A/N:

Book: Broken Smile

Chapter: Is this a joke?!

Izuku's POV:

Nezu: Now can you show me the notebooks you were talking about?

I watched Aizwa put all the 42 books I had on the table and I knew that questions will come up. Now the question was how do I evade them all successfully?

There was no way I would tell them why I had 21 suicidal notebooks at all! No one in their right mind would do that at all. I had my reasons why I had 21 and why I had soo many ideas of how to do them. Somewhere even extremely creative like death thanks to a glitter bomb or death by eating flowers....

Aizawa: This one are some analyzing notes he has on heroes and classmates but these one are s-

Me: How about let him figure it out himself.

I hated the word suicidal.

Am I suicidal?

Maybe?

Probably!

But why suicidal let's just say death is my hobby and an end state I want to end up.

Suicidal....

Don't just lump me with the other kids that gave up!

I didn't gave up!

I just grew tired of living that's all!

Aizawa: Are you evading the topic again.

Me: Maybe.

Aizawa: Kitten...

All of the sudden the tea on the table became more interesting to me and so I took it and began sipping on it. It was again an earl gray with lavender and honey. As I was drinking my cup I also began thinking of all kind of ways to evade their question or answer them in a way that they wouldn't get any information out of me. It was all about how I phrased my sentences.

While I started to think of various ways I could also see Aizawa how he was watching me carefully. However he wasn't the only person doing so. Nezu also was looking at me with glittering eyes and I knew that he was ready to ask me question which I would probably rather not answer at all.

Nezu: Izuku tell me how long have you been writing these notebooks?

Me: Depends on which one you mean.

Nezu: How about both stacks?

Me: One of them since I learned to write.

I didn't wanted to tell the other one since it was only as of recently. The idea of being a hero always stuck in my mind but now having a quirk, I wished nothing more than to be quirkless again. All Might had high expectation of me. Bakugo and Todoroki are using me as some kind of therapy substitute and judging by them they would give me full 10 star ratings. I am breaking my bones on a daily basis too thanks to my quirk.

Live wasn't easy being quirkless but it sure is a lot hard having one now. Back then everyone called me useless, an abomination of nature and a waste of space but I could live with that. Now they are like learn to use your quirk!

How?

Really how?

It's not like I have a teacher for that or my whole life to even learn how to use it!

There were way too many expectations I needed to fulfill. I had a duty as a hero in training after all and to be quite honest it sucks.

Nezu: And the other one?

Me: Is that important?

Nezu: Not really.

Reverse psychology...

You wanna make me think that my answer is not important as it is and try to get an answer out of me this way...

Well tell you what that doesn't work on me!

Me: If it's not that important then let's talk about something else.

Nezu: Quite intruding how you are dealing with this situation Izuku.

Me: How about looking inside and tell me that after that.

Nezu: What a good suggestion. Do you also have a suggestion on which side to start?

Me: My favorite is book 13 page 33.

I watched how Aizawa's eyebrow went up seeing as how supportive I was but it was the complete opposite. Book 13 Page 33 has a bazar way to kill oneself. Death by drinking carrot juice. I did a couple of calculation on that page which I was sure no one could understand than Nezu. This was why I suggested that page. I calculated how much carrot juice I needed to drink in a specific time to have an overdoses on Vitamin A which would lead to severe liver damage and would kill me. It turns out I needed 10 gallons of juice and 10 days.

I watched Nezu as he began looking over the page and his smile began do drop and he started looking from the page up to me and back to the page. It was acutely a whole page written in very detailed calculation and very small handwriting which looked like an art project.

Me: I believe I didn't do any errors.

Nezu: Is this a joke of some sort?

Me: No.

Nezu: May I ask how you even came up with something like this?

Me: I thought it would be creative and no one would ask questions.

Nezu: No one for sure would. To think that you took up the time to calculate how many gallons you need of a juice that is healthy and should support your health in order to kill yourself is quite... interesting. May I take them all back with me?

Me: Feel free to do so but leave the 21 ones here.

