//TW: swearing, verbal and physical abuse, alcohol\\

I'm only like three weeks late but whatever.

(Edit: oop better make that a month ... )

Thomas

My breath stolen away yet again, I stood there in the middle of a room I did not belong in, my entire being like a character from the wrong story. All I could do was stare at the stark merging of two separate realities, the perfect moment where the seams fused together to create something beautiful, but completely out of place. A silence, a heavy silence, fell across the room as I took it all in, drinking in the brightly pigmented hues of the flowers and the overpoweringly sweet scent of cake batter. I covered my mouth, the lights blurring in the wake of my tears as I took in the sight of it.

The sight of them, standing there right in front of me, their smiles quickly fading under those lights they had painstakingly hung up, quick to be replaced by frowns. I could feel the tension that floated from each expression as they waited, waited on me to say something I never would be able to. Doubt seeped in the air that lingered between us, Lafayette gripping my arm and squeezing in a way that was not as painful as it was apologetic.

For a moment, I refused to let myself focus on anything but the blurring fairy lights, the spectacular bursts of a heavenly shine bottled up in delicate glass that should not have been strong enough to contain them. They bathed the room in a soft, golden glow, unveiling the doubt, the dread, the little inklings of disappointment that had been dwelling in the deepest parts of my heart for the past couple of hours. And they exterminated them, each and every one, and left me feeling a whole lot lighter, a whole lot more capable of letting myself fall through the open, welcoming air.

The lights made the flowers gleam, their petals thriving under that nurturing gold cast upon them. The vases that held the sunset roses and the indigo sky irises and the morning dawn marigolds glittered in the light as well. Such a sweet aroma drifted from the table placed in the wall, the smell of food, of cake, of delicacies I had deprived myself of for so long, and it made my mouth water just thinking about it. A beautiful melody played through the air, something foreign but totally familiar at the same time.

And all I could do was stand there, my hands covering my mouth to keep my shock from bubbling through, eyes tearing up in the absolute dumbest of ways as I took in the sight of everything they had done. How long had this taken? Did they truly deem me worth their time, their effort?

I stepped forward, into the light. Each face came into view.

"Thomas?" Alexander asked after the deplorable silence had persisted for far too long, residing in a space it was never meant to exist within. Alexander stepped towards me, his hand out as if to touch me, to steady me, that horrible note of fear riding high in his voice. "Thomas...are you okay? W-was this too...was this too much? I—"

"I love you guys," I murmured, just barely able to get the words out before the tears powered over me yet again. And before I knew it, I was laughing into my hands, allowing a fully relieved Alexander to lead me through the room, past the beautiful world, the wonderful fracture in time they had created for me, and sit me down on the couch. I gasped, for returning to that couch was like returning to my home, my past. It was like settling down in a flower bed, right after the early spring had chased off the winter chill, and reacquainting myself with the flowers and the new buds of life that poked their heads out of the ground. I was home, for as much as home could be considered a place rather than a feeling.

And for the first time in what must have been forever, I finally felt free while sitting underneath a ceiling, view blocked from the sky.

"Don't fucking scare us like that," Angelica scolded, dropping into the seat next to me. She shook her head disapprovingly in that perfectly teasing way.

"Sorry," I said with a wet laugh, wiping away the tears I couldn't control.

"Thomas, are you crying?" Alexander said, leaning forward to wipe them away. I let him do so, I let him hold and touch my face, I let his thumb hover over my lips for that fraction of a second, as if considering. I abandoned those stupid voices whispering deep down in the back of my head, insistent on letting themselves be known to an uncaring world.

"Yes, yes," I said, unable to stop myself from laughing. "But they're good tears, don't worry."

If you had asked me a few days ago, I would not have thought I would have been capable of crying tears not born of sorrow, of repressed anger, of terror and anxiety and fear. But here we were, surrounded in light and love and happiness, and I had nothing left to hide.

I gazed around the room, absolutely breath taken in the best of ways. It was the very living room of my dreams, the memories I had fought to keep safe despite the fire raging outside their delicate library. My eyes returned, just as they always did, to the boy sitting next to me, grinning up at me with a total unabashed passion that made my heart leap. How many times had we slept together on this couch, curled against one another, listening to the chorus of twin heartbeats?

