//TW: swearing, implications of sex\\

Alexander

Part of me was terrified to wake up. I was terrified to open my eyes and find the bed empty and cold and so unlike the dreams that had filled my head with their lofty aspirations, their unhidden desires. I was terrified to watch as the light streamed into a dull and lifeless room once again, my body hunched over the desk, my heart shattering against the floor now that there was nothing left to hold it up. Every last bit of my soul was deathly afraid of waking up and being forced to come to the slow, chilling realization that my Thomas was not with me, that it had all been some perversely beautiful fantasy world my mind had spun to save me from another, agonizing night.

I couldn't face that. I couldn't live with myself if I had to wake up and find him gone just as he had been for three long, terrible months full of nothing but heartache and absolute fear of what would happen between the seams that remained unaccounted for. My mind would not have been able to persist knowing that Thomas had been nothing more than a dream, fading away as the fog swirled in once more, forever masking the starlight.

But I woke up, and those fears were unfounded. I woke up, and my heart did not break from a perilous fall through a long, winding abyss. I woke up, and the warmth remained pressed against my side, clinging to my body. I woke up in a state of absolute euphoria, my Thomas right where he belonged.

I was not afraid. I was not inches away from losing my mind, from giving up on myself.

I'm so happy I'm never going to have to feel that again any time soon.

I planted a soft kiss against Thomas's forehead, switching off the alarm clock that had pulled me from a blissful sleep. I smiled as he shifted forward, sighing softly as he pressed himself into the safety of my arms. I held him tight to me, until I could feel the slow pulses of his heart against mine. I could exist like this forever, our bodies intertwined in all the right ways, and I would be the happiest person to ever walk the earth. I could not bring myself to leave his side, not now, not ever. He was mine.

I sighed to myself, kissed him again as gently as possible, and basked in the slow sunlight that danced through the windows, bathing his beautiful face in a warm, light pink glow. It made him look ethereal, like a being born from the sky itself. I brushed a lock of hair out of his face, forever content to watch the minuscule movement of his fingers against my chest, as if playing the violin even in his sleep. My eyelids grew heavy, and the animalistic part of my brain briefly wondered what horrible motivation had ever attempted to coax me out of the arms and out of the bed of the most beautiful boy to ever grace this earth with his presence.

It all seemed like something from a fairytale, a perfect scene from a perfect painting. Here we existed yet again, in our garden secreted away from eyes that were all too quick to pry. And looking around at the plants in the room, the ones that had suddenly seemed to perk up and find new purpose in the wake of Thomas's return; looking at the bird whose song had sounded so much more hopeful, so much happier the second Thomas had returned to us; hell, looking at myself as I hugged my boy close to me and promised I would never let him go again, it wasn't hard to understand why the world seemed so fresh, so renewed.

I leaned against the pillows, drawing lazy circles along the length of his back. He was practically on top of me, his face buried against the crook of my neck. The locks of his hair tickled my face, the bare skin smooth to the touch. He held me close, one hand embracing mine, as though we were lost to a delicate dance with music that only we could hear.

My heart swelled. I loved him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. And for as much as I had yearned for him, for as much as I had dreamt for him while we were an entire city apart, absolutely nothing beat the real experience of having him here, his heart beating in time with mine, like they were joined together. There was nothing left between us. He was mine. I was his. And the world would fall away for us, if that's what it came to.

I could have stayed like that forever, lost to his embrace.

Right now, I was playing a dangerous game.

So yes, I was awake really early. 6:15, to be exact. Why am I subjecting myself to such pain? Well, last night, I was concocting an "evil" scheme that included making my Thomas fall even more in love with me, if that was even possible. And unfortunately, it involved forcing myself to get up really early so I can take care of shit. Are stores even open this early? Probably not, but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.

The choices were presented to me, each incredibly attractive but utterly conflicting. They hovered before me on delicate strings, calling out to me in their hushed whispers. I could stay here, allow the soft, warm fingers of sleep to close my eyes once more, laying with my boyfriend's body pressed against me. Or, I could awake and embrace the day, embrace the opportunities I had that would help me to apologize, to seek justice, to compensate for the three months he had spent in a nightmare for a life I could not even begin to imagine.

I let out a groan and disentangled myself from Thomas's arms. It hurt, a lot. But somehow I managed to get dressed without my heart collapsing in my chest at the thought of not being at his side. Once I had thrown on the shirt and jeans I had hastily changed out of last night and discarded upon the floor without care, I paused in my attempt to bring the city to my feet, and turned to watch Thomas as he slept.

He looked so peaceful, so happy. I couldn't hide the beam that crawled to my face— not that I wanted to or anything. I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and watched him for a moment longer, captivated by that gentle swell of his chest indicating his rhythmic breathing. I smiled, for he was mine, and that knowledge filled me with something so beautiful. I turned and began to leave when I felt his hand wrap around my wrist.

God, how I loved his touch. How I had missed it.

"Alexander? Where're ya goin'?"

I turned back to face him. "Don't worry love, I have to take care of a few things. I'll be back, promise."

"I can come," he suggested, lifting his head sleepily.

I grinned to myself, leaning over the bed and cupping his face with my hands. There was something so adorable about a sleepy Thomas. His smile seems more genuine, his expression less guarded by the walls he constructs any other time. He lays himself bare to the world in that state lingering between the bliss of sleep and the crushing heartlessness of reality. And his vulnerabilities are exposed for everybody to see. But his smile, his droopy eyes—ah, fuck it. Him.

No point in boiling him down to individual parts when all I need to look at to know that I love him is him. He was my starlight, he was my melody. He was my Thomas, and no matter what, he would always be my Thomas.

