Chapter Thirty One

"Moving Day!" Sammy shouted as she opened the curtains the following morning. She'd been desperate for this day and now it was here. She had two weeks to settle in before Christmas. It was exhausting if you thought about it, but a great kind of exhausting for Sammy. Corinne was due any minute to take Eleanor to her new day care, then the van she'd hired for the day was arriving after that. The bulk of her things were coming from London by lunchtime, so she had a few hours to work out what she wanted and where first. Whilst she'd seen the inside of the cottage a few times, void of any furniture and a blank canvas for her own home was a different concept entirely.

She hadn't seen her mother since their confrontation, and she was going to see her good on her promise. With distance she could keep a relationship with her, if she stayed a week longer she feared any bond would be damaged irreparably. It was a pity that Monica couldn't see that.

An hour later she stood in the centre of the bare room and smiled. Though equally she could cry. The common entrance to the house was via the kitchen door which opened from the side garden. The front door was further along the road and she didn't envisage using it. The farmhouse kitchen was small and bijou, but it had a huge oil powered Aga that the previous owner told her warmed the whole house. There was a small lean-to conservatory along the coast side of the kitchen, the lounge was the road side, then stairs led up to the two bedrooms, a third was the space created between the beams and the eaves of the attic.

It was perfect, quirky, quaint...everything she'd always dreamed of in a house, and a million miles from the modern apartment she'd lived in with Marcus. And that was the source of her tears, not the house, but the fact that she was doing this alone, that she'd not share this moment, not create this new home with anyone made her sad. She'd been alone for almost two years, and after the recent debacle with Joel she wondered whether she'd ever be able to get past that, the ghost of Marcus and her own fears.

The only things she had to set up from her mother's house encompassed kitchen ware and Eleanor's bedroom. She'd checked the room out first and whilst the decor wasn't perfect, it didn't need to be decorated. Sammy figured she'd take time over the interior, painting or wallpapering when she was ready. Christmas was the first thing she wanted to be ready for.

It was eleven am by the time she'd emptied the half dozen boxes of crockery and pans into the cupboards, so she took the opportunity to make a pot of coffee, she deserved it. As she filled the machine she heard a honk outside. She wasn't expecting the delivery truck until much later, but as she glanced out of the kitchen window she spotted the removal sign on the side of a huge truck that pulled up outside. As she opened the back door, the passenger door also swung open and Joel hopped out with a wave.

She almost fell over. He hadn't answered a call; he'd only shared a few neutral text conversations in the last two weeks.

"I wasn't expecting you..." she offered as he strode towards her.

With a grin he pulled her into a hug then whispered, "I've been a tool, will you forgive me?"

She nodded, she was glad to see him, she couldn't deny that, and it felt so perfect to be in his arms. That was obvious. As he rubbed his hand up and down her spine, she thought of Corinne's words, that she should pursue something with Joel, but she still wasn't sure she was ready for that. But his arms did feel great around her.

But before she had time to enjoy that, he stepped back, "now we have a truck FULL of furniture. You need to direct the guys, ok?"

Nodding she watched as he backed up and returned to the men who were unloading the truck. Sammy realised that it wasn't just what she wanted that counted, but what he wanted too. She had to work that out as well.

Her light pine dining suite dwarfed the dining room, the king-size bed was rather too big for the master bedroom, but otherwise they managed to squeeze all the furniture into the house. After a couple of hours, she wandered up the coast road to the cliff top cafe and bought everyone lunch and they all stopped for sandwiches and coffee in the garden.

But half past four the men had emptied the truck and were all set to return to London.

"So are you leaving?"

Joel was under the sink in the kitchen trying to work out the plumbing for the washing machine when she asked him the question.

Peeking his head out, he shrugged, "I don't have to rush back."

That made her smile, "brilliant, Corinne's on her way over with Ellie, she's dying to see you." The smile that erupted on his face made her smile almost painful. His love for her daughter was so obvious and that was a huge bonus. Groaning internally she suddenly realised that she was analysing everything to do with Joel...and his suitability to be part of her life.

"You sure?"

She nodded, "you can stay, you've seen the spare room."

"I don't want to impose."

Reaching out she took his hand, "you're part of the family now, you know that."

He blushed, then picked up another box with bedroom written on it and headed for the stairs, "I appreciate that."

Awkward she thought as she started to plug her DVD into the TV, would it ever be normal again?

Joel walked into the bedroom and fell back against the closed door; he'd debated long and hard about what to do about Sammy. But now that he was here it was all so much more difficult. The moment that Clifford had walked in to his apartment, he'd never felt so small, so useless, such a bastard. With distance and back in London it was easier to convince himself that it had all been a mistake, but since he'd jumped out of the van hours earlier he'd been fighting his body's response to her. What had started out as a kiss...then a little more, was now full blown lust. His body was perpetually primed and if she'd spent a second longer pressed up against him as they hung the curtains in Eleanor's bedroom he wasn't sure he'd be able to contain himself.

