Chapter Eighteen

How could you miss someone that you'd barely spent any time with so much? Regardless of common sense, by midday Monday Sammy really missed Joel. Saturday night had been great, the four of them had enjoyed each other's company, Corinne had a lot of affection for Joel, she always had, but he and Mike got on really well too, which meant that the topics of conversation ranged hugely from the financial world and the big bankers to fishing bait. And there was humour too.

They'd shared wine and the greatest steaks at Laura's the only real restaurant in town, but when they finished they left and walked along the marina selecting which of the half dozen pubs they'd visit first.

Sambucca followed beers and more wine and Sammy couldn't remember when she'd been so drunk. But she got home, and was woken before sunlight by her daughter. An equally worse-for-wear Joel had had the same idea and she'd literally bumped into him at the seafront, both hoping that salty air and a strong breeze would clear their heads. The only one of the three embracing that phenomena was Eleanor who, wrapped against the elements had great fun giggling at the seagulls who swooped aggressively for the crumbs she tossed from her half eaten sandwich.

"Breakfast?" He'd groaned as he reached her position. "And a promise that you will never every take me out drinking again!"

She had laughed at that, "breakfast - yes. But I'm not committing to the other. I had fun. Haven't had a night out like that in ages."

He'd been quiet for a moment then smiled, "me too. At least this hangover is due to fun."

It was another insight into how hard he had found the last eighteen months, like her he'd used alcohol to numb reality. Not as part of a night enjoyed with friends, good company.

They'd eaten greasy breakfast and strong coffee in a cafe a few metres away and they talked happily. Then he had to leave for his train. London called and he had to go back.

"You'll visit again?" She hated that it sounded like a beg as they hugged on the platform of the train station.

He nodded, "try keeping me away."

That had been twenty four hours ago, and she missed his company, his light humour, and the memories they shared.

Sighing she knew she had to pull herself together, Christmas was coming, and with that was a whole load of planning...and after New Year Corinne was travelling for just over a month, and Sammy had told her she'd work the salon for her, keep things open. With no childcare arranged she needed plans...soon.

Clifford Turner had spent every lunch since Joel had known him at the Grosvenor. He remembered him telling Marcus and himself as ten year olds that business deals had been started and finished there. He didn't believe that, it was a relaxing place, people talked, business was discussed, but it as a long way from a cutthroat office. Nevertheless, he took up a perch at the bar in the hope of seeing the older man. He hadn't since the funeral, and he knew that there was a lot left unsaid. After all it had been Clifford's compliance and help that actually pulled the last few pieces of the puzzle together. He was instrumental in Joel's team, and later the police pinning everything on Daniel. He had no idea how that was resting on the older man's shoulders.

AS he ordered a coffee, his weekend sojourn with alcohol had put him off anything stronger for a while, his phone beeped. Opening the message that flashed he gasped.

'Look what you missed Uncle Joel.' It was accompanied by a five second video of Eleanor staggering her first steps. He was overwhelmed at the fact that Sammy had wanted to share that special moment with him. But then he was the only one who shared her pain that another milestone passed that Marcus missed.

Fighting that continual waft of grief, he replied quickly.

'Amazing baby girl, I'm so proud. Uncle Joel will visit you soon and by then you'd better be running.xxx'

As Clifford entered the lounge, fortunately alone, his phone buzzed and it almost pained him to read the single word message, 'promise?'

He typed the word 'yes', almost without thinking the pocketed his phone.

Joel knew Clifford would be glad to see him, but he also knew that wouldn't be the easiest moment for the man either. But on catching sight of him, he came straight over, no hesitation, and Joel appreciated him more in that moment than he ever had.

"Joel," he smiled as he approached, and where Joel offered a hand shake, Clifford almost laughed before pulling him into a bear hug. When they separated, he slid on to the stool beside him.

"I didn't think you'd ever speak to me again, not after what he did."

He referred to Daniel in such a distant way that Joel found it almost disconcerting. "It was nothing to do with you Clifford."

"You think? He's my son!" He signalled to the barman for a drink and before he could continue, Joel spoke.

"So was Marcus, so don't blame anything on his upbringing."

Clifford contemplated that for a moment, then gave a slight nod, "you always were worth more than half my family."

Joel grinned, "and you were worth more than all my family."

"You got time to talk?" He gestured to a table in the corner and Joel followed him over there.

"Have you seen Daniel?" He asked once they were both settled with a lunch menu.

Clifford shook his head, "he won't see me. Only his mother." He paused absorbed in some form of grief, for who Joel wasn't sure. "He'll only see Margaret...and she won't speak to me either."

"What a mess."

The older man nodded, "I'll never repair the slur that he brought to our family business. Not that I care about that. It's just that he has no remorse. What he did...to so many people. And Margaret can't see it either."

"She always did look out for him."

Clifford laughed, "and I always thought it was because he struggled in Marcus' shadow. But I let this happen, then again I've allowed a lot to happen that I'm not proud of. I let Margaret rule the family. I've barely seen you since Marcus..." He couldn't say the word 'died', and that almost choked Joel.

"I never saw you either; it was easier to wallow in my own guilt and grief."

"You feel it too? How did we all fail Marcus? He was so generous, so giving...yet none of us helped him when he needed it."

"He never told us he needed help; he didn't feel we let him down. It's taken a while, but I see that now. Sammy can be very persuasive when she wants to be."

