I lapped the bar a few times and got stopped by a table of college-aged guys begging for my attention. I smiled and leaned down into the table to get closer, making sure my hips were at a sinful angle for Ezra to watch. I drew little smiley faces on their receipts and pulled at one of my braids. They ended up fighting over the bill and who could give the biggest tip to settle their tab. One of the guys handed me a piece of paper with his number on it and I took it. He was cute, maybe I would call him.

Probably not, but he didn't need to know that.

I felt Ezra's eyes on me from the bar. I always knew when he was watching me. It was like a sense I developed from the long nights with him. I felt powerful, knowing he couldn't take his eyes off me.

I ended up with a wad of cash from the table and I slipped it into the waistband of my jeans. I told myself I was working the tables to help Rachel's tips too. I knew that was not the real reason I was pushing so hard tonight. I wanted him to watch me and see I was still strong without him.

As the last table settled up and left, Rachel locked the door behind them. I pulled the wad of cash I had stashed in my jeans out and waved it at her. Her mouth dropped open and she took it, fanning herself.

I smiled and looked up to see Ezra sitting stone-faced, playing with the condensation on his glass. Reality set back in and I realized it was about time for us to sit down and have the talk. My little tease was over. This would be the last tease I would probably ever be able to give him. It made me a little sad knowing I had to slip back into being a responsible adult.

After half an hour, Rachel and I whipped the bar into shape. Sweat was pouring down my face and body, causing it to glisten under the dim bar lights. I moved as fast as I could to get Rachel out of here so I could talk to Ezra, who was still sulking at the bar with another glass of Coke.

"Rachel, it looks pretty good. You're free to go. Thanks for the hard work tonight. Tell Jules I'll be calling him soon."

"You got it, boss." She said, looking over at Ezra and then sent a smile in my direction. "See you later." She ran out of the door without even pausing. I moved to the door and locked it back behind her.

"Boss?" Ezra asked as I was walking back to the bar.

"Jules made me bar manager when he opened the other location. Technically, I am the boss here." I smiled as I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I leaned back against the back of the bar and raised the glass to my lips. Ezra was watching me with cautious eyes. I saw him look down at the bare skin above my waistband.

He looked up at me and realized I caught him staring.  He looked back down at his hands to avoid eye contact with me.

"Speaking of changes, no drinking, engaged to be married, no piercings, and singing in a band. It's a lot to take in." I said, looking down at my feet and fidgeting. We were supposed to be talking about Jessa and for some reason, I felt like skirting the topic.

"Yeah, Jenna and I have been together for two years now. I met her not long after getting out of rehab. Her family is from this area." He hadn't lifted his eyes off his hands and started slid his fingers around the rim of the glass before continuing on.

"I started working at a recording studio playing the guitar and writing. I met a couple of people there and we formed a band. We couldn't find a singer that fit our sound, so they finally convinced me to do it." 

"Your band is really good and Jenna seems... nice." I said, running my fingers over the tips of my braids nervously. "Does she know where you are tonight?" He shook his head no and didn't look up. He lied to her about coming here. It reminded me of when I was in her shoes, the night I caught him and Brynn together.

"I couldn't tell her the truth, so I told her I was going out with the guys after work. I'm not sure what to say to her. She knows about my past and how I tortured you, but she doesn't know your name. I have kept that part for myself. She has no clue about Jessa. I don't know how to tell her yet."

"The truth works." I said, walking towards the bar where he was sitting. I obviously didn't need to keep my distance. He didn't make a move to get too close to me. Maybe we could just be adults and think about the best interest of Jessa. 

"Just like you told me the truth?" He asked, looking up into my eyes finally. Ouch. Low blow.

"Ezra, you know why I didn't." I said, leaning down on my elbows across from him and staring at him.

"You know I never meant to hurt you." He said, looking at me. "I wasn't lying when I told you what Brynn did that night. I wish you could have found a way to believe me."

"But you did lie. You lied to me about using. You were in my bed with my friend on top of you because of it. I ended up in the hospital because I got a concussion from when you put your hands on me. Everything that happened was because you couldn't control yourself." I haven't said any of these words out loud in a while. The hurt girl inside of me reached to my belly, afraid to go back any further in our messed-up timeline.

"I know I screwed up Riley, do you think I don't know what I put you through? The night I OD'd, I did it on purpose. I couldn't live with myself for what I did to you." He raised his voice and lifted himself off the barstool. I stepped back from the bar in shock. I hoped he was exaggerating, but that wasn't something he did.  If he said it, he meant it. His eyes were turning dark and angry as he relived what happened between us. I was not comfortable with the direction this conversation was going. It was time for him to go.

"Ezra, I think you should leave." I said quietly as I looked around for my exit strategy.

"Will you let me see my daughter?" He asked, pushing his hands through his hair.

"I don't know, Ezra. I'm not sure if it is a good idea."

"She's my daughter Riley and you have kept her from me. I will never get the time I lost with her back. I'm trying not to be upset with you, but you need to know what you did was cruel." His jaw clenched and he tried to shake his hurt away to keep himself level. 

My temper began to grow.  He didn't get to pretend like I was the bad guy here.

"I can't have that little girl crying over you the same way I did." I screamed at him. My eyes were hard and my inner mama bear came out swinging.

"You know I would never do that to her." He yelled back at me.

"I can't risk putting her through that. That little girl needs stability in her life." I said, putting all my cards on the table.

