After taking me to the moon and back in just few minutes, Danish stares at me in the eye, giving me a pleased look, making my body shiver.

"I knew you would do that.." he says, "after all, it was on your mind since the night we met. " he gives me a smirk and I suddenly feel like a looser.

"It grounded your mind too." I reply coldly, feeling better for doing so.

"Its still grounding my mind..." he whispers against my ear. "But I'll save some fun for later. Bye, Saba." he adds, and then walks towards his bike which is parked over the "No Parking" area, and immediately drives it away.

Haya was right when she told me that the next time I meet Danish, we'd be kissing each other.

We did. And there's nothing I regret about it.

I quickly message him the details regarding the place where the wedding has been held and let out a deep breath. It takes me a minute or two to gather up my courage to walk inside the house and face my mother.

I find my mother lying on the couch with her hand resting on her forehead. Her eyes are closed but she sits up immediately as I enter the lounge.

"Do I deserve an explanation? " she asks me. Disappointment can be heard in her words.

"We just met thrice. " I tell her slowly, not tearing my gaze apart from the floor.

"And yet you end up kissing him? " she asks in complete shock and my eyes go wide.

She saw?

"How do you know? " I ask in a shaky voice, God knows how much nervous I'm feeling right now. Seriously, how am I supposed to feel when I find out my mother saw me making out with a man?

Nervous. Right?

"Its not hard to guess when your lipstick is spreaded all over your jaw line and cheeks. " she rolls her eyes.

And now I'm feeling more guilty, trying to remove it up by rubbing my fingers.

"What do you know about this guy, Saba? " she asks, " What about him made you kiss him like that? "

His unignoreable stare. His golden brown eyes. His sweet touch that is hard to resist. Everything about him makes me want to kiss him.

"It just happened, Ma. It wasn't planned. "I try to be honest.

"Don't try to fool me, Saba Arif. I know all about this devil love shit!" my mother snaps. Anger rises in my bones when she says that.

"He's not devil! " I yell. "I know why you're doing this! You're jealous." I take a breath, trying to control the tears that are falling from my eyes.
Her eyes go wide, call it shock or heartbreak, it's hard to guess.

"W-what? "

"You are jealous because your love life wasn't this passionate. Because dad didn't craved enough for you! And died young, leaving you nothing but a lot of debts to pay! But that's not my fault! You know other moms would love it when their daughters find true love and here you are.. Never getting tired of making me feel ashamed of myself!" I exhale a breath and wipe tears away from my face.

I watch my mother go to her bedroom quietly, closing the door behind her.
She didn't say a single thing. What is left for her to say anyway? I haven't given her any choice but to stay quiet. It's true what I said, my dad was a good husband, my parents never fought, But their marriage wasn't the type that every girl dreams of. My father was a punctual man. He loved to stick on one routine, no social circle, no hangouts or travelling with friends or family, just simple work-home routine life he was living. And then one day, he fainted while walking on the street, he was taken immediately to the hospital and then my mother was told that he had been going through the last stage of blood cancer.

The world ended for my mother that day, she had me in her belly and a dying husband on the hospital bed. She ran to everyone, friends, family and even strangers, asking them for loan so that she could give my father's life a chance. But you know what they say, when something is meant to happen, it happens. My father, Arif Ahmed, passed away when I was two years old. May his soul rest in peace.

And then what? Just after three days of my dad's funeral, everyone was standing on our doorway, asking my mom to pay the debts. I can never forget those days when she worked day and night at bars, gave tuitions and painting classes and even taught me how to paint. She saved almost every rupee that she earned for three years. And thats how all the loans were cleared.

Everything was fine then, no debts to pay, nothing to worry about. I was going to school and she continued improving her art skills which made her the manager of Decent Company (that deals in making large frames and paintings).

But in all those twenty years of her lonely life, Sarah Arif never fell in love again. No matter how many charming and handsome men she met on daily basis, she never dated any of them. I still don't understand why?

I walk upstairs towards my room and jump straight on the bed. The words that I just yelled out of my mouth keep on repeating in my head. And I shut my eyes in disgust.

