She was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.

When I met Signe, I was a twenty-seven year old man who was fresh out of college. At that point, you assume that someone my age has their life figured out. You'd assume that they know what they want to do for the rest of their life, whether or not they wanted to get married and start a family, and who they are.
That wasn't the case for me.

Even though I had a degree in Hotel Management to my name, I still didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, whether or not I wanted to get married and start a family, and, most importantly, who I was. I wasn't even certain if hotel management made me truly happy. Sure, I had passed all of my classes and studied very hard, but I think I really only pushed myself to pass my classes and get this degree because it was my second time going to college. When I went to college the first time, I studied Music Technology before I dropped out after figuring out that it wasn't something that made me truly happy. I don't really remember what pushed me to go back to college to study Hotel Management. Perhaps it was because my mother would constantly nag me to move out and get a house of my own and I was tired of hearing it? Or perhaps it was because I was tired of the nine to five, five days a week job that I had.
No, now that I'm thinking about it, it was a mixture of both of those things. I'll never forget coming home after a long day of work and hearing, "Sean, when are you going to move out?" or, "You know, I saw this house for sale not too far from here. I looked at the price and it looks like it's very affordable. Why don't you go and check it out?"
These are the things I heard on a daily basis. My mother never asked me how I was doing or anything like that. She was just constantly nagging me to move out. While I could understand her nagging to a certain degree since, at the time, I was a twenty-six year man living at home after finding that my college roommates were too unbearable to live with because they were very loud and obnoxious, it would've been nice if she at least care about my well-being.

As for my father, he's ignored me for the entire twenty-seven years that I've been living and breathing on this planet and that didn't change one bit while I was still living at home. The only times he would talk to me were while I was eating a meal with them or when he was placed into situations where he was forced to talk to me, such as during the huge Thanksgiving feast that our family had every single year. Other than that, I didn't exist to him. In his eyes, he only had four children. In his eyes, he only had two daughters and one son. In his eyes, Sean William McLoughlin was never born.

When I finally graduated, got my degree, and was at the point where my mother gave me the little bit of money that I needed in order to afford an apartment that I really wanted because she was tired of having children living at home, I felt a sense of both relief and fear. I felt relief because I would no longer have to deal with my mother's constant nagging and feeling like, just like my father, she didn't care about me. Meanwhile, I felt very afraid because, as I stated before, I was a twenty-six year old man with a Hotel Management degree in his name who, despite that, had no idea who he was or what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. I had no idea what the future had in store for me at that point. Coming to terms with that fact terrified me to no end.

Nonetheless, I pushed all of my feelings to the side and wrapped up another chapter of my life before I embarked on a new one. This new chapter began when I finally moved everything into my brand new apartment and had made it my own. I won't lie when I say that it felt really good to finally be living on my own. For the very first time in my life, I didn't have any rules. I didn't have to go to bed and wake up at a certain time like I had done when living with my parents and living with my college roommates. For the very first time in my life, I could make my own rules. I could decide when I had to wake up and when I had to go to bed. I could also finally make whatever I felt like making that night instead of asking my parents and ending up getting into a ten minute argument over whether we should have leftovers or make something different. For once, I could do the things that I wanted to do and not have to worry about what other people thought about me doing them. When I moved into my apartment, that was when I officially took a step forward into adulthood. I know that it sounds quite childish, but moving out of my parents' filled me with both excitement and anxiety.

*****

I'll never forget the very first day that I moved into my apartment.

I had just finished unpacking everything and putting everything into their proper place. Even though I felt exhausted and drained of any sort of energy whatsoever, I couldn't help but feel proud of myself. I had gotten up extremely early that morning like I told myself I was going to do and had achieved my goal of unpacking and arranging my things in one day. After a few moments of admiring my hard work and feeling quite proud of myself, I let out a yawn and the pride that I felt was drowned out by pure exhaustion and the desire to just rest my head on my pillow and go to sleep.

Just as I was about to allow my body to have the sleep that it so desperately craved, I heard a knocking on the door. I let out a groan and prayed that it wasn't my mother as I walked over the door. I didn't even bother to look out the peephole before I unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hi, are you the new neighbor?"

A friendly female voice greeted me when I opened the door. The girl had a bright and genuine smile on her face as her green eyes sparkled. She also had medium-length brown hair and sounded as if she had a Danish accent. She also appeared to be a few years younger than me.

"I heard from the other people that live in this building that the new neighbor was moving in today."

"Yeah, that's me." When I spoke, I couldn't help but notice that my Irish accent clashed with her Danish accent. "I'm guessing that you live here too?"

She nodded as she continued to smile.

"I actually live right across from you in that apartment right over here."

She turned her head away from me and pointed to the apartment was directly across from mine. As she was pointing, I couldn't help but notice that her arm was trembling very slightly. While I thought that this was quite odd, I decided that I wouldn't say anything about it. Besides, it probably meant very little or nothing at all.

"By the way, my name is Signe."

The girl turned her head to face me again before she held out her hand for me to shake. As I was about to shake her hand, I noticed that her arm was trembling very slightly once again. I again decided that I wouldn't say anything because it was more than likely nothing to worry about.

