TW: Details of addiction/ attempted suicide in this chapter. If uncomfortable feel free to skip x

https://youtu.be/K9M4SASBmTY

Loving, free and unconditional. Only these words can describe Charlie's intimate relationship with her family. Her mum especially was like a superhero, a strong fighter who had unfortunately taken on the role of maintaining the foundations when Charlie slipped through the net into her morbid reality.

Her story starts back in 2012 where her older brother, Jason, was diagnosed with stage 3 Colon cancer. His struggles shredded away at her soul even at such a young age. It was his determination to live and undergo relentlessly cold treatments just to survive. All these years later, his disease has reduced to stage 1 with chemotherapy finally close to being done with Jason. Despite feeling like an old man and hoarding beanie hats, he was a generally happy lad. As his symptoms developed, Charlie descented into Depo and Ana to cope with watching his anguish. It's just not natural to observe your own blood suffer as if they were trapped in a skinner box, even unethical if you experience survivors guilt.
Spreading like a parasite, survivors guilt had already infested the family. Even her warrior mum wanted to sacrifice herself to save his life when things got critical in the ICU, she would've traded anything in those moments to hear a stronger heartbeat. Anyone would, when his heart wasn't thudding like a drum it was impossible.

Even though he has improved dramatically and was officially deemed to be close to remission, Charlie never forgot this pain. It was programmed into her brain and was driving Depo closer and closer. This is where the disruption in her life occurred that got her locked up her, the fantasy world of addiction.

Addiction is kind of a fantasy world because when nobody else was there, tequila was always available whether it was smuggled from home or purchased for her. She never cared really, long as it functioned to get her drunk. With this excessive drinking came weight gain that eventually led her down the dark journey into Ana that we follow today.
Despite trying to understand and acting as a support system for her, her mother never truly understood the true catastrophic effects of these. Her mum was determined to keep Charlie at home and safe from jail or hospital, she failed on the last one clearly.

Technically, nobody failed. Its still a health battle just an internal war that only the trained eye can stop. Charlie had devastated her mother the faithful day she was admitted into the unit, it just wasn't fair for her. It hadn't been fair for anyone and had left Charlie with a jet black heart that needed to meet the light again, almost like an angelic miracle was needed to dig her out from the hole she was trapped in.

The night before her admission, Charlie's mind was too foggy. It felt like a tornado spiralling in her mind, severing the sparks in her nerves and cutting off her supply of serotonin. Jason had been rushed to the ER for a blood transfusion after fainting due to the debitalitating side effects of chemo which was heart wrenching to watch. Her mum had tried to comfort her but between the bottle of tequila and the negative filter in her head Charlie just didn't hear her. Overwhelmed, she locked herself in her room and army crawled underneath her messily prepared bed.

The duvet lightly whipped her exposed neck as she crawled silently, being careful to avoid creaking the ancient floorboards underneath her. When she reached the corner of the bed, she reached towards a small white jewelery box that quietly jiggled. Gently returning from under the bed with the box, Charlie leaned onto the foundations and sat in the center of her bed. Taking a moment to admire her room, she stared at the ceiling painted with bright yellow stars that glimmered like the sun. If this was the last thing she ever saw, it wouldn't be too bad. The sun, a symbol of light and hope. Maybe it could lead her to the passage of light above where her brother might meet her.

Exhaling, Charlie closed her eyes for a second as she swallowed some pills from the box that were washed down with an old red bull left on her bedside table. A shock wave of dizziness and nausea landed her into a critical condition which is how her mother found her. Shocked, a river of tears streamed from her mums eyes as she stood in septic shock for a second. Then her motherly instincts kicked in and she rushed her into the hospital gripping her hand, praying for her to live.
It was an initially rough night but with some liquid IVs Charlie came around disorientated to her grieving mother nursing her. It was humbling and clear she needed an intervention Charlie couldn't deny it anymore.

By the next morning, her mum was hesitantly admitting her to the unit and she promised to visit as often as she could. She's tried to keep to that oath but she's only human, there's only so much grief anybody can take before it turns into a flood.

Today was a good day for Charlie, her mum had built up the strength to visit her again. She knew she hasn't been doing the best last time with a crappy progress report but hopefully it would go better this time. Waiting longingly by the table, Charlie smiled as soon as her mum opened the door. She was safe again, even if only for the next half hour.

*Relieved* " Hey mum" greeted Charlie

* Smiling softly at her* " Hey sweetie, sorry I wasn't here last time your brother needed me"

"Is Jason doing alright? I thought his treatment was ending soon", responded Charlie

"Soon My darling, Jason's just tired you know what it's like. I see you didn't have an NG last week", uttered her mum.

" Yes, I want to come home. I'm sorry mum, I'm even off my acid reflux medication now. I will show you I'm ready, I promise", she pleaded. She meant it, her mum was the loyalest person she had ever known. She deserved the gift of her health, even if Charlie had to die a little first.

"Oh baby I love you, and that's good I want you home healthy so we can all go out together and be happy. Just think, when Jason is healthy again we can celebrate. We all have earned it", preached her mum whilst gently kissing her trembling hand.

" I love you too mum, I hope my friends can leave at the same time as me", confessed Charlie.

She had learned to love Ava and Lucy like family in the unit and family should extend outside of this hellhole. Her mum agrees with her on this, if they were supportive and lived in a similar area there were no problems there. Unlike Lucy's religious upbringing, God wasn't a factor here. It never was, only fate and destiny. If fate meant she could recover with close friends that don't drag her back down into the hole, what could her mum complain about?

Sometimes Charlie felt like the biggest narcissist here, she had better family than her friends and a mum who would take her out sooner from the unit. Yes, it was difficult but with Jason now regaining his health it was way easier to feel like a faker. He was battling a physical demon that is feared and respected, with victory treated as a life achievement all across the media. But her, it was internalized. When he was being parched from the ability to live against his will, how could she complain about her life?

They say eating disorders are only problems of skinny white teenagers and admittedly she fit the stereotype. She never fit the physical  bill completely, she was always experimenting on the atypical side. Even with her mums support, it was vivid to see that she wasn't understood Sometimes. Maybe this could change one day? (Obviously not with the useless government though)

With the end of their visit dawning, her mum hugged her until Charlie couldn't help but recoil from feeling claustrophobic. Once her grip let go and she walked back out those doors, those familiar feelings drifted back in like an unwanted draft. It wasn't something she could banish and stigma? All the girls felt it. Gosh, Martha was a prime example it was honestly shocking to the girls how she managed to get employed here in the first place!

As Charlie's life story until now is rounded up, it's important to note this is never the end. A new chapter can always be written with the right motivation and anything can be erased from the pages with time. Addiction is such a wide spread issue, it's like caffeine addicts with their coffee fix (shh I'm guilty of that but what teenage girl isn't in this modern Starbucks and pastry era). Her story is still being narrated, like everyone here at the unit.