They let me out the next day. Mum didn't come back to visit me but dad had come instead, bringing my book and some clothes of my own. I didn't get off Kevin's lap once. He held me in his arms as he hummed into my ear, as he read the book out loud to me, as he fed me lunch and dinner. The only time he let me go was when he needed to go to the toilet. I eagerly stood outside as I waited for him because I feared that he would leave me but he never did.

He was the only one that made me feel safe. You did until you did what you did. I couldn't even stand to see my parents faces because whenever I looked at them, all I saw was you. My sister came on the morning I was discharged and I thought- hoped- that maybe I could bare to look the woman who took care of me in the eyes but I couldn't. I couldn't look at the woman who I shared all my deepest darkest secrets to and it's all because of you.

I didn't even want to wear any of my clothes. I didn't want to touch them because you had bought most of them for me. You touched all my clothes as you helped me organise my cupboard just two months ago. I didn't want to wear anything that had your hands on it. So instead, just before they discharged me, Kevin took me by my hand and we silently walked to the sports store just opposite the hospital. I felt everyone staring at me but I didn't care at that point.

When we got to the shop, he took a step back from me and allowed me to pick what I wanted. I felt a small smile as my hands traced over the soft material. At that moment I felt as though I was back in my usual routine. It felt normal to be here, to be shopping with Kevin. I looked back at him to notice him smiling at me.

"Can I buy more than one?" I asked him quietly. He rolled his eyes and I let out a giggle. I walked over to him noticing the spring in my steps. He softly brought a hand up to my cheek and pushed the hair away from my face with the other. "Can you kiss me?" I saw the hesitation in his eyes but before I could tell him to leave it, he brought his lips down to mine, gently kissing me. I closed my eyes as I put my hands behind his head. I missed him. I missed laughing with him all day. I missed going to lunch with him on his break as he complained about the smallest things.

It was at that moment that I realised slowly- but surely- everything was going back to the way it was with me and him. I knew my family would take longer but this small step was all I needed to have a smile on my face for the rest of the time that we spent in that shop. Not only did that kiss help me realise that you hadn't ruined any of the intimate moments that we shared but it helped him realise that I wanted his hands on me. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me because he is the man I love.

I couldn't bring myself to go back home. This was the house that we all shared. Both of us used to run around naked in the house with mum and dad screaming at us, chasing us with our clothes. We used to eat breakfast together on the table. We used to fall asleep on the sofa whenever we watched a movie and later find ourselves tucked in bed. You know what the worst thing was? My bedroom was bright blue and so was yours. The room that I was locked in, tied down to the bed with my legs wide open was bright blue. I couldn't stand to go inside my room. I just sobbed into Kevin's chest as he held me, stroking my head.

I told Kevin I couldn't stay in my own house and he straightaway offered me his house. When I had insisted that I was a burden to him, he kissed me and told me he loved me and that I was crazy to ever say I was burden. When I still made that comment, he walked into my room and got what I had asked for before coming out again. He then cupped my face and leaned his forehead against mine, telling me that he was going to take care of me and nothing would ever stop that. After that, I had said goodbye to my dad and sister. My mum had locked herself in the room, refusing to see me. I still didn't know if she was disappointed me or not but I couldn't stick around and find out because the house was making me feel sick.

As soon as he got to Kevin's house, his mum had set out the plates for dinner, telling us to be ready in ten minutes. The one thing I loved about Kevin's family was that they knew when to hold back. They knew not to pry and be pitiful towards me which I loved. They acted as though everything was normal which to some people would have angered them but I needed that. I needed to see that just because of this nothing had changed and they still saw me as the confident woman who their son loved dearly.

After my stuff was settled in Kevin's room, he led me downstairs with my hand firmly in his. I didn't want to let go of him because I feared that if I did, the only source of safety I had would vanish. Although his mum had made a wonderful dinner, I couldn't really bring myself to eat all of it. The chicken made me feel sick but I had managed to get down the vegetables and potatoes.

