//TW: swearing\\

I think this song is really appropriate for this chapter.

Thomas

Fixed.

The state of being repaired after being broken.

There is no better word to describe everything I am, everything I have become, especially as I stood surrounded by darkness, the old, comforting wood pressed against my throat. A silence had fallen upon the room the second the lights had blipped out of existence, silence to be filled with endless potential. I closed my eyes, exhaled softly, and waited.

There is such comfort in that darkness, something that makes the light shine all that much brighter, for it can triumph over the worst of it all in the end. Because it always does.

The darkness persisted a moment longer, perhaps not eager to relinquish its hold upon the world. A heartbeat passed, and within a single beat, the spotlights flickered on. I stiffened as they flooded the stage, obscuring the faces of the audience to me, but it hardly mattered. For I knew he was out there just the same, watching and waiting with baited breath, just as he always did.

I smiled to myself, gave a cautionary glance to the conductor seated at the foot of the stage. A moment later, and the first trill filled the air. Followed by another, another, until finally, I could add my voice. It stole my breath away, the simple power of the instrument resting against my body, and it blended itself with my very being until the two ideas were inseparable. The music, flowing from the second-hand violin given to me as a Christmas gift a little over fifteen years ago, became an extension of who I was, of the soul fluttering in the confines of my chest.

The audience sat in silence, enraptured by the melody of New York Philharmonic. Of the story built within the climbing scales of the stringed instruments, of the fantasy world unlocked by the pleading nature of the song. Starlight peaked through the glass roof, shining in upon the world, and I risked a glance up at my old friends with a soft smile.

I played for them. I played for them, I played for the beautiful man and the beautiful children seated in the third row in the reserved chairs, but most importantly, I played for myself. I played because it unraveled my soul, I played because it brought me closer to the being I truly was deep within, and I played because it reminded me so often of the freedom I had made for myself almost fifteen years ago locked in the dark, enclosed corners of a room that offered me no love.

But that was fifteen years ago, and now? Now I played because I would sooner die than go back to what I had been before: a sad, vulnerable boy trapped in the belief that he did not deserve love.

I played because I loved to do so. Because I loved the starlight symphony that poured out of the simple violin, and the knowledge that there was nobody else in the world who could create that music quite like I could—nobody else could ever fill the space I occupied.

Oh, how I fell in love with the music. Even if I played the same score five nights a week, it did not matter. My heart took flight, and I existed for nothing else. And perhaps I never would. And I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that I could spend my entire life sitting in the spotlight's beam, creating something, rather than destroying.

The music around me died away, and yet, I continued onward, a traveller in a path that had not yet been forged. I could feel the hundreds of people gathered within the theater, hooked upon the worlds I brought to life in the startling solo. I could feel the boundless anticipation as the sonata climbed, the single violin the only barrier between us and silence. It told of the coming of spring, the end of a cruel, cruel winter's storm. It told of the stars and their untamed dance as they glistened across the sky, ballerinas twirling and spinning with an easy grace.

And then, it ended, as abruptly as it had come.

A beat passed.

And the epilogue to the piece played, and together, the instruments drew upon the last of their strength to bring such a story to an end. But the voices, separate as they may be, built upon one another. They sang of the sweetness of birdsong, and the joy of freedom and love.

And silence filled the hall.

I let out a breath, my soul returning to my body. Over an hour had elapsed since the music had begun, but it had felt little more than a second. How quickly, lifetimes will flash by.

Not a single noise dared to interrupt what the symphony had left in its wake for a moment or two, but the first round of applause started, shattering the air with its chaotic praise. The conductor stepped forwards to say a few words, their face shining in the spotlight, and I felt a hand pat my back from the chair next to me. I cast them a grin and a friendly nod, before turning back to the audience to try and find him now that I could actually see without my vision addled by the song. I lowered the violin from my throat, its comforting weight disappearing.

There.

There he stood, clapping wildly. He met my eyes and grinned a bit wider.

We bowed, and we exited slowly, the concert drawing to an end.

But nothing truly ends for good, for there will always be more concerts to play, and more songs to sing.

~•~

"Dad! That was amazing!" exclaimed a small voice, and before I could say anything, a girl launched herself at me, knocking the breath from my lungs. Laughing, I set the violin case down on the ground, scooped her up into my arms, and twirled her through the air just as she loved so much, before setting her on my hip.

"Yeah?" I asked Martha. "Well I'm glad you thought so!"

"I thought so too!" cried out Philip as he tugged at my arm, demanding to be picked up as well. Unable to resist, I allowed him purchase and pulled him into my arms as well. "I liked the song about death!"

"There was no song about death!" Martha argued.

"Well, clearly, you weren't paying attention!" the younger boy babbled.

