A chill snakes up my spine once we're back out on the street. "I officially hate this place," I begin. I don't want to venture anymore, I want the comfort and warmth of the inn room.

"You're thinking too much into it. They're choosing to live this way and the fighting pits generate the most income in Ducoria. Without them, most of these people would be dead," Renit defends.

"More than who has already died in those fighting pits?" I stare at him sidelong.

He rolls his eyes. "You don't fight to the death in the pits. That's not how it works."

I laugh, not at all finding it funny. "That doesn't make it any better!" Although I want to shout, I keep my voice down so I don't alert anyone we're walking down the smoke-lined street.

This is a side of Renit I have not yet discovered. An insane part of him that believes this is the place for him. The prince, the king's weapon, likes it here. Amongst the rotting stenches and the fighting people that would rather do anything other than live comfortably. They're...different. And Renit doesn't mind.

Renit is silent for a moment. "This is where I met Darlene," he says. I whip my stare to him and he keeps his straight ahead to avoid my eye. "She lived here and we met when I came to search for an escaped criminal."

"I thought she was a servant in the castle?" I ask.

"Who do you think gave her the job?" Renit retorts. "There was something about her that drew me in and she shouldn't have been in a place like this so I offered it and without hesitating, she took it. Left her family behind and started a new one in Mailan." He stuffs his hands in his pockets and finally looks at me.

Every time he talks about her, his eyes relax and his entire face softens. These memories are not always burdening. Sometimes, they're exactly what he needs to survive without guilt. He still believes he was the one that killed her—not the difference in their two powers. Anyone else would have survived but Darlene never stood a chance. Renit shouldn't blame himself for that.

"That's why this place is so special to me," Renit goes on to say. "These people here, they loved her and they cared for her. Darlene's family is still here, on the outskirts, and they live a hard life just as everyone else. I try to help them when I can but...we don't have enough coins." Renit scratches at the back of his head.

He opens the inn door for me and I nod my thanks before heading up the stairs to our huddled room. There are no words exchanged as he runs the bath water and peels his shirt over his head. The curtain hides most of what he does but I watch his powerful muscles as he removes his pants and slides into the tub.

Right now is not the time to confess what I've been feeling. Not after he told me everything about Darlene. I've been wanting something...more from Renit. Not just a friendship but I've realized that I want to be with him. And not because our powers have mingled to the point I don't want him to die, but because I genuinely care about the prince.

I don't know when I realized it. Maybe when we were captured by the rebels. But at some point, my heart shifted to care more than I ever should and there's no going back. I want so desperately to tell him but I know he doesn't feel the same way, not with Darlene lingering over his head as a constant reminder that if he loves again, he's vulnerable to lose again.

As his Grounding, I have no right to put him in that position. I was brought to Mailan so our powers could understand each other, not so we could fall in love. And I don't love him, not yet, but I can see myself loving him someday. Right now, I want to be with him. I want to show him that I do care.

I sit anxiously on the edge of the bed and stare towards the broken window as he gets out of the tub and dresses into a pair of dark pants and matching tunic. There's never any color variation, just dark and intimidating. Either that's a mask or he really doesn't like any other colors.

"The tub is free," he offers. "I even scrubbed it a little for you."

I force a smile, one that is faked, and Renit stops. He watches me, waiting for me to meet his eye, but I don't. The words are on the tip of my tongue and if I had the strength to reveal something that could change our entire relationship, then I would. But I can't. Every other part of my body, excluding my heart, is holding me back. My gut tells me not to do it.

"Everyone okay?" Renit asks.

I scratch at the back of my head to do something with my hands and nod. "Everything's fine," I respond quickly.

"You don't look fine." He steps towards me, the floorboard creaking underneath his boot, and presses the back of his hand to my forehead. I stiffen to avoid leaning into his touch, the touch I've been so desperately searching for. "You don't have a fever."

That's not what's bothering me, I want to shout. He's not done examining. That warm touch goes to my chin and with one press of his finger, Renit forces me to look up at him. I do, my eyes holding all the answers that he's searching for.

"What is it, Roux?" He asks carefully. Not spitfire, not Aimrey, and not the cruel tone when he demands to know something faster than what I can spit out.