"Don't worry love, I'll be back, I promise. I'll be back before you even know I'm gone."

His eyes flashed with worry. An unspoken question lingered on his lips as he rose, his hands pulling me closer to him. Begging me to stay with him, begging me to return to his arms. God, I wanted to. Why the fuck did I have to be capable of resisting mortal desires all of a sudden?

I sat down and held his hand. "I'll stay with you until you fall back asleep, okay love?"

"Then I'll never fall back asleep," he said, though he was yawning. "And then you'll stay here with me forever."

He fell asleep a few moments later.

I watched him for a couple of seconds, rubbing my thumb against his hand, then turned and walked away.

~•~

I waited outside the door, listening to the echoes of my knock as they bounced down the hallway. I cleared my throat, crossed my arms, glared at the piece of wood that had frankly done nothing to hurt me but was still standing in my way regardless. I waited as patiently as possible for me, then knocked again after a full minute had gone by, leaving me standing at the door yet again.

No response.

I waited for a bit before knocking again, because third time's the charm and I'm not going to spend another minute waiting outside this stupid apartment when I could be back in the arms of the boy whom I'd sacrifice the earth and everything in it for. The intuitive urges inside of me couldn't help that bubble of apprehension that was edging closer and closer towards being popped.

I groaned to myself, checked my phone to see if he had responded, and raised my hand to knock a fourth time, but the door was thrown open before I had the chance. I stepped backwards so as not to be hit, and judging by the force with which it had been opened, I'm surprised it hadn't come tearing off its hinges.

"What?" John snapped after he threw open the door.

I paused to look down, amused. "Nice boxers." They were the only thing he was wearing and they had turtles covered all over them.

"Thanks," he said dryly. "One of the many gifts I've gotten from you guys. Now, I'm pretty sure you didn't come to my dorm just to compliment my boxers so what do you want?"

"Oh, right. I need Berlioz."

He slammed the door in my face.

Why does everyone do that to me? Fortunately, I don't give up easily.

I knocked again, not one to be deterred by a simple door. It hadn't stopped me when it really mattered, and it was not going to stop me now.

John opened the door again. "Why do you want our cat?" he asked, exasperated.

"I thought you were looking for homes for the kittens anyway?" I asked, attempting to push past him to step inside the apartment, but he stayed firm and unmoving in the doorway. I frowned.

"Yes, we are. But I don't trust you with a cat, Alexander."

"What?" I burst out, over-exaggerating my shock just to see him smile. "Why ever not? Have I ever steered you wrong before, my faithless friend?"

He blinked, obviously taken aback. "You're...uh, you're in a good mood, aren't you?"

I shrugged, grinning along.

John rolled his eyes, though he couldn't hide the smile that slowly pulled at his lips. "Do you remember a couple days ago when I showed you that picture of the dog eating peanut butter out of the container? Do you remember what you said to me as you pushed my phone away? Do you?"

I bit down on my tongue to stifle my laugh. "Refresh my memory."

"You said, and I quote, 'I hate joy'. So pardon me if I don't exactly trust you with a kitten that I happen to love. Thats brings, you guessed it—joy."

I laughed. "Fair enough. But consider this, I would really appreciate it. And, if it makes you feel any better, I would owe you a favor."

John considered this for a second, then glanced over his shoulder at what I presumed to be a cat. Sighing, he acquiesced, and stepped inside the apartment. "Well, I do like the thought of holding something over your head. Fine. I'll go get here, but stay here and do not move," he said as his disappeared.

So, naturally, I moved.

The apartment was quiet and dark, like John had just woken up. Something inside my stomach clenched as I looked around, wondering how long it had been since I last stepped foot in here. How many chances had I missed out on, too caught up in my own work and my own sorrow and self-pity to even realize my friends had been there the entire time, willing to vouch for me when I had needed it? How selfish I had been, to completely abandon them in pursuit of something that wouldn't be so easily won.

I clutched my fists, gazing down at the floor as tears pricked my eyes. I had been so unfair to them, and the truth was? I missed them almost as much as I had missed Thomas. They had always been right there but I had shut myself away in the darkness and the mold instead.

I'll apologize to them. I will make everything right. And then, we can all go back to the way things were before, when we were all free and happy and never had to worry about the shadows looming over our heads.

I let out a breath, smiled, and allowed my eyes to wander through the apartment once more, mostly out of boredom as I waited for John. What was taking him so long? Surely the kitten wasn't hiding that well.

Maybe he needs my help.

So, once more, I rose to my feet and followed John into the door he had disappeared through, it only then occurring to me that I had never been inside his bedroom before. Soft voices emanated from the room, and a frown overcame my face. He wasn't talking to himself, was he? It would be absolutely hilarious if he was—yet another thing I could make fun of him for later.

"John, do you need my help? It seems like you're struggling—oh."

Looks like John was getting... busy last night, to say the least.

"Uh," John said, the kitten clutched tightly in his arms. His face had gone a rather deep shade of red, his mouth drawn into a thin line.

"Wow, I didn't realize—"

"It's not what it looks like—"

I cocked an eyebrow.

"Okay, it's exactly what it looks like. But still!" he hissed, shoving the cat into my hands. John took a deep breath, gazing at the bed. "I'm just going to go ahead and assume you have all the shit you need because I trust you."

"That's a terrible idea."

"Okay, because I want you to leave me alone as soon as you possibly can."

"Ahh. That's more like it."

"Right. Okay, well," John said. "I'll see you later. We're all going to lunch in the park. You're coming with us."

"Oh! You are not getting out of this so easily!" I said, punching him in the shoulder.

