I grab the fitted sheet, balling my fists. My long nails are digging into my palms, so hard that I feel a drop of blood run down my nail across my palm on the bed.

I do not feel this pain – which I cause myself. It illuminates the burning flame within me. A flame that has been burning brighter and brighter from the beginning.

Cian quickly zippers up the curtains and turns on the lamp in the room. Finally, I can get a closer look at the room. We are in a guest room, as there is only a double bed and all four walls are snow white.

Cian's earlier words continue to reverberate through my head. My first transformation, that's the reason for this immense pain. But my first transformation, what does that mean...transformation into what?

The mattress next to me collapses due to Cian's weight. "Focus on my voice." The calmness in his voice surprises me. How can he stay so calm and not freak out like I am doing right now? Nonetheless, I follow his advice and indeed notice that the pain recedes into the background.

"Breathe in." I take a big gulp of air. "Breathe out." Cian joins in at the same time and we both slowly blow out the inhaled air.

"I know the pain is inhuman, Aire. But that is normal and the more often you undergo your transformation, the less it hurts and eventually it is painless," his voice is a soft whisper. Cian rubs my back slowly and gently.

Another stab of pain courses through my body. I bite my teeth together to keep from screaming out in pain. I don't know what's wrong with me, but one thing I do know for sure is that I never want to go through this again.

"Don't resist it, Aire. Otherwise, it will hurt even more. Please stop fighting it, you will get hurt even more." I shake my head. I have to keep fighting against it, not give up. I can resist this pain, I am strong enough.

"Aire, look at me." Cian puts his hand on my chin and gently pushes it up so I have to look at him.

"Surrendering to this has nothing to do with how strong you are, Aire. Please, stop. I don't want to see you in pain any longer. Do it for me," Cian continues. His eyes are pleading and I would almost say I saw a blur before his eyes if it weren't for the black spots dancing before my eyes.

He's wrong.

I'm not afraid to surrender to it, because that would mean I'm not strong enough. I'm afraid because it would mean I'm no longer in control. I don't know how far it will go and whether I'll be able to regain control once I've lost control. That's my big fear.

The pain has now become so intense that the pain caused by my nails in my hands no longer relieves me and takes my mind off it.

I curl my back as a sting goes through my abdomen. It feels like I'm being stabbed with fifteen knives and they're being twisted around.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks. It hurts too much. I can't take it anymore...it's too much.

"Try to surrender to it," Cian's words echo in my head again. I gasp and reach around for Cian when a stab of pain courses through my neck. Cian's hand encompasses mine and rubs the back of my hand reassuringly.

"Come on Aire, you can do this. Give in a little bit." I have to listen to him, I realize. He only has my best interests at heart and the pain is only going to get worse now that I'm resisting it. Just like Cian said.

I try to let go of the reins a little, while Cian speaks to me with encouragement. "You're doing good, Aire. You can do this."

Immediately I feel the pain diminish. It is now more bearable than before. The adrenaline that was flowing through my body like an express train is diminishing.

My breathing returns to its normal frequency and when I trust my voice, I ask my older cousin, "How do you know all this, Cian?"

I hear him blow out his breath hard and see before me how he runs a hand through his brown hair.

He is silent for several seconds. Just so long, I don't think he heard my question at all. Then he finally answers.

"Because I went through the same thing."

I lift my head in surprise, even though every muscle in my body protests against it. He looks at me with a sad smile, but his eyes are honest.

"I was so hoping that on this day you had not only me, but your whole family who could be there for you," he continued sadly.

"They didn't want us anymore," I reminded him. Cian told me that because our own family didn't want us, we were evicted and that's how we ended up at the orphanage.

His Adam's apple goes up and down. He breaks eye contact. "Yeah, you're right."

I squeeze my eyes together as cramping occurs in my abdomen. "Into what–" a fierce stab of pain courses through my spine and remains present in my back. I exhale deeply. "Into what am I going to transform, Cian?" I finally manage to ask.

I squeeze his upper arm, to distract myself from my own pain.

"Surrender to it...surrender to it," I tell myself over and over again. But even though I do, the pain doesn't lessen. What's happening?

The pain now focuses on my back. It feels like it is splitting open. Cian mumbles unintelligible words to himself, but I can understand two words: final stage.

Cian turns me onto my stomach and I have no puff to protest.

A scream escapes my mouth. It feels like a surgeon is cutting into my back with a scalpel. Tears flow uncontrollably down my cheeks and wet the bed beneath me.

I increase the pressure on Cian's arm, but he doesn't flinch and allows it. When it feels like my spine is being pulled out of my body, I scream my lungs out, so loudly that I'm sure everyone in this house and the wide-area has heard me.

I look back at my back to see what is causing this immense pain.

My eyes narrow and I feel the dizziness return. This can't be true. This is something beyond nature.

"Oh heavens," I mutter and watch the stars return in front of my field of vision. I put my hand on my head to cool it. This isn't real...it can't be.

I turn my gaze to Cian and see him talking to me, but I don't understand a word he says. The black spots get bigger and bigger. Cian stretches his arm out to me to calm me down, but it's too late. My eyes close and everything goes black.

As black as my two huge wings coming out of my back.