I shouldn't have said that to her. Not like that! How could I even talk to her that way? Twenty two years passed and I never said NO to my mother for any thing! Then what happened today? How can someone I barely know get over my mind so fast? It's like everytime he looks at me, I'm compelled. Compelled to do whatever he says and however he says.

I go to the washroom and wash my face. The cold water helps none to clear the mess in my head. I feel like crying but no tears come out of my eyes. I shouldn't have said that to her!
Thats the only thing that's messing up my mind and I know how this can be fixed.

By talking.

I dry up my face with towel and without giving a damn regarding any second thoughts I might get, I walk towards my mother's room. My heart beats faster when I find out she's not here. I go to check her in the kitchen and living room, but she is not there too. I open the door and walk outside the house in the garden, I look around but can't see her. Where did she go?

As I look up, I see my mother standing on the roof. Her face is turned on the other direction, which is why I'm sure she can't see me. I quickly climb upstairs and walk over the roof.

She's standing on the corner, her eyes focused on the stars in the sky. I can see she's crying. Watching her cry somehow never fails to make me cry. I run towards her and pull her into a hug from behind. She jumps in shock but doesn't look at me. Her expression of disappointment and hurt makes me feel guilty and ashamed of myself.

"I am sorry, ma" I say slowly, "I really didn't mean to say all that.. I know I hurt you, I'm really sorry, Ma. Please forgive me.. "

"Why are you asking for forgiveness?" she asks, still looking away .

"You're crying because of me.. " I reply, tears falling from my eyes.

"No. " she says in a hard, shaking voice. "I'm crying because you thought I'd get jealous of your happiness. I'm wondering what I've missed in raising you up that made you think so low of me. " she is crying hard now.

I put my hands on her shoulders, "Please, mom.. I'm really sorry. " she nods and wipes up her tears with a sad smile.

"Your father always wanted a child. His eyes always got teared up whenever he saw people playing with their little children. I didn't get pregnant till four years of our marriage, and then one day when I found out that I was expecting, I called your father over and over again but he didn't pick up. An hour later I got a call that he was in hospital. " she hides her face with her hands and wipes out her tears again.
My body shivers when I see her like that.

"I rushed to the hospital, they had already taken him under observation. And two hours later the doctor came up to me and told me that your father wasn't going to live more than a month. " she sobs.

"I ran to him when he got conscious and sat next to him. He couldn't talk much so I held his hand and rested my head on his chest. And told him that I was pregnant. He hugged me tight, kissed my forehead and smiled brightly. It was you Saba... It was you who kept him alive for two years! He lived for you.. Whenever you smiled, he smiled. Whenever you fell, although he couldn't stand up immediately to pick you up but he always struggled to do so. When you said "ba-ba" for the first time, he distributed chocolates in the entire society telling people that his daughter called out his name. He loved you so much, dear. "

I can't stop myself from crying. I was really rude to talk about my loving father that way. The things she told me right now, I never knew them before. How could I be so stupid?

"I'm not telling you all that because I want to show off our love for you. I'm telling you this because I want you to remember that you are the reason for which your parents existed. Our world starts with you and ends with you.. And I would be beyond happy if you were falling in love with a nice person and not with someone who changes women like clothes. " she says.

The last sentence makes my eyes go wide open. A feeling of being shattered surrounds me and I find myself breathless.

"What do you mean? " I ask, still not believing what she said.

"You heard me. "

"No! I mean, how do you know that?"

"Saba, he is fooling you. Can't you see the way he looks at you? He's cheap. And when I snapped at him earlier, didn't you notice what he did? He has no respect for me or you. People who are in sincere relationship, don't act like that. " she explains softly but that is still not the answer to my question.

"Being disrespectful is different and changing women every once in a while is different. How can you say that he plays around all the time? " I ask back. I don't know why but I don't want to believe anything my mother is saying about him.

"Ask him by yourself. " she says and walk inside the house. Leaving me alone with so many doubts and scary feelings.

I will ask him tomorrow at the wedding. It can't be true! The way he makes me feel can't be just a lets-play-a-game thing!

Can it be?

*****