"Hey," Alexander said, as if remembering himself. He smiled, slightly sheepish but still impossibly gorgeous. "It's good to see you."

"Hi," I returned, smiling back at him with all the affection he poured into his own. God, how I loved his smile.

Alexander said nothing, wrapping his hands around my arm, and pulled me close to him. I let out a breath, absorbing the warmth that poured through my body with the smallest hint of his touch, and surrendered myself to him, just as I always had. Just as I always will.

"Oh, this is for you," Hercules said, shoving something into my hand. I blinked down at it, studying the label of the brown-tinted glass carefully.

"Uh, I can't," I began, offering it back to Hercules, but understanding rushed through me with his knowing smile and quirk of the eyebrow.

"Yes you fucking can!" John returned, semi-cheering. I wouldn't be surprised if he was already drunk, judging by the way he swayed in his chair a little. "Because you are officially legal!"

"I don't know..."

"Aww, come on," Maria said, shaking her head. "You gotta have at least a sip."

"All the cool kids are doing it," goaded Eliza with a guarded smile, obvious irony bedecking her voice. John pointed at her and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, don't be a pussy," Aaron added.

"Whose side are you on?" I asked, frowning.

"Nobody's. Everybody's. Not yours."

I blinked down at the open bottle, glancing at Alexander in an attempt to find support. His eyes sparkled in the light, that beautiful shade of brown fully complimented by the soft golden glow. God, I love hi—it. "Do it," he encouraged, clinging on to my arm.

"If James finds out..." I shuddered at the thought, the feeling of ghostly hands sliding up my body, their punishment far outweighed by the words he'd whisper in my ear...

Alexander's fingers tightened, pulling my body against him just a little bit closer. And the phantasmic touch of those hands disappeared at once, already becoming nothing in my head.

"Don't worry," Aaron said, "we've gotten that taken care of."

I opened my mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again. Nothing good could come of it anyway, so...

"Just have a sip," Alexander urged, widening his eyes in that infuriatingly adorable way of his. "Please? For me."

Giving in to the fleeting touch of his fingers against my arm, I brought the opening of the bottle to my mouth and took a sip. The bitter taste overwhelmed me immediately, and I shot away from the bottle. "Oh my God, that's so... bad." And yet, to the relieving laughter of my friends that pooled through my ears like a sweet melody, I took another sip.

"Thank you." I hid my smile behind my hand and folded my legs underneath me, setting the drink down on the table. Unable to get enough, I glanced around the room once more, overtaken by the simplistic beauty of it. My fingers tightened around themselves as I breathed in the familiar scent of the place that had been my home little less than a month ago. I've never noticed how much it smelled like Alexander's cologne before. "You guys didn't have to do this for me, you know."

"Honestly, we did this more for free cake than anything else," Angelica answered truthfully.

"Ah, there it is."

"That is not true and you know it," Alexander shot back, casting her a reproachful glance. But either at my laughter or the way I gripped his arm, a smile was quick to overcome his face as he tugged me a bit closer, eliminating the distance that had separated us for so long.

"How do you feel? You know, now that you're twenty one?" Eliza asked, in the middle of deconstructing a cupcake, placing the bottom on top of the frosting. I watched her and decided it was simply better to let her have her fun.

I shrugged, gazing over at Alexander. "Old."

"Yeah?"

I nodded, infusing my gaze with as much mock-seriousness as I could muster up in the wake of the knot of dread still tangled up within my stomach. It didn't matter how secure I was, surrounded by people who had never failed to protect me yet. I still could not shake the complexity of that doubt, that lingering fear. Alexander's warmth, however, his arm thrown around my shoulders and pulling me close against his body despite everything that had worked so hard to keep us apart, was enough to dissolve that fear into its tiniest form.

If I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend that everything had returned to the way it should have been. I could almost pretend that I was where I belonged, safe and secure in the comfort of Alexander's arms perpetually wrapped around my body, a haven of their own. I could let the rest of the world fade away into complete nothingness, draw in the smell of him and the familiarity and the comfort of this apartment, my home, and I could finally breathe. For the first time in such a long time, I could breathe and not have to fear what monsters I would anger just by doing that small, insignificant action, or what beast I would awaken simply for daring to exist.