"My name is Sean."

I smiled as I shook her hand. As I was shaking her head, I noticed that her handshake was quite weak. I didn't think anything of this because I had met plenty of people who had weak handshakes and she wasn't going to be the last person I would meet who had a weak handshake.

"But most people call me Jack. I don't care if you call me Jack or Sean. Pick your favorite."

"I like Sean."

Signe's smile somehow managed to get even bigger.

"That's my favorite."

"Well, I like Signe."

Her smile was just so contagious that I couldn't help but allow my smile to grow.

"I've never heard that name before. I think it's a really beautiful name."

A small blush formed on Signe's face.

"R-Really? Y-You think so?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, I do."

"You're too kind."

The blush on her face grew as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly checked the time.

"Well, I better get going. I have some things I have to get done."

"Okay."

I was a bit sad that she had to leave.

"Will I be seeing you around?"

"Yeah, of course you will."

She laughed a bit.

"I live right across from you, after all."

"That's true."

I laughed a bit as well.

"But I was kinda hoping to see you again so that we can talk and get to know each other beyond our names."

"Oh!"

She seemed to be genuinely surprised that I was expressing interest of wanting to get to know her more.

"Well, in that case..."

She trailed off, seeming to struggle to find the words that she wanted to say.

"We can get to know each other more."

"Great."

I held back a smile as I spoke.

"I guess I'll see you around."

"Yep."

She turned and began walking back towards her apartment. As she was about to enter her apartment, she turned her head and looked back at me.

"See you around Sean."

"See you around Signe."

*****

I would have to wait an entire month to see her again.

Even though an entire month had gone by, I was still as uncertain as to what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and who I really was. I still had the feeling that I was looking back at a complete and utter stranger whenever I saw my reflection. I still had the feeling that even though I could tell you that my name is Sean William McLoughlin and that I was born in Ireland and I grew up being the youngest out of my family, I couldn't tell you who I was as a person. How could I do that when I myself felt like I was a total stranger? How could I do that when I knew my siblings and parents better than I knew myself?

On this particular day, I had decided that I wanted to go out for a walk to clear my mind. Even though it would only be for a little while, it would be nice to finally let all these crushing thoughts leave my mind.
Knowing that it was raining outside, I went into my closet and grabbed my umbrella before I left my apartment. I waved to my neighbors as I passed by them on my way out of the apartment complex, giving them a smile that I knew was fake as I did so.

Once I got outside, I opened up my umbrella and placed it over my head before I began going on a walk. As I was walking, I forced myself to only focus on the sounds of the rain hitting the pavement and the sound of rain splashing as my feet repeatedly touched the ground. Rain was something that I loved and it was something that never failed to relax me whenever I was feeling stressed. Today was no different. I could feel all the stress that I was feeling earlier slowly melting away with every single step that I took.

*****

I eventually grew tired of walking and, by a huge stroke of luck, managed to stumble across Starbucks just as I was starting to feel tired. After checking my coat pocket to make sure that I had my wallet with me, I began forcing my legs to walk over to Starbucks. Once inside, I shook rain out of my umbrella before closing it. I let out a sigh of very slight annoyance when I saw that there was quite a long line. Deciding that I wanted to wait until the line got a little bit shorter, I looked around for a place to sit while I waited.

That was when I saw her.

Signe, the girl I hadn't seen for an entire month, was sitting in the seat that was closest to the window. She appeared to be very focused on whatever it was that she was doing. Deciding that I wanted to catch up with her, I walked over to where she was sitting.

"Sean?"

She asked in surprise after she looked up from the task she was engaging in before I had arrived at Starbucks.

"Is that you?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, it's me. It's been a while. I think it's been a month since I've last seen you."

"Has it really been that long?"

Signe seemed to be genuinely surprised to find out that that much time had passed since we had last seen each other.

"Yeah."

I paused for a very brief moment.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what have you been up to for the past month?"

"I've been in Denmark."

She ran a hand through her hair, which was soaked from the rain.

"My family lives up there and I wanted to go and see them."

"How nice."

I smiled a bit.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun actually."

She smiled a bit as well.

"Hey, do you mind if I sit down across from you?"

She shook her head.

"Not at all."

I continued to smile as I placed the umbrella down next to the empty chair before I sat down across from her. Now that I was sitting across from her, I was able to see what she was so focused on when I had looked over at her.

She was drawing a picture of a bouquet of roses.

"Wow."

I breathed out after I admired how beautiful her drawing was.

"Signe, your drawing is absolutely beautiful."

"Huh?"

She stopped drawing as she looked up at me.

"No way. My drawing's not beautiful."

"Are you kidding me?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"That drawing is so good that it looks like a real bouquet of roses."

"Now I know that you're just saying things to be nice."

I could see a very small blush on her face as she spoke.

"You don't have to do that, you know. You can tell me the truth."

"I am telling you the truth."

I looked her dead in the eyes and maintained a serious look on my face so that she knew that I was in fact telling the truth.

