I walked across the hall to my bedroom and Ezra followed behind me. He walked straight to my bed and sat down. I pulled the too-tight hair tie out of my hair and let it fall wildly over my shoulders.

He leaned back on his elbows, watching me shake my hands out and roll my head over my shoulders to try to lessen the ache I was feeling from my episode. My body was tight and throbbing like I had just spent the day working out.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Insane." I said, leaning down to unzip the knee-high boots. I was still too shaky to wear anything with a heel. Even a small one like these.

He cleared his throat and I looked up at him while I was bent over mid-motion. He sat back up and looked away. I walked into my bathroom to finish taking them off.

"Does that happen a lot?" He asked loud enough for me to hear.

I walked out with my boots in my hand to put them back in my closet.

"Sometimes it's worse than others. I can go for long stretches without one and then get blindsided by something that hits me the wrong way." I walked over and sat down next to him and swung my feet while looking down at the silver nail polish on my toes.

"Is it because of what I did to you that night? When I hurt you?"

"No, I think it's something hormonal. I didn't start it until weeks after you left. It was like a depression hit me one day when my body started changing and then after she was born, it got even worse. I had really bad postpartum. I didn't sleep; I didn't eat. I didn't take care of myself. I could barely take care of her."

"Is it because I wasn't there?" He was torturing himself over this.

"I missed you a lot and it did hurt. I made the decision I made for her and I accepted that. I know you would have been there, but I know you also had to go get better too." I put my hand on his knee to try to comfort him.

He wrapped his fingers in mine and squeezed my hand back.

"We are terrible at this." He said, laughing and looking down where we were holding hands.

"Yeah, I think we still need a little work." I wrinkled my nose and pulled my hand from him. "We should probably go back downstairs."

I got up and Ezra followed me to the stairs. I wobbled a bit and he grabbed my arm as I walked down the stairs. My legs still felt a little like jello.

"Momma, you feel bad?" Jessa asked, sniffling when I got to the bottom of the steps.

I bent down and picked her up and snuggled her into me. Ezra ran his hands through her hair and bent down to kiss the back of her head.

"I'm feeling better, baby. Papa and Ezra helped me." I said, kissing her cheek a million times.

"No kisses." She said, but I did it again anyway. I needed to find a way to hold myself together for this little girl.

Aiden and my Mom walked out of the kitchen. I was waiting for another confrontation between my Mom and Ezra, but she looked at us and smiled instead. Maybe having me able to stand on my own two feet was more important than her feelings about him. She would have plenty of time to belittle him since he was going to be around because of Jessa.

"Thanks, man," Aiden said, reaching out his hand to Ezra. He pulled him into a one-armed hug, which caught Ezra off guard. He didn't miss a beat; he hugged him back.

"No problem." Ezra said. There was a strange new respect between the two of them. It was like watching me fall apart had magically brought them closer together. They were on the same team now. Team Jessa.

"Ezra, do you want to stay for some lunch?" My Mom asked him. It's official. My panic attack must have killed me. I was ready to walk back upstairs and then walk back down to make sure I was in the right house. There was no way these two could find a way to coexist in the same room. I pinched my hand hard to see if I could feel anything.

"Ouch." I said when I accidentally hurt myself.

Ezra's eyes looked down to where I was pinching my skin and looked back up at me with a raised eyebrow. I smiled back at him and kissed Jessa's hair again.

"I'd love to, but I can't. I have a session at the studio this afternoon and my Mom and Uncle are in town." Ezra politely declined.

"Well, maybe another day soon." My Mom said as she walked back towards the kitchen. Aiden followed her, leaving me, Jessa, and Ezra to give us a few minutes.

"Riley, does Jessa need anything? Is there anything you need me to help you with?" He asked, watching her play with the cutout on my sweatshirt.

"We are good right now. I'll let you know if anything changes." I said, looking up at him.

"I will call you when things calm down a bit to see her again if that's still ok with you. I understand if you need some time after today." He looked a little nervous.

"Nope, you can see her. Just give me a call when you want to." I said, smiling at him. "Jessa tell your Da... tell Ezra goodbye."

She reached up her little hand and waved at him. He leaned in and kissed her head, which put him close to my neck. He paused, closing his eyes and his hand brushed against the small of my back. I turned my head towards him wanting to brush my lips against him. If he moved even half an inch closer, I would be kissing him and there would be nothing I could do to stop it.

