Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while

Early in the morning, Lou was sitting down in the kitchen, phone in hand.

It's been a week since he had met Cole in the city, two since the first argument with his son.

The feeling that I′m losing her forever
And without really entering her world

He was phoning with his girlfriend - Sabrina.

"I'm sorry, sweety, I just... need to be alone today. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow", he offered, a weak smile on his lips.

She didn't understand.

She was clung to him, she always wanted to spend time with him, everyday, every second of the day.

And Lou kind of felt the same.

He loved her.

Or at least, he thought he did.

There were certainly feelings for her.

Something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Not as deep as anything he had with Lily.

And Lou felt guilty about that. About the fact, that she could never fill the hole Lily left, even though, he admit, it looked like that was, what he was trying to do.

But he didn't.

She couldn't replace her. Sabrina is so different to her.

Which was good, but in another way.

And Lou wished he could make Cole see that.

Make him see, that he needed her. To fill a hole.

But not Lily's.

He needed her, because it was the closest he had ever gotten to THAT feeling again.

And it felt good.

It was easy being with Sabrina.

She was easy to satisfy, and Lou couldn't deny, that he thought that she was deeply in Love with him.

And he enjoyed being loved again, in that kind of way.

If only Cole would understand.

Or - if only he, Lou had tried to make him understand.

I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Cole was impulsive. He was so much like his father, it sometimes scared him.

But he was also a lot like his mother.

And his mother was emotional too.

And once she cared for someone, once she let someone in her heart, it was so easy to hurt her.

Many people had hurt her, over the years he had spent by her side, Lou had realized that.

Because once she had laid off her cold, stone hard facade for certain people, they realized that she was kind and caring.

And once she let anyone in, she cared too much for them to not get hurt.

And Cole was the same.

Of course, it just meant that he loved Lou unconditionally, if it was that easy for him to hurt him.

But that still didn't mean, that Lou wanted any of this.

And especially today, he missed his son.

And Sabrina didn't understand.

"He also ignores YOU, Lou. So don't blame it all on yourself now. Also, if he doesn't want you to be happy-"

Slipping through my fingers all the time

"It's not that he doesn't want me to be happy", Lou interrupted.

It's that Cole still was holding on to the famil they were.

Just the three of them, who went through so much together, and got separated by Lily's death.

For Cole, it was still like that.

No new girlfriend. Nothing.

Lou sighed. "Listen, I'll call you later, maybe we can....", he wanted to offer her, to spend the evening together.

But no. Not today.

After a few more minutes of discussion, she hung up.

Seemingly frustrated, but right now? - Lou couldn't care less.

He opened the box, which stood in front of him on the kitchen table.

It was full of photos.

I try to capture every minute

Pictures of good times, bad times... old times.

Gone times.

The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time

On one picture, Cole was smiling bright - a big gap where once his upper front teeth were.

In his hands a a dollar from the toothfairy.

Another picture showed Cole with bruised knees on the playground, still smiling and not giving up on trying to climb the climbing frame.

His first day at kindergarten - his first day at school.

There he was having a piece of cake for his birthday - the chocolate was spread everywhere.

And there he was holding his mothers hands, walking through Ninjago City.

That day they had just bought his first school-bag and Cole was proudly wearing it on his shoulders.

Do I really see what′s in her mind?
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

And then... then there was a selfie.

THAT Selfie.

Cole and Lou, next to Lily.

It was the first time Lily's sickness had gotten so bad, she needed to go to the hospital.

Cole has brought his favorite stuffed teddy and put it on her bedframe as support.

He had done this every time she was in hopsital.

Until one day, the teddy had to go home without her, and so did Cole and Lou.

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone, there′s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can′t deny

Lou was never meant to be a father.

He told Lily so, but Lily... she was an angel.

A ray of sunshine in his life.

Lou didn't have the best childhood either, his parents too focused on his success than his feelings, and Lily only needed one look to see that that was the reason Lou couldn't think of himself as an father.

He was scared of failing the same way his parents had felt.

But then Lily got pregnant and Lou? - He was so excited and nervous and scared.

But he told himself to try. Try and be better.

For Lily.

And then Cole was born, and Lou no longer tried.

