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XXXVII: Taehyung

They all look like ants from this high up.

Through the gaps of the trees, I can make out the high steeple towers that mark the middle of the bustling square, filled with people even during the heat of midday. The market area of the Sirius clan is highly renowned, and vampires from all different clans come to trade their goods. They all seem like multicolored specks on the streets, and I can almost hear them calling out the wares in their stalls. All of them are blissfully oblivious to the darkness closing in, tearing down the boundaries of my mind little by little. I grit my teeth as a bout of pain washes over me again, and I clutch onto the windowsill.

"Careful," A voice joins me at the window, and I don't even need to turn to know who it is. "Hold onto the windowsill any tighter and it'll break."

"A windowsill is easily fixable, Hoseok," I say. "My sanity, however, is not." I nod to the people below, and Hoseok peers down.

"Do you know how many vampires live in the Sirius clan, Hoseok?"

He knits his eyebrows, as if in deep thought. "A million?"

"Six million. Six million men, women, and children whose future rests in my hands. Do you know how it feels to have all of that weight on your back? It's crushing. I often wonder how other rulers bear it."

I hear Hoseok's quiet laugh. "Your aspects of ruling haven't changed in 300 years. It's because you want the absolute best for your people. Why else do you think that the Sirius is so prosperous? Trade hasn't been this good in centuries."

I shake my head. "Lisa did a better job at extending trade than I did. I just built upon her foundation after I came to power."

"Do you remember when you first came here, Taehyung?" Hoseok asks suddenly, and I look at him, surprised. He doesn't wait for my answer.

"It was just after your last killing spree. You were so small back then," he murmurs. "So full of hatred. You almost put a scim through my chest the first time we met."

My eyes harden as I relive the memory. After the monster had been let loose for the first time, I had ravaged the countryside for more than a century before I finally managed to harness the darkness. The action had taken something out of me, leaving me bone-tired and unable to go any further.

Hoseok had found me in a forest, ready to pass out from exhaustion. Even in my half-starved state, I had tried to fight him off, thinking that he meant me harm. He still had a five-inch long scar on his bicep as a reminder of the day.

"Your hair was a mess, your clothes rags, and your back...skies. Those whip marks didn't leave my thoughts for weeks." He shakes his head. "But what really scared me were your eyes. We've all heard rumors of what Bloodcrest does to people, how it warps them into heartless beings. Your eyes were full of pain, misery, and death. Too much death for someone so young. If you were anyone else, I would have felt pity for you. But that feeling of compassion had been drilled out of you long before. You would have only taken it as an insult."

"And then I probably would have killed you," I agree. "The only reason I didn't was because you had a large scim strapped to your back. I couldn't afford to take any more serious injuries."

Hoseok smiles. "And yet that didn't stop you from trying to gut me like a fish. You almost got the best of me in combat before I told you that Lisa had sent me to try and find you. You were so skeptical, and I still remember how your eyes darted around as if looking for a way out. But finally you agreed to come, though your hand never left your scim for the whole way there." He leans forward, as if about to tell me a secret. "Tell me, Taehyung, were you afraid?"

"Of course," I say without hesitation. "I didn't know you. I couldn't trust if you were actually taking me to my sister or whether you were leading me straight into an ambush. And if you were, I wouldn't have had the strength to fight off whatever awaited me. The only reason I went with you was that I could clearly see that if I stayed in the forest, I would be dead in a week. And that's if no wild animals happened to cross my path. Bloodcrest had trained all the goodness out of me, but in return it gave me a cutting edge over combat. I just hoped that would be enough to escape you alive."

"But even amid all that suffering, you weren't heartless. Haunted yes, but not heartless." Hoseok sounds almost impressed. "I saw the small smile on your face when Lisa welcomed you to Armad. How your eyes flickered with happy memories when you walked through the hallways. You had had a life before all this misery. A happy life. And that had been ripped away from you by Bloodcrest and the rising of the monster. I couldn't have felt more commiseration for you if I tried."

A mirthless laugh escapes me. "It's a good thing you didn't show it. Masks hate any signs of weakness thrown at them. Back then, I was no different. If you had even dared look at me in a way that showed sympathy, you would have been dead by morning."

"I have no doubt," Hoseok says. "I've heard how hardheaded Masks can be. And yet, you didn't speak to anyone except Lisa for such a long time. Even then, it was no more than a few words. People honestly started to believe that you were mute. I still remember your first words to me, you know. 'I want to go home'." A ghost of a smile graces Hoseok's lips, as if he's remembering a bittersweet memory.

"That was honestly the first time I realized that Masks were still living creatures. You all are trained to withstand the swaying of emotions, but that doesn't mean you don't have any. Those words, that one moment where you showed your true self, was all it took for me to understand that you were afraid. But then again, you threatened to kill us all if we tried to prevent you from leaving. Only the Great Above knows how I managed to earn your trust." He chuckles lightly, but there's a hint of sadness in his voice.

"It was mostly because of your smile," I admit. "It―It reminded me of my father. The way he used to look at me and Lisa when we were children. I suppose it made me feel safe."

"Ah, Jaehwan." A shadow passes across Hoseok's face. "Now that was a good man. He and Calista were one of the finest rulers Sirius ever had. Such a pity that they had to pass on before their time. If it wasn't for the fire―" He sees the look on my face, and stops talking, his words dying on his lips.