"Signe, I can assure you that I'm not a man who lies. I am a man who only speaks the truth. Now, as a man who only speaks the truth, I'm again going to inform you by telling you that your drawing is absolutely beautiful."

Signe covered her cheeks as the blush on her face grew.

"Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me."

"It's no problem really."

I grinned.

"Things that are beautiful deserved to be acknowledged that they are, in fact, beautiful."

"Okay, you need to stop."

Signe laughed.

"You're literally turning my face into a tomato."

"I can't help it that I love art so much."

I continued to grin.

"I also can't help it that you're an amazing artist."

"Sean!"

Signe laughed again as she uncovered her face. When she did so, I saw that her blush had turned almost her entire face red.

"Look at what you've done! You've turned me into a human tomato."

"Well, it's not the worst thing that I've done."

I chuckled.

"But, in all seriousness, I admire your skill and talent a lot. I really wish that I could draw. But, alas, I'm merely someone who can barely draw stick figures."

"Well, you know..."

Signe trailed off as she flipped to the very next page of her sketchbook, which was a blank page.

"No, never mind. You'd say no anyways."

"No, there's something that you want to ask me. Go ahead and ask whatever it is that you want to ask me. You don't have to be nervous about it."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she spoke.

"If you want and only if you want to, I'd be willing to teach you how to draw something."

I immediately got excited by her offer.

"Really? Are you serious?"

"Yeah..."

She seemed to be genuinely surprised that I was expressing interest in her offer.

"I'd be honored if you could teach me how to draw something."

I gave her a genuine smile, the first of its kind since I last saw her.

She returned the genuine smile.

"Well, in that case, come over here and we'll begin with our lesson."

*****

Time flew by as Signe taught me how to draw a rose, a dog, and a few different kinds of both animals and flowers. Her lesson had gone on so long that the two of us actually ended up staying at Starbucks until it closed. We left Starbucks and I opened up my umbrella once we were outside since, even though a few hours had gone by since I had first arrived at Starbucks, it was still raining. I noticed that Signe was walking a few feet away from me, holding her sketchbook close to her chest so that it wouldn't get soaked by the rain and ruin the drawings that she worked so hard on.

"Hey, you don't have to walk in the rain."

I informed her as I looked over at her, feeling bad as I watched the rain drench her hair.

"Come over here and walk next to me. It's nice and dry underneath this umbrella."

She gave me a small smile as she shook her head.

"No, that's okay. I'm perfectly fine walking in the rain."

I then proceeded to move so that I was walking next to her and so that she was underneath the umbrella.

"I won't take no for an answer." I smiled.

Signe was about to reply when she suddenly tripped and fell face first down on the ground. I immediately began began helping her up and once she had managed to get her back onto her feet a few moments later.

"Hey, are you okay? That was quite the fall that you just had."

"I'm okay."

Signe whispered, sounding as if she was trying harder to convince herself than she was trying to convince me.

"I'm just clumsy, that's all."

"Are you sure that you're okay?"

I whispered back, stopping in my tracks as I saw her legs were trembling slightly.

"Your legs are trembling a little bit."

She nodded.

"Yes, I'm okay. Sean, there's no need for you to worry about me. I'm going to be okay. Let's just go back to the apartment complex. It's really late."

I reluctantly began walking again.

"Listen, if you feel like you're going to fall, just grab onto my arm or something. I don't want you fall again."

"But... Don't you feel awkward about that?"

Signe asked extremely quietly.

"I mean, this is only the second time that we're having a conversation since I was in Denmark with my family for an entire month."

I shook my head.

"No, I don't feel awkward about it at all."

"Well, in that case..."

She trailed off, her voice becoming barely audible.

"Can I hold your hand until we get back to my apartment? I keep trembling and I'm almost certain that I'll fall again? But, if you're not okay with it-"

I cut her sentence off by grabbing ahold of her hand. As I did so, I could feel her arms trembling. It was a very slight tremble, but now that she seemed to fall out of absolute nowhere and for no reason at all, I was starting to feel concerned. I suddenly recalled back to the very first day that I had met Signe. I remembered how that her arm had trembled like it was right now when I had asked her where she lived and she had pointed to the apartment that was right across from mine.

"Please don't let go."

Signe whispered nervously as she stared down at her feet as she walked slowly, seeming to struggle with every step.

"If you let go, I might fall again."

"You have nothing to worry about."

I reassured her as I continued to support her while holding my umbrella over our heads.

"I'm not going to let you go and I'm not going to let you fall."

*****

When we arrived back at Signe's apartment, I unlocked the door to her apartment by using the key she had given me on our way up to the third floor. Once I unlocked the door, I swung it open and placed my hand on the wall. I moved my hand around the wall until I found the light switch. After finding the light switch, I turned on the lights and was greeted with the sight of many pieces of artwork hanging on the walls. Based on the fact that they looked like Signe's art style, I assumed that all of the pieces of artwork belonged to her and that she had drawn and painted them herself. Along with having artwork all over the walls, she had artwork scattered around her entire apartment. A painting sitting on an easel was in the middle of the apartment and various paints were scattered around the easel. There were also a few sketchbooks laying about and quite a lot of crumbled up paper that more than likely came from at least one of the few sketchbooks that Signe seemed to have.