"Alexander!" he hissed.

"So... was it fun?"

"I— uh, well, urm..."

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

"That only makes me worry more." I held back a laugh so I didn't wake the two sleeping men up. "Please, I'm serious. Don't tell anybody! Like, I'm begging you."

"Okay, okay. Just relax would you? You're so dramatic!"

John paused, scrutinizing me once more. I frowned under his gaze as he studied me very carefully, as though trying to discern an answer to a question he had not asked. All I could do was smile in return, content to keep my secrets for now. It seemed that if I spilled them, they would be ruined, corrupted. It's better to keep Thomas to myself for now, just while I can.

"What?" I asked, unable to keep the laugh out of my tone. "Why're you staring at me?"

"You just...you just seem a lot happier than you've been in months." He smiled, shrugged. "It's a good thing, don't worry. I missed hearing you laugh." A pause. "No homo, though or anything."

"We've already jumped off that bridge."

"Ah, fair enough."

I nodded, my face getting just a little bit warmer as my gaze inadvertently drifted back to the bed, and that same, knowing smile tugged at my lips.

"Well, anyway, I'm going back to bed. Take care of Berlioz. Also, Laf will probably kill me later, just so you know."

"Thank you for your sacrifice."

"Tell my story."

"John," Hercules groaned from the bed, shifting closer to Lafayette. "Shut up."

Lafayette's eyes opened and regarded me for a short moment. He smiled, and when he spoke, his accent flowed out a bit thicker due to the sleepiness that tugged at his voice. "Ah, so you are not dead," he teased. "We tried to invite you out last night, you know.  But no, whatever you were doing was just too important for us!"

I laughed. "Only a little."

Lafayette scoffed. "Well, you are welcome to join us next time, if you want."

"Thank you, but I'll have to pass," I returned, unable to fight down my smile.

Lafayette shrugged, reaching out for John's wrist and pulling him back into the bed. "Suit yourself. Goodbye, Alexander. We will see you later."

"I guess that's my cue to leave now, huh?"

John flashed me an apologetic smile.

"Bye." John walked over to the bed and went back to cuddling with Lafayette and Hercules. The instant he laid down, Lafayette cupped his face and began to furiously kiss him, while Herc wrapped his arms around John's waist and pressed his lips against John's neck.

I lingered in the doorway a moment longer than perhaps I should have, the sleeping kitten still pressed against my chest. I paused, took the sight of them in, and something in my chest sank like a stone. How different would this all have been if I'd actually fallen for John. Would I be in that bed right now? Would I have been holding him instead for the past three months, never having to worry about the sultry wind that closed in all around us? Part of me longed to step forward, to discover exactly what it was like for myself.

But I glanced down at the kitten in my hands, curled against my body, and I could not help but think how excited Thomas would be when he saw her, and the image of that beautiful starlight flickering in his eyes drove those awful, traitorous thoughts away before they had even begun to take root. I turned and left the three boys there where they were, eager to see my Thomas once more.

~•~

I set the kitten down on the bed and gazed down at him, half his body concealed by the blankets. He looked like an angel, laying there, the rising sunlight fluttering down his body like a swarm of butterflies. A smile tugged at the edges of his lips, and I would give anything to follow him into his dreams, to uncover what fantasy world he found himself in now. It was so easy to picture a flower-ridden terrace basking in the moonlight, tendrils of ivy creeping up the white trellis railing. And him in the middle of it all, dancing along to a distant music that rode the breeze.

I grinned to myself, because how could I not? I finally have him again, and this time, for good. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure of it. I'll do whatever it takes to prevent the next mistake, to stop him from wandering back into the traps laid out for him that prayed on his weaknesses, that prayed on his heart. Never again would I let anybody hurt him.

Desperate to feel the calming relief of his touch, I slid under the covers by his side. Before I could wrap my arms around him, however, he turned to face me and cupped my cheek with his hand.

"Good morning beautiful," I said.

"Morning Alexander."

"You're awake," I said with a smile, running my fingers through a loose, wild curl of his hair. It looked windswept, exactly how I'd imagine after being up on that terrace, concealed by the garden. He was a beautiful, magnificent, wild bird, once more free to do whatever he wanted, free to taste the sky after so long.

"I didn't really go back to sleep after you left, so Dick's been keeping me company," he admitted softly, his voice still slightly hoarse from sleep. "But I wasn't worried. I knew you'd be back." He yawned, pressing his head against my chest. "You always come back."

Oh. Oh God. Fuck, what is this boy doing to me?

"Cat!" I exclaimed, suddenly rendered useless by some mythical power I'd never be able to understand. Okay, fine, it's him, but shut up.

Thomas's mouth parted slightly as he gazed up at me with no small amount of worry. "Um, th-thanks?"

"No! I mean, uh...I got you a cat." And to prove my point, I inclined my head towards Berlioz, who was pawing at the loose ends of the blanket.

Thomas sat up, his back to me so I couldn't see the expression on his face. I swallowed, absolutely despising the thought of not being able to tell what he was thinking, how he was feeling; it felt like a window had been closed. He leaned forward, carefully picking the kitten up, then shifted so he was facing me. The blanket fell off his body, revealing him and the constellation of bruises that covered his neck just as I'm sure they hid elsewhere.

Thomas gazed down at the kitten, wordlessly, his eyes shadowed so I could not quite make out the expression that hid behind them.

"Uh, I'm sorry. I guess I should have checked with you first," I said, stumbling. "If you don't want her, I can always bring her back, I mean, it's really not a big deal or anything—"

"You got me a cat," Thomas whispered softly.