"There was no song about death, Philip," I reprimanded softly, closing the door of our apartment with my hip. "And you know that we don't talk about things like that, right?"

"But death's—"

"Philip."

"Sorry, Dad!"

I laughed lightly, and there he was, standing there in the doorway with his arms crossed and a small smile dancing across his face. It seemed as though he had been dragged straight from a dream, simply by the sound of my voice, of my laugh. And even after all this time, he still lit up upon hearing such a simple sound. "Hey, love," he said softly.

"Hi, Alexander."

"You did amazing, tonight. But that's hardly a surprise, is it?"

"You give me too much credit," I laughed.

He softened as he slid closer, taking Philip from my arms. "Come on, kids. Why don't you go on and get ready for bed?"

"Aww, Daddy!" Martha complained, frowning as I set her down on the ground. The six year-old cast me a mournful look, as though her sunlight had just been taken away.

I laughed softly, running my fingers through her hair. "Go on. And maybe if you're good, I'll come in later and finish reading you Percy Jackson."

"Fine," Philip grumbled, grabbing Martha by the hand and dragging her along. I watched them leave with a grin as they disappeared up the stairs.

"What'd you guys eat?" I asked Alexander.

He shrugged. "Just pasta." A beat passed. "I didn't burn it this time!"

"Oh, good," I teased softly, taking him by the arm and dragging him to the couch. "I'm glad you didn't burn water again."

"Look, in my defense—"

I raised an eyebrow.

"The oven was very hot, okay?" he exclaimed, but his beam was transcendent and there was nothing else in the world but him and that gorgeous smile that I had fallen for a million times, and would continue to do so until the day I died. He was my starlight and my birdsong, the very thing that had saved me. He was the person I would always adore with every last breath in my body. He was the being I was created for.

He was my Alexander.

"You're ridiculous," I said softly, leaning forward and pulling him into a kiss. His fingers wandered up my face, leaving tingling sensations as though butterflies fluttered against my face. "Hold on, I bought champagne today. How was work?"

"Stressful. They've got me on another embezzlement case. Again. I'm so sick of embezzlement. I want murder!"

"Alexander," I tutted as I slipped away into the kitchen to retrieve the bottle and two glasses.

"What?"

"Nothing." With an overdramatic sigh made solely to catch a glimpse of his smile, I popped the champagne, poured two glasses, and returned to him.

"You were amazing tonight, love," he said, accepting the glass with a grateful smile. "I love watching you perform. It never fails to make my day better."

"You've heard the song before," I said with a shrug.

"I know. But still. You breathe new life into it every single time, and I'll never understand how you do it. You look untouchable, when you're up on stage. Ethereal, almost."

"Oh, enough," I said, taking a sip. The sweet, fruity taste went down well, and I loosened my posture and finally relaxed.

"No! I'm serious! You don't believe me? Do I need to prove it to you?"

"Alexander!" I giggled as he set his glass down on the coffee table before pulling me up against him and kissing me fully. Even after all this time, and such an action never fails to bring the starlight in my blood to its startling symphony. "God, I love you."

"I love you more."

"Nope. Impossible. I love you more than more."

"I love you most."

"Well, I love you more than most."

"You can't do that."

"Wanna bet?"

Alexander shook his head immediately, and though I tried my best, I could not stifle my laugh as I leaned forward and kissed his forehead light enough to leave both of us wanting more.

"Hold on," I said as he tugged me closer. "I'm going to go change."

"You should leave it," he returned. "You know how gorgeous you are in a suit, correct?"

I laughed and kissed him again, this time on the lips. He tasted as sweet as ever, like sunbeams and morning dew. Like the dreams that you carry with you throughout the day, not yet ready to disappear and leave you emptier than you had been with them. It left me as breathless as it always does, because there are some things that just never die. I slipped off the jacket restricting my arms and discarded it on the floor without so much as a second thought. Alexander grinned, holding out his arms, and I buried myself in the safety and the warmth he provided simply by existing, by shining like the brilliant star he is.

"Let's go on a date tomorrow. You don't have anything you need to do?" I asked softly.

"Nothing at all. What do you wanna do?"

I shrugged. "We could go get dinner somewhere nice. Get Eliza and Maria to watch the kids for the night, watch a show—"

"A show?" Alexander laughed, his chest rising delicately underneath my head. I could hear the gentle aria of his heartbeat, such a beautiful song. "Are you not tired of the stage, yet, my love?"

"I'm tired of being on it. But I wouldn't mind going to see something on Broadway..."

"Well, whatever we do, love, I'm sure it will be amazing as long as I'm with you."