"Oh, sorry about the mess."

Signe said as she slowly closed the door behind us.

"I've been having a huge surge of inspiration recently and all I've ever been wanting to do is draw."

"I don't mind the mess."

I assured her as I looked to look around her apartment. I couldn't help but take notice that there were wooden railings scattered around her entire apartment. I found it to be pretty strange that she had these. At a glance, they didn't really seem to serve a purpose at all. But since she had a few of them all around her apartment, they must've served some sort of purpose. After all, it would be very strange if she had wooden railings all over her apartment for no reason at all.

Signe let out a sigh of relief.

"By the way, thank you for walking me home and letting me hold onto you so that I wouldn't fall."

"No problem."

I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"If you ever need anyone, you can always knock on the door of the apartment that's right across from yours."

Signe smiled brightly as she walked over to the couch. Once she had laid down, she gave me a look that seemed to show that she was quite proud of herself for not collapsing.

"I'll keep that in mind."

The smile on her face grew bigger. It was at that moment that I realized that she had a truly beautiful smile.

"And the same goes for you, by the way."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

I gave her one last grin before I turned to face the door.

"Well, I'm going to head on home now. You look like you're extremely tired."

"I'm not-"

Signe was cut off when she let out a yawn.

"Yeah, you're not tired."

I teased while chuckling slightly.

"Shut up."

Signe laughed and when I briefly glanced back at her, she rolled her eyes.

"Get some rest."

I laughed as well as I opened her apartment door.

"You won't be able to draw anything if you're exhausted."

"You make a good point."

Signe laughed as she struggled to hold back a yawn.

"Hey, I won't be going on another trip to Denmark for a while so is there a good chance that I'll be seeing you again really soon?"

"Oh, of course."

I made a promise to her at that moment. For some reason, I felt extremely excited that she was actually interested in seeing me again.

"You'll definitely be seeing me around after today."

"Good."

She smiled tiredly as she took off her glasses and placed them on the coffee table.

"Well, in that case, I'll see you soon Sean."

"I'll see you soon Signe."

I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

"Sweet dreams."

I whispered to her before I closed the door behind her and headed back to my apartment.

*****

The next few months passed by in a blink of an eye.

Signe and I were at the point where we were spending almost every single day together. On most days, we were at her apartment and she was giving me art lessons. As time went on, I found myself falling more and more in love with art. I also learned that whenever I would draw, my mind would escape reality and focus only on drawing. It was honestly an amazing feeling and I've finally understood why Signe had so many drawings in her apartment when I had walked her home from the cafe after I had not seen her for an entire month. My apartment now looked like how Signe's had looked that day. I had so many unfinished and scrapped drawings all over my apartment and recently, I've been wanting to do nothing but draw. Drawing was an amazing escape from the real world and I don't think I've ever felt happier doing anything in my entire life.

Over these past few months, Signe's collapsing slowly worsened. She was falling for seemingly no reason countless times a day and sometimes, she would get muscle spasms and be unable to stand on her own without me supporting her. It's hard to believe that when she had fallen the night we had walked back to the apartment complex together, I thought it was because it was clumsy. But now that I've watched her slowly deteriorate over these past few months, I'm convinced that there's something seriously wrong with her.

*****

I was pulled away from sketching a hummingbird when I heard a knock on the door. I finished sketching the beak of the hummingbird before I forced myself to put my sketchbook and pencil down on the coffee table. After I put them down, I stood up and went over to answer the door. I immediately smiled when I saw Signe standing outside my door.

"Hi!"

She greeted me.

"How are you doing this morning?"

My smile faded as quickly as it appeared when I remembered that I wanted to talk to her about how I was worried about her collapsing so much.

"Signe, can I talk to you about something?"

Her smile faded away as well.

"Yeah, of course you can. What is it?"

"Come inside."

I gave her my instructions, not bothering to wait for her response before I turned and walked towards my couch. I sat down a moment later and Signe followed suit soon after.

"Sean, is there something wrong?"

She seemed to be extremely worried.

"I'm really hoping not."

I whispered more to myself than to her.

"But, at the same time, I'm convinced that there is, in fact, something wrong."

"Why are you mumbling?"

Signe's worry increased.

I sighed before I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Signe, I'm worried about you."

"What?"

She seemed to be genuinely surprised when I told her this. "Why?"

"Your frequent collapsing... It isn't normal."

I made sure to sound as concerned as I felt.

"At first, I thought you were just really clumsy. But now, I think that there's something going on and it isn't something good."

"Sean, you're worried over nothing."

I felt my heart start to race when she grabbed ahold of both of my hands and looked me dead in the eyes. Even in my moment of concern for her well-being, I couldn't help but notice that her eyes were so beautiful. They were an emerald green and they suited her so perfectly.

"I've been dealing with frequent collapsing for just over a year now. I'm used to it now. Besides, the doctors have told me that there's nothing wrong."

