chapter six ━ digging too far
( season three, episodes five & six )

❝Get a life, Derek. Stop trying
to figure out mine.❞

𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐈𝐍 her hand, trying to keep her eyes open. Anabel was watching Dirty Dancing for the sixth time that week... and it was only Tuesday.

"Nobody puts baby in a corner," she said with the movie and Abby looked over in amusement.

She stood up and stretched, stifling a yawn. She walked over to her sister and kissed the top of her head before wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulder. "Okay, I have to go to work. Try and get some sleep, okay, snowball?"

"Bye, Abby."

Abby glanced at the clock on the wall — 7:15 am and she let out a sigh. She had been asleep at home when she got a call saying that Anabel wouldn't go back to sleep unless she came and tucked her in. Abby, being the big sister she was, hurried over and agreed to stay until she would have to leave. Unfortunately, Anabel never went back to sleep, only watching Dirty Dancing.

She leaned against the wall outside of Anabel's room before making her way to the exit, stopping when she heard a familiar voice. "Derek Shepherd, here to see Ian Phillips."

She looked over and saw Derek at the receptionist's desk. She quietly inched closer to the door, hoping he wouldn't see her. Unfortunately—

"Abby!" She grimaced and turned around, seeing Shiela walking toward her with a file in her hand. Derek, meanwhile, had looked over, having heard her name.

"Shiela," Abby said with a forced smile.

"I'm glad I caught you," Shiela said. "I have some paperwork for Anabel's stay." Abby nodded distractedly, seeing Derek start to walk over to her out of the corner of her eye. "Would there be a time that's good for you?"

"Um, anytime that is not right now," Abby replied. "And I'm actually to be late for—Derek."

"Derek?" Shiela repeated, furrowing her brows. "Who's Derek?"

"That'd be me," he said, standing next to Abby who sighed. "The better neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace."

Abby quirked an eyebrow upward at him before shaking her head. "Listen, I would love nothing more than to talk, but I have a patient at the hospital, so... bye."

"Abby, wait—" Shiela sighed as Abby quickly ran out to the parking lot, avoiding the rain that was starting to come down. "—you forgot the paperwork."

"I can bring it to her if you'd like,' Derek offered and she looked at him. "I'll see you later at work."

Shiela smiled gratefully and gave him the stack of papers. "That would be great," she said. "Just tell her to call me if she has any questions. Anabel's most recent set of brain scans are in that folder."

"Brain scans?" he repeated in confusion. "Abby's sister, Anabel?"

Shiela froze. "Forget I said that. Anyway, thanks for giving them to her."

Derek looked down at the name at the top of the forms. "What happened to her sister?"

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"𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋." 𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐘 looked over at the voice to see Mark walking toward her, two coffees in his hand.

"Thanks for the bode of confidence," she said, sarcasm laced throughout her tone. "Rough night..."

"Well, here." He set a coffee cup in front of her and she looked down at it. "This is guaranteed to wake you up."

She smiled at him. "My lifesaver." She brought the cup up to her lips and almost immediately spit out the drink. "Oh, Gosh, what is that?"

Mark furrowed his brows in confusion before taking a sip from the cup he was holding and he coughed. "Sorry, wrong one." He traded the cups and he looked at Abby as she happily took a sip of her drink. "How can you drink that?" he asked. "It has way too much sugar."

"How do you drink that?" Abby retorted, wrinkling her nose. "It's disgusting!"

"It is chock full of caffeine," he denied. "And delicious."

Abby mocked his expression and he rolled his eyes. "Abby!" She looked over at the sound of the voice and immediately picked up her drink.

"Oh, would you look at the time," she said, starting to walk away. "Time to go listen to a speech about how we failed as doctors. Bye!"

Abby quickly left Mark's side and the space was soon filled by Derek. "She keeps leaving," she said, letting out a breath.

Mark shrugged. "Maybe she's immune to your good looks."

Derek furrowed his brows and looked at him. "What?"

"What?"

He shook his head. "I'm just trying to give her some papers about her sister, but she leaves anytime she hears my voice."

"You're giving her something about Anabel?" Mark asked, now concerned about his friend's younger sister. "What happened to Ana?"

"Uh, I don't know," Derek replied before looking at Mark. "Wait, how do you know about her sister?"

"We went to college together," he said with a shrug. "I was there during the..." He trailed off as he realized what he was about to say.

"During the what?"

"The, uh..." He looked around the hallway and cleared his throat. "Oh, would you look at the time... Time to, uh, bye."

Meanwhile, Abby walked into the auditorium and found an empty seat next to a woman with curly black hair. "Hi," she said with a smile. "You're a resident, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, ortho. I'm Callie."

"Abby."

She sat down next to her as Richard stood up. "Okay, people, let's begin," he said, addressing the group of doctors. "Patient 34986 died last month from complications following a heart transplant. Dr. Burke will present."

