#BWB39

After the premiere night, I immediately rushed to the hospital together with Ross. He accompanied me. I refused at first since he has other things to do on his schedule but he wouldn't let me go alone. 

Sometimes I feel like he's sacrificed so much for me. I appreciate him being always beside me, but deep inside I feel bad. I don't want to be a burden to him with my own personal problems. It made me realize how different our lives are right now. Malayo na ang narating niya habang ako ay nanatili sa baba, nakatingala sa kanya. He's so hard to reach now, but he's still willing to reach out to me. 

"I'm here Tori. Everything's going to be alright." 

Napatingin ako sa kanya. He held my hand tightly while looking unto my eyes to make me feel calm. Sabay naming hinanap ang room kung saan naka-confine si Jared.

My heart is pounding inside my chest. My mind is in haywire. Halo-halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko. I couldn't help but to get worried with him too. 

We stopped when we arrived in front of his room. Nagkatinginan kami ni Ross. He held my hand and opened the door for me. Binalot ng lamig ang katawan ko pagkapasok. I roamed my eyes around the room, and there I saw Jared lying on the hospital---unconscious. 

Nagkalad kami palapit sa kama niya. I almost covered my mouth in shock when I saw his state. Matindi ang sinapit niya. May benda siya sa ulo. Puro galos ang katawan niya pati ang mukha niya. He has a fractured leg too. I'm sure there's more. I almost couldn't recognize his face because of his wounds and the amount of bandages he has all over his body.  

"Wala bang nagbabantay sa kanya?" tanong ko

"I'm pretty sure his parents are here," answered Ross

"I didn't even meet them."

I was shocked when I saw his finger moved. I looked at his face and he's slowly regaining his consciousness.

"Ross. I think he's awake now," I uttered

"I'll call the doctor," paalam niya at agad na lumabas ng kwarto

Naiwan ako mag-isa kasama si Jared. Hindi ko alam kung lalapitan ko ba siya. I remained a few inches away from him. Hindi ko inalis ang paningin sa kanya. I watch him closely as he slowly open his eyes. Tumingin siya sa direksiyon ko.

"T-tori," he murmured

I barely heard his voice. It turned out weak when he spoke.

Huminga ako ng malalim at humakbang palapit sa kanya. "How...how are you feeling?"

He swallowed hard. I saw a tear fell from his eye. 

After everything he has done to me, seeing him at this condition made me sympathize him. He looks so helpless and weak. It's like he's not the same person who tortured me before. I should be celebrating since he finally received his karma. He deserved it. Karma is a bitch. But deep inside, I'm actually relived that he woke up. He survived.

"Tori," he repeated. His voice is much clearer now than it was a minute ago

Hindi ako sumagot. He lifted his arm to reach for me but I took a step back. "The doctor is on the way. H'wag ka munang masyadong gumalaw."

I suddenly heard the door burst opened behind us. Tumambad sa'min ang isang doctor kasama ang nurse. They checked Jared's condition. I took a step back to give them space. Ross stood beside me then wrapped his arms around me. 

Biglang may pumasok din na dalawang matanda sa loob. Sinundan ko sila ng tingin hanggang sa makalapit kay Jared. Nanlaki ang mata nila pagkakita sa kanya. Napatakip ng bibig ang babae at dinamayan siya ng kanyang asawa. 

"His parents," Ross said

I already knew they were his parents by the way they look at him with worry and fear across their faces.

My eyes remained on them, watching their every move. Kinausap nila ang doktor at tinanong ang kalagayan ng anak nila. Ilang sandali ay lumabas na rin ang doktor kasama ang nurse. My heart stopped when his parents looked at us. 

"Sino kayo? Are you my son's friends?" malamig na tanong ng mama ni Jared. Their eyes narrowed on us.

Hindi ako sumagot. Meanwhile, I saw Ross gave them a small nod. Siguro ay napilitan lang siya. 

"Excuse us," paalam ko

Umiwas ako ng tingin at hinila na si Ross palabas ng kwarto.

"Let's give them their privacy first," I said

"Are you okay?" he asked. He must have noticed how uneasy and nervous I look right now. 

"Yeah."

Nilapitan naman namin ang doktor ni Jared at tinanong kung anong cause ng aksidente niya. He told us that he got into a motorcycle accident. He has fractured bones, a severe injury on his leg that's why he might not be able walk for the next few weeks. Mananatili rin siya ng ilang araw sa ospital. I didn't expect his condition was this worse. He must have gotten hit by a truck or something.