"I love you," I sighed. Alexander kissed the top of my head and shifted, so his back was against the armrest of the couch and I was resting my head on his chest. Together, we gazed out at the city, at the sparkling lights bright enough to rival the stars, at the gorgeous world we had made our own. It was completely different, seeing it from so high. The window spanned the length of the entire wall, allowing the light to pour in unadulterated. It danced on Alexander's face as he gazed out, watching the people milling about in the evening's glow, seventy or so stories below. A beautiful sight, one that I never thought I would ever live long enough to see.

But I was here.

And I was lucky enough to be with in the arms of the person I loved more than anything else in the world.

"You okay, love?" he whispered softly, as if afraid to spoil the mood.

"Yeah, yeah. I've just been thinking about it all lately. How lucky I am to have you. How fifteen or so years ago, I never thought I'd ever get to see this."

Alexander squeezed me tighter. "Sometimes I think of the same thing. Of what I would do if I had never found you the way I had. I certainly wouldn't be as happy as I am now. You've changed my life, Thomas."

"And you've changed mine."

I cupped his face in my hands, slipping upwards to press my lips against his, when a voice stopped me.

"Dad! You promised you'd read to us!"

I let out a muffled groan and slid away from my husband. "Sorry, Martha. Maybe not tonight, sweetheart. I just got home and I'm tired. Why don't you come lay with us?"

The young girl standing upon the landing made a face. "Ew. You two are so gross when you're romantic."

"I think it's sweet!" Philip argued from the other room.

"Yeah, you would think that, wouldn't you?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Philip!"

"Shit," Alexander murmured under his breath.

"Alexander!"

Well, at least I know where my kids get it from.

"You said you'd read to us," Martha insisted, crossing her arms. "If you can't hold up your end of the deal—"

"Fine," I said, caving im to her request. "Bring it down here. But only a chapter or two tonight, deal?"

Martha grinned, before sprinting back up the stairs to retrieve the book.

And perhaps they get their love of reading from me.

Alexander let out a soft sigh. I glanced at him, then pressed my body against his and sunk into the warmth of his embrace. "I'm cold."

"You're cold? Thomas, it's like seventy five degrees in here."

"Cold."

"Thom—"

"Fine!" I said, sitting up. "You don't want cuddles? You won't get cuddles."

"What! No! You can't do that!" he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him. "I always get what I want," he said, his tone half-playful and half-drowsy.

"Really now?"

"All the time. Half of the time. Okay, some of the time, but my point still stands. Also, I was thinking that maybe we could have a bit of... fun... tonight."

"Oh?" I asked, amused, though I already knew what he had in mind. "What type of fun?"

"Adult fun."

"Can't keep it in your pants, can you?"

"Fuck you."

"See, that's what I thought," I teased. His lips were on my neck in the next moment and I let out a sigh of content.

"I missed you."

"I was only gone for the evening, honey," I whispered, squeezing his arm as I pressed my head against his chest. His fingers wove through my hair, gentle and delicate, as he toyed with each individual curl. I sighed with content, inhaling the sweet scent of him. Alexander took another sip of his champagne before kissing my forehead.

"I still missed you."

"I missed you too."

He softened underneath me, tugging me closer into one of those hugs I could have died within and remained a happy, happy man. He was my perfect Alexander, and he would always be my perfect Alexander.

"Okay!" Martha exclaimed, arriving before us. She cleared her throat, and sparing Alexander a soft glance, I slid away from him just wide enough for her to wedge herself into the open space. Philip sat down on the ground in front of us and wrapped his arms around Alexander's leg, as I opened the book and began to read.

It only lasted about thirty or so minutes, the peace I discovered amongst the three people who mattered most to me. The life I had worked so hard to find and the family I never thought I'd ever be lucky enough to see. It was only thirty minutes but time itself lost its meaning whenever I found myself lulled in by the comfort I found with them. Sitting here, reading to my family, was my favorite thing in the entire world, a moment I wanted to bottle up forever and never let go of.

But eventually, I finished reading for the night, and we carried the two little ones up the stairs to their separate bedrooms and tucked each in with a kiss and a promise that whilst they slept, the stars above will continue to dance with their wandering minds, a longstanding tradition that we had first turned to when either Alexander or I couldn't sleep. And then, once the lights were off and the curtains drawn tight, Alexander dragged me to our bedroom, watched me get changed into something more comfortable, and pulled me close to him.

And even with the darkness closing in around us, I wasn't scared. I no longer needed to be scared, because I could hear his heart beating steadily, and I could feel the gentle wisps of his breath against my skin, and I knew without a doubt that this is where I have always belonged.

I am his.

And he is mine.