"I...I'm sorry."

His head shot upwards, revealing the galaxies of emotions that swirled in his soft, caramel gaze. They rendered me speechless, those beautiful eyes, and my excuses and attempts to rationalize something that could not be rationalized fled at once. Something in my stomach fluttered. And then, with the sweetest, purest smile, Thomas said those three stupid words I had been terrified of. Those three stupid words that had been burning on the back of my throat for who knows how long.

"I love you."

I froze, my blood racing as those three stupid words washed over me, as they beat in time with my heart. The sweetest of songs, words I hadn't heard in what seemed like forever.

"I'm sorry," Thomas said, hugging the kitten tight to his chest. He drew back slightly. "You—you don't have to say it back. But I think you should know that I do. That I always will. And—and I w-wanna thank you t-too, Alexander. Because...because without you, I would never ha-have learned what it...what it felt like to be loved. I will never truly be able to express how much I—"

"Thomas," I whispered, leaning forward. He paused, then wordlessly answered my question as he slipped forward as well, his lips pressing briefly against mine. "I love you too."

He laughed. Breathless, sweet.

"I missed you."

"I bet I missed you more."

He looked up at me. "I highly doubt that."

"Guess we'll never know, huh?"

He grinned in agreement. "Guess we'll never know."

Laughing, I pulled him back, so we were once more laying together, bodies locked in an embrace. Dick chirped softly from the table besides Thomas's head, and Berlioz writhed in abject agony as she tried to escape Thomas's arms. Smiling, he let her go, then turned and pressed himself closer to my body.

"Let's go on a date tonight," he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Please? We can get all dressed up and go somewhere nice and then get ice cream afterwards and it'd be so much fun and—well, we don't have to. I mean, it's okay if you don't want to or anything! It was just an idea I mean—"

"Thomas," I said, interjecting in his rambling before it could steer even more downhill. "That sounds lovely. But I'm picking the place."

"What? Why?"

"Because the last time we tried to do that, we ended up at that French place—"

"And I made you tried the escargot and you got sick!" he said, giggling softly. "Yes! I remember!"

God, I forgot how beautiful he looked like this. Leaning against my body, half of his face pressed into the pillow, the other half broadcasting his magnificent smile as he peered up at me.

"It's a deal," he said once he got control of his laughter. "I can't wait!" He propped himself up, planted another kiss to my lips.

"I love you."

He smiled, ducking his head sheepishly. "You're just gonna say that endlessly now, aren't you?"

"Anything if it means getting to see you smile!"

"You're going to kill me."

"Aww, don't be so dramatic, love," I whispered, kissing him again. Just because I could. "Now come on, we really should get breakfast."

"No."

"Thomas, you need to eat. When's the last time you've eaten?"

"I just wanna be here with you," he whined, hugging me closer.

"You're very clingy today, aren't you, love?" Not that I minded in the slightest.

"I need your attention one hundred percent of the time or I will actually die," he said. Then, he looked up at me, the humor and fun disappearing from his eyes. "Alexander," he whispered, lowering his gaze. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left."

"No crying today, love," I said, slipping my hand to his cheek and lifting his head so he was looking at me. "We will have to talk about this eventually, though."

"I know, I know. I just...I missed this. A lot. I felt so...so lonely without you, and I just—I mean, I know it's my fault but I—I'm just really happy to be back, and I don't wanna give it up for anything," he whispered, pressing his face against my hand.

"Oh, baby," I murmured, brushing away his tears with my thumb as gently as possible. "Please don't apologize. Please don't cry. Everything's okay. I'm not mad at you. I'm just happy to have you back. I promise."

A look of steely determination replaced the sorrow. "I promise I'll never leave you again."

"Don't promise me that, love. Just promise me that you'll start putting your happiness first and start caring about yourself, okay?"

He nodded, smiling up at me. "You're too good for me."

"You're a liar."

A few moments later, I smiled. "Now come on, let's go get breakfast. Please?"

"Okay, okay," he acquiesced finally, allowing me to pull him out of bed and drag him to the main room where the rest of the surprise was waiting for him—not before setting the dutiful Dick on his shoulder and returning the brazen Berlioz to her rightful spot in his arms, of course.

"Okay! You can open your eyes, now!"

Roses. In every spot I could get them. Pouring out of every nook and cranny, occupying every open space, painting the room with bursts of yellows, whites, pinks, purples, and of course, reds. They bloomed in vases on the table, climbed the walls from their places on the shelves, thrived on the countertop and the coffee table and wherever they could possibly exist.

Thomas covered his mouth with surprise, dropping Berlioz in the process; she landed gracefully on her feet before dashing off to terrorize the carpet.

"Roses," I said with a triumphant grin, his breath-taken expression the best reward I could ever ask for. "I know they're your favorite!"

"You remembered," he whispered.

"I'll always remember. Kiss?"

I love him. I love him, and I no longer have to fear saying it. I no longer have to worry about what he would think, about how he would react. I love him and I am free to do so in any way I choose, surrounded as we are by the plethora of roses that have become our own, beautiful garden. I left his embrace after a good many blissful minutes, retrieved a single rose with petals a deep pink, the same color as the sunset if such a complex thing could only be reduced to one color, and slid the flower behind his ear.

"Alexander?" he whispered after a moment.

"Yes, love?"

"I'm hungry."

"You don't understand how happy it makes me to hear you say those words."

~•~

"There was the sound of ripping cloth," Thomas read. "'What is that?' the Spaniard asked. 'The same as I attached to her saddle,' the Sicilian replied. 'Fabric from the uniform of an officer to Guilder.' 'I still think—' the Turk began." He continued to read.

