Chapter Twelve

Six months later

"You young lady are becoming a terror!" Sammy returned to the lounge to find that her daughter had disappeared. Rushing to the kitchen, the only room that Eleanor could crawl into, she stopped in the doorway and laughed out loud at the sight of her daughter in front of the open freezer, an ice cube in her hand her face a grimace as she tried to chew it.

Moving to her she scooped her into her arms, "you want an ice lolly?" Over the summer her daughter had got a real taste for frozen yoghurt sticks, but helping herself was a little too advanced for Sammy's liking. She wasn't yet a year old.

"It's always the way, you're desperate for them to crawl, to walk, yet when they do you can't relax any more. You were the same. Always into everything, always ahead of yourself."

Sammy turned to see Monica stood in the doorway watching them. Her mother's dramatic change in behaviour had been the most weird yet the most perfectly timed surprise that could ever have happened in the last few months. She'd returned from London in such a mess, at such short notice, and where she'd expected to be sleeping on Corinne's sofa, trying to scrape together the resources to rent a place to live. And Monica had arrived and offered her the two rooms in the house she'd inherited from her grandmother.

"Why this? Why now? You've never done anything for me." She'd immediately had been defensive at the offer of support from her so frequently errant mother.

Monica had shrugged and given a half smile, "rattling around in that big old house, there are two rooms...plus you could help out with bills..."

She'd laughed at that, "I should have known there was something in it for you."

Monica had been honest then, "so I'm not great in managing finances, but it'll be cheaper than living anywhere else."

Whatever she had thought about her mother's plans, she was right, it was a secure home, she was safe and there was plenty of room for Eleanor to run around. She'd fallen from a home, to another home, she couldn't have asked for more.

As she thought about the home she'd left behind, her home with Marcus, she wondered if she could cry anymore after all that had happened. She'd cried a million rivers over all that she'd lost that afternoon at just one sentence from Joel.

She remembered that day so clearly even though it was months earlier, a hung-over Joel stood in front of her reciting what almost seemed like a script that Daniel had read to her days earlier.

"I thought you could keep this place, this apartment, but there's been some anomalies...I'm sorry, I thought I could work it, but the finance company...they've sold it."

"Sold?" Her heart had pounded in her ears, the four walls that surrounded her were literally all the security and support that she had in the world.

"Look I've got a short term plan, just until I work out what the fuck is happening, then we'll be back on track."

She had shaken her head as she stepped away from him, suddenly this was all too much, "I...er..."

He took her hand, "move into mine, for a little while, you'll have to share a room with Eleanor, but when we get things sorted I'll help you find a new place..."

"He said you'd do this." The words sounded foreign leaving her lips, but not as foreign as the pain that entere3d her heart. He had betrayed her, he'd lost her the home she craved...and she couldn't even begin to think what that meant in terms of Marcus. She thought that she'd had the answers; Joel had assured her that it was all ok, that Marcus hadn't lost everything.

"What?"

His question had pulled her back from her path of internal destruction. But she wasn't ready to become a pawn in some weird game between the two men, three if you included Marcus. She shook her head as she moved towards the door, she'd had enough, she wanted no more. Suddenly her home seemed dirty, cheap. She stared at him, "leave."

"What?" he asked again, following her towards the door.

"Get out of my home...or what WAS my home. I have no idea what you and Daniel are playing at, and I have NO IDEA what Marcus was doing when he died, but I'm not a forfeit in some power war, and I don't want ANYMORE of this."

"That's not what this is, a game. I want to help you."

"I thought you were! Proves the little I know." He had the grace to look embarrassed at her questioning. "You win, you ALL win. I'll leave here; I presume I have a few days to get things sorted?"

He made to speak but then changed his mind, he looked flummoxed, but she didn't want to process that, she had to hold on to her dignity. Get away from them ALL. Then she'd almost pushed him out of the door.