Abby watched as Burke stood up and walked onto the stage. She leaned closer to Callie. "I know I'm new and all, but isn't patient 34986...?"

"Denny Duquette."

Abby let out a breath and leaned back in the chair as Burke began. "Cause of death at autopsy was an embolus that dislodged from the suture line of the transplant and caused a C.V.A. with brain stem herniation."

Several raised their hands with questions and the cardio surgeon nodded at one of them. "So the company line is that he died of a C.V.A.?"

"There's no company line," Burke replied, shaking his head. "That's what he died of."

He looked at another doctor. "Uh, yes, let's get to this, uh, patient's need for an emergent transplant," he said. "You're saying that his left ventricle had been weakened by the LVAD malfunction?"

"His left ventricle was weakened by the fact that he suffered from congestive heart failure."

The doctor scoffed. "Oh, come on, Dr. Burke. We all know the LVAD was cut by an intern."

"The exact chain of events remain unclear," Burke said.

"It remains unclear to you because you're in the ER with a gunshot wound." Abby let out a breath and held her head in her hand. "Why aren't we hearing from Dr. Bailey? She was the senior physician on the case."

"I am the attending on record."

"Yes..." Abby looked over as Bailey stood up. "I was the resident in charge." She went up on stage and took Burke's place at the podium. "Uh... Dr. Burke has summarized the medical facts of this case. Are there any questions for me?"

Several hands went up and Bailey let out a breath, nodding at one of the doctors. "You recently had a baby, Dr. Bailey?"

Abby looked up at the stupid question and searched for the surgeon who had asked it while Bailey looked confused. "I don't see what that has to do with—"

"Sleep deprivation coupled with wild swings in hormone levels are factors that could cloud anyone's judgment," the doctor said, standing up.

Bailey stared back at him. "I sleep just fine, Dr. Savoy."

"Really?" he questioned. "'Cause if a patient died due to my poor decision-making, I'd probably lose a least a little sleep over it."

"I'd like to ask a question," Abby said, raising her hands and all eyes turned to her. "For you, though, Dr. Savoy. Have you been sleeping well?" He looked at her. "Because several studies show that men are more affected by sleep deprivation than women. So, unless you'd like to argue with scientific facts, sit down and listen to Dr. Bailey."

Richard stood up and cleared his throat. "I'd also like to remind everyone that our purpose here is not to place blame. This is a forum to discuss mistakes in patient care and learn from them."

"Well, so far, I haven't heard Dr. Bailey admit to a mistake," Dr. Savoy shrugged and Abby rolled her eyes. "So for a period of several hours, your interns were running amok in the hospital, totally unsupervised."

Bailey blinked. "I'm waiting for a question."

"The question is... where were you?"

Bailey nodded. "There was the shooting, and the ER was chaotic—"

"The ER is always chaotic," Dr. Savoy interjected. "Did you page them during this time?"

"Yes. I paged them multiple times."

"Well, apparently, they thought it was okay to ignore your pages," he said with a shrug. "Doctor, why do you think your interns have such contempt for your authority?"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

Abby glanced behind her and saw Alex standing up angrily.

"Dr. Karev, sit down," Bailey said before looking out in the distance of the room and her eyes landed on Izzie. "Next question."

___________________________

𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐀 chart while walking toward her patient's room when she suddenly felt herself being pulled into an empty room. "What the—?" She looked up and saw Derek standing behind her and she hugged the chart to her chest, letting out a breath. "Well, hi."

"You've been avoiding me," Derek said, crossing his arms.

"I really haven't," she replied, shaking her head and brushing past him to the door. "I've been working. I suggest you do the same. So, if you'll—"

"I have paperwork for your sister," he said and she paused, glancing back at him. "What happened to her? Every time I mention her, you freeze and change the subject. Why is she in that facility?"

"It's none of your business," she replied, turning around to look at him. "It's personal and, frankly, we haven't known each other long enough for you to know about her. You just happened to be there at the same time I was."

"Why does Mark know about it?"

She let out a breath and ran a hand through her hair. "He knows about it... because... because he was there. It was senior year, the week before finals. We had the same major, we were both on the pre-med track. He knew my brothers and sister. He was just... there."

"Was it a brain injury?" Derek pressed and she rolled her eyes. "I can help. I'm a brain surgeon."

"So am I!" she exclaimed. "You can't help her. I've looked for an answer for years. You can't help her, you can't help me. Let it go, Derek."

"But—"

"Let it go, Derek," she said firmly. "I mean it. Don't go digging for answers." Without another word, she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. She let out a breath and leaned against the wall just as Mark rounded the corner.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Fine."

He frowned. "And now the truth?"

She sighed and looked at him. "Anabel is getting worse. Th—They say that soon enough, she won't be able to remember anything that happens right now. Even if I tell her. She'd only remember until the age of ten. I just—" She looked down as her pager went off and let out a breath. "—I have to go."

"I'm sorry, Abs," he said and she looked at him.

"Yeah... me too."