Now here he was trapped in her bedroom. Glancing around his eyes came to land on the large dresser he'd helped the removal guys get to the room earlier and the photo that she'd already positioned there, pride of place. Sammy's eyes soft and warm as she smiled at the camera, but next to her, wrapped around her was Marcus, and his normally funny, happy expression today seemed to mock him. Marcus was laughing at him, because he knew, that he'd never be able to make her his. That Marcus would always be there, a deterrent, a reminder, that this was wrong.

Between Corinne and Eleanor the house seemed full to the brim. Sammy laughed at their antics as they explored the place. The small cupboard under the stairs was already outlined to be a den, and despite it being dark already, Corinne had toured the garden with the baby and pointed out where the play house was going to live and the swing set, between them there was going to be no space left for the deck and the garden furniture she had planned.

When they were up in the small attic guestroom, Corinne grabbed Sammy's arm, "so spill?"

Sammy looked at her and shrugged, "what?"

"Lover boy...came to the rescue! That HAS to mean something?"

Focusing on a mark on the carpet, Sammy kept her eyes averted for a moment before finally looking up at her patiently waiting friend, "I don't know what it means, or more importantly what I want it to mean."

Corinne sighed, "I'm not meaning to pressure you."

"I know, and you're right, I have to work out what this all means, we BOTH need to in order to salvage any sort of relationship. I mean if I...or if he gets it wrong then I'll lose him too. And it feels like the last link to Marcus, you know?"

Corinne thought for a long moment, "you have to want Joel for Joel, not because he keeps the memory of Marcus alive."

She nodded, "I know that, I really do. But it's so hard to separate all this emotional shit, you know?"

Corinne squeezed her arm, "I don't know what to suggest."

Sammy laughed as a tear escaped her eye, "I know, neither do I."

When they re-entered the kitchen, which Sammy already knew was going to be the heart of this home, they found Joel wrestling with the plumbing for the washing machine. At some point he'd stripped off his shirt and only his bareback was on view from beneath the work surface. Corinne dug an elbow into Sammy's ribs, and Sammy knew she'd respond if she wasn't feeling so overwhelmed by the effects of his toned skin that rippled as he moved.

"Wow!" Corinne mouthed silently, her eyes widening. Sammy rolled her eyes, glad that the lump in her throat was clearing. When he pulled his head out he spotted them both open mouthed and smiled awkwardly, reaching for his t-shirt to pull it on. He was dusty and sweaty. Sammy was tempted to reach out and swipe at the dust on his nose, but she didn't, instead she smiled at him, and that turned to laughter as Ellie spotted him.

"O.L!" It was as close to Joel as Eleanor could manage, and all three adults looked across that her, squirming in her mother, her arms outstretched towards him. As he stepped closer to her she squealed.

"You don't want to hug me, I'm stinking dirty."

Sammy couldn't control her smile, "she won't care."

As he took her and she buried her face into his neck into a baby hug, Corinne shook her head, "that girl has NEVER given me that sort of greeting." Folding her arms in mock disdain she shook her head as Ellie peaked at her, "me and you are finished young lady!"

Sammy laughed as she stood and made for the fridge, "you'll get over it woman, but now that we're all here. It's time to celebrate...the next chapter of my life and all that it will entail."

As she wrestled the bottle of champagne and made about trying to open it, there was a knock at the door. Moving across the kitchen she pulled it open and saw Mike stood there.

"Looks like my timing is right, I hear there's a freedom party going on!"

Sammy smiled and accepted his hug and congratulations, "there is, and you can help with this..." She handed him the unopened bottle and led him to join the others. Eleanor was in her highchair and after shaking Mike's hand, Joel reached for the champagne glasses recently washed and placed in the dresser behind him.

Within moments they were all clinking glasses, or in Eleanor's case, beaker and shouting "cheers." She loved it, and Sammy had a feeling that she would have to perform this ritual before every meal.

Corinne took Mike's hand and led him out for the guided tour, and that left Sammy alone with Joel for what felt like the first time in ages. When she turned to look at him, his head was bowed and she knew he was finding in awkward. Pulling out a seat she sat opposite him and waited a moment till he lifted his eyes.

"Is it always going to be awkward?"

He sipped his champagne then gave her a half smile, "I hope not. I don't want it to be."

"Will we ever talk about what happened?"

He shrugged, "look Clifford arriving, it was the wake up we both needed." He gestured around the room, "you've been in this house a few hours and already Marcus is in every room. I just didn't feel his presence the same way at mine."

She took a deep breath, "he's Eleanor's father Joel, I can't pretend he never existed. I want her to grow up knowing who he was."

"As you should...but that isn't a boundary I should overstep. I should never have kissed you. And I'm sorry for that..."

Kiss? She wanted to scream, it was so much MORE that a kiss. But today had been a taxing day; she didn't need to look for conflict, not now.

So she smiled instead, "ok. If that's how you feel." She stood as Eleanor reached out her arms to be rescued from the highchair, "because I'm not sorry."

With that she left the room, hoping that he'd stew on that for a while.

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