For some reason, I felt like she was lying about the doctors telling her that there was nothing wrong with her. But it seemed like she didn't want to discuss the manner any further, so I decided that I wouldn't press her to tell me any more than what she was comfortable with telling me. Besides, maybe she was right. Maybe I was worried over nothing.

After pushing away my concerns about Signe, I couldn't help but notice that she was still holding onto my hands. She was also staring at me with a small smile on her face. When I saw the tiny smile, I smiled too. The next thing I knew, I found myself closing my eyes and leaning towards her. A moment later, her lips met mine and my heart began pounding so loudly in my chest that the pounding of it was the only thing I could hear. A few moments later, I pulled away from Signe when I needed a breath.

"Well, that was something."

Signe laughed.

As she was laughing, I could see that a blush had formed on her face.

"Yeah, it was."

I agreed.

My face then began feeling hot and I was certain that there was a blush on my face as well.

Signe laughed again before she stood up. "Come on, let's go create some art."

I stood up extremely quickly when she said that. While it was true that I loved creating art, I loved creating art the best when I was creating it with Signe Hansen.

Time slowed down when Signe suddenly collapsed while walking towards my easel. Like I always did whenever this happened, panic swept over me and I quickly rushed over to her. I resisted letting out a scream when I began helping her up and saw blood drip down on the floor. When I saw this, I laid her back down on the floor, making sure that her back was resting on the hardwood floor.
I couldn't resist letting out a gasp when I saw that her entire forehead was covered in blood. Thankfully, even though her eyes were closed, she appeared to still be breathing.
I reached down into my pocket and quickly pulled out my phone, almost dropping it in the process. I shakily dialed 911 and felt my entire body shaking as I told the operator what had happened.

That was the day that marked the start of many hospital visits.
That was the day where Signe's life began to revolve around taking countless medications and being in and out of the hospital constantly.
And yet, despite all of that, she would always insist that there was nothing seriously wrong with her.
But I knew better than that.
I knew that there was seriously wrong with her.
I knew I was watching her deteriorate right in front of me.
No matter what she said, she couldn't convince me to stop worrying about her.
No matter what she said, I still had the strong urge to do everything in my power to make her better again.
I didn't want to see her like this.
I didn't want her to suffer.
She didn't deserve this.
She was a such a sweet, kind, and loving girl.
But, despite all of that, they always pick the beautiful flowers before they pick the ugly ones.

*****

On this particular day, it was Valentine's Day.
On this particular day, Signe was in the hospital.
On this particular day, I realized that I liked Signe as more than my friend.
On this particular day, I decided that I would tell her how I felt about her.

For her Valentine's Day gift, I got her a bouquet of a dozen roses, a teddy bear holding a red heart, and a box that was shaped like a heart and had milk chocolate hearts inside of it. I also got her a red heart balloon that read, "Happy Valentine's Day!" on it with big and bold white letters. I decided to get her a lot of things because she deserved it. She deserved it so much.

I also decided on writing her a letter to tell her how I felt about her. I knew for a fact that it was cheesy and that all of my gifts and the love letter would all add up to be something like a thing from a romantic movie.
But I didn't care.
I wanted to do these things for her.
I wanted to do these things for her because I cared so much about her.
I swear, I've never cared about anyone as much as I've cared about her.
I've also never cared for anyone like I've cared for her.
The feelings that I have for Signe excite me and terrify me.
They excite me because I've always wanted to know what it was like to care about someone so much.
But, on the other hand, they terrify me because I'm afraid of messing it all up and losing her forever.
I don't want to lose her forever.
I want her to stay with me, whether it's as my girlfriend or my best friend. While I would prefer for her to stay with me as my girlfriend, I would be okay with her staying in my life as my best friend. Either one of those things was infinitely better than losing her.

*****

I spent a great deal of time writing my love letter to Signe and I reread it what felt like a thousand times because I wanted to make sure that it was perfect and that I said everything that I wanted to say. After all, she meant everything to me and she was the person in my life that I treasured the most. She was much more important to me than my family was, since my relationship with my mother, father, and all of my brothers and sisters has slowly declined until it got to the point where they all cut me out of their lives.
But that's okay because I don't need them. After they were no longer a part of my life, I realized that none of them truly wanted me there to begin with and that they were just being nice to me and paying attention to me because they felt obligated to since I was a member of the family.
I've now come to realize that only person that I need in my life is Signe Hansen.

*****

Dear Signe,

First of all, Happy Valentine's Day! I find it quite sad that you have to spend Valentine's Day in the hospital, but hopefully all of my gifts (And maybe even this letter) make your day better, even if it's just a little bit.

Now, I know that you probably find this letter to be really cheesy. As I'm writing this letter, I can imagine you rolling your eyes with that beautiful smile on your face when I place this letter in your lap. I can also hearing you say, "Sean, you're a hopeless romantic." in my mind. I can also imagine you repeatedly insisting that I didn't have to get you anything for Valentine's Day.
But I felt like I had to get you gifts for this special day.