I had him pressed up against my body, his head tucked underneath my chin, in the perfect spot for me to plant kisses to the top of his head. Of course, the bird and the cat were staring each other down, locked in some game I'd never understand, but I wasn't too concerned with them as much as I was the boy sitting in my lap.

His voice was so sweet, like sugar and honey rolled into a single lullaby that danced in the sunlight, carried through the air on bumblebee wings. It was so soothing, in such a way that it was impossible to keep my eyes open. And as he read, my mind started to wander, started to swirl up illusions that seemed straight from a portrait, all created by the inflection of his voice.

I forced my eyes open, forced myself to focus on the swell of his lips as he spoke every delicate word, treating each with respect. I focused on the warmth that seeped through his body into mine every single place our bodies touched. I focused on the gentle breathing, on the variances in his voice as he drew life with each character. I focused on the fluttering of his soul, on the boy wrapped in my arms, head resting against my chest. I focused on my Thomas, and with each thing I noticed, each tiny, beautiful detail, I was reminded of how much I truly loved him.

It is all encompassing. It is boundless. It is a love that will burn even when there is nothing left to nurture it. It is a love that will flare through the darkest of nights and illuminate the sky like a beautiful firework.

I loved him. I wished I could show it in a way that truly mattered. I wished I could reach past the invisible boundaries written in my mind and tear them apart bit by bit until there is nothing left preventing me from showing him just how much I truly loved him.

But fortunately, I knew where to start.

I pressed my lips against his neck and began to kiss it gently. He tasted like nectar, like stardust and rose petals. Thomas faltered in his reading, his body tensing against me. I breathed a soft laugh against his skin, delighting in the way he pressed closer to me, as if he could not get enough either. I shifted him delicately, so he was facing me, so I had easier access to his neck. Of course, both of the animals took off, no doubt pissed off at me for taking away their person.

Whatever. He was mine first.

He let out the sweetest, softest gasp, his arms snaking around to my shoulders as I laid him against the other end of the couch, letting my kissing slowly turn into sucking.

"God, you're so pretty," I murmured into his skin, absolutely adoring the way he smiled, a combination of sheepish and apologetic. I took one of his hands in mine, pressed it against the couch.

My kisses trailed up his neck, which was particularly sensitive. He let out the most beautiful moans ever as I kissed gently. Then, I moved my mouth so that it was hovering just inches in front of his.

"Kiss?"

My lips found his again, and I was starting to lose track of how many times I had kissed him so far this morning. That's not a bad thing. He was my favorite thing in the world to kiss.

It was perfect and it was everything I needed and dear God I love this boy. His lips were so soft and gentle and I wanted this to last forever and I was so incredibly happy just to be able to do this, just to be able to kiss him. It was absolutely amazing. In that moment, I felt like nothing could ever be wrong. Because I had my Thomas, and he was all I wanted.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too."

"I'm so happy you're mine."

Thomas smiled that beautiful, soft smile. That smile that I would move mountains for. That smile that would plunge the night sky into darkness without, even with all the brilliant stars. They existed for him, and the second his smile disappeared, why should they continue to sing their songs?

I pressed my mouth against his neck once more, sucking gently on the area right where his neck dipped into his chest. He gasped softly, a hand flying in front of his mouth to stifle the sounds I longed to hear. But I continued to suck, careful not to bite, tasting the warmth of his skin, breathing in the scent of his perfume, feeling his warmth flood through my body—

And then my phone went off.

"Dammit!" I yelled.

Thomas flinched away from me, raising a hand to protect himself.

"Oh, God! I'm so sorry, love!" I said as I helped him up, inwardly cursing myself for my own stupidity. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—I shouldn't have yelled. I'm so sorry!" I hugged him tight until I heard his gentle laugh cascade down around me.

"It's okay, Alexander," he said with a laugh, running his fingers through my hair. "You go answer that."

"I don't want to."

"You can't just ignore the things you don't like, Alexander."

"No, but I sure can try."

"Alexander."

"Fine." I got up to retrieve my phone, grumbling the whole time.

When I glanced back at the couch, Thomas was already gone. The bathroom door clicked shut behind him, and something heavy filled my chest. I hadn't wanted to let go of him at all today, and yet here we were. I had wanted to hold him tight to me for the rest of time and space itself, and yet here we were.

I forced myself to relax as I reached for the phone and answered it. John's voice filled the room, not enough to replace what had just left it but hey, you gotta start somewhere.

"Lafayette's pissed at you, just so you know."

"Hello to you too. Didn't take the whole Berlioz thing very well, I'm assuming."

"That and you brushing us off last night so you can wallow in self-pity." He sighed. "Sorry. That was mean, I understand what you're going through Alexander and I'm trying to be supportive but you know that we're here to talk to you—"

"Hey, if you're gonna lecture me, I'm gonna hang up," I teased, making sure my voice was light enough so he knew I was joking.

"Hey!" he returned, immediately picking up on it and returning it with his own. "Do not interrupt me while I'm making my very serious speech!"

"I will interrupt you if I want to, bitch."

"You're the bitch."

"Whatever, bitch."

"Fine, bitch."

I laughed. "So seriously, what do you need?"

"Oh, your presence is required. Or did you forget? We're having lunch in the park, and it's mandatory that you go. Otherwise Angelica's gonna go upstairs and kick your ass."

"Oh. Can I bring a friend along?"

John went suspiciously quiet, and not perhaps in the good way. "So you did bring somebody home."

Well, way to jump to conclusions. God, my friends think so low of me. Not that there's anything wrong with, you know, bringing somebody home—oh, you get the point.

