Link: This is a private chat?

Revali: yeah, it's just me

And you

Link: Good you are gonna want to see this.

Revali: what is it?

Link: I went to Goron Mountain.

Revali: Dude you can fricking burn over there, are you a fucking idiot?

Scratch that you're a reckless little bitch

Link: yes, I am. But I went over there with gear and potions. So I didn't turn into burnt toast, unfortunately for you

Revali: boohoo I'm trembling with tears

Link: anyways. I got into his house and I found some things

Revali: Rocks and one oversized one ?

Link: There was no Daruk, just a big mess.

Revali: Like he was in a hurry or something?

Link: Well, it looked like research was everywhere, I can't tell if he had a scuffle

Revali: so I'm guessing that whoever or whatever took Daruk was very clever

Link: yeah. I'm still in his room rn

Revali: you smashed all the pottery didn't you?

Link: 😏

Revali: How is your Sheikah slate not burning up?

Link: I put a fire potion on it. 😄

Revali: where's the logic in that?

Link: Do you want pictures of what I found or not?

Revali: lay it out, our bro is missing

Link:

Revali: TF IS THAT?!

Link: IDK YOU TELL MEEEE

Revali: What else did you find?

Link: well..😳

Revali: uhhh okkkk, wellll?

Link: That's the tame one

Revali: Lol nothing turns me on more than a woman who can handle a beast

Jk

Link: here

Revali: 😨😳😨😳😨😳😨😳

Link: exactly

Revali: so Daruk was masturbating big deal, did you find anything useful?

Link: Ay ay

Revali: Pls tell me you found drugs lying around 🙏

Link: nope just pottery

Revali: great, so where did Daruk get all this?

Link: no way in Hylia is this possible to find

Maybe we should ask Zelda for help but..

Revali: of course there's a but

Link: it feels all too familiar, which is weird.

Revali: what looks familiar?

Link:

Revali: A Wolf?

Link: and this

Revali: are sure that Daruk doesn't have any weed laying around?

Link: positive

I mean negative

Ahhhh, I mean he doesn't have any he's clean!

Revali: do you know the name of these pictures?

Link: no

Revali: the first picture has the same head crest as the weird relic you are showing me

Link: so?

Revali: I'm guessing it's connected

Contact Zelda NOW

Link: on it

Revali: well?

Link: she said she'll look into it, she wants me to help her do research

Revali: Head over there, I'll contact Urbosa

Link: how am I supposed to carry all of this research?😫

Revali: ...

Revali: ....

Revali: BITCH YOU HAVE UNLIMITED POCKET SPACE

Link: I lied, there's only so much I can carry!

Revali: dear Farore, just take the most valuable! And take pictures of everything else.

Link: FINE

(Link has left the chat)

Revali: Calamity is coming too soon.

We only have two weeks