After I had left the hospital after my last visit to see you, I started thinking about a lot of things. The main thing on my mind was the fact that I was worried sick about you and hoping that you would only have to stay for a couple of days, but that isn't what the point of this letter is. Another thing I was thinking about on my way back to the apartment complex was how thankful I was to have you in my life. Although you came into my life so suddenly and by such random and lucky chance, I'm so glad that fate brought us together and made it so that we lived right across from each other. When we first talked and introduced ourselves to each other, I had no idea that you were going to change my life for the better and that you were going to take me on this thrilling rollercoaster that I never want to get off of, despite all the ups and downs that this rollercoaster has and will have in the future.

I was having trouble sleeping last night and I found myself laying in bed and thinking about you. While I was thinking about you, I realized something.
I realized that you did something that even I myself struggled doing.
You helped me find myself.

Before I meet you, I was a twenty-seven year old man who had just graduated college with a degree in Hotel Management and had no idea what truly made me happy. Now, you may be wondering why I decided to major in Hotel Management if it didn't truly made me happy. Well, I think I did it because I had already dropped out of college when my first major, Music Technology, wasn't at all interesting to me and I felt obligated to pass college the second time I went there. Plus, I had been living with my parents at the time and I'm pretty certain that I just pushed myself to pick a major and go back to college because my mother kept nagging me constantly about moving out and I was pretty fed up with that. Because of that, I spent four years studying something that, now that I'm looking back, bore me to death.
When I had first moved into my apartment, I had no idea where my life was heading. I knew that the job I had at the time wasn't going to cut it for the rest of my life because it didn't truly make me happy. The problem with that was that I had no idea what actually made me happy and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
It wasn't until we reunited a month after we met because you had gone back to Denmark in Starbucks and you had given me an art lesson. That was the day that I found the one thing that truly made me happy and the thing that I wanted to do for the rest of my life, even though I didn't realize it at the time.
But now, I realize that I want to be an artist.
When I'm drawing, I feel like I'm being taken away from reality and that all of my stress and worries are just being melted away and temporarily forgotten. It's truly an amazing feeling and it's a feeling that I would've never discovered if it weren't for you.
So, thank you.
Thank you for helping me discover my passion, which is art.
Thank you for being such a good friend to me and being there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on.
It's going to be impossible to repay you for everything that you've ever done for me, but I hope that my gifts and, if I'm lucky, this letter will be at least a little bit of repayment for everything that you've ever done for me.

Now that I've said almost everything that I wanted to say to you, I want to get to the main point of why I'm sitting here in this lonely apartment and writing this letter to you.
Signe, there's something that I want to tell you.
I like you.
I don't mean that I like you in a "just friends" way.
I mean that I like you in a "more than just friends" way.
Now, knowing you, you're probably wondering, "Why on earth does he have feelings for me?"
Signe Hansen, there are so many reasons why I like you. In fact, there are so many reasons why I like you that I would have to write until my arms ached so much that I'd wish that they would just fall off in order to list them all. But here's a few reasons why I like you as more than a friend:

1. Your personality

I've never met a girl who was as sweet, kind, and caring as you. You always go around and try to help out people whenever you can. You also try and compliment people at any possible chance. Just the other day, you saw a little girl drawing a cat while she was sitting on a bench at the park and you went over to her and complimented her on her work. Then, the next thing I knew, you were giving this little girl tips on how to be a better artist and you helped her with coloring the cat that she had drawn. Your personality is one of the many things that I admire about you and I wish that I could be as kind, sweet, and caring as you. Honestly, the world would be a better place if there were more people like you in it.

2. Your appearance

Signe... I don't care if you repeatedly insist that what I'm about to say right now isn't true (Which I know you will.) I will tell you this over and over again until the day I die.
You're so beautiful.
Everything from your smile, your emerald green eyes, and your gorgeous light brown hair is beautiful. There isn't a single inch of you that's ugly. I think everything about you is beautiful, even your flaws. I really don't care about your flaws like you do. I've come to accept that we're all humans and that we each have our own individual flaws and there's nothing that we can do to change that. Because of this, I want you to do something for me.
I want you to embrace your flaws and I want you to accept that no matter how hard you try, there's nothing that you can do to change that.
I want you to accept that it's okay to have flaws because it's not healthy for you to be as much as a perfectionist as you are. You're going to drive yourself mad if you continue with that behavior.
If you drive yourself mad, that would mean that you would lose your mind. That would also mean that I'd lose you.
Losing you is the very last thing that I want to do.
If I lost you...
No, I don't even want to think about that. I'm tearing up right now thinking that I might have to live in a world without you.
I really don't want to do that.
I care way too much for you to lose you now.
Please don't leave me.
Even if you can't return the feelings that I have for you, please just stay with me as my best friend.
So many people have come and gone from my life and I don't want you to be added to the list.

