I sling my legs over the bed and walk barefoot to Cian's bedroom. When I get there, my hand stays in front of the door for a few seconds. I want to go to the woods, which are next to the training grounds. That way, no one can see me practicing, or rather failing.

But what if he refuses to help me?

Doubts bubble up inside me and for a moment I decide to go to the woods on my own, but I know that I won't succeed anyway. I need his help, otherwise, I have no chance.

I knock three times on a wooden door that looks exactly like my bedroom door. "Cian?" I ask when I don't hear an answer right away.

Just when I want to knock again, a sleepy Cian opens the door. His hair is tousled and sticking out in all directions. Tired, he rubs his hand over his face and yawns deeply. "Mmm? What are you doing up so early, Aire?"

I raise an eyebrow at him. Today, the sun has already been at its peak. "It's already two in the afternoon sleepyhead," I say and give him a light punch to his shoulder. "I need your help. I need you to help me learn to transform. I've been thinking about where we can practice and finally thought of the woods, because there we can train in peace and without anyone seeing us," I continue.

A silence falls among us and I bite the inside of my lip in anticipation of his reply.

"Aire..." he sighs deeply and I feel my courage sinking in. Of course, he wouldn't want to help me. Cian would follow Negaron's rules at all costs. He would never break them. And if he were to help me transform in the woods, we would be breaking two of the school's rules. It is against the rules of the school to enter the forest alone, without being accompanied by a teacher, and it is forbidden to transform anywhere on Negaron unless you are in the transformation room.

"Cian, please, help me. Transformation class is terrible. The other students laugh at me because I'm the only one who can't transform. And I'm sick of it. I want to be able to do it and just be like the others, Cian. I want to be like everyone else. So please, understand...and...help me." I look up at him with pleading eyes. For a few seconds, he is completely silent, just looking at me. Sighing, he once again runs a hand through his hair.

"You will never be like anyone else here, Aire. You will never be just another elf, Fortuna has thought of something greater for you, I already know that. You are special Aire, don't forget that." He mutters these words softly, but in a confident voice. I can feel my stomach fluttering with compliments.

I want to ask him what makes him so sure that I am special, but my fear that he will clam up again and refuse to help me anyway prevails. So I just smile at him and ask, "So this means you want to help me?"

His mouth folds into a small smile. "For you always."

•••

We walk through the forest like two ghosts. Quickly I look back to make sure that no one is following us. I feel my heart pounding in my chest and my breathing quickens. My fists relax and then contract again. I am nervous because I know that Cian and I are currently breaking one of Negaron's most important rules.

When we can no longer see the fields through the trees, we stop. I take off the hood of my black hoodie and see Cian follow my example.

We position ourselves in front of each other. Cian instructs me to bend my knees and relax completely. I sit down with my knees on the still-wet ground – because it had rained yesterday – and try to concentrate on my breathing. "Relax," I tell myself and slowly but surely feel all the stress and tension leave my muscles.

Minutes pass by. Colorful birds fly by and whistle loudly, but I try not to look up and stay focused on relaxing and igniting my transformation. I shift, a little agitated, when I hear two birds chirping loudly at each other.

I feel nothing, as I did in the transformation class, of what I felt when I first transformed. As if Cian can see my impatience, he says, "You can do it, Aire. Focus. The first few times are harder and take longer to awaken, so to speak, but after that, you will find that it is easier and easier."

His words give me hope, but if I will never undergo my second transformation, it will never get easier. I shift my knees once more over the muddy earth. I hear the fighting birds coming closer.

I bite my lip. "Don't focus on that, Aire," I try to tell myself. After what felt like forever, the birds stop. Relaxed, I take another breath. Footsteps I hear coming towards me. I know it's Cian. With cold hands, he holds the temples of my head. "Cian, what are you doing?" I ask confusedly, but before I can open my eyes to look at him questioningly, he says, "I'm going to help you."

And before I can do or say anything, I feel myself being sucked back to the night of my sixteenth birthday. I gasp for air. It feels like I'm lying on that bed again, screaming in pain. When I think of the pain, I immediately feel it coming back. Like waves, it engulfs me, each one more intense than the last.

A shooting pain rushes through my spine and a cry of pain leaves my lips before I know it. The fire that seems to spread like oil over my body is more intense and bigger than in my memory. My back curves in pain and I bite my teeth together to silence the next cry.

"Almost, Aire. Almost. You're almost there," Cian repeats over and over. I had forgotten what it feels like to undergo a transformation and why, after my first transformation, I was terrified to transform. Now I know why.

