it was different.

"Well, it's not," Remelda didn't know what she was doing, "I don't like it when you ignore me."

"James and Sirius said you needed time, so that's what I'm doing," Remus said.

She shook her head, of course they did. Of course he knew that she knew and shit. Fuck. Fuck. She messed everything up. "I did," she confirmed, "I, uh, I needed time. You know it's not every day you learn that your friend's a, um, werewolf."

He looked down as she said that word, ashamed of himself and who he was. Remelda wanted to comfort him, tell him all these things he's either heard before or never in his life. She didn't know. But she wanted to tell him anyways.

And that was an odd feeling inside her. Remelda didn't know where it came from, only that it was consuming her and Remus looked so sad in that moment. Head bowed as he waited for the harsh blows he probably thought he was going to receive from her. That hurt. She wasn't her mother, made a point not to be, and she wasn't like the others in her house, poisoned by all the lies from their family.

"So? What do you think now?" there was a slight tremble in his voice, as if he was afraid of her answer.

Remelda blinked, then she frowned. What did she think? She thought...well, she thought that werewolves could be terrible creatures. Could be killers. Had met a werewolf before who was a killer – on the full moon or not – and was terrified of that image. She thought of how they looked, how ghastly their appearance was, and how she would surely have a heart attack if she saw one.

But then she thought of Remus. Thought of the boy who had smiled at her, pestered her relentlessly so that she would forgive her brother, how loyal he was. Thought of his smile and how cute that scar on his nose looked, even if now she knew of how he had gotten it. Thought about how he helped her with Herbology, explained Disney movies to her after they watched them so that she could truly see the magic behind them. And that wasn't a monster – Remus wasn't a monster.

So she took a step forward. And Remelda hoped that would convey she wasn't afraid or horrified by him, but she didn't know if it worked. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest and she bit her lip, a little part of her afraid that he would run.

"I think that you're very nice," Remelda started, not really sure what to say.

And, before anything else could be said, Remus broke in, "That's it? Sounds like you're breaking up with me or something..."

Surely, that was a joke and she should be laughing, but her only thought was of how could anyone break up with Remus, he's the sweetest person in the world. That thought was probably the only thing that terrified her in that moment. "No, no. You're nice and I don't think you could ever hurt anyone."

He looked up at her, the first time since she had said what he was aloud. There was a perplexed expression on his face, noticing for the first time that she was closer. "Really?" he whispered, as if couldn't believe it, "But I'm – I'm a werewolf."

She nodded, "Yes, but you're not aggressive. Not ill tempered either, and I don't think you'd ever hurt me or anyone else. I don't think you have the stomach for it."

Remelda took another deep breath before going again, "Look, I needed some time to think. I haven't heard the best things about, well, werewolves. And I didn't want to believe you were one. I was shocked, really."

"But you know what I could do on a full moon."

"Remus, I'm trying to tell you that I accept you and you're making it very hard. Spewing what my parents have always said, alright?" Remelda stopped him.

A slight blush ran up his cheeks and down to his neck, and couldn't help but notice how cute he looked, "Sorry...I just didn't expect so many people to be so accepting."

Remelda sent him a small smile, "You underestimate people, especially me."

He returned the smile, and there was a nice smile between the two of them, unlike before. Before, it had been awkward and Remelda almost regretted stopping him, but now she was glad she did. Because he was there and he was looking at her. Remus cleared his thought, "I'm, uh, I'm sorry for ignoring you."

With a shake of her head, the Black girl replied, "Don't be. I would've done the same thing if I were in your position. Well, actually, think I've done it before."

He chuckled at that, "Oh, you have."

―

Remelda Black, sitting in front of the mirror in her room, brushed her hair. On the other side of the room, she heard the whispers of her roommates. Silly gossip, sometimes her name appeared in conversation, but most of it stayed on course of the newest relationship in the Slytherin house; Demetri Carrow and Nancy Pendleton. Truthfully, Remelda wasn't surprised, and felt joy that Nancy finally received what she had envied over for so many years.

After everything Nancy had done to her, she was still happy for the two. She had seen the lightness that had once been in Nancy's eyes, and hoped one day that it would return, and maybe she would lead Demetri into that light as well.

Opening the dresser, she reached inside for her comb only for her to crush something else. Frowning, she pulled the thing into her hand and opened up her palm to see it. It was a note. Not just a note, a note she had received early that year, in November, and had hidden away inside the dresser. So much had happened she had simply forgotten about it, but seeing it now didn't fail to bring a smile to her face.

She pulled open the letter to see the neat for you again, but this time she thought of something different. Flashes of Remus writing on her parchment, on his own, helping her with homework whirled in her mind, and the mystery of who wrote the note was suddenly solved. This was Remus' handwriting. She had payed enough attention before to notice, but now she had. This had been Remus who had given her the flower, the note, made her feel appreciated and wanted.

Fuck. Her heart was practically leaping in her chest and there was something in her stomach flurrying around. Like...like butterflies.

Butterflies? Did she really just think that? Butterflies, around in her stomach like the ones someone would have for the person they fancy. Did she like Remus? Honestly, she had never entertained the thought, or maybe she had. Maybe she had without even realizing it. But the answer was clear; she liked Remus.

Fuck.

lol sorry for the lack of updates this month, I've been busy with finals and everything but now I'm on break!!!!