I got off track for a little bit and I'm so sorry about that. Now, here's a final reason why I like you as more than a friend:

3. Your artistic talent

Just how talented you are when it comes to art just blows me away.
Whenever you draw something, it doesn't look like it was actually drawn by a human, a creature that is riddled with flaws and imperfections. It looked like it was a photograph rather than something that was drawn. One day, I hope to be as talented as you are. Right now, I'm nowhere near the level that you're at. But I hope to be one day because I've come to the conclusion that I want to be an artist and I want to create all sorts of art for the rest of my life. I owe you so much for introducing me to art. You opened my eyes to the thing that would eventually become my passion and the thing that I would come to realize made me truly happy.
Thank you so much for that.
Mark my words. I will find some way to repay you.
I'm not sure how exactly I'll repay you, but I'll figure it out eventually.

You're all my all and more.
All I know you taught me, yeah
You're my all and more.

I temporarily got distracted from writing this letter and I started singing softly to myself. Now that I've resumed writing, I see that I've written some lyrics from the song I was singing down. I'm not going to erase them. I'm going to leave them there.
Now that I'm reading them over and over again, I'm realizing that the lyrics remind me a lot of the two of us.

I find myself being brought back to the night where we were, by a stroke of very good luck and random chance, reunited with each other after going an entire month without seeing each other. I vividly remember you suddenly collapsing while we were walking back to the apartment complex and me helping you back up. I'll certainly never forget how we held hands after you had fallen. Looking back, I wish I could go back and ease the pain that you felt at the time. I didn't really do much to help your pain subside and I'm sorry about that. But I hope that my efforts over these past few months make up for that night. I've been trying my very best to make sure that you feel as little pain as possible because I loathe seeing you in pain. You don't deserve to be in any sort of pain at all. If I could, I'd take all of my pain away from you and experience it myself. I'd rather be in immense pain than watch you suffer in immense pain.

Now, I realize that this letter that I've written to you is extremely long and I apologize for that. There were just so many things that I wanted to say to you and I wanted to make sure that I told you everything that I wanted to know. But now that I've poured my heart out and told you about my feelings towards you, I'm going to finally end off this letter with one simple question.

Will you be my girlfriend?

Now, when you read this question, I want you to look me dead in the eyes and give me your response. Even if you reject me, I still want you to look at me. I want those beautiful emerald green eyes to meet my ice blue eyes and I want you to tell me your response. Even if you give me rejection and break my heart, I want to know how you feel about me.

No matter if you accept or reject me, nothing will change.
I'll still love you.
It's going to be pretty much impossible to get me to stop loving you.
Even if my love is unrequited, I won't stop loving you.
I don't care if my love for you has the possibility of tearing me up inside and absolutely destroying me.
I've never felt this feeling before and I don't want to stop.
I feel like I'm on cloud nine and that I can do anything I set my mind to.
I really don't want this feeling to stop.
This feeling that I have is absolutely amazing.

With that being said, I have one last thing that I wish to say to you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Yours Truly,
Sean

*****

As I was driving to the hospital, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I kept wondering how Signe would react when I came into her hospital room clutching all of her gifts in my arms while my letter to her was in my pocket. Would she love it? Would she hate it? Would she think that it was really nice of me to get her so many gifts and to write her a letter? Or would she think that my act was dumb and the letter was cheesy?
The only thing I could do was hope for the best.

*****

When I arrived at the hospital, I didn't bother to ask the receptionist where Signe's room was because I knew her room number by heart. Every single time she had to stay in the hospital, she always ended up staying the same room. Eventually, her hospital visits became frequent enough to the point where I had memorized the entire layout of the hospital and had figured out what the fastest way to get to her room was.

As I got off the elevator, I began making my way over to where Signe's room was. As I was walking, doctors and nurses were rushing around while pushing someone laying in a gurney. Because they were moving too fast, I couldn't get a good look at the person.
I waited for the doctors and nurses to pass through before I began making my way back to Signe's room. I walked for a few moments before I reached the room to find that the door was wide open. I immediately began feeling quite concerned and worried because doors to hospital rooms were typically kept closed.
My heart sank down to the pit of my stomach when I peered inside the room to discover that Signe wasn't even in the room.

"Oh, are you that guy who's always visiting her?"

I heard a voice ask from behind me.

"Yeah, that's me."

I turned around to discover that a nurse was standing behind me.

"Where is she?"

The nurse let out a sad sigh.

"She was just rushed in for emergency surgery."

"What?!"

I barely managed to choke out.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"It's hard to give a definite answer."

The nurse had no emotion in her voice.

"We'll just have to see what happens. Only time will tell what her fate will be."