He just was.

It was so easy and.. wonderful.

Being a father... Lily always encouraged him and he loved Cole ao much.

His baby boy.

He never thought he could love any human being like that.

It was different than the way he had loved Lily, but not less.

He loved the way Cole used to look at him as a baby, he loved the way he tried saying "papa" for the first time.

He loved how Cole used to clap his little hands and tried to dance to when his father sang something to him.

And he loved how Cole used to giggle when he tickled his stomach, on that one spot just under his ribs.

He loved how Cole got his first baby teeth and lost them.

He loved seeing him all nervous on his first day of school, but how quickly it was a routine.

How his baby boy got more and more confident.

Watching him grow up.

What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go?
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)

Being by his side. Spending time with him.

Suddenly he missed ever stinky diaper he had to change.

Every argument about the last chocolate chip cookie on movie nights.

He missed watching him laugh at jokes his funny dad had made, back in a time where his dad was still considered cool, well....

...somehow, Lou had managed to skip the teenage part anyway.

The "Dad, you are so uncool, you are embarassing me in front of my friends" Phase.

Somehow, Lou didn't even know about Cole's teenage friends and if he even had some.

Lily died when Cole was 11.

And that was when Cole lost both his parents.

Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why? I just don′t know

Somehow, Lou didn't even know where he turned wrong.

He neglected him.

He couldn't stand the look in his eyes, because it was just like his mother's.

Slipping through my fingers all the time

He couldn't understand how Cole didn't want to become a dancer when it was his legacy.

And he did not realize he was just like his own parents in that moment - forcing Cole to things he didn't want.

I try to capture every minute

And even now he didn't acknowledge the fact enough that Cole was an awesome ninja.

The feeling in it

Just like his mother.

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Her death broke Lou in so many ways, he lost track to the things that weren't considered lost yet - his son.

But he managed to lose him too.

Do I really see what's in her mind?
Each time I think I′m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

And now? With Sabrina, he had lost him again.

By inviting her to THEIR monthly dinner.

Lou and Cole's time. Where they cook together, eat together, laugh, talk.

And suddenly, Sabrina was there.

This must have been so disturbing for Cole and Lou didn't even see that.

At first.

Now, it was obvious.

Crystal clear.

Cole wasn't scared that for Lou Sabrina was a replacement for his mother, but for him.

Cole feared, Sabrina was going to replace him.

Not knowing, that for Lou NO ONE could ever replace him.

Nothing ever felt better, than when he chased Cole, in only a diaper, through the house, trying to change it - and how they both fell asleep, on the couch, after.

Nothing ever felt better, than when Cole lost his first baby tooth because he fell on his mouth and cried the whole day and half of the night - only to find a dollar under his pillow the next morning and smiling about it.

And nothing ever felt better, than the moment Lou entered the hospital room - back when hospitals didn't make him wanna throw up - and found a smiling Lily.

In her hands - a baby. Their baby.

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture

"Hello", he greeted them, his knees weak, he stumbled to the bed.

And save it from the funny tricks of time

He first laid a hand on Lily's head, looking at her with so much pride in his eyes.

She was so beautiful and she had done such a beautiful job.

He didn't even notice he had said that words out loud, until Lily started laughing.

Then she lifted the baby and Lou didn't feel ready to take it.

Hold it in his arms.

He was so scared.

But Lily showed him, how to hold him. And it was so... wonderful.

It felt right from the first second.

And the baby boy, his baby boy, opened his eyes and looked at him.

His emerald eyes just like Lily's.

"He looks just like you", Lily said and Lou shook his head.

No. He did not.

"His soul. His soul is just like yours", Lily then explained.

"You two will get along just fine, but it'll take some time. You are so much alike. That will lead to rough times. But always remember - he is just like you"

Until now, Lou didn't understand what that meant, nor where it came from.

Now, it almost seemed like Lily saw the future, the two of them without her.

Then, Lou only smiled at his wife. "Cole"

"What?"

"I... think we should name him Cole"

"That's a beautiful name. Cole"

Slipping through my fingers

That was the happiest moment in Lou's life.

Slipping through my fingers all the time

And it was today - 20 years ago.

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile