— chapter twelve —
BONDS WITH BROTHERS

—

THE LIBRARY WAS quiet. It was always quiet, it was a library for crying out loud, but there was always chatter. There was always some form a chatter or small noise in the library even if it wasn't technically allowed. But the library was silent and Remelda was alone. She guessed that she brought it upon herself, she was the reason that Remus had blown up on her. He was already angry that day and she was adding to the problem, she deserved his anger, but it wasn't her fault that she wasn't aware of what Sirius and the Potters had done.

But this point, she decided that it was better to believe Remus' words because it didn't plausible for him to lie at that time, especially with the state he was in. It just wouldn't happen, and Remelda already wanted to believe that it was true – that Sirius truly did fight for her and Regulus. She wanted to believe it, even if it would destroy her later, even if it were a lie, because of her younger self. Because young Remelda believed in Sirius and his promise, and she still wanted it to be true.

Young Remelda was always comforted by Sirius, was always comforted by his stories and his friends. There was a time when she heard and saw the pranks of him and his friends and her to bite her lip to keep from smiling. There was a time when she enjoyed learning what the next prank would be and would wait at the edge of her seat to see what happened, what the person's reaction would be. And in that time she loved him deeply, didn't care that he was a bloodtraitor in the eyes of her parents because he was her older brother who would do anything for her. In that time, she was scared because they were hurting him and would patch up his wounds at the end of the night and listen as he told stories about his friends and she would smile.

There was a time when she dreamed of meeting his friends and being welcomed in to their group as if she were family. Because she had heard great things about them and she wished that she had friends like them. She wished that Alfie would do anything for her, be her friend, but he proved just earlier this month how unworthy of that title he was. He wasn't her friend; he almost killed her because she didn't want to run away with him. The fucker.

And now she was alone in the library because Remus didn't come and talk to her anymore. It bothered her at first, of course it did, and she was scared that someone would see them. She was scared that someone would see and write to her parents and they would hit her again when she came him. She was always scared of the pain they conflicted, how they could hurt their own children so easily. But they never got to Regulus. He had never been hit in his life, but he had seen his other siblings be hurt. Remelda always protected him and took his punishment, Sirius before her.

Because as their role of older siblings, they protected the younger ones. He protected them when he lived there, he took the pain and the hits and he was the one left bleeding at the end of the day. And then he left and Remelda took his place. Now she was the one with scars, protecting Regulus. It was only last year that they had gotten so mad that Remelda made the younger boy leave out of fear that he would be hit too. She never knew where he meant, but she knew that he was protected, and that was enough. Though, she had always suspected that he ended up at Nadia Greene's house.

But she blinked, and those thoughts were gone. She couldn't think about that, couldn't think about him or how he had left or how he had supposedly tried to save them. She believed it, bought into that young hope that she had when he left her with a promise. Remelda wanted to believe that her older brother was good and fought for them, continued to love them, so she did, even if it was against her better judgement. Against the logical part of her mind.

Because, logically, that might not be true and Remus could've been lying, but she had spent a lot of time thinking about it. It was easier to think about this than Regulus' plan, think about how her brother was going to die in less than a month. November ended quickly, and now it was December and she was still trying to forget that he was about to die. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

She didn't want to think about it, think about her sweet, younger brother was about to sacrifice himself and just had to let it happen. She couldn't change it, he had already set his mind to it, even if she didn't want it to happen. She wanted him to live, to sacrifice herself, but Regulus would never let that happen. And she gulped as her eyes scanned over the same page in her Herbology textbook for the millionth time, mind not really processing anything as she tried not to cry.

That's when she heard the chair beside her being pulled out. Looking up, she hoped that she would see Remus, but was met with the hesitant expression of her older brother. Not ex-brother anymore, but brother.

"H-Hi," he nervously said as he sat down, shocking Remelda. She had never heard her brother stutter before, always being confident about everything he said. This was shocking, but it was to be suspected she supposed.

"Hello," she greeted back, still looking at him, not knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"I'm sorry for what Remus said, I didn't mean for him to make you uncomfortable or anything," he rambled, "Really, I'm sorry for sending him at all. I should've been the one to tell you, to be here and everything, but I was scared. After the train, and especially after that night."

Ah, yes, that night. The night where Remelda was almost killed him someone she once considered a friend. The night where he had gotten angry enough at her because she hadn't been in love with him and dreamed the same dreams as him and wanted to leave everything behind to be with him. Yes, that night.

She nodded, "I understand. But he could've been nicer, you know, you always told me he was the nice one."

"He is," Sirius chuckled, "Compared to James, really, he's a Saint and everything. But Peter's nice too, just more quiet. But don't be so hard on Remus, he means well, and it wasn't a good day for him then."

"Really? Well, what happened?" Remelda raised an eyebrow, "Because that day I was still trying to recover from the fake that my friend tried to kill me. What's his excuse?"

"Wait – it was you? You were the person who Alfie almost killed?" Sirius blinked, looking at her in shock.

"You saw me in the hospital wing and everything," Remelda nodded, "But I'm over it now, there's other things to worry about. And what was his excuse again?"

"His – his mother is ill, and he had just gotten a letter that day saying that things weren't going so well for her," Sirius lied. Of course she knew it was a fucking lie, she had known him all his life. And while the Blacks were exceptional liars, he could never lie to her, so why was he trying?

And instead of prying and getting information that wasn't meant for her, she nodded, "Alright. That's fair, I suppose."

"He's very sorry for snapping at you and everything, for telling you the truth when it wasn't his to tell," Sirius said, "You do believe it, right?"

"Of course I do, otherwise I wouldn't be speaking to you, now would I?" Remelda asked, "And if Remus is truly sorry, he can apologize himself, otherwise I'm not accepting it."

Sirius' lips twitched up into a smile, and for a moment he let himself forget about their divide, "You'll break his heart, Remelda, like I always knew you would."

She shrugged, "Doesn't matter, does it?"

And it was back to being serious again as he asked her, "Does this mean that we can patch everything up?"

She looked at him with pursed lips, "No. Even though I know that you tried to save us, it still hurt. You still broke me and I still had to put myself back together. I can't be hurt like that again, Sirius, and I hope you understand that."

He nodded slowly, pain filling his eyes for a moment, "I do, and I'll keep trying to gain your trust again until the day I die."

And Remelda nodded, feeling quite content with that answer. She wanted to trust Sirius, she did, she wanted to just be happy and accept him again as her brother without any doubt or issue, but she couldn't. Because now she knew that she could be hurt by him, that he could hurt her, and she didn't want that pain again. It wrecked her, completely and utterly destroyed her, and she wouldn't let him do that again.

Maybe Regulus would destroy her next, take her heart and completely break it as he would die in the very same month, but she knew she would be able to recover. And maybe that would be the push that allowed her finally forgive Sirius for what he did.