*****

I spent the next few hours pacing around the waiting room while waiting to hear news about Signe. I found myself constantly glancing at the clock and being unable to sit down for more than a few seconds. Time moved at a snail's pace during those few hours and tons of people kept staring at me as they sat in the waiting room or as they walked by.
At some points while I was waiting, I found myself praying to a God that I wasn't even sure if I believed in or not. I'm not really sure why I was praying because, even as a child, I wasn't someone who found comfort and hope in praying. Perhaps I was praying because I didn't really know how to cope with the current situation.
Regardless of the reason as to why I was praying, I prayed for Signe to be okay and for her to get out of the hospital soon so that we can finally start our plans to open an art shop together. I also prayed for her collapsing, her fainting, and her trembling to finally go away. Finally, I prayed for her to completely healthy because, even though I wasn't even sure what exactly her condition was since she never told me and I never pushed for her to tell me, she didn't deserve to go through all of this. I always wondered why a sweet, kind, caring, and beautiful girl had to go through something this horrible instead of someone who hurt and/or killed people or did everything in their power to make someone else's life a living hell while they enjoyed every single second second of their torment.
This world's an unfair place. They pick the beautiful flowers before they pick the ugly ones.
As that thought suddenly came to my mind, I saw the nurse who had approached me earlier when I had first arrived at Signe's room. I felt hope fill up inside me when I saw her walking over me. But that hope faded away as quickly as it came when I saw the look of sadness that she had on her face.

"So..."

I trailed off, hardly unable to speak. I had a horrible feeling that I already knew what she was going to tell me. If I was correct, then this would be the first time in my life that I'd wish that I was wrong.

"What's the news?"

The nurse let out an extremely sad sigh and she took a deep breath before she spoke.

"She didn't make it through the surgery."

At that moment, I felt like a group of people had teamed up and started beating me up, making sure that they were punching me as hard as they possibly could. I felt my entire body begin to shake and I struggled to not begin crying right then and there. I opened my mouth to speak, but I closed it a moment late when I realized that I had no idea what to say and even if I did, I couldn't get the words out.

"Would you like to go in her room and see her?"

The nurse asked quietly in an attempt to fill the awkward silence that plagued us.

"I see that you brought some Valentine's Day gifts for her. I think it'd be a good idea if you left those in her room."

"Okay."

I barely managed to choke out as I forced my trembling body to walk over to where I had put all of Signe's gifts while I was waiting to hear news about her. For the first time, I understood how Signe felt the entire time that I knew her. She truly was strong and brave for dealing with this on a daily basis. She was even stronger and braver for dealing with having to be confined to a wheelchair after she became paralyzed from the waist down. If I had even half of her strength and courage, I could do anything I set my mind to.

*****

It was extremely difficult to not break down into tears when I saw her lying motionless in her bed. When I looked at her eyes, which were now permanently closed, I realized that I would never get to see those beautiful emerald green eyes again.
When I looked at her lips, I realized that I would never get to hear her beautiful voice again and that I would never get the chance to softly kiss her like I had when we were at my apartment again.
When I looked at her hands, I realized that I would never get to hold them in my own again.
When I looked at her waist, I realized that I would never get to wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me and feel her head resting on my shoulder as we hugged again.
When I looked at her legs, I realized that I would never be able to pick her up in my arms and feel her legs wrap around me.
She was gone.

I forced my trembling body to walk over to her. I set all of my gifts to her down on the table that was right next to her hospital bed. After setting all of them down, I took one of the dozen roses out of the vase and placed it on her chest. I then carefully moved her arms so that both of her hands were resting on the rose. I'm not really sure why I thought to do this. Perhaps it was because I was desperately trying to find some way to cope with the current situation? This was the first time I was experiencing the death of someone I cared about and I didn't really know how to deal with my all-over-the-place emotions. One minute I felt a depression that was so intense that it felt like I was being pulled down by a very strong force into the dark depths of an ocean. It also felt like, no matter how hard I tried to escape what was pulling me down, I just couldn't escape whatever was pulling me down and trying to make me drown. Then, the next minute I felt an anger so intense that I just wanted to beat the very first person down to the ground and ask them why Signe had to be taken away from me.
It wasn't fair.
I had finally found someone that I connected so well with and had eventually fallen in love with to only have them taken away from me only a little bit after I had realized that I actually wanted to be more than a friend to them.
My greatest fear also came true.
I lost Signe Hansen.
The only way she'd exist in my life now was my memories, which I will now hold so dearly in my heart, of her and all the smiles and laughs we shared.
I'll never forget all those days that the two of us spent standing across from each other while we worked so diligently on our paintings, giving each other smiles whenever we glanced up and happened to make eye contact with each other. Those moments were always magical, even though they happened quite frequently.
I'll also never forget the day that we walked back to the apartment complex together as rain poured down and we walked underneath my umbrella so that we didn't get soaked by the rain. As I remembered this, I began wishing that she would grab my hand right now and hold it as tightly as she did that night.

"You always insisted that you were fine."

I whispered to Signe, not caring that I wouldn't get a response from her.

"Even though you were in and out of the hospital so frequently, you stayed strong. That's something that I couldn't do. I worried about you every single day and I was so afraid of losing you. But now, my worst fear has come true and I don't know how to go on without you."

It was at that moment that all my bottled up tears finally spilled out from my eyes.

As I cried the hardest I've ever cried in my entire life, I grabbed the envelope that contained the letter I had written to Signe before I tore it open. I then carefully took the letter out before unfolding it and began reading it to her. Even though she was no longer in this world, I had the feeling that she was watching over me. Therefore, I began reading my letter that contain my confession of love to a beautiful soul that no longer resided in this world. Even though she had left this world far behind, my love for her hadn't.