I could breathe, like the chains had been loosened, and I could finally take flight once more. Like I could soar into the unending, open sky, and never have to worry about what awaited me on the ground.

I tucked myself closer to Alexander, glancing at the locked door, and took another sip of the refreshingly cold drink in an effort to simply forget about what awaited outside. All that mattered was here and now and him and I. There was no shadow lurking in the peripheral. There was no fear necessary for survival.

Alexander played with my hair. A small action, but one that sent shivers of delight coursing through my body every time his fingers brushed against my scalp.

"Okay, so, I think you're really going to like the book I got you," Angelica crowed, her smirk one of satisfaction. "And if you don't, then I'll gut you."

"You'll gut me?"

"No!" Alexander snapped, his arm tightening around my body. I slid my hand in front of my face to hide my smile, unwilling to let them see how such a simple action could trigger such a ridiculous smile.

Angelica glared at Alexander, and before I knew it, the two of them quickly devolved into an unending battle of fury. God, he's so pretty when he argues. Like an untamable storm raining down upon a parched, dry land. Lightning splits the sky of his golden brown eyes with every insult he hurtles, his voice like the soothing pattering of heavy rain against my windows. He is comfort even as he rages, and perhaps that is the thing I admire most about him. How easy it is to close my eyes, lose myself in his presence. How easy it is to fall into his arms and permit myself the belief that everything will ultimately be okay.

I settled against Alexander, fully intent on watching the show, when Aaron shoved a plate into my hands.

I blinked, gazing down at it even as Alexander and Angelica continued on, their voices drowning on in the background like the perfect ambiance. "Is that...risotto?"

"Yes."

"No," I sighed, refusing to even entertain the idea. I offered him back the plate, shaking my head. "I really shouldn't."

"Have you eaten today?"

"I—well..."

"So, that's a no, then?" Aaron prompted, crossing his arms as he glanced down at the plate. "Come on, I ordered this especially for you."

"I hate you," I mumbled, accepting the plate and shoving a forkful of chicken and risotto into my mouth. Oh, God, I had forgotten how wonderful food could be. Not only in its sustaining qualities but also in the pure fact that so many foods have been created solely for enjoyment and pleasure. Each bite of the risotto was a firework of flavor bursting in my mind, and oh, how I had missed it. To eat simply for the joy of eating, free from having to face the critical looks, the condescending comments.

Aaron smirked as he watched me eat. "And there's cake, too."

I swallowed a bite of the risotto, cleared my mouth with the napkin. "What kind of cake?"

"Uh, cheesecake, Thomas. I'm not an idiot."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Alexander faltered in his carefully constructed speech or whatever, his eyes darting towards me. All at once, whatever he had been arguing for seemed null, and he smiled back down at me and pulled me tight once more, looping his arm around my waist and pulling me against him.

Aaron shrugged, his smile speaking more than his words. "Eh, once or twice."

"That's right! I forgot about the cheesecake," Alexander said, a note of excitement touching his voice. "And you are going to eat some, or I will make you."

I smiled, took another sip of beer. He pulled me closer and rested his head against the back of my neck. It must not have been overly comfortable, but I was quite positive he ached for my touch, my presence, my warmth, just as I hungered for his. To have his face against my bare skin was more than enough.

I tried to shake off the intermittent thoughts spurring through my head, twined together with the ones convincing me to let loose and finally enjoy myself for once. Thoughts exposing my betrayal, thoughts whispering that one dirty word over and over again in the back of my mind.

Whore. Whore. Whore.

I took another sip of beer, craving for that buzzing sensation they always talk about, desperate to have those thoughts fade away, even for just a moment. I forced down the bitter aftertaste, settled against Alexander, and allowed myself to relax against him and feel the comforting anchor of his arms around me. Like a tether, keeping me from wandering in the wind while also granting me that inexpressible tingling that came with flight.

Aaron was quick to bring me another plate of risotto when I had finished mine, and of course I accepted it, shaking my head at my betrayal of my own rules while simultaneously praising myself for finally finding the courage to do so.

With John and Lafayette recounting some story of their adventure through one of the many museums New York City had to offer, Maria and Eliza acting as their chaperones to make sure they didn't hurt themselves, I smiled, allowed my mind to drift off.

Alexander. Alexander, Alexander, Alexander. In every thought that floated through my mind, in every half-baked dream that awoke itself in the presence of the alcohol buzzing in the back of my mind, in every single memory I dared to call up. His warmth encircled me, engulfed me, claimed me as a part of him. And there was no other way I'd rather have it.

"Hey! Thomas!" Angelica shouted, shaking me out of my daydreams with a mostly unnoticeable flinch. I say mostly, because Alexander gripped me tighter at the singular movement, tucking my body against his. Something inside of me fluttered at his expressed need to comfort me, his instinct to hold me and protect me and promise me that everything was going to be okay. What had I ever done to deserve him?

"Wha'?" I asked, holding Alexander's arm. It was very nice. Very strong, very dependable.

"You need to open gifts now!"

"What if I don't wanna?" I returned, barely aware of how slurred my speech came out, as if the words were tripping over themselves. "Hey, can I have another of these? Thanks."

Alexander grinned but said nothing as he and John shared a very knowing look that I could not decipher. I didn't want to, really, not as Hercules offered me another beer, along with a slice of cheesecake. I glared at Aaron, but, regardless, I allowed myself to indulge in the creamy gift from the heavens above that was not as good as mine but still delectable. That burst of sweet raspberry coupled with the savory cheesecake exploded through my mouth, another relic from a time that I would have to treasure tonight, while I still got the chance.

Around me, they laughed. They spoke. They lived, without fear, without worry of what the world could throw at them. Their joy was intoxicating, and I was happy to get high off the fumes, happy to indulge in the glances and smiles they threw my way as I set down an empty plate and reached for the first gift. I was happy to be here, surrounded by these people who had loved me so unconditionally, who had taken me in and protected me from the shadows that forever lurked just behind the corner.

"Okay, okay," I laughed as Angelica ushered me onward, brimming with impatience. The world swirled around me as I reached for the first present, suspiciously shaped like a book. Come to think of it, they all were. God, I love my friends. They get me.

"Guys," I said after a moment, glancing around. I set the book—sorry, the unknown, mysterious present—down on my lap, much to Angelica's annoyance. "Guys, guys, guys."

"Yes, Thomas?"

"Do you know who's, like, really cute?"

"Who's that?" Alexander asked, bemused.

"Is it Eddie Redmayne?" said Aaron.

"What! No!" I exclaimed, furiously shaking my head. "No! Never in a million years. Eddie Redmayne has nothing on this guy."

"Who is it?" John pressed.

"You may know him."

"Who is it?" Alexander asked.

"It's you!" I exclaimed, grinning up at him. "Obviously! Duh!"

And I had secured the sweetest blessing of them all, hearing the beautiful song of Alexander's laugh whisper through the air. He shook his head at me, grinning so wide it must have hurt. But good, because I would absolutely die for his smile.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"Open your gifts, you dork," he returned, pushing another one into my hands.

I tore open into book after book, doing my best to be polite, but excitement driving my every movement. I'm not sure whether it was that excitement or, uh, something else, that made my brain so foggy, filled only with the presence of the boy seated right next to me, his lingering touch dancing against my arm, the lights reflecting the joy in his eyes. Regardless, it wasn't long before each present had been opened and sequentially fawned over, loved, and immediately placed into a pile of books that I planned to read and cherish and deeply analyze, figuring out exactly how each related to my friends.

"Wait!" Hercules exclaimed, pressing yet another gift into my hands even after I had opened his. "I have one more thing!"

I glanced down at it, noting how delicately wrapped it was, and took extra care when opening it. Alexander froze against me, and I could feel the uneven beating of his heart ricochetting through my own chest. I loosened the wrapping paper and opened the lid of the box waiting underneath, suddenly aware of how pronounced my frown was.

"I'm sorry, what is this?" I asked, holding up Herc's gift.

"It's a sweater. For your bird."

"Ohmygoshreally? That's so— waaaaaait a second. How'd you know I have a bird?"

Hercules shrugged.

"Uh, no! This isn't something you get to just shrug off! How'd you know about Dick?"

"Wait, you have a bird and you named it Dick?" Maria interjected.

"Yes, so?"

"You don't— never mind."

"Alexander, did you tell him?"

"No..."

"Hercules, how did you know?"

Once again, he shrugged.

"John, your boyfriend's psychic."

"Yeah. Wait! He is not my boyfriend!"

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at an onlooking Alexander, who shared my smile. "Uh huh. Sure, you keep on tellin' yourself that one, John."

Alexander nodded in agreement. "Don't worry. You just gotta let it happen, you know?" he asked, rubbing my arm as if to say that is exactly what he did, and look how it turned out.

"Aaaaaaand I officially hate you all."

"Join the club," I commented offhandedly.

"Thomas!"

"I'm only kidding, Alexander!"

"Hey, I love pestering John as much as the next person, but can we please talk about the fact that Thomas literally named his bird Dick?" Maria asked, voicing her disbelief with a quick glance of confirmation at Eliza, as if trying to make sure she wasn't going insane or something.

Weren't we all though?

"What's wrong with Dick? I love Dick!"

"Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this?"

Lafayette, who had been silent the whole time, was quick to agree. "Maria is right. Dick is not a good name for a bird, but lucky for you, I have some suggestions."

"Oh?"

"You could name it after your... best and most trustworthy friend, perhaps?" he asked, grinning.

"Well, as much as I think Aaron is a wonderful name for a bird, I like Dick more. Sorry."

"You are a dick," he hissed, the smile completely vanishing from his face.

I giggled, leaning on Alexander for support. The way the world swam around me, bathed in the golden lights like precious stones of the metal were hanging from the ceiling by twine, I was sure I was going to fall over. But it was so gorgeous, like leaves glittering in a summer sunlight, like the oncoming storm clouds allowing only a little bit of moonlight to dangle over the precipice. The lights gleamed and glimmered.

Like stars!

Maybe I should have made that comparison before. That would have been more on brand.

"Be nice to Thomas," Aaron admonished with a shit-eating grin as he sat down next to me. "I am his best friend after all!"

"Okay, Thomas. I see how it is. Let's try this again." He handed me a bag, and I watched him carefully.

"I don't trust you."

"That is probably wise."

I dumped the bag out and to my absolute delight, I saw nothing but candy.

Fuck yeah.

"I changed my mind."

Aaron pushed me, gently enough to do no damage. I pushed him back, and somehow he ended up on the floor. "Traitor."

"Mhmm." Laf glanced at Alexander. "Just give him sugar. That is usually what works for me."

"I'll make a note of that."

"I love you guys."

"Hey, wait a second," Alexander said after a moment where nobody responded, leaving my words so cruelly hanging in the air. "Before you guys run off or whatever, you have to open my gift!" He slid away from me, and a sudden coldness filled the space he had evacuated. Like a star finally reaching its supernova and exploding in a gust of brilliant, white light, but ultimately leaving a vacuum to fill the space after its singular moment of grandeur. I frowned, my eyes following him as he hurried to his room and lingered on the doorway until he emerged.

"Uh huh," Angelica said with a quick shake of her head.

"What?" I demanded, turning on her as I finished yet another bottle of the thick beer. I had no idea if it was supposed to be good or not, my senses completely faded in the wake of the alcohol. Who cares? I couldn't feel pain, and I couldn't focus on one thing long enough to worry, so that was good.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

I retrieved the nearest pillow and threw it straight at her face. She laughed, catching it, and threw it back at me with a vigor matching my own. But before I could launch my next attack, Alexander reappeared out of the vacuum he had created, offering me a tightly wrapped gift that could only have been another book.

I accepted it, grinning wildly, then paused. I narrowed my eyes, staring back up at him. "Wait. This better not be about Reagan," I hissed out, staring down at the gift.

"Wh-what?" Alexander asked.

"If this is about Ronald Reagan, Alexander, I'm never speaking to you again."

"It's—it's not about Ronald Reagan. What the fuck makes you think it's about Ronald Reagan?" Alexander laughed, unable to keep it hidden. It made my knees weak, hearing that laugh. It made my knees weak and my mind foggy and my entire world thrown into total upheaval, just to hear that beautiful, glistening sound. It was the sweetest drug I'd ever tasted, the only thing I'd ever need.

