Chapter Seventeen

The plates were empty. Sammy took that as a great sign, but then she knew that she was an enthusiastic cook, what she lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm. She glanced from the kitchen into the lounge, at Joel sat cross legged on the floor opposite Eleanor, both building pink Disney Princess blocks into as tall a tower as they could before knocking it down. Eleanor's laughter was lighting up the house, and she for a moment she imagined how things would have been like if Marcus had lived, if he'd been there for her, if he'd had the chance to be a father. But as she looked at Joel she wasn't misunderstanding things, she wasn't seeing him as Marcus, but she was thinking that if Marcus couldn't be there to be involved in his daughter's life, there was no one that HE'D want more. She couldn't imagine Daniel, before his incarceration, sat down like that, playing without a care in the world; neither could she imagine any of the Turners.

"What are you thinking about?" Joel's voice disturbed her; he was looking up from the lounge. "You looked a million miles away."

She dropped her head to one side, hating that she was going to sound morose, "just thinking that I never saw Marcus doing that, just chilling and playing with her." She struggled with the knot of emotion that threatened at her throat.

"Sorry...I should go." He started to get up, but she rushed across the room.

"No! Don't stop. It's wonderful; he'd want you to do that, to be an influence on her if he couldn't be. I hope we see a lot more of you." She spotted his throat move as he swallowed awkwardly, "sorry, I don't want to pressure you, that was the wrong thing to say."

Shaking his head he gave her a sad smile, "I want to see her grow up, I want to feel close to him through her. You are right. I'll try not to let you both down."

Sammy moved into the lounge and perched on the arm of the sofa, "as if! You are the nicest and most thoughtful person I've ever known." She gave a laugh, "and after Marcus I never thought I'd ever say that, I mean he just LOVED being everything to everyone, but that was in a flamboyant way. You...you just do it, quietly, anonymously...without the celebration or the reward."

He was blushing, she hated that she'd embarrassed him, but for weeks or more like months, she had blamed him for so much, whilst all the while he was helping her, emotionally and financially.

"Sorry, I'm waxing on. Are you able to stay for a few days? I really do want to show you around."

He shrugged, "I have some meetings on Monday, but I can in theory stay for the next couple of days. I haven't told the hotel when I'm checking out."

She knew she was beaming, "well tomorrow we'll take you up on the cliffs, let me show you the cottage I want to buy...and then there's the harbour, the beach...we can have so much fun."

"That sounds like a promise," he offered quietly.

She nodded, "it is. Hopefully Monica will babysit tomorrow night, then you can really see the place. I haven't told you that my mother is suddenly a happy grandmother did I?"

"She babysits?" He knew all about her mother and his incredulous response was more than appropriate.

"Very occasionally. But as long as this madam is in bed, and she has no other plans..."

They both laughed at the looseness of the relationship, "it's more than you expected though?"

Standing she nodded, "yep." Holding out her hands to Eleanor, she scooped her up into her arms, "so you going to say goodnight to Uncle Joel?"

Her latest trick was kissing goodnight, so much to Joel's obvious surprise, she leaned across from her mother's arms, lips puckered up into an exaggerated 'O' and kissed him an inch from his mouth.

Laughing she cuddled her daughter then turned to him, "help yourself to the TV, the controls are over there, and there's another beet in the fridge if you want one? I'll be about fifteen minutes."

As they walked away Eleanor waved enthusiastically.

There was Friday night football on a satellite sports channel, so Joel retrieved a beer from the fridge and settled down to watch it. It wasn't the team he followed, but it was competitive so he kicked his shoeless feet on to the coffee table and kicked back to watch it.

Eventually Sammy reappeared and grabbing a glass of diet coke, she sat the opposite end of the sofa to him, mimicking him with her feet up.

"Good game?"

He shrugged, "good because neither are my team. But it's been quite exciting."

Nodding she reached for her drink and sipped some, the silence not awkward. After a few minutes he turned to her.

"I meant it earlier, when I said I'd be around for Eleanor. For you both." He ran a hand through his chair, "I feel settled when I'm with you. I mean earlier in the year, we had a few evenings like this, food, TV...those days and today...I finally feel like I can relax, it feels like I have a reason to do things. I lost that when Marcus died. Will you let me do that? Will you let me part of Eleanor's life?" He wanted to add and yours, but he didn't have the guts to say that. He had no idea how she'd react to that, and he didn't want to be pushed away again. He needed her, and her link to Marcus. It wasn't the fact that he loved her company, liked having someone caring for him, and liked the warmth that he got from her personality. He allowed none of that to register. It was for Marcus, that was why he wanted to spend time with her.

"Of course. I told you, that's what I want too. So you're really going to sell your business?"

It was an abrupt topic change, but he was glad of that, he was staring to become an emotional wreck around her.

"When we set up this business, me and Marcus, all I wanted to do was renovate places, build, and create. He wanted to make money, tons of it, and he had all the drive and the ambition...maybe too much. Now that I've got things back in line, plugged the financial leaks. I don't have desire any more, I just don't feel it anymore."

"What will you do?"

He slugged at his beer thoughtfully for a moment, "take a holiday. Haven't really been away since that trip to Greece. So that's a must. Not sure otherwise. It depends how much I sell the business for. I could start all over again, rebuild from the beginning, get back to actually physically changing things. Or I could get a job in a supermarket. I don't know."

She scoffed at the last bit, "you'd last about thirty seconds in a supermarket, you could be a business consultant, or a financial consultant. You have a ton of success to your bow, I know that Marcus was the drive and the energy in your work, but you kept him in line. You planned the successes and kept him on the straight and narrow. Don't play all that down. You know how companies work. You can always do whatever you want. You are that type of man."