"Bye, Ezwa." Jessa said, giggling as she pushed his face away from mine.

He backed away from us and shook his head in disbelief. What were we doing? It was a good thing Jessa was between us to stop it from happening. I didn't like Jenna and the things she said to me, but he still belonged to her. He was getting married to her. She was going to be his wife. I was just the little gnat buzzing between them, trying to keep his attention. I had to stop this now for him before I did the same things to him that he did to me. I couldn't ruin his life because I was selfish and lonely.

"Talk to you soon." I said turning and walking back towards the kitchen. He stood there staring at me as I disappeared around the corner.

It was a few days later and I hadn't heard from Ezra. He was no doubt dealing with the aftermath of our breakfast with Jenna. I had been going through the motions for days. I wasn't sure how I felt about everything now. I was just glad he seemed to be able to be in the same room as my family, well except JD. I wasn't sure if JD would ever forgive him.

Rachel was on cloud nine when I got to work that evening, Jules had bought her an expensive bracelet and she was showing it off to everyone at the bar tonight. I couldn't believe they were still together after all these years. They were so cute, it was disgusting. I was jealous, but I am always jealous of anyone who can have a healthy functioning relationship since it seemed so hard to do.

Speaking of Jules, he was walking up to the bar. It was his off night, so I wasn't sure why he was here except to harass my best server. It looked like he brought a friend with him too. Maybe Jules was here to cut loose tonight.

"Hey, Jules." I smiled when he grabbed a seat in front of me. His friend sat down next to him and flashed me a perfectly symmetrical smile. I blushed a bit at the attention.

"Hey Ry, this is my friend Matt. Matt, this is my bar manager, Riley." He said, introducing us.

"Nice to meet you." Matt said as he continued to grin at me.

"Likewise." I said, returning the compliment.

"Matt. Hang out here for a second. I'm going to go find my gorgeous wife." Jules said, patting his back as he climbed off the stool. "Hey Riley, get Matt anything he wants on me tonight."

"Got it." I said as Matt continued to stare.

Matt's hair was a light sandy brown and he had perfectly white aligned teeth. He was a little on the muscular side, which was an added bonus. He looked like one of those guys who went to college and did well for himself. A little too conventional for my taste, but he was still nice to look at.

"How long have you been working here?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"About four years." I said, leaning over the bar so he could hear me better.

"Four years? You're saying you've been here for four years and I am just now getting to meet you? Damn, Jules has some explaining to do." He said, leaning back and shaking his head at me.

"Want a drink?" I asked, biting the inside of my cheek.

"I'll take that." He nodded and pointed to a bottle of whiskey behind me on the top shelf at the back of the bar.

I turned away and went to go reach for it. I had to lean far up on my tiptoes to get it. Even then, it was a stretch. I turned back when I heard Matt chuckle as I struggled to reach it. I caught him staring at me.

When I finally got the bottle, I pulled out a shot glass and filled it to the brim. He picked it up and swallowed it in one gulp. He placed the glass back on the bar and slid it over to me.

"You want anything else?" I asked, moving a few glasses around, getting ready for the next wave of our drink rush.

"Yeah, go out with me tomorrow." He sure was confident. I rolled my eyes. I didn't date anyone. It was something I never did. Having Jessa was the perfect way to get out of going on any date. When single guys found out you had a kid, they usually went running the other way. It was a great defense mechanism. If I was a porcupine, she was my quills.

"I can't. I have no one to watch my little girl." I said, smirking, knowing that should end this conversation.

"That's a lame excuse." He said, throwing it back in my face. My mouth dropped open in shock. He couldn't seriously want to go on a date with a bartender who had a kid.

"It's not an excuse. It's the truth." I said, a bit huffy.

"Well, are you going to let me take you out or what?" He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

My phone started buzzing on the bar and I saw a text message from Ezra.

Ezra: Can I see Jessa tomorrow?

I looked back up at Matt and bit the inside of my cheek. Ezra was in a relationship. Why couldn't I start trying to put myself back out there too? Ezra would watch Jessa for me if I asked and it would be easier if I wasn't around so he could get to know her. My Dad would be there in case he had any questions; this could work.

Me: Can you watch her for a little bit tomorrow at my house? My Dad will be there if you need help.

Ezra: Yeah, that's no problem. Text me the time.

I looked back up at Matt and smiled. "Looks like I found a sitter. How about lunch around one or two?"

"Perfect."