Clifford flinched at the use of her name, his face flushing with fresh emotions, which was exactly why Joel was hoping for.

"You've seen her?"

He nodded, "I spent the weekend in Cornwall explaining what had happened to her."

"She good? The baby too?"

It was a calculated gamble, and Joel knew that Sammy might want to kill him, but he was banking on using as much emotional blackmail as he could. "Both are good, settled." He lifted his phone and cued up the video, "she just sent me this, your granddaughter's first steps."

Clifford took the phone and stared at the chunky, toothy toddler smiling at the camera, "my god, she's the image of Marcus!"

He nodded, "right down to the dimple in her chin. She'll break hearts Clifford."

With tight flat lips, he handed the phone back and dropped his eyes.

"It's not too late, to build bridges with them."

He laughed out loud, "why the hell would she want any of us involved in their lives?"

"Margaret maybe not, she was too hard at the end. But you were good to her, and to be honest I've been trying to help her out, financially...he took all that was due to her."

His head popped up, "she had the inheritance, did that help?"

He nodded, "of course, but she wanted to buy a house, now that she knows there's nothing left of Marcus for her to rely and without that security she can't get a mortgage. I offered..."

"But Daniel has decimated YOUR finances too."

Joel knew he'd understand things, "he did. She won't take a penny from me, even if I sell the business."

"You're going to sell?"

The conversation stalled as they ordered lunch from a waitress, but then Joel turned back to him, "I've fought to keep things going, but this was your son's dream, not mine. I need a fresh start."

"What will you do?"

Joel laughed, "all the things that me and Marcus planned to do as kids, drive across the US in a Mustang, scuba dive in the Maldives. I don't know. But I realise one thing, Marcus will never do those things, and no one knows what tomorrow brings. I want to live life doubled. You know?" Sammy's words were falling out of his lips, but he didn't care, it WAS what he wanted.

"Good for you."

Joel reached in to his pocket and pulled out his wallet, "and this will go everywhere with me."

He showed Clifford the picture of him and Marcus that was taken on the day of their graduation, "I'm going to show his picture to all the beautiful places I go. And I just might bury some of his ashes in the best places. I think he'd like that."

Smiling with tear filled eyes, Clifford gave his head a gentle shake, "I think he would too."

They ate lunch in a comfortable silence, and all too soon it was time for him to leave, Clifford had to make his own decisions. He only hoped he'd do the right thing. As he stood to leave the older man finally spoke.

"Do you think she'll see me? And what makes you think she'd accept anything from me."

Joel shrugged, "I don't know on either. But Eleanor deserves the cute little house that her mother has picked out; she deserves her own space, some security as she keeps hitting those milestones that her father isn't around to see. That's all I do know."

Clifford stood and hugged him, "thank you, for today. You'll come again?"

Joel gave a half smile, "maybe."

It was enough for the older man, and feeling mixed emotions Joel marched out into the winter sun hoping he'd done the right thing.

He'd exchanged a few text messages with Sammy since the weekend, but he hadn't actually called her in person. So when the phone rang two days after meeting Clifford, and he saw her name flashing on the display, he felt a sense of dread.

He'd just left the gym and was about to get a taxi home, but he needed to speak to her first, so connecting the call he ducked up the street in the direction of a small park that was still open and well lit.

Plopping on to a bench he took a deep breath, "Sammy. How are things?"

"I...I..." And with that she started to cry.

"Shit Sammy what's wrong? Is it Ellie? Is she alright? Are you?"

He heard her take a huge steadying breath, "she's fine...asleep..."

"What's happened? Do you need me to come down?" He glanced at his watch, it was seven pm, to drive to her town would take her until midnight probably. But he'd do it.

"No," she finally managed. "Clifford called me today, Marcus' Dad."

He grimaced; glad she couldn't see his face through her phone, "really?"

"He said he wants to talk to me, wants to help me."

Joel took a deep breath if she thought he was put up to this she'd never accept help, but if he lied she might never forgive him. He decided to sit somewhere in the middle.

"I saw him for lunch on Monday. He asked about you both then."

There was silence for a moment then she said quietly, "what did you say?"

He tried to act nonchalant, "what other than you're a fantastic mother and I'm in love with his granddaughter? Nothing."

"What does he want?"

He sighed, "look the man is full of remorse, he isn't speaking to Margaret as she has sided with Daniel, he was integral in catching him out...I think he just wants to extend an olive branch. He's had a lot of time to deal with all that's wrong in his life."

"I didn't want to see any of them ever again Joel."

She sounded so small, so sad that he instantly regretted speaking to Clifford, maybe she didn't need this.

"What do you want to see him? No one can make you do anything."

"I don't know what I want. He said that the family owes me."

Joel sighed, "look Daniel stole your future, he took all that Marcus had. All that he would have given you. Don't think that his family have no responsibility to you. Because they DO. For so many reasons."

"I don't want anything from them."

He sighed, "I get that, but just think of Eleanor. Do what you need to make her happy, safe. If that means physical, emotional or financial help of his family and friends then that is what you need to do."

She groaned, "I said I'd come to London. I don't want him coming here."

"Stay here. Call me when you get to town, yes?"

As he hung up he hated that he felt that same nausea, the same uncertainty at how she'd react to his interference, but then there was the thought of seeing her again. It had only been a couple of days, but he'd missed those two girls.

pporxiy@3