Renit's silver eyes, brighter than the moon, search over my face. I dream of those eyes, the truth they hold, the pain of the past they hide. To my disadvantage, he drops himself to his knees so we're at eye level. The heat of his skin from the bath and the smell of the citrus soap lingers and with all my strength, I avoid kissing him right there. That wouldn't be right. Not when I don't know his feelings.

"You can tell me," he whispers.

I immediately shake my head no. I want to tell him but at the same time, I don't want to. My mind is swirling in all directions and with each tug of my heart towards him, I press my forehead against his. Renit freezes, his hand still braced around my chin, and I take a deep breath. So close.

"Roux," he whispers. How I've waited for this moment for so long, dreamed of it, and in a dusty inn room with hardly any space to breathe, this is my chance. I can't waste any opportunities, Renit can slip through my fingers at any moment. He's still underneath his father's rule and if he does anything wrong, he'll be punished for it. And I can't lose him. Not after my parents, not after he helped me understand my faults and learn to accept them.

"I want..." I whisper. "I want you."

Renit's breath hitches, his throat closing as he swallows. Ignoring the instant rejection, I thread my fingers into his hair and rub my thumb behind his ear. The hand on my knee tightens while the other cups the side of my face. Every single touch sends a spark through me, like my body is saying, Yes, this is what you wanted. All along, Renit is what you were looking for.

I close my eyes, preparing myself to finally kiss him, when his thumb finds my lips and presses gently. Immediately, my heart sinks. "We can't," he mutters, his voice quiet.

I pull back, slipping my fingers from his hair at the same time his warm hand slides away from my knee, leaving a phantom touch behind. "I get it," I sigh. No, I don't get it, but him not caring for me is something I'll have to come to terms with.

Standing to scoot past him and take a bath that will hopefully remove the heat of embarrassment from my body, Renit stands with me. "I can't take that chance again," he clarifies. He stops me from moving any further by placing a hand on my shoulder. Now his touch feels like an adult consoling a child.

I want so badly to shrink away from it and disappear for a while but there is nowhere to go in a city like this. Danger waits around every corner, hiding in the shadows, and being alone is dangerous when I don't know my way around. Night is slipping away, stars are casted overhead somewhere past the smoke, and everything I'm familiar with is too far away. I'm stuck here in the freedom I've always searched for.

"I haven't cared for anyone since Darlene. I didn't allow myself to," Renit confesses. "I just...I can't, Roux." His hand slips from my shoulder and I finally allow myself to meet his eye. The silver is still bright but I can't look at him without feeling every bit of rejection. He doesn't care about me the same way I care about him. That tug between our powers is merely one sided.

I nod, silently agreeing, and the prince rolls his shoulders like he's shaking off the conversation. "If you want, I can go find us dinner," I offer. There's a wall between us now, a wall I created.

Renit shakes his head as he tries to look somewhere else instead of directly at me. He can't stand to see my face anymore. Like all those months before, he's going to distance himself from me so he doesn't have to deal with another possible chance at happiness.

This heart needs you. I need you.

Those words really were just a tactic to get me to calm down. They didn't mean a single thing after all this time I spent believing they were worth more than what Renit wanted me to think. So foolish, why did I have to be so foolish to believe something could come to light between us? We were meant to be enemies from the start...so why is my heart begging me to be with him?

"No, I think I'm going to patrol the rooftops and watch for anyone that enters the inn." Renit's swallow is too loud in the silence. He rubs his hands up and down his sides as I stand there, an empty shell of myself, with my arms crossed over my chest. I want to curl into myself, precisely why my shoulders are hunched. "Take a bath and get some sleep, all right? I'll be back in a few hours."

He takes one step towards me and I immediately turn my head to the side to avoid anything he might do. A hug, perhaps. But I don't want that. I'm embarrassed for saying anything in the first place, for almost kissing him, for hating myself afterwards.

Renit shakes his head in disappointment and leaves me standing there, alone. Tears blur my vision but I run the bath, finding nothing but cold water coming through the faucet. Renit used it all. Great.

I change into a clean pair of clothes after scrubbing my face with that cold water and slide underneath the itchy covers of the bed. A new emptiness settles inside my chest, of loneliness. It's not Renit's fault, he's allowed to have his own desires, but I can't help but feel like this was supposed to happen all along.