"I dunno. It just had that...that je ne sais quoi, you know?"

"No!" he laughed, reoccupying the space where he belonged. I curled up against him, assessing the gift like it was a bomb about to plunge our world into darkness. That would be a shame. In darkness, I couldn't see Alexander's gorgeous eyes highlighted by the glowing moonlight. "And what's wrong with Reagan, anyway?"

"Uh, what isn't wrong with Reagan?" I snapped back. "I wish he would just die already!"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure he did die," Aaron pointed out.

"Yeah, wasn't it a heart attack?" Eliza asked. "Not that I was there or anything but I'm pretty sure..."

"Yeah, well duh. But I mean, like, a second time. Okay?"

"You can die a second time?" John asked.

I shook my head. "You do not want to die a second time, trust me, John. Like, if you die a third time, that's slightly okay because at least you know what you're doing, right? That's like, that's like your place. But twice? Then you're just seeking attention."

"Oh, of course," John said, clearly not understanding.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Aaron asked.

"I'm talking about Ronald fucking Reagan! God, you idiot. Keep up!" I shook my head, utterly disappointed. "And he was a horrible person and let's go into an in depth analysis as to why he deserves to burn in hell. Thank you for coming to my TED talk."

"You're supposed to say that after," Angelica pointed out.

"After what?"

"After the TED talk."

"But I haven't given it yet!" I whined. "None of you will let me!"

"Okay, okay," Alexander said with no hidden amusement, pulling me against him. I shifted, so I was seated in the space between his legs, mere trivialities away from sitting on his lap. And with every thought abandoned to the wind, I simply didn't care. I let him hold me and wrap his arms around me and I closed my eyes and I pretended that this was the way life had always been and the past month that had been nothing but one, long, horrible dream. And like the makings of a fairytale, he had kissed me awake, chasing the curse away once and for all. And we'd have our happily-ever-after, complete with a moonlit dance and a sky filled with stars that glimmered in his eyes.

I leaned against his body, breathing in the sweet scent of his cologne. "It's okay, Thomas. It's okay. Do you wanna open my gift now?"

I nodded, miserably, and accepted the gift once more. Alexander ran his fingers through a lock of hair that had gone wild and free. He paused, considered it, then leaned over to the flower-filled vase sitting next to the couch. Like he had done a million times before in a world that had accommodated us and our love, Alexander plucked one of the sunset-colored roses, de-thorned it, and slid it into my hair.

Trying to hide my smile and knowing that I was failing quite spectacularly judging by the knowing look the rest of them sent my way, I carefully undid the wrapping paper tied together with a pretty green ribbon. I placed the ribbon itself on Alexander's head, murmured something probably intelligible about a crown, and finished undoing the rest of the wrapping paper concealing the gift from me.

"O-oh," I faltered, my eyes gazing at the
cover. The title flashed up at me, words I had almost forgotten, words I had not returned to in so long in fear of ruining the safety I had always found in them before. I ran my fingers along the spine of the book, marked by perhaps years of use.

"I-I'm sorry. I know it's secondhand, but it's all I could find—"

"It's perfect."

"Are...are you sure?"

I nodded, gazing lovingly down at the green and black cover. My fingers traced the golden lettering, the two figures etched onto the paperback. I let out a breath, flipping open the book and scanning through the pages. I let the ink flood into me, carrying its meanings and its words along with it, let the book become a part of me.

"Thank you, Alexander," I whispered, the words choking up in my throat. I gazed up at him, resting my chin against his chest, and watched him as he stared down at me. "Guess what."

"What?"

"You're my favorite!" Somehow, that launched me into a fit of giggling.

"I think I already knew that. Hey! Maybe you should name your bird after me instead?"

"Maybe I should," I whispered in return, gazing down at the book that I had rested in my lap. It smelled slightly musty, like a book that had been enjoyed for more years than I had been alive. The pages were slightly torn and the ink slightly faded, but it was absolutely clear that this book had been loved once upon a time.

I love Alexander.

I should have said it.

But it did not seem like the right time.

But by that logic, no time would ever seem like the right time.

But before I could say anything, the world around us ticked forwards, time resuming when it had taken its momentary pause for us, even though neither of us had yet recovered.