"I love you, Alex." My voice seemed impossibly big in the darkness, laced with that desperation that he knew exactly what he meant to me. But those three words were the only things I could think of, as lacking as they may be. They'd never be good enough. They would never be close enough to the truth.

"Yeah, I love me too."

Startled, I laughed.

"Thanks."

"You know I love you, too," he whispered, pressing his lips against the back of my neck. "And I always will."

"Goodnight," I whispered as he pulled me closer, nuzzling his face against my skin. "Sleep well."

"I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

I laughed at the reference, for such a thing never flies over my head. I turned, cupped his face in my hands, and kissed him fully. I kissed him like there was nothing left in the world but the two of us. I kissed him like he was the only thing that mattered. And truth be told, he was.

He was my everything.

I had been broken, and now?

Now, I was fixed again.

The End

~•~

Wow, that's it.

It's over.

I woke up this morning with such a strange feeling in my stomach knowing that today was it.

I guess I should say something, huh? And there's a lot to say, but I don't know how to say it. So here I go.

First off, I'd like to thank you. Each and every single one of you. For everything. For your support, for every vote and every comment, for every suggestion and every piece of criticism. This book is just as much yours as it is mine, as it never would've become all that it is if you hadn't of read it.

So thank you, to those who are reading this now, to those who will read this in the future, and to those who have read parts of the book but will never get here themselves. Thank you.

It's been such an incredible journey.

I've always thought that writing is the deepest part of yourself, that writing is where you can establish your emotions, your thoughts, your opinions into something creative and moving. So thank you for letting me share the most intimate piece of myself with you.

I know this shouldn't be said over the internet, but recently, I've been going through something difficult, and merely finishing this book for you guys was one big reason of why I kept going on. So thank you for that too.

I would also like to thank 3 people in particular.

First of all is Roseisaghost for being the first vote on this book ever. How incredible is that? To be one of the first people to read this book? To have read a lot of my unedited drafts, the original way this book was? I've gone back and edited and changed a lot, you know. But thank you for that, for being the first person to read and support this story.

Second is iShipAnyone for the amount of times you've gone through this book for me so I didn't have to. Thank you for catching even my smallest mistakes and your constructive criticism (even though there were some times I didn't handle it so well), because it does help me grow and get better as an author. How many tines have you read through now? It means a lot that you thought this story was so great as to read and reread and reread again.

Third, and finally, is cmw2848 , my best friend of five years. Thank you for everything, for every last bit of help you've given me. I remember sitting up in your room, discussing plans for a different book that I didn't like as much as this one, to be honest. But if I hadn't of written that, I never would've written this one. And I have to thank you for everything you've done for me as well.

Honestly, my gratitude for everything you all have given to me cannot be expressed through words, but know that I'm crying as I write this.

Now, I'm not begging for views or whatever when I say this, but after going through and rereading this myself (yeah, okay, I actually had to do a bit of that), I've realized that this book is more meant to be read in one sitting then reading chapters updated every week. So if you want to reread this, go ahead. There's a bit of foreshadowing and references sprinkled here and there and I wonder if anyone can catch some of my favorites. I dunno, it's up to you. You probably have better things to do with your life and I don't blame you.

And this isn't the last you've seen of me. I have plans for two other books going up soon after this (probably anytime between next week and the end of next month). One is a Jamilton Oneshots book where I can free write basically and share small ideas that couldn't ever be their own story but I do find interesting.

The other story is also going to be Jamilton (I might have a problem) and it's got more of a fantasy element to it and it's kinda like the XMen I guess but whatever.

//Edit (10/14/2021): uhhh yeah its called the Other Side and theres no XMen theme but its still cool and it would mean a lot to me if you checked it out too!!!\\

I truly don't want to let go of this story. This story has been everything to me for the last year. It's consumed a lot of my thoughts, just trying to pick out the best words to express the best thoughts. Even now, I'm trying to extend this note as long as possible. But as much as I'd like to have this story go on forever, it's time to end this. Though, I'll probably be going through and editing some stuff later on, and I might even end up updating with a chapter or two here and there just tying up loose ends.

So once again, thank you. Thank you for joining Thomas and Alexander and James and everyone else.

I'll see you guys around, okay?

This might be the end of this, but it's also the start of so many new beginnings.

-Wolfy

//Edit (10/14/2021):

Okay I'm gonna make this quick, but we've really come full circle huh ?? I mean idk its amazing to me to think that I started this over four years ago, as an eighth grader, and now I'm finishing it as a senior. Yesterday I sent forth my first college application. Wild.

Im posting an official goodbye sometime soon, so I wont go too much into it until then.

But just know that I love you guys from the bottom of my heart, even if we've never met. You've all done such remarkable things for me, and I would not be the same without you.

Thank you all, for everything.

<3