After we talked to the doctor, we sat on the chairs just outside Jared's room.

I sighed and massaged my head. "Thank you dahil sinamahan mo ko ngayon," I told him

"No problem. I just hope he'll have a fast recovery."

"I hope so too. I don't know how I'll tell Aurora about what happened to him."

There were some doctors and patients walking by in front of us but my eyes remained staring blankly at the ground, feeling anxious.

"I also don't know what to feel when I saw his parents the first time. I don't know if they know me or if they know that their son already has a child. Kung may pakielam ba sila sa anak ko. Kung alam ba nila ang nangyari. There's a lot of questions in my head and I just feel we're underserving parents?" 

Yumuko ako at kinagat ang labi. Tahimik lang si Ross habang nakikinig sa'kin. "The way they looked at me a while ago, seems like I'm just one of their son's girls. Totoo naman. Syempre mas kakampihan nila yung anak nila. Ipagtatanggol nila. They would probably hate me. I don't know and I honestly don't care either."

"They were surprised when they saw us. Nakakahiya na nauna pa tayong makita siya kaysa sa magulang niya," sambit ni Ross

I smiled weakly. "Akala ko nga pagpasok natin, may kasama na siya. It was a bit awkward to be honest," I chortled awkwardly

"Yeah.."

"Ganito rin pala yung pakiramdam ni Jared noong nakita niya ang magulang ko. Hindi dahil sa naaawa ako sa kanya. I mean, we're almost the same. Hindi ko alam kung saan lulugar. I made a lot of sacrifices but I still feel like I'm lacking. Hindi pa rin maaiwasan yung panghuhusga ng ibang tao," I sniffed

Ross pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me. "Don't compare yourself to him Tori. You brought Aurora into this world. You took care of her. You watch her grow. That alone speak how strong and brave you are as a person and as a mother."

"Sorry for being too emotional," I uttered

"You're strong for acknowledging your emotions."

I lifted my eyes to him and gave him a small smile.

Ilang sandali ay biglang may lumabas na babae sa kwarto ni Jared. It was his mother. Tumingin siya sa'min ni Ross. Umayos kaming dalawa ng upo.

Her eyes landed on mine. "Ikaw ba si Tori?"

Napakurap-kurap ako noong tinawag niya ako.

"Tori? Tama ba?" ulit niya

Ross and I looked at each other for a second. I then looked at the woman again in front of us.

"Ako nga po," sagot ko. I couldn't hear my own voice 'cause my heart is beating ridiculously fast inside my chest. 

"Pwede ba tayong mag-usap? Tayong dalawa lang."

Bigla akong kinabahan sa tono ng boses niya. I was intimidated by her presence. Ross held my hand tightly. I saw him looking at the woman too. I caressed his arm. "It's okay Ross."

I diverted my attention back to the woman. "Sige po."

She gave me a nod. "Let's talk somewhere private. Follow me."

I gulped and stood up. Ross released my hand. Sinundan niya ako ng tingin. I turned my head to face him. "I'll be back okay? Stay here," I reminded and gave him a small smile

He nodded. "I'll wait for you."

Naunang naglakad ang babae. I followed right behind her. We went to a different area where it's only just the two of us. Napahinto ako noong tumigil siya sa paglalakad. 

I swallowed hard. My hands suddenly turned cold. I clenched my fist to calm myself down. Hindi ko inalis ang paningin sa kanya.

 She sighed and turned around to face me. I looked at her from head to foot. She's wearing a cream dress partnered with black heels. She has a designer bag on her arm. Maiksi ang kulay brown niyang buhok. Her strong aura made me more intimidated.

"Victoria. My name is Victoria ma'am," I formally introduced

Tinignan niya rin ako mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Didiretsuhin na kita. Is it true that you have a child with my son?"

My lips parted. I already expected this to happen so I didn't lie anymore. "Yes. We have...a daughter."

She sighed. "Alam kong maraming naging babae ang anak ko. Hindi ko lang inakala na may mabubuntis siya."

He didn't just get me pregnant. He did much more worse. I wanted to tell her that.

"Nilihim niya po ba sa inyo?" I gulped

"Hindi niya agad sinabi. Maski ako ay nagulat. You know, he's actually happy with his relationship right now. He's getting married soon. Hindi niya na gustong makipagbalikan sa'yo kasi sabi niya ay hiwalay na raw kayo."

I smiled weakly. "Neither I am ma'am."

"I asked him if he ever loved you. Surprisingly he said yes. But now, he doesn't anymore. Nakakagulat kasi akala ko mahal ka niya noong nalaman kong may anak na kayo. I thought he can finally settle down and build his own family."