Mark watched as she disappeared from view just as Derek came out of the room. He raised his eyebrows and the neurosurgeon looked at him. "What?"

"You were alone," he said. "In a room. That's empty."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up." He started to walk away before pausing. "Actually... do you wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

"Why?" he asked. "So you can yell at me for sleeping with your wife—ex-wife?"

He shook his head. "No. I have some questions."

"About what?"

"Your senior year of college."

___________________________

𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃 would be understatement. He was completely confused. For weeks, Derek had not wanted to speak a single word to him and suddenly they were sitting in the cafeteria...

"Okay, take me to the beginning again," Derek said. "You met Abby at orientation?"

"Yes." Mark nodded, sighing. "I've told you this twelve times already. You know, for a brain surgeon, you don't have the best memory."

"And you were friends with her all four years?" he asked, ignoring the previous statement. "Even during finals during your senior year?" Mark nodded. "Did anything happen during your finals?"

"Well, I got drunk three times which I'm apparently not very good at hiding." Derek hung his head. "I aced my exams, so that was good. There was the, uh, there was the accident. Um, oh! I learned how to make a good peach cobbler. Have you ever had a peach cobbler? They're pretty good."

"Wait, wait," Derek said. "Go back. What accident?"

Mark's eyes went wide. "Oh, crap, crap, crap. Abby's gonna kill me! Just... forget I said anything. Go back to being mad at me. Hey, remember when I slept with your wife? Yeah, let's go back to that. Did I mention that I'm sorry?"

"Abby was in an accident?" Derek asked and Mark stayed silent. "Mark—"

"It's not my story to tell!" Mark exclaimed, shaking his head. "If she wanted you to know, she'd have told you herself. But for now, leave it alone.

"But—"

"I'm leaving," Mark interrupted, standing up before looking at Derek. "Just... don't tell Abby that I told you anything. She scares me."

Derek watched him go before letting out a breath and finding a computer. He sat down in front of it when Burke walked up to him, stretching his hand. "Hey, Shepherd—"

"Have you talked to Abby, at all?" Derek asked, not looking up from the computer.

"Uh... no?"

"Because she's acting really weird," he continued, adding to the cardio surgeon's confusion. "And I want to know why."

"Why?" Burke asked, still stretching his hand. "Wouldn't she... I don't know... tell you if she wanted you to know anything?"

Derek shrugged. "Well, I sort of, um... cornered her earlier. So, uh, I don't think she'll tell me anything."

"Then that might be your sign to stop," Burke said. "Didn't you finalize your divorce with Addison today? You could go talk to Meredith."

"I don't want to talk to Meredith."

Burke frowned. "Since when do you not want to talk to Meredith? That's all you talked about a few months ago. Wanting to talk to her." Derek shrugged and he let out a breath. "Then I'm gonna go..."

___________________________

𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 coat at the end of the night when she saw Derek standing in the corner. "What now, Derek?" she asked with a sigh. "What do you want to ask me now?"

"Nothing..."

She nodded. "Good. Then stop watching me."

Abby took hold of the doorknob. "Carol Cook."

She paused and looked behind her at Derek. "What?"

"That's the first thing that pops up when you google your name," he said and she furrowed her brows. "It's not anything about your career accolades or your education. Just the name Carol Cook."

Abby scoffed. "You were googling me?"

"Who's Carol?"

She let out an annoyed huff. "She was my mother."

"Was?"

"Yes, Derek, was," she said, crossing her arms. "Not everybody's mother was a saint. Two years after my father passed, she overdosed. Died. I was eighteen... and made the guardian of my two brothers and my sister. And there was an article and I was mentioned. It's why I come up."

"I did a little more digging."

"Of course you did..."

"September 21, 1987."

Abby froze and looked at him. "What did you say?"

"There was an article dated September 22, 1987, about an event that happened the day before. I read it."

"You read it?" she asked in a small voice. "So you think you know everything, don't you? Fine..." She stepped closer to him. "You want to know the truth about my sister? When she was ten years old, she and her twin brother, Aiden, got into a car crash. Aiden died on impact. But Anabel... Anabel suffered severe brain damage. And, you know, she was doing fine. Of course, she'd have her bad days, but she was doing... fine. Until she wasn't. Until her doctors tell me that somehow her memories will only give her between the ages of three and ten. My baby sister is in a full-time care facility because she doesn't have any memory past the accident. I visit every other day. It's better now that I live in Seattle. It was a bit harder when I was two states away... There's nothing anyone can do. She will live out her days in a facility all because of that stupid accident."

"Abby—"

"I'm not looking for sympathy," she interrupted, shaking her head. "And I'm not looking for solutions. I've accepted... accepted that I can't do anything to make her better. Get a life, Derek. Stop trying to figure out mine."

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━ author's note:

I feel like I should put this out there... I am not a medical professional so any details about Anabel's injury could be entirely wrong -- especially concerning her memory, but... it goes for this story... so apologies if things are incorrect...