By the time Corinne and Mike came home she had arranged a moving company and packed dozens of boxes. She wasn't one to do things by half and suddenly the childish war between Joel and Daniel was something she knew she had to escape. So she left.

But physically packing and moving was the easy part, Mike, a financial advisor had tried to get her to let him look into things, try to find a way to salvage what was left of Marcus's finances, but she knew so little about things, she'd relied on firstly Marcus and then Joel to deal with her security, that she was almost embarrassed at her lack of control.

So she'd moved in with her mother, Monica.

"You want to come to town? I'm meeting some friends for lunch."

Sammy smiled, "and you want me and your granddaughter to steal your thunder?"

When Monica had the good grace to blush she shook her head, "that means you want to borrow money?" No reply... "a lift?"

Her mother gave an awkward shrug then smiled, "if you're offering?"

Laughing she bundled Eleanor into the back seat of the banger that she'd bought a few months back. She still had a regular and reasonable income from what was left of her husband's 'estate', but not enough that she could afford an expensive...or even reasonable car loan. So a twenty year old battered two door was as good as it got.

But it got her A to B, and back.

Dropping her mother into town, she carried on to Corinne's. She had a salon on the far side of town, and lived in the flat above it. Sammy worked a couple of afternoons there, whilst Eleanor was in a local playgroup. It helped get her confidence back, and saw her earn a little money too.

The regular clients there loved her, and even more so loved Eleanor, so as they walked in the door there was a collective "aahh!"

Making coffees for the clients, chatting, playing with Eleanor, the afternoon passed quickly, and all too soon Corinne was locking the doors, the end of another busy day.

"Come up for a coffee...I've got wine, but you've got your car."

Sammy rolled her eyes, "and my daughter! Coffee is great, but then I'm leaving you and Mike to your romantic Saturday night. Ok?"

The following day she took Eleanor to the park where they fed the ducks, wrapped up warm against the winter chill. Cornwall was a beautiful part of the world, all rugged cliffs and sandy beaches. She'd missed it in London, lots. But as they sat at the harbour watching a boat unload its meagre load, Eleanor gurgling her semi words as she pointed at a kite being tormented by the choppy wind in the sky above them, Sammy almost shed a tear for what she did miss. Marcus...London...her home...

Leaving London had made her feel as though she had lost Marcus all over again. Every memory, every recollection of the man she loved had been centred around that home. But as the days passed it was getting easier. And from the distance from London made it easier to ignore the irregularities that surrounded the last few months of Marcus' life. Now as she sat looking out into the angry sea, she hated that was exactly what did come to her mind. There were still so many unanswered questions. She had to leave the city when she did, she couldn't have stayed and listen to Joel, hear his excuses, hear more bullshit from Daniel.

But the downside was that she never knew what happened to her home, why it was taken from her, and what the hell Marcus had been doing when he died. She knew that he wasn't working for his business with Joel, which meant that he was doing something else. But what?

She still had the monthly pension money that Joel had arranged and she was extremely glad of that, but as far as she knew that still left a large whole in what she would have expected. Marcus was part of a flourishing business; she'd presumed he had lots of investments, stocks, shares...a portfolio maybe? But she'd left before Joel had chance to trace everything, or to tell her what he'd found. Was that enough to send her back to London, to meet him face to face?

She shuddered at the thought. She'd left things acrimoniously, so she wasn't keen to meet up with him in a hurry, plus, with him may come some truths that she wasn't ready for. From her place miles away she could mourn the past in a way that suited her. That was what she needed more than anything, sanity.

Sunday evening saw Sammy settling down to watch Antiques Roadshow. Eleanor was bathed and fast asleep, Monica was out at her usual Sunday night karaoke. It was a quiet time for Sammy, which was not necessarily a good thing as her mind was always so overactive, but not having to deal with the drama that was her mother's life was also a positive.

Barely any time had passed and her telephone rang.