I chuckled softly. "Kung mahal niya ako, e 'di sana pinanagutan niya ako. There's a lot of things he didn't tell you ma'am, or maybe chose not to tell."

Her lips parted. "What?"

"I'm not the one for him ma'am. I never loved him. I don't think he even love me too. He doesn't deserve to be father of my child. Anyone can be a father but not anyone deserves to be a dad."

She scoffed. "What are you trying to say then?"

"Your son abused me. Hinding hindi ko siya mapapatawad sa ginawa niya sa'kin. I don't want him in my life anymore. I don't even want him to get near my daughter. Don't worry ma'am. We've settled things now. He can be with his new relationship. I can go on with my life too. We don't have to get back together just because we have a child. If it wasn't for my daughter then I wouldn't be here right now."

She swallowed hard. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa bag niya. The tears in her eyes were evident, mixed with guilt and bewilderment.

My vision became blurry. "Hindi niyo na po kailangan pagtakpan at ipagtanggol ang anak niyo. Parehas naman po tayong babae 'di ba? We're both mothers. I hope you can understand me." I felt a tear fell from my eye 

Her lips parted while staring at me."I'm sorry. In behalf of my son, I want to apologize for everything that he did to you," sabi niya at humakbang palapit sa'kin. She lifted her arm to reach me but I looked away.

"I know I have my own faults too. I was a reckless teenager back then. Mali na pumatol ako sa kanya. If only I knew..."

"I'm sorry hija.." her voice broke into a sob

She's looking at me apologetically. Sunod-sunod na pumatak ang luha sa mata niya. I can feel her sympathy towards me but I didn't need it at all. I just want to explain my side. I don't care if the rest of the people won't believe me, but her, as Jared's mother. I hope she knows how her own son abused me.

I sighed heavily and looked at the ground. "But he did much more worse than me that I couldn't have even imagined he'd do."

"I'm truly sorry Victoria. Naiintindihan kita. As his mother, I'm also responsible of his actions. Hindi ko siya napalaki ng maayos. Napabayaan ko siya," nanginig ang boses niya

"I'm sorry din kung hindi ko kayang patawarin ang anak mo," malamig kong sabi

She burst into tears. Yumuko siya at napailing habang takip ang bibig.

"Mauuna na po ako."

I didn't wait for her answer anymore. I turned around and walked away from her.

From broken families, bad parenting, young parents, and toxic relationships. I definitely learned a lot from my own experience and from the people around me. It's hard for me to be a single mom to Aurora. If Jared abandoned her and if I'm also abandoned by my father, didn't have a healthy relationship with my family. Despite all that I'll give her the life that she deserves.

When I came back, I saw Ross sitting on the chairs just like where the last time I saw him. He's patiently waiting for me. I smiled and walked towards him. Tumingin siya sa direksiyon ko. Nagtama ang mata namin. Tumayo siya at sinalubong ang yakap ko.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and that's when I let all my emotions out. Kusang bumuhos ang luha sa mata ko. Humikbi ako habang umiiyak sa balikat niya. 

"What happened? What did she say to you?" he asked worriedly

I shut my eyes and hugged him tighter. I cried even more

"Tori.." he caressed my back

"She wasn't actually bad as I thought she'd be," I sniffed

"What do you mean?"

"I was scared at first. I t-thought she'd say something mean to me. I thought she'd take her son's side, but she didn't. She understood me."

Kumalas ng yakap si Ross at pinunasan ang luha sa mata ko. Hinanap niya ang mata ko pero nanatili akong nakayuko.

"I'm s-sorry. Hindi lang ako sanay na may mga ibang taong naiintindihan ang sitwasyon ko bukod kayo. I'm just glad that she did," I sniffed

He raised my chin up and looked into my eyes. "Soon, more people will understand you Tori. If they won't then we do. You deserve to be treated right. And the right people will understand you."

I smiled bitterly. "I'm glad that she did."

He cupped my face and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and feel the warmth of his lips. 

Inside my head, I saw myself alone in the dark, trapped inside the prison of agony surrounded by the walls that I've built for myself with my own bleeding hands. I found myself lying on the floor with only his voice I can hear. The walls turned calm and silent. And so were the demons within it.

Pagkauwi ko sa bahay namin ay agad kong hinanap ang anak ko. I saw her with my sister on the living room. Napatayo siya pagkakita sa'kin at tumakbo palapit din sa'kin. Lumuhod ako at sinalubong ang yakap niya.