Memories flash through my mind, spreading like wildfire. The inferno that devoured our house whole, and the flames that rose impossibly high. The acrid smell of smoke that I smelled from more than a half mile away. How Lisa's hand gripped mine so tight I thought my bones would crack. My mother's frantic face as she tried to wade through the blazing heat, and my own desperation as I tried to part the resisting blades of fire. The way our eyes met for just a split second before a wall of flames drove a wedge between the living and the dead.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reminded you. It must bring back... unpleasant memories." Hoseok says apologetically.

"The memories are fine," I say, purposefully making my voice devoid of emotion. I couldn't afford to become sentimental now. "I can bury them again. The pain lasts only while I think about it. I should have forgotten them long ago. I don't know why I still cling onto them." He watches as I ignite a small flame in my hand, twirling it in circles in the air.

"You've changed since Jungkook came." Hoseok says suddenly and I look up. "Before, you were living, breathing, and eating simply because it was your duty to stay alive to lead your people. You had nothing to live for. Love is what makes life worth living. But be careful, Taehyung. Now, you have something to lose. You of all people know what it feels like to lose someone important. Don't let it happen again."

I look at him warily. "And why are you telling me all of this?"

Hoseok shrugs. "A bit of nostalgia for the past? You know me, Taehyung. There isn't much I've forgotten." His usually happy face turns grim. "I remember the monster perfectly. I also know how much it took from you to subdue the darkness the first time. There's no guarantee you'll be able to do it again."

"I know that," I stare at the flame flickering on my palm. "You've noticed, haven't you?"

Hoseok nods. "It wasn't hard to figure out. Yoongi's already beginning to suspect it. It won't be long until the others start to understand as well."

"Let them suspect. It doesn't change anything." I snuff out the flame by curling my fingers, watching as thin wisps of smoke escape from my fist. "As long as Jungkook is kept in the dark about this, it'll be fine."

Hoseok cocks his head. "Are you sure you don't want to tell him? He's your soulmate after all. He may be able to help―"

"But at what cost?" I ask, cutting him off. "His life? If I tell him, he'll want to help. And I can't have that. It would only put him in danger. More danger than he's already in."

A day ago, the monster had promised me that everyone I loved, including Jungkook, would be safe if I handed over control. But I wasn't about to place all my trust in a force of darkness that I couldn't command. Worse, it had specifically requested an answer by sundown. I still didn't know what to do.

There was only one way that I could ensure that Jungkook stayed safe, no matter what decision I made. One that didn't rely on the monster's promises.

Because now you have something to lose.

"Hoseok, call Jimin and Baekhyun in immediately. I have something I want to tell them."

☆☆☆

Ten minutes.

The throne room seems bleaker than usual, silent other than the flickers of flame in the torches lining the walls. It is almost as if the whole castle is holding its breath, awaiting what will happen next. My obsidian throne feels colder to the touch, and I cross my arms, staring out at the place where the hallway drops into oblivion. It would be so easy to simply jump and end all this suffering. I could probably save hundreds of lives by doing that. But if I did...

"Taehyung!"

An excited voice jerks me from my thoughts, and a moment later, Jungkook is at my side. He must have come through the portal when I wasn't looking.

"Hoseok said I'd find you here," He says, smiling. "Why were you staring into space like that? I had to call your name three times before you saw me."

"Just thinking," I hold out my arms and he sinks into them, letting out a sigh of content. My heart twists as I look at his face, nestled comfortably in the crook of my arm. He catches me staring and tilts his head, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. But it soon disappears as he sees the look in my eyes.

Jungkook cups my face in his hands, an expression of worry flitting across his face. "What's wrong? You look like you're about to cry."

"Nothing, my love. I'm tired, that's all," I say, gently prying his fingers away from my cheeks. He frowns, but lets his arms fall to his side. "If you're tired, you should rest. I can ask Jin to make some tea." He starts to stand up, but I shake my head, pulling him back down.

"I don't need tea. Just―just please stay." He looks confused, but sits again. I pull him close, inhaling his sweet, addictive scent which I love so much.

I check the watch on my left wrist.

Five more minutes.

"Are you late for something?" Jungkook asks, once again relaxing into the hug. "You're really tense."

I don't answer his question, only wrapping my arms tighter around him as a cool breeze blows from a nearby window. I can see the golden rays of sun just beginning to sink below the horizon, sending dappled colors across the sky. Even though the sun here is not nearly as powerful as in the human world, it is still enough to paint the sky aglow.

"It's going to be a beautiful sunset tonight," Jungkook remarks, and I stiffen. "Do you want to watch it with me?"

"Of course," I say, ignoring the horrible dread pooling in my stomach. "I would love that." His hand finds mine and I wrap my fingers around his as he leans against my shoulder. The warmth of his body makes me forget, for one joyful second, the graveness of the situation in front of me.

But I can ignore it no longer when the portal swirls to life, and two figures step out. Right on time.

Jimin's eyes are red, like he's been crying before this, and all of Baekhyun's cheekiness is gone. They both stand in the middle of the room nervously, awaiting the orders that they know are coming. Jimin meets my eye, but after a split second, looks down. I don't blame him.

"Tae?" Jungkook leans deeper into my embrace, a hint of worry embedded in his voice. "What's going on? Why does everyone look so sad?"

"Jungkook..." I hesitate. Last chance to back out, my brain tells me. Are you sure you need to do this? I silence that voice. That is the voice of my weakness. This is the only way I can guarantee that Jungkook will be safe. It doesn't matter how much he would hate me for it. It needed to be done. I gently turn his head to face me, almost backing out once I see the abundant worry in his eyes. But I steel myself anyway.

It was for his own good.

"They've come to take you away."