Connecting to a number she didn't recognise she was almost speechless at the voice the other end.

"Sammy...it's Rebecca. Marcus' sister."

She couldn't formulate a response, and it seemed that Rebecca wasn't surprised at that, "it's my grandmother, she passed away on Friday."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Rebecca."

"Thanks, she wasn't well the last few months."

Sammy closed her eyes for a moment, she'd seen her once since that party, the anniversary party that had started the upset of everything. She'd promised she'd visit again. But she hadn't, and now it was too late.

Rebecca spoke again, taking the silence as the emotion it so obviously was, "we have her funeral on Thursday, she asked specifically that we let you know. Plus you're invited to the will reading."

"I'm not going. Never going."

Sammy was still adamant as she got on the train. Corinne stood on the platform holding Eleanor in her arms and the two of them waved comically, "you have to. You know that. Now don't worry about us, we'll be fine..." Corinne looked at Eleanor, who looked back at her and grinned, "won't we baby girl?"

Eleanor giggled as Sammy stood half on the train, "but..."

"You HAVE to go; you'll hate yourself if you don't. Now go."

As she sat at a seat watching the two disappear into the distance, Sammy wanted to cry, why couldn't this all stay buried? Easier to be angry at what she was about to face than feel guilty at her avoidance of the older woman.

London was the same, EXACTLY the same as when she left it, that same city smell, the same half light, the same bustle. It was almost like she'd never been away. Part of her felt calm, settled, the other half felt terrified. The platform at Paddington instantly reminded her of a dozen or more times when she'd arrived for a weekend and fallen off the train into the arms of the man who became her husband.

Hyde Park from a taxi window instantly threw her back to the Sunday afternoon picnics, and the cluster of Mayfair hotels - the night he asked her to marry him. A solitary tear escaped her eye, a tear for all that she never had with Marcus, it was all cut too short, he'd made her so many promises, so many plans. All over in the blink of an eye, or rather a drink over the limit.

"The Lady Mary Immaculate church love?"

The driver dragged her from her reverie as he pulled up at the church she'd requested. The hearse was outside the church, empty. She was late, but sneaking in and sitting at the back had always been her plan. The door creaked and a few sets of eyes turned to look at her, but not many. Slipping into the pew at the back, she pulled her black faux fur trimmed cape around her gratefully; the church was freezing cold, which was hardly in keeping with the woman who was being celebrated. She had been warm, caring.

Sighing she followed the service, praying where appropriate and singing when it was expected. Then as the coffin was lead out into the churchyard, she remained at the back, fifty feet behind the family. From across the graveyard she could watch the procession of Turner's, Margaret and Clifford up front along with Clifford's siblings, people she vaguely recognised from her wedding. But it was the second line of family that made the hairs on her neck stand on end. Rebecca, her fresh face marred by tears, her slightly older sister Christina who must have flown home from her job as a journalist in New York, was next to her, and next to her was Daniel. His head was hung and he looked genuinely devastated, but Sammy had no sympathy for this family, not anymore. She'd shown her face, she could leave, that was the deal. Turn up, pay her respects, then go back to her daughter, her friends...her home.

One the coffin had been interred the family and friends gathered made their way back towards the church, and before they left the graveyard, one of the workers was filling the grave with the recently dug earth.

When it was quieter, she moved to the foot of the grave and the worker had the decency to smile then move away giving her some space. She'd brought two yellow roses, one from her, and one from Eleanor and she tossed them down onto the wooden box, earth scattered over the other flowers that had been left there by the family.

"Nana Turner, I'm sorry I didn't come again. I mean..." she sighed. "You got to see Eleanor. I'm glad about that, really glad. But that was as good as it got, and for that I'm sorry."

She sensed more than heard movement to her left. She knew who it was.

"Sneaking in late just like me hey?"

There was silence for a moment, but before she needed to turn, confirm who was there, Joel spoke, "didn't think I'd be welcome."

eo~i&