"Don't you think it will hurt more if she grows up and finds out I tried to see her and you wouldn't let me?" His voice began to bounce off the empty bar walls. He walked around the corner of the bar and I was strongly aware that he had blocked the only path I had out. That was my exit strategy and he was smart enough to know I couldn't run from him if he cornered me.

My mind started racing, scared he would hurt me again. I flinched and backed up when he came near me. My stance tightened and I was ready to swing.

"Fuck!" He yelled, pulling at his hair. "Riley, I'm not going to hurt you."

"We don't have the best history, Ezra. The last time I fought with you, I ended up with bruises all over my body and a head injury. I couldn't even take anything for it because I was pregnant." I covered my mouth with my hands, wishing I could take the last part back.

"You knew you were pregnant and didn't tell me? How long did you know?" His eyes burned with the hurt inside.

"I found out at the hospital. I was barely far enough along for it to register." I said, looking at my feet.

"You should have told me. Everything would be completely different now for us. We could have found a way to work this out." He stepped closer and closer with every word until he had me backed up against the counter.

"This would have never worked, Ezra. We both know it." I said in a soft voice, looking up at him.

He placed his hands on the counter behind me and I shrunk as small as I could get. He pinned me between his hard arms. If I moved either way, his hands would be brushing against my hips. He leaned down, dangerously close to my lips. The energy between us was just waiting for the spark to ignite and explode. His head dipped closer to my mouth. His scent swirled all around me and drove me wild as I breathed him in again.

"I never stopped thinking about you." Ezra whispered into me. His eyes studied my face looking for some signal.

"Mmmm." A soft moan escaped my lips, betraying me. All my rational thoughts left my body when he was this close to me.

"You still think about me too." He whispered.

"Ezra." I whimpered with his lips so close to mine.

"Do you still touch yourself when you think about me?" He whispered into me.

"No." I panted. I looked away from him, causing him to smile.

"You're lying again." He challenged.

"Am not." I complained.

I craved him in a primal way.

"Always so damn stubborn." His light blue eyes bore into me as he leaned in, getting ready to kiss me.

When I closed my eyes about to surrender, images of Jessa's eyes flashed through my thoughts. She needed her Momma to be strong for her.  I snapped out of the spell he had put me under. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away right before his lips were about to touch mine.

"Stop Ezra. This isn't right. We shouldn't be doing this." I crossed my arms over my body defensively.

"I'm so sorry, Riley. I don't know what came over me." He stepped back and shook his head, snapping out of whatever just happened between us. He seemed shocked by his actions and completely embarrassed.

He reached for me again, but I put my arms up to block him. We couldn't touch. It was a bad idea to even attempt it.

"This really needs to be about Jessa. That can't happen again." I said, running my hand over my face.

"You're right. I just got caught up seeing you again. I don't have to tell you of all people that I have some impulse control issues. Seeing you again after all this time is a trigger for me."

"So that was my fault?" I said, laughing at him in disbelief.

"I'm not saying that either.  I'm just saying I have been working hard every day to learn to cope with all the other bad shit that I have done or has been done to me, but I still don't know how to control myself around you." He said, exasperated.

"Well, then it's a good thing we aren't together anymore."  I said, feeling the slight sting from his words.

"Yeah, you're right. We shouldn't be together and it would be a lot easier if we both could go our separate ways and never see each other again. I can't do that, Riley. I can't leave that little girl now that I know she exists.  We have to figure out how to do this for her. She needs both of her parents in her life. We have to find our new normal and it can't be us fighting all the time."

"Or sleeping together." I added.

"Yeah, that too." He laughed.

"So you really want to start spending time with her?" I asked, giving him another opportunity to back out.

"I want this." He said unwaveringly.

"If we do this, this needs to be slow. She's three and she doesn't know you. Can you please take this slow for me? No rushing in with Daddy's here, no overnights, no taking her places without me. I don't want you to introduce her to your fiancé until she adjusts to having you in her life." I panicked, listing all the things I had never thought of before. I had never left Jessa with anyone other than my parents and Aiden. The thought terrified me. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and my breath was all over the place.

"Calm down, Riley. We can take this slow. She doesn't have to call me Daddy unless she wants to. We don't even need to mention who I am to her until you're ready. I just want to get to know her before it's too late." He said with a little hope on his face.

"What are you going to tell your fiancé?" I asked him.

I didn't want him to keep hiding this from her either. It wasn't fair to the woman I had met. She did not deserve to be lied to.

"I'm going to tell her the truth." He said.  "I'm going to leave out the part about thinking about you."

"That's probably a good idea." I said, sighing.

It would not be good for the relationship I would have to keep with this woman if she thought Ezra had any sort of feelings for me, even if they were just unresolved confused ones.

"When can I see her again?" He asked.

"I can take her to the lake on Friday. They have a swing set she is nuts about. It would be a good public setting for you to spend some time with her if you are free." I scribbled my number down on one of the bar napkins old school style and handed it to him. He took it quickly and shoved it in his pocket. "Do not promise you will be there and not show up. You pull anything like that on her and I will cut this off."

"I will be there." He said. "I'll text you to get the details."

He moved like he was going to hug me and thought twice about it. He backed up and waved. "Night Ry. Give Jessa a kiss for me."

"Goodnight, Ezra." I said as he walked out the door. I darted over and bolted the door closed. My heart was pounding in my chest. It was extremely late and I needed to get home to my girl. She had to be near me so I could keep her safe.

I pulled out my hoodie and slipped it on before running out into the chilly air. I locked the bar door behind me and pressed the button to unlock my car. I slid into the car and drove home in silence, thinking about seeing Ezra with Jessa.

Was I doing the right thing for my daughter?