As I sat in the bathtub that night, I put a hand to my stomach. The doctors had told me to come back next week and they would do a pregnancy test since I didn't want it then. I feared that you or the strangers would have gotten me pregnant so I didn't want to deal with that. I told Kevin how I felt as he sat on the floor beside me. He insisted that I had a bath to relax but only agreed if he sat beside me. Nonetheless, Kevin had told me that if I wanted he would take me back to the hospital to get the test down if I really wanted and agreed. He then stripped off all his clothes and got into the bath with me. His bathtub was big enough to fit another two more people in so there was more than enough space. We had done this too many times to count over the last three years. Despite all the space we had, he moved right beside me and kissed my neck softly. I giggled as his stubble tickled me.

We stayed like that, his head buried in my shoulder, occasionally kissing it, until the water had become cold. We talked about nonsense like we always did when we were in the bathtub. Once we got out, he patted himself dry and slipped his clothes on before coming to help me with spreading the cream over my body. He then applied the ointment like he had done for the last two days before helping me get dressed. It hurt to spread my legs open a bit because of the force you had used to get into me and the stitches that I had. So, as gently as he could, he helped me slip my underwear on and then my trousers. He then turned me around the mirror and I looked at my pale skin. The colour had drained from my body and I looked like I had lost too much weight. My bones were sticking out but I didn't like it. This was the first time I actually looked in the mirror after what you did.

Kevin gently placed his hands on my waist and once again kissed my neck. I closed my eyes as I felt his breath tickle my neck. "Open your eyes for me, Jas," he whispered into my ear. I slowly opened them to see him smiling softly at me through the mirror. "I love you and will always love you, you know that right?" I nodded my head and his hands tightened around my waist. "And one day we will be husband and wife. You'll live here with me and be in my arms forever. But first, I'm gonna be with you when you open up that letter that says you got accepted into the university you wanted because damn I fell in love with the most beautiful and smartest woman alive. And then I will be there with you while you come home, annoyed at how much work you have to do. Then knowing you, you will lash out at me and I will be in bed waiting for you to come with your puppy dog eyes saying how sorry you are but I will just kiss you and tell you I love you before we cuddle into bed. Then I will be front row at your graduation waiting for them to call your name and see you walk up on stage looking beautiful as ever." You told me you would be at my graduation too. Despite you popping into my head, I leaned back into Kevin's arms with the biggest smile on my face as I listened to him plan out our future. "Then the day comes when you become my wife. I will see you in that dress of yours as you walk down the aisle and I would be waiting at the end thinking how goddamn lucky I am to have found you and fell in love in love with you. I will take a hold of your hand and we say our vows to each other before I get to kiss you in front of everyone and officially pronounce you as my wife. So, Jas, does that sound like a good idea?"

"No. I want to get married before the end of this year." His eyes went wide and I feared that I had jumped too far until he turned me around to kiss me. I wanted to get married by the end of the year because I had waited for the day I would become his wife and I realised I wanted that to happen sooner rather than later. I wanted to come home to my husband and let him make love to me to take away my worries. It was a selfish move, yes I admit that, but I knew we were ready for this.

He could have refused because knowing Kevin, if he didn't like something he voiced it. But he said nothing but kiss me for the rest of the night and telling me he loved me. We had made the plan to get the test done in the morning and then go and tell my parents about it. Technically he hadn't proposed yet but we skipped all of that because we both agreed there was no point. The only thing he said was that instead of at the end of that year, we would marry in March or April. He had always said he wanted a spring wedding.

We went back to the hospital the next morning and you don't even know how glad I was that I wasn't pregnant. I jumped with joy and ran out the room to Kevin who was waiting for me. I didn't have to carry a baby that could potentially be yours. I didn't have to look into the baby's eyes and know that the father of the child was an evil, sadistic man. Whether it was you or not, I would only be able to see because you let them hurt me. You let them take advantage of me just for some money. You didn't even need any money! Mum and dad always gave it to you and the amount you got paid you didn't need to get those men.

But then I realised that it wasn't about the money. You had no problem is asking mum and dad for money so it's not like you just decided one day you would stop. You joked that you would always rely on them for the rest of your life. It was about your sick and twisted pleasure. God, every time I think back to why you did I always feel sick. I try and come up with a different reason as to why you did what you did but the only reason I get is that you're a sadist. You watched your sister being raped over and over again by countless men. You let them into your home, sold me to them and you sat there with a bulge in your pants while drinking a bottle of beer.