"Not sure that I want that. Can't I buy some land, build a house..."

"I'll get you some Lego for Christmas, you can practice."

That made him roll his eyes, Christmas, another wonderful thought. Last year that day had probably been the lowest of his whole life. No friend, no family, he hadn't even been organised enough to get away. Instead he'd sat in his home, alone, no one called him, and he had no one to call. No one who had cared about him, and despite being a thirty year old man, he'd never been closer to the lonely boy of his childhood as he had that moment. Sad, scared and alone.

He shuddered, and realised that Sammy had spotted that. She lifted an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly.

"An irrational fear of Lego?"

His laugh was false, but he hoped she didn't realise, "something like that."

She saw him out a little later, a taxi taking him to the hotel in the almost wintry conditions.

"Come for breakfast tomorrow. We'll borrow Corinne's car and I'll show you around." She STILL didn't have a car...or a home. If he ever saw Daniel Turner again he'd punch him, not for what he'd done to him, but because Sammy should never have been left penniless, not when Marcus had worked so hard.

Was the town really that great? Or was it just that Joel was seeing everything via a pair of very enthusiastic eyes. They'd walked, they'd shopped, and they'd driven along the coast road, so much so that he was starting to feel like an expert when it came to all things Cornish.

"So dinner?" She pulled the car to a stop outside the cafe that she'd harped on about all day. Joel had never really had much enthusiasm for places, for inanimate things, but as he stepped out of the car and took in the sea view, the painted window, the gingham table clothes...he had to admit the place had a certain appeal that he'd never appreciated before. He'd lived in London for the majority of his life, he didn't ever envisage himself appreciating anything less than a city as a home. But this place was beautiful and he could see the love she had for it and it was contagious.

Earlier they'd stopped at a cliff top cottage, small, old but with an amazing view of the Atlantic. He could see the passion in everything she described, she didn't just want the place, she had dreams for it. And unless she let him help her out, they were all over. He had this lunchtime to make her accept some financial help, but he knew that wouldn't go down too well. He had to play it safely, pick his moment.

Glancing back at the cafe he smiled, it looked comfortable, homely. Joel needed that. Sammy was beside him, lifting Eleanor out of the car seat, but she was already reaching for Joel, opening his arms he couldn't control the grin when she climbed into them.

Sammy rolled her eyes, "look at you two, as thick as thieves after just a day. You're going to gang up on me, I can sense it!"

But the smile that accompanied those words was happy; he knew that she was pleased that they liked each other. The three of them needed each other, and the better they got on, the easier life would be.

He kissed the top of Eleanor's head as she patted his cheek chuckling, "who us? Hey Ellie? We're both REALLY good, aren't we?"

The menu was nothing extravagant, but there were local food dishes, huge sandwiches, and great coffee. They sat in the window, and ordered food, and they were well into their drinks before he spoke to her.

"So I love that cottage. I can see you there...Eleanor playing in the little garden."

She sipped her coffee, for a moment then replied, "you think? It was perfect. It'll never remain unsold until I can organise funds."

He opened his mouth to speak and she shook her head, "I know you Joel, you'll bankrupt yourself to do right by her." She pointed at Eleanor, "but you have to stop feeling guilty. Nothing that happened is your fault, and you have never let Marcus down."

She seemed to sum up every emotion that had surged through him in a confusing mess since Marcus had died and he felt tears well in his eyes. He couldn't cry in front of her, not now. He looked away for a moment and she placed her hand on his arm.

"You have to let it go, the guilt, the pain, the misplaced blame. Marcus worshipped you, and he'd never want to see you give up like this. HE let you down, HE lost your money, and HE was the one who didn't open up. You have to let it go. I did...you helped me do that. I only hope that we can do the same for you."

"I don't think I can let him go Sammy, I can't." He couldn't lift his eyes, couldn't let her see the tears, but she knew anyway, he knew that.

"You HAVE to, you owe it to him to live life, do all the things he will never do. You have to live for him now, you have to have double the adventures, double the fun, double the life, ok?"

That made his look up, "are you kidding? He already lived twice as much as anyone else I know; you mean I have to live a tripled life!"

Sammy laughed at that, really laughed, and half way through her laughter became tears, and as they sat there hugging each other, wailing in a laughing AND crying fashion, they were glad that they were the only people there eating lunch at the late hour.

"I want to scatter his ashes in Greece."

The waitress had obviously kept the meals until the two had regained their composure, but Sammy blurted that out at the exact moment a portion of whitebait was being placed in front of him. His whole body shuddered.

"You do?"

She nodded tucking into her baked potato; Eleanor was eating some vegetables with her pudgy fingers, squashing more in her fist than actually made it to her mouth.

"It's where me met. It's where you and he had 'the greatest holiday ever', and it's warm, relaxing, everything I want him to have at rest, it's everything I want to think of when I think of him. He doesn't belong buried in a cold London crematorium. His family had wanted his ashes interred into a family plot, but she'd refused. "What do you think?"

Joel sighed, "I think it's just about perfect. Most of my memories when I close my eyes are of things that happened on that trip...BEFORE we met you," he added the last part quickly. "It's a great idea."

His agreement made her smile, a true honest smile, "thanks Joel. That was exactly what I wanted you to say."

"Can we talk about the house?" He needed to help her out even more, but she shook her head.

"The only money I'm taking from you is the price of a glass of wine tonight. Corinne and Mike are meeting us at eight to go for dinner. So when we get back to town, you've got a few hours to get ready. Ok?"