Nezu: And why is that?

Me: Just in case I have another idea I would like to write down.

I was still smiling at both of them and I could see Nezu's hair was standing out. The rat was definitely feeling the pressure I was making intentionally with my Cheshire Smile and my easy go attitude.

Aizawa: Kitten, you don't need them.

Nezu: All right. I'll be looking over every single one of them. This way I won't get bored for a while.

Me: How about starting to plan world domination instead?

Nezu: Quite a good suggestion but don't you think I would have done so quite a while now?

Me: I am sure something is hindering you from doing this.

Nezu: How very true but let's talk about what happened yesterday?

Me: Do tell me what happened.

Nezu: I am sure you can remember the events very clearly.

Me: Events you say? I wouldn't know that there was any event. Did I miss something?

Nezu: How about laying in your bed bleeding out. Does that jolt your memory?

Me: Bleeding out in my bed? I believe I was paining my white sheet with blood red paint.

Nezu: Can you tell me why you painted it?

Me: White is not my color.

Nezu: Any other reasons?

Me: What reasons might there be?

Nezu: How about I tell you what I think about it?

Me: Oh please do so but why not talk about something else first?

Nezu: And what would that be?

Me: You know living as a quirkless kid I always had a fascination about quirks. This is also the reason why I started writing about them but I always wondered.... How is it being tested on in a laboratory?

The tension in the room was now clearly to anyone. It was as if one could simply tear it up. I knew that I was on dangerous territory but I didn't wanted to talk about why I did that. It was such a bother to explain them and if I could make Nezu attack me that would also be a plus on me. He might kill me and that would be something I so desire.

Me: I heard they test a lot of different stuff to force a quirk on you. You as a chimera were surely ot born this way or it would mean that you had 2 quirks. So I'll go ahead and say you were brought up in a laboratory and your true qurik is high spec. If I may go even further I would say you were only brought to live in order for them to see if they could create a creature that could be intelligent enough and obedient with a quirk to use as a pawn.

Nezu: Grrrrr

Aizawa: Nezu, stop it! You too kitten!

Me: But I just started. Oh well then let's talk about your past Aizawa-sensei. I can tell by your quirk that you were bullied when you were younger perhaps this is the reason why you are also an underground hero. It is true that your quirk is ideal for this type of job but I would go so far as to say that you didn't wanted to deal with all the criticism you would get as a limelight hero. Seeing as how many people you saved and that you also try your best to stop people of committing I believe that you also were at a stage in live where you wanted to die.

I could see his shocked facer and all I did was take a sip form my cup while Nezu was starting to calm down and start to collect himself however I was already putting enough oil on the fire as it is and still continued to add more.

Me: Judging from your body language you tried. Did someone save you? A hero? No.. A friend? Ah yes, Mic-sensei perhaps? And I hit the nail on the head. However imagine how you wanted to die very badly and he saved you. How did you feel? Anger or regret?

I saw a tear went down my sensei's cheek and that's when I decided not to break the poor man in front of me. Putting the now empty cup back on the table, I stood up and went to the kitchen. No one was watching me now. Aizawa was staring at the table and Nezu was staring at my notebooks trying to get himself under control because he was still letting out a very small growl.

Once I was in the kitchen I took out a kitchen knife and looked at it. The blade looked very tempting and so I cut myself across my palm.

Cuts through it like butter!

Perfect!

I put the blade on my neck and was about to kill myself by cut opening my through. Closing my eyes, I began cutting until I could smell something sweet.

Midnight: STOP IT!

My eyes flew open and I could see the room filling itself with some purplish smoke. The moment I realized who was standing in front of the kitchen door, was the moment I let go of the knife and dropped to the floor.

Me: .... why.....

I was still somewhat conscious when Midnight-sensei came over to me.

Midnight: Why? Baby we don't want you to die! We care for you!

That was everything I could hear before blacking out completely. Last thing I knew was her grabbing some kitchen towel and pressing it against my neck while screaming for Aizawa.