#BWB34

"Omg, si Victoria ba 'to?"

"Saan? Patingin."

"Itong nasa video. Boyfriend niya ata yung lalaki. Tignan mo oh, nakaluhod sa harap niya parang nagmamakaawa."

"Totoo ba 'yan? I mean, marami na akong napapanood na videos na magjowasa public. Yung nanliligaw si boy tapos nireject siya ng babae sabay walk out."

"Galit na galit si ate mo girl. Tori, ikaw ba 'to?" 

I'm busy cleaning the make-up brushes when she went to me and showed me the video. Medyo nakatalikod ako pero kita ang side profile ng ko. Kitang kita naman si Jared na nakaluhod sa harapan ko. Then the video suddenly zoomed in my face. I looked angry and pissed. Halata iyon sa mukha ko.

"Oo ako 'yan," I nonchalantly replied and continued to clean the brushes again

They gasped. "Talaga? Pero, bakit? Sino 'tong lalaki?"

"Hindi ko na idedeny kasi