Tears roll down my cheeks. Because of the pain, I grab a large lump of earth in both hands and squeeze it as hard as I can, trying to ease the pain in the rest of my body.

A few bones crack, putting my body in an unusual position and I fall to the ground like a plant. All the air is sucked out of my lungs and I try to gasp in devastation. My lips come into contact with the dirty wet earth and I try to spit it out, coughing. A sudden movement makes my spine hurt, sending shooting pain through my body from head to toe. Crocodile tears roll down my cheeks. I don't bother to wipe them away.

"AAAH!!!" I cry out, my head tilted to the sky. This makes the birds that had just stopped fighting start crowing again, but this time not at each other, but for me. My eyes open as if stung by a wasp. Immediately, I have the two black crows in my sights. They look at me with piercing eyes.

I feel a fire stirring inside of me. A powerful non-painful firestorm. I feel my hands itching again, just like yesterday when I was standing in front of the red-haired boy.

All the pain that runs through me and all the hatred I feel for almost all my classmates I focus on those two birds. I feel myself being dragged backward in my body. The pain is lulled into a tolerable sting by the inner fire within me.

I try to calm myself, but it feels like I am fighting a storm at sea for control of myself against the current. Soon I feel myself becoming exhausted and I give up. A hand is placed on my shoulder, but as if I have shocked Cian, he removes his hand.

I don't break eye contact with the birds. My hatred for them grows bigger and bigger. The larger of the two opens its beak again, most probably to screech at me again, but before I have any idea what I am doing, I raise my hand and in a blink of an eye the bird is on fire. The other bird is startled by what is happening to its companion and flies up as fast as it can, through the trees out of my sight. Clever animal.

Suddenly Cian is standing in front of me. He shakes me hard that I start to feel dizzy in my head. Just like what the school bell did to me yesterday, I feel myself 'waking up' again and taking control of my own body. The flame in me calms down and only then do I realize that I have set a bird on fire.

As fast as I can I run towards the bird – or what is left of the beast. It has fallen from the branch in the tree and lies on the ground between a few tufts of grass, like a piece of ash. I crouch over him and feel tears well up in my eyes again. Now not from the physical pain, but the emotional pain.

"Cian..." I let a sob leave my mouth. I turn around. With sad eyes, yet also a proud smile on his face, he looks at me. How can he smile at me?

"How?" I merely ask him, pointing to the bird I managed to kill from twenty yards away, without touching it or using a weapon.

"How?" I repeat again, now more desperate. Bile rises as I realize that I have just killed this animal. Me! With my bare hands. I think I'm going to be sick. I hold a hand in front of my mouth to make sure I don't pass out on the spot.

"Your power has awakened, Aire." These are the only words Cian tells me. As if this should clarify everything and make up for it somehow. I look at him with glassy eyes. "My power?"

"Every elf has a power that they have carried with them since birth. From your sixteenth birthday, it is kind of sparked but will only manifest when you experience extreme emotions. Exactly like now. You were seething, Aire, and as a result, your power – light – was awakened and set ablaze by the ball of light you sent at the raven, and unfortunately killed him in the process."

Cian slowly comes walking towards me and crouches down in front of me so that we are now at eye level of each other. He sees the saddened expression on my face and places a brotherly hand on my cheek.

"Don't be sad anymore, Aire. On the contrary, you must be proud of yourself – no matter how cruel and absurd that sounds. You must realize that you have awakened your strength and that is an enormous achievement. So dry those tears and try to look more cheerful, okay? It breaks my heart to see you like this, niece of mine." His voice sounds low and full of sympathy. His Adam's apple moves up and down as he utters the last words. I glance briefly at the remains of the raven and then back at Cian. I nod at him and try to smile, but I know it won't reach my eyes.

"Now that your power has come forward, it is dangerous to practice transforming in the forest, because there are many things there that can catch fire quickly. Therefore, for the next lessons, let's go to the fields, right?" Although Cian's proposal sounds rational, internally I quickly shake my head at the thought that everyone can see me failing. The woods are much more covered and no one will come there. After all, it is forbidden to enter this forest alone.

But because I know that Cian would try at all costs to persuade me to train in the fields and otherwise perhaps go to the headmistress to tell her what we did today, so that I will be more careful not to go to the woods alone again, I smile at him and nod my head twice.

Cian and I walk back to Negaron, our hoodies slung over our heads again. I quickly look back at the dense forest and make myself a promise; I will learn to train and transform there, even if I break Negaron's rules in doing so.