Yeah, I have friends. Sure they care about me, I think. But when I'm all alone and breaking down in my room in the middle of the night, where are these friends? The answer is not there with me, not helping me, and not even bothering to see if I'm alright. I feel alone. I feel so so so alone and I don't know why. This depression is controlling me. I'm not me I don't even know who "me" is. I lie and say "I'm fine thanks " or "I'm just tired " or "I'll be fine it's nothing " and oddly everyone can easily believe me. They must not look me in the eyes because if they did they would it's all lies. I miss the old me. Believe it or not I used to be so optimistic. Then 2nd grade everything really started going downhill. I developed an eating disorder which I still have and honestly I don't want to get rid of it. Yeah I was already obsessed with my weight at a young age. At the time I didn't know I had an eating disorder. I just knew I wanted to be skinny. Which is odd because back then I was so thin. In 4th grade my eating was slowly becoming normal and this lasted until the beginning of 7th grade then I relapsed. I also cut. I haven't in a couple of months but I've been thinking about it. The thought of it makes me want it so bad. I remember the feeling of the cool metal against my wrist, the adrenaline I felt every time it went through my skin, the pain of it, that's my favorite part, remembering I'm alive and can feel pain. But now all I feel is pain not physically but emotionally. I know some of you that are reading this know me. Don't ask about it because I don't want to talk about it.

          ~Jojo