Ice. It felt like ice was running through your veins, your entire body shivering, and you couldn't tell if it was from the raining running down your face, the puddle you were currently kneeling in, or the fact that you had just seen the body of a friend laying dead and bloody in a motel tub.

After finding Charlie like that, you had rushed out the door, ignoring the very real threat that the Steins could be nearby. You couldn't stand to be in that room one more second than necessary. Sam and Dean didn't follow after you, and you were glad. You didn't want to see the pain in their eyes, or the blame in Dean's.

It was only moments before Dean came through the door, his arms full of Charlie's body wrapped in one of the hotel's white bed sheets. Sam followed, opening the back door of the Impala, and Dean slid her body inside. Sam came over to you, helping you to your feet, while Dean looked on, his face unreadable.

"Come on Y/N, we need to go." Sam told you, guiding you to the Impala. Sliding into the middle of the front seat, you waited as both brothers slid silently into the car. Dean started the Impala, driving off. You watched the windshield wipers going back and forth, hypnotizing yourself.

It wasn't until you felt the car stop that you realized you weren't back at the bunker. Dean had driven past, farther into the forest, turning onto a rough dirt road. You knew what he meant to do, but just the thought of creating a funeral pyre for Charlie brought tears to your eyes. 

Dean climbed out, slamming the door of the Impala, before opening the trunk and grabbing the tools needed. He still hadn't talked to either you or Sam, and you were beginning to freak out, knowing that he was just bottling it all up inside, feeding the Mark.

"Y/N, why don't you stay here." Sam suggested, as he climbed out to help his brother. You nodded, not wanting to get in the way. He shut the door, and soon you scooted over into his seat, laying your head on the window, your eyes trailing Dean as he methodically worked. You lost track of time, watching Sam and Dean bring large chunks of wood, piling them high, making a long rectangular pyre. You glanced back, wincing as you saw Charlie's cotton wrapped body behind you.

"Charlie, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that Sam and I got you into this mess. You died because of us, and I will never forgive myself for that. All I can hope is that you're somewhere up in heaven, spending time with your parents, ruining the Angel's technology." You said, feeling stupid for talking to a dead body, but a tiny bit of you felt better.

Shortly after, Dean came over, pulling Charlie from the car, and you climbed out, following behind. He gently placed her on the pyre while you stood next to Sam, who seemed pretty distraught. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

As the flames grew higher, Sam cleared his throat before starting to speak. "Charlie. We're gonna miss you. You were the best. And I'm so sorry..." But Dean cut him off.

"Shut up, you don't get to apologize. Either of you. You got her killed." He said, his voice low, his eyes on the rising flames.

"But Dean, we were just trying to help you." You tried arguing, as you stepped back from the venom that laced his words. You knew he was hurting, but to take it out on you and Sam like that, it was harsh.

"I didn't need help. I told the two of you to drop it." He answered.

You tried placing a hand on his arm, trying to get him to listen to it, but he shrugged it off as if your touch burned him. You tried to not let it bug you, but it hurt. "Dean, we couldn't do nothing. We want to help you, to get rid of this Mark." You explained.

He turned to face you then, his face full of barely controlled anger and sadness. "And because of your stupidity, your unwillingness to listen and do the right thing, Charlie is dead. And that will forever be on your shoulders. It should be one of you up there, not her. This thing with the book? You shut it down, now!" He said before storming off towards the Impala.

You turned to Sam, your eyes full of tears, to see his matching look of pain. "Give it time, he will cool down. He just loved Charlie like a sister." He told you, but you knew he was just trying to placate you. Dean was beyond pissed, and you knew the Mark was feeding off of it, urging his darker side to come out, and that he would not be in the forgiving mood anytime soon.

"Sam, he hates me because of this whole mess. I don't know if we can ever get past this. Even if we ever get the Mark off of him, I don't know if he will ever forgive me." You said dejectedly, watching as Sam's shoulder's slumped. 

"He's Dean. He's hot headed, but soon he will forgive." Sam said, but you could tell he didn't exactly believe his own words.

That evening, the three of you were back in the bunker, each doing there best to forget what had happened. Sam was in his room, no doubt researching, while Dean was in his room, a bottle of whiskey as company. You were in the kitchen, staring at the cupboards, trying to figure out something to make. You weren't hungry, but you needed to stay busy. As you opened the fridge for the fifth time, just staring into it, you heard footsteps. Sam cleared his throat behind you, and you shut the fridge, turning to face him.

"Y/N, he's gone." He said, looking at you sadly.

"Dean? Did he go to a bar or something?" You asked, but you already knew the answer, even before Sam shook his head.

"He said he was going to go rip apart whoever did this." He told you.

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath you asked. "Did you try to stop him? Or go with him?"

"Y/N, he wants nothing to do with either of us right now. He's in a bad spot, and I didn't want to make matters worse by stopping him."

"So now what? We stop this thing with Rowena and the book, we let Dean go on a murder rampage, and we just sit here, waiting for the results?" You asked, frustration making your voice rise.

"No, that's not what we're going to do. I have a tracker on the Impala. We will keep an eye on him. But right now I need to head back to the warehouse, and talk to Rowena and Cas. You coming?" He asked, and you nodded.