"Mommy!" she greeted

I smiled. "Hi princess. Why are you still awake huh?"

"I was waiting for you to get home. Where did you go?"

My lips parted. I looked at my sister who's standing behind us. Binalik ko ang tingin sa anak ko. "Uh, I just visited someone."

"Who?"

I gulped. Imbis na sumagot ay tumayo ako at hinawakan ang kamay niya. "Let's wash up first Aurora then let's sleep na. Mommy's tired."

She nodded. "Okay."

Pinauna ko muna siyang pumuntang kwarto. Nilapitan ko naman ang kapatid ko.

"Hey. Is everything alright?" she asked worriedly

"Yeah. Pagod lang ako ngayong araw."

Tumango siya at tipid na ngumiti.

"Bukas nalang tayo mag-usap Ate. I'll take some rest for now. Thank you, for looking out for Aurora."

She caressed my arm. "You're welcome. Sige na, pahinga ka na."

That night, I hugged my daughter because it was hard for me to sleep after everything that happened today. Eversince I sleep beside her, the nightmares stopped visiting me anymore. My heart calmed down and I was able to sleep peacefully.

The next day, I finally got the chance to talk to Jared alone. Nakaupo ako ngayon kaharap niya, katapat ng kama niya. He's still in a bad shape. Just like how I saw him yesterday.

I admit, I still feel anxious that I'm with him right now. I couldn't even breath properly. Even if he's lying and seriously injured in the bed, I can imagine him hurting me. It all came back to me, but before it could trigger me, I suddenly spoke.

"K-kamusta?" 

"I didn't expect you'd visit me again," he muttered

"I never wanted to. I just don't know how will I suppose to tell my daughter about you," I replied coldly

He looked at me. He couldn't turn his head to me 'cause has a cast on his neck. "Do me a favor Tori. H'wag mo sana munang sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol sa'kin. I don't want her to know."

I sighed and nodded. "Alright. Ako nang bahala."

"I still couldn't believe you're here. Mas lalo akong nakonsensiya sa ginawa ko sa'yo," he smiled weakly

"I'm not doing this for you Jared. I'm doing this for my daughter," diretso kong sabi

"I..I k-know. Salamat dahil hinayaan mo kong makilala siya."

Umiwas ako ng tingin. "I'll get going then. Goodbye," paalam ko at tumayo

"Tori."

I stopped when he called my name. I then turned my head to face him.

"Patawad at paalam."

I inhaled deeply. "Paalam."

Humarap na ako sa pinto at tuluyan nang lumabas. Nagulat ako dahil may tumabad sa'kin na isang babae sa harapan ko. His lips parted in shock when she saw me came out of the room.

The woman looks around my age. Fair skin, dark brown hair, and a slim body. She's holding a basket of fruits and flowers on her hands. The diamond ring on her finger caught my attention.

"Uh, excuse me miss but who are you? Why are you in my fiance's room? You don't seem familiar to me," she trailed off. Tinignan niya ko mula ulo hanggang paa.

I looked straight into her eyes. "I'm no one," sagot ko at nilagpasan na siya

I turned to the other direction of the hallway. My steps turned slow when I saw a familiar group of people walking towards me. I can hear their chatters from a distance. At that moment, I already knew who they were. The demons inside me awoke.

Napahinto sila pagkakita sa'kin. I saw how their eyes widened in shock. Their feet froze on the ground. Hindi ko inalis ang paningin sa kanila. 

"Victoria," they mouthed

Speak of the devil. They must have thought.

I smirked and began to walk towards them. Bigla silang napaatras palayo. I saw fear, guilt, and shock in their eyes. Sinundan nila ako ng tingin. I ignored them and continued to walk until I passed them. Hindi ko sila nilingon pa. 

"Victoria."

Napahinto ulit ako noong tinawag nila ang pangalan ko pero hindi ko sila nilingon. There's no reason for me to talk to them nor hear their explanation. Hindi ko sasayangin ang oras ko sa kanila.

"Victoria!"

They speak of my name as if they didn't make fun of it before. Now they're calling me as if I'd turn around and greet them like nothing happened.

It still hurt and I feel like I got stabbed in the back with an arrow. Even if I fall down, I'd crawl and rose my feet from the ground. And when the time comes where I reach my throne, I'd look down on them with pride and I'd hear them calling my name, asking for forgiveness.

But I choose not to listen to them. Instead I'll turn my back on them and kick them out of my kingdom. The gates of my castle will no longer welcome traitors. They are banned-- just like how I cut them off from my life, forever.