"Thooooomaaaaas," Angie whined suddenly, breaking the mood.

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"Congratulations! What do you want, a medal?"

"Yeah, kinda. That'd be cool." 

"You know," Lafayette said, rising to his feet to retrieve the box sitting on the table with the rest of the food. "I did happen to bring my set of Cards Against Humanity, if anybody was interested..."

I smiled to myself. "Alright, let's see who has the dirtiest sense of humor. My bets are on Aaron."

~•~

I leaned against Alexander, staring at his cards. He allowed me to do so, the only hint that he even knew being the tiny smile etched onto his face as he considered the prompt.

"You should play that one," I said, pointing.

"Should I?"

I nodded.

"C'mon," Angelica said, crossing her arms. "That's cheating."

Alexander rolled his eyes and played that card regardless, gazing up at me with a slightly dazed look in his eyes. The kind of awe typically reserved for something as celestial and important as the stars, not someone as trivial as me. I pressed the tip of my finger against his nose and laughed, perhaps louder than I had any right to, but nobody yelled at me, nobody cared. I was free to do as I pleased, free to laugh as loud as I wanted without fear of what James would think.

And still, I glanced down at my phone, disturbed by its constant buzzing as it demanded my attention. A bitter taste filled my mouth as I gazed at the single name flashing upon the screen with every notification, the knot deep down within my stomach tightening. It all seemed hazy yet solid, unknown yet predictable. I gazed down at the phone with so much hatred, wishing it would die, wishing the person behind it would just disappear.

James: where the fuck are you?

James: goddammit youre so fucking selfish Thomas where the fuck are you?

James: if I find out youre with Alexander or some shit

James: you better fucking answer I swear to god when I find you you're fucking dead

"Hey," Alexander whispered, stealing the phone from my hands. "It's not worth it, Thomas." I nodded, allowing him to take it. He muted it, set it aside, and flashed me a smile. "It's gonna be okay. I won't let him touch you."

"I don't want him to be mad at me," I whispered, gazing down at my cards. I picked one that was funny enough, I guess. Something about LSD. "He's always mad at me."

Alexander squeezed my hand in his, a soft promise turned reality in the gentle moonlight that drifted in through the opened window. It was the only way I would have been able to truly breathe given the stuffy nature of the little corner of the world we were in, combined with the haze that had set upon my mind with the sheer amount I had had to drink. I let the sweet night air fill my lungs, basked in the feeling of the soft breeze managing to sneak inside, and leaned against him once more.

I couldn't help but sink into his presence, desiring more, desiring it to encompass me once and for all. He was so... solid. So real. In the face of all the daydreams and nightmares that had whispered through my mind every moment I had spent apart from him, and he was here. A tangible person, not a baseless ideal. He was the person I had fantasized about for years before he first saved me, and he was here, and I was pressed against him, and our bodies were so, so close, and yet still infinitely separated. There may as well have been some asymptotic line between us, cementing the idea that we could never truly exist together as long as my phone continued to buzz, continued to warn me of what would happen should I not answer.

"Just relax, baby," he whispered. Perhaps he hadn't meant to use that word, perhaps he hadn't noticed. I certainly didn't, not with how fucked up the evening already was. "I'll keep you safe from him. I promise." Winning the round, he gathered the black card and placed it in his growing pile, the rewards for his quick wit and beautiful mind.

He meant what he said. He meant it, even if he had no way to enforce it, but he meant it. And I suppose, for now, that was more than enough.

So, I followed his lead, abandoning all caution to the wind. The world can go fuck itself. I am here with my Alexander, and I will enjoy that for as long as I possibly can.

The next round was played, I judged, and I laughed relentlessly at the bullshit things they threw out. I laughed until my stomach ached, until the sound reverberated across the apartment, until I couldn't breathe. They laughed along with me, and I knew without a fraction of a doubt right then that these were my people. My friends. My fucking family.

And for a moment, James became nothing more than a passing memory.

~•~

If you can guess the book Alexander got Thomas, you won't win anything but you can get the satisfaction of knowing you're pretty smart.

I'll give you a quote to go off of, and the rest is up to you to solve.

"'You only think I guessed wrong,' said the Sicilian, his laughter ringing louder. 'That's what's so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned.'"