Tohru glanced apprehensively at the thing. He didn't know what to call it, he didn't even know what it was. It was almost funny, he was so terrified, yet he felt so numb. He supposed this was what true, pure panic felt like.

Nothing.

Nothing was an odd feeling, yet at the same time a familiar one. It was like hearing what used to be your favorite song and not being able to recall any of the lyrics. Nostalgic, but forgettable.

Just like him.

I wonder if anyone thinks that's me, he thought numbly, as he watched Iwaizumi fight and scream. I wonder if he thinks I'm a bad person now. I wonder if he'll hate me for it.

He tucked his knees into his chest and looked to his left. There was Kunimi, next to him, though Tohru knew that he couldn't be seen. He hated this. He hated watching himself turn into a being of hate.

But what could he do?

It wasn't really him, anyway.

Wandering aimlessly around the castle that had become his tomb, he took a moment to listen to the silence. Was there a way he could get himself back? He couldn't see or hear anyone, not where he was now. It was almost like he was separated from them by a thin veil, but was mute, and unseen.

A ghost. That's what he was.

Then again, ghost implied that he was dead, and was he really dead? No, he wasn't, he was simply...

What was he?

He wasn't dead. That, he most likely knew for sure. But was he alive? Was he somehow stuck in between the conflicting worlds of life and death? Was he in a limbo of sorts? Or was he merely in delusion, or stuck in a dream, unable to wake up? Or were they the same thing? That, he didn't know. It was all so foreign to him. He looked at Goshiki, then turned to Ushijima.

He'd remembered reading about it, and hearing about it in stories. This entity, this demon, was him now. He didn't think he could go back. And dammit, it was all because of one stupid feeling, one ridiculous fluttering in his chest. One thump of his heart, one rush of adrenaline sweeping through his veins. It wasn't as if there was something wrong with him. Actually, he was pretty good. He was open about his feelings to anyone willing to receive them. He just had a secret, a single secret, that he wasn't ready to tell.

Was that what had caused all this?

Was that why, as he watched, Hajime kept struggling to help him? Why no one in the dungeons had tried to break out and kill him? Why he hadn't managed to break free of the chains that held him and rise above his troubles? Why he wasn't able to just gather up the courage to show the world what he really wanted?

Why was that so hard?

Tohru turned on his heel and walked away from his friends and foes, his silent footsteps seeming to have more volume than they did when they could still be heard.