Honestly, somedays, science and books are the only things which keep me from wishing that humanity had never realised what civilisation is.

Like I really hate people sometimes, not everyone 'cause I know some really good ones too, but like humans in general. Like there's this point in your life when you suddenly start maturing and seeing things in a different light. When you see and realise so much stuff that it's difficult to comprehend that the world you've been living in since years could be so bad, you can't digest this mountain of facts thrown at you, exigent proof of the sick condition humanity has brought itself to. And I really hate how twisted our world is, like you have to up your game and be calculating and double faced and all to survive, even though you don't wish to do so. Things have got me feeling like there's no chance for me if I remain what I am, and not start filtering my words according to the person, decide the level of trust and deception with literally every single person whom I wouldn't bother thinking about, saying stuff I don't mean, doing things secretively and so on...doesn't even feel like me. And that's what scares me - in changing myself from the outside, I just hope I don't lose myself from the inside.

I simply hate how half our problems are because of things created by us, our mentality and our twisted mind games. Leaves me feeling that there's no place in life to focus on the things simple and pure. All your energy is drained by dealing with all this stupid mess created by people, and worse is realising that you can't change the person or even get away from them, it's just how the world works. Is it too much if all I want is to learn new stuff about our our natural world and learn things about myself along the way ?

And that's what got me thinking for the third time that it would be so much better if we were some kind of animal or bird or even the ancestral humans- atleast we wouldn't have to deal with this made-up shit.