"I suppose you could say that," I returned, grinning to myself in my eagerness to play along. Just so he learns his lesson. "So can I bring him or not?"

"That's up to you, Alexander. As long as you're happy."

He sounded so disappointed! I love it!

"Well, I'll see you in a little bit then?"

"Of course. See you in a little bit."

I set the phone down and waited for Thomas to emerge from the bathroom, dressed and conveniently hiding his neck. For a moment, I forget about the bruises. My heart sank just a little bit as the memories of all that had happened washed over me, as the realization that I'd never truly—

"Hey, is that my letterman?" I asked, warmth seeping into my face at seeing him in my clothes. The fact that it was a bit tight on him only aided this conclusion that he was gorgeous. "Where did you even find that?"

Thomas shrugged. "You stole my sweater. I'm stealing your letterman."

I grinned. "You look really pretty in green."

Thomas smiled in return, that beautiful smile he could not hide from me no matter what. "So, who was it?"

"Just John," I said, shrugging. "He has formally requested my presence for lunch at the park, or Angelica's going to kick my ass."

"Oh. Well, have fun!"

"Oh, no. You're coming too!"

"He would've invited me if they wanted me there. It's fine, really."

"Nope. You're coming. That's final. Let's go."

"Okay, fine," Thomas said with a sigh. "But I'm not going to be happy about it."

~•~

"Hey Thomas, you wanna hear a joke?" I asked, holding his hand in my mind as the nice warm breeze hit us.

Thomas glanced over at me, tearing his attention away from the flowers that lined the path through the park, the path that would inevitably lead to the same fountain regardless of the direction you went. It all still ended up there, though the path looked a whole lot livelier as spring slowly turned to summer, as opposed to the dead emptiness of the winter.

I grinned up at him, for he still had the rose tucked behind his ear, perhaps having forgotten about it. "Not particularly."

"What do you call a three footed aardvark?"

I glanced over at him, and he simply shrugged. "I don't know Alexander." He was no doubt preparing himself for the stupidity of this joke.

"A yardvark!"

"Oh my God," he whispered, sounding physically pained. "Oh my God, that was so bad."

"Come on, it wasn't even that terrible! Not the worst joke I've ever told!"

"That's not saying much," he refuted, but he refused to let go of my hand as we strolled through the park, taking it all in for what it was. I couldn't help but notice how Thomas smiled at the quaintness of the world, at how elegantly the simple things molded together, painting their beautiful portrait. This was the kind of world you could so easily get lost in. One overripe with flowers and vines everywhere you look, one with mottled sunlight dripping in through the tree branches, one with the birds singing their delightful songs.

Our feet carried us to the fountain, perhaps knowing the path better than our minds. Thomas stopped in his tracks the moment we found them at the base of the water fountain. He smiled, pressed himself closer to me as I halted beside him. And for a moment we watched, none of them noticing us for a brief moment. I could have him to myself for just that brief moment more.

"Where the hell is Alexander?" I heard Angelica ask. "This is taking too long. I'm going up there."

"Do you guys really think he brought somebody home?" asked Maria, sitting with her legs crossed.

Thomas frowned, cast me a look, to which I shook my head.

"I'm only surprised it took him so long," Hercules returned wryly.

"It's going to kill Thomas, when he finds out," said Aaron, glancing up from his hands. "Seriously. He's going to he absolutely crushed."

"Honestly, I'd rather have him fucking people than moping around in his apartment all day. You know how unhealthy he can be sometimes." John sighed, crossed his arms. "Alexander has a right to be happy, regardless."

"Exactly what I've been saying!" Thomas said. "Thank you, John!"

It was immediate, the silence that fell upon them as they turned to stare at us. I fought down the annoyance that gripped a hold of my stomach; too late to turn back now. So, instead, I smiled and waved to them all. "Hello, guys. Everyone, you know Thomas!"

Thomas waved as well, smiling abashedly, as though interrupting something. "Uh, yeah. Sorry. You all actually have to put up with me again."

"Th-thomas?" Aaron managed, his hand covering his mouth. "What are you doing here?"

Thomas turned to me. "Did...did you not tell them?"

"No."

"Oh. Why not?"

I shrugged.

Thomas laughed lightly, covering his mouth and shaking his head. He's so pretty. It's not fair.

Lafayette slowly rose, crossed over to where we were standing, and enveloped Thomas in a hug without saying anything. Laughing softly, my beautiful boyfriend returned it. I let the two of them have their moment and sat down in my usual spot, grinning widely. Thomas followed a few moments later, dragging Lafayette along.

"Yeah, so it turns out I did bring somebody home. For good, this time." I pulled Thomas against me, as if to show him off. I mean, with a boyfriend this amazing, how could one not want to?

"You're very proud of yourself," Thomas said.

"What can I say? I'm amazing!"

"Wait," Lafayette said, still clinging tight to Thomas's arm. "So this is what you were doing last night? And this morning?"

I nodded.

"So when I propositioned you—"

"I'm sorry, what?" Thomas asked, his smile falling.

"Who gives a shit?!" Aaron suddenly demanded, making everybody jump. "Thomas! You're here! I—what happened? Are you—are you okay?"

And then, the rest of them proceeded to try to talk over each other, clamoring to get a word in. Thomas winced at the sudden noise, shifting back as if to try and get away from it all. I pressed my hand against his back to steady him, to remind him I was here, and he let out a deep breath.

"Yes, guys," he said with a soft laugh, barely getting the words in as he was swarmed by their questions and their physical affection and their love. "Yes! I'm okay, and I'm probably going to be sticking around for good this time."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay. I'm definitely going to be sticking around for good this time."

"What happened?" Eliza asked, finally releasing him from one of her signature hugs that seemed better than all other hugs. Well, except for mine, of course, because I am the best. "Did you...well, you know."

Thomas nodded, his eyes finding mine with that sweet softness that never failed to make me absolutely melt at how wonderful and kind he was. "I did."

"Tell us everything!"

"That's a very long story," Thomas said carefully, his smile becoming almost wistful as he once more closed himself off. "And I'm still trying to sort of...well, understand it myself. I'll tell you all everything one day, but for now...maybe let's just live in the present and forget the past."

"Who fucking cares!" Aaron exclaimed, surging forwards and wrapping his arms around him. Even Thomas seemed surprised by this sudden display of physical affection that seemed extremely out of place for somebody who dreaded touch as much as Aaron did. "I'm so happy you're okay," I heard Aaron whisper.

A few moments later, he slid away, face swimming with embarrassment. "If you guys say anything, I'll kill you all."

"I was starting to wonder when we would bring up murder," Maria noted with a satisfied nod.

"I love you too," Thomas added softly, nudging Aaron with his elbow. I couldn't help but smile as I admired him, as I admired how gorgeous he looked in the afternoon light surrounded by the flowers.

"But now, everything's good again?" Lafayette asked softly, peering up at Thomas. He looked happier than I'd seen him in quite some time. Well, besides earlier, of course...

"But now, everything's good again," he finished.

"Because you're with Alexander," Eliza said, filling in the gaps.

"What? Ew. No. It's because I have a cat now!"

"Love you too," I said dryly.

"She's the sweetest thing in the whole wide world! I've had her for about an hour, but if anything were to happen to her, I would cut someone!" he exclaimed far too happily.

"I'm still not happy about it," Lafayette mumbled, even still clinging to Thomas's arm. I couldn't blame him—I still had my hand pressed softly against his back. Perhaps I was still afraid of him disappearing, even as the day dragged on and he never went anywhere. Perhaps I was still afraid to see him blow away in the wind like a dandelion tuft.

"Well," I said, speaking again. "You don't have to be. It doesn't change the fact that we have her now. So, take that."

Lafayette frowned, closed his eyes, and pressed himself closer to Thomas. "You are lucky I am not a naturally angry person."

I scoffed. Lafayette flipped me off.

The hours passed by slowly, like a dream drifting along. The kind of dream you never wanted to wake up from. The kind of dream so warm you wanted it to fully engulf you, to become the world you know, the reality you exist in. Eventually, I pulled him away from the group despite their incessant questions and over-winded "catching-up", and I brought him to the open field neighboring the fountain, where they were just in sight, but out of earshot. I refused to take my eyes off of Thomas as I chased after him, losing breath as I laughed and ran. I felt young again. I felt like a weight had just been lifted off my shoulders, and I had become free to run through the meadows and the fields.

It was a pretty perfect daydream, if I'm being honest, my Thomas sitting so close to me it affirmed that he would never be going anywhere. My fingers reached for the wildflowers springing up all around us, the very things that I think reminded me of him the most. Not the birds, not the stars, but the wildflowers. For they existed despite it all, and they thrived when they were not supposed to, and they continued to fight and be as beautiful as they possibly could even with everything they endure.

I picked them, and slowly weaved them into his hair, braiding strands together mindlessly until they seemed natural, like they had grown there, like they had always meant to be there.

"There, love. You look beautiful," I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the shell of his ear.

"Thank you, Alexander."

I entwined my hand in his. There was so much to say. I wanted, more than anything, to talk for six hours. I wanted to tell him how I felt, how proud I am of him, how much I loved him.

But there was an easier way to do that.

And once again, I kissed him.

Everything else in the world dissolved around us as my lips moved against his. And I didn't care if I had all the time in the world, or if I had done this many times before today, it was still perfect.

It was still the kiss I had dreamed of, and he was still the boy I had fallen so hard for. He was still my Thomas, and one day, the bruises would fade. The bruises would fade and the cuts would heal and the painful, agonizing memories would become nothing more than fleeting bad dreams, and Thomas will bloom once more like these beautiful wildflowers.

So, I kissed him and I poured every ounce of love I was not fully able to express into the kiss.

I had to make up for these three months without him somehow! Better get started right away, huh?

"I love you," I murmured as I let go of him. "I love everything about you and you make me so happy and I missed you so much and I'm so glad you're with me."

"I'm glad I'm with you too."

"Let's get married and have children."

Thomas laughed. "Let's wait a bit before we go that far Alexander."

"I hate waiting."

"Yes, I know. But we have nothing but time, Alexander," he murmured. "And we can spend it however we want." He smiled, picking one of his own flowers to tie into my hair. "And I want to spend every last moment with you."

I opened my mouth to speak, about to express how wonderful that sounded, how promising a future it presented before me, but I never got the chance.

As content to ruin everything as this universe was, the yelling exploded from afar. Too far to truly make it out. But not distant enough to ignore it, not distant enough to hide from it.

Thomas sighed. "I knew this would happen."

"Knew what would happen?" I asked, figuring it was Lafayette yelling at John again. I turned around and guess what? I was wrong. What else was new. I let out a groan. "Do we have to deal with this noooow?"

"Better now than later," Thomas said, standing up and taking my hand.

"Ugh. Drag me?"

"No."

"You're the worst." I stood up as well. "How did he even—"

Thomas ducked his head, crossing his arms over his body to protect himself. One hand slipped up to his hair and began to remove a flower I had laced within it, but I slipped forward and pulled it away before he had the chance. "I don't know," Thomas mumbled. "But I'm not surprised. He always finds me."

"Well, it's okay, Thomas. Because I'm not leaving your side. We'll face it together."

Thomas softened, tugging my hand gently.

"We don't have to take care of this now. We don't have to take care of this ever if you don't want to. We can sit here amongst the flowers and kiss and let the squirrels marry us. Well, the squirrels won't marry us, but they will marry us together. That made no sense. Let me restart."

"As tempting as that sounds, I think it's better to just face it now," he said softly, pulling me along.

"What're you gonna do?" I asked as we made our way to join the rest of our friends.

"I'm not quite sure yet. I'll probably wing it."

"You could push him into the lake," I said, nodding to the body of water.

"That's a terrible idea."

"It would be awesome to watch though. You could murder him. That would also be fun to watch."

Thomas tried, but he could not hide his laugh as he shook his head. His eyes glimmered with that adorable light, the same light that belongs to the stars. And in that moment, I promised myself I'd never let that light go out ever again. No matter what.

"Alright, not listening to you ever again."

"That's probably for the better."

As we got closer, we could make out what they were saying.

"Aaron, you understand, right?"

"No, actually I don't. And let me get this straight. I'm not not taking your side because I hate taking sides. I'm not taking your side because you're an awful human being and you deserve to die. And I don't say that about a lot of people, so..."

"Oh, burn," I said, grinning.

"Alexander," Thomas said.

"Don't say it," groaned Aaron as he turned to face us.

"Don't you mean—"

"Please, I'm begging you."

"Burrn?"

Aaron sighed. "Well, it looks like I have to kill you now Alexander."

My mouth fell open in disbelief. "What? I didn't even do anything that time! I'm completely innocent!"

"You probably influenced him somewhere along the line. It's not too late for him. It's too late for you."

"Please don't kill me," I begged.

"I'm sorry Alexander but this must be done."

Thomas gripped my hand tighter, and when I glanced up at him, he was gazing firmly at the ground. His breathing sounded ragged, a forced task. I abandoned my argument with Aaron and set my hand against Thomas's back, doing everything I could to reassure him, to promise him that I would be here.

Right now, we were in control. Right now, the cards were stacked in our favor. Lafayette had fallen into place besides Thomas, Angelica's jaw was clenched in that perfectly horrific way that never failed to strike fear in the heart of anybody who dared look, and I'm pretty sure the thing Maria was reaching for in her bag was a knife.

There was nothing he could do, not now, not ever. Not with all of the people who cared about Thomas standing right besides him.

Finally, Thomas spoke. It surprised me, with how soft he sounded. Perhaps kindness is not the right term, but it's not as far off as I'd like it to be considering who he was talking to, and what kinds of things this monster was more than willing to do.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, stepping forwards away from the safety of the army who had taken position at his side.

"I just want to talk," James returned, raising his hands.

"There's not much to talk about, is there?"

"Look, Thomas. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

I opened my mouth to shoot something acidic back at him. His apology meant nothing. It did nothing to undo the damage he had caused. It did nothing to fix anything. All it was was a pathetic last attempt to get Thomas to sympathize with him.

But Thomas raised his hand, signaling for me not to say anything.

"I know," he said steadily. "But sorry doesn't fix anything, now does it, James?"

James sighed, his gaze dropping to the ground. For a brief moment, it appeared as though he was capable of something such as guilt. It was a ploy, of course, even I was not that stupid. But still, for the briefest of seconds, my heartstrings twinged at the convincing enough attempt to replicate a feeling he had no doubt never experienced.

Thomas crossed his arms, an attempt to protect his body from James. I could hear him swallow, could imagine the look in his eyes. But his back was to me, and it killed me not being able to see his face.

"Thomas," Eliza said gently, perhaps trying to sway him back to the safety.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I need to talk to James. Alone."

"Yeah that's a terrible idea so we're not going to do that," I said.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Lafayette demanded, then fervently apologized, despite Hercules and John both voicing their agreement.

"Please, guys," he said, turning to face us. "Just trust me on this."

"I trust you. I do not trust him." How I managed the shaking words out past the marble of sand that sat in my throat, I'll never know.

"Alexander," Thomas said. "Please, let me take care of this."

"No! He's going to hurt you! It's all he ever does."

"Need we remind you of what happened last time we let you go alone with him?" John pointed out.

"This is different." Thomas sighed. "I'm asking you, as a friend, to trust me. Please." His gaze met mine, his sad, wavering gaze. I couldn't resist, I couldn't help but fall victim to those gorgeous, pleading eyes.

I sighed. "Okay. Don't do something stupid."

"What?" Aaron demanded.

"Define stupid."

I turned to Madison, ignoring my Thomas. "And if you hurt him again in any way, shape, or form, I will end your life as painfully as I possibly can."

"So we're just going to pretend we're okay with this?" Aaron asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

Eliza set her hand on his shoulder and said nothing, shaking her head in abject agreement.

And all the while, James Madison remained perfectly quiet, perfectly poised. A predator, waiting to strike.

"Alexander."

"Hmm?"

"Let go of my hand."

"Oh! Right! Sorry." As much as I didn't want to, I let go of his hand. Look what happened last time I did.

I had lost him. And I had thought I was never going to get him back. And I can't lose him again, not this soon, not ever.

"Follow me," Thomas said to James, turning on his heel and walking off. Madison took a deep breath and followed him.

The two of them disappeared into the forest.

Fuck.

~•~

Ah it was so sweet.

You all have diabetes now I'm sure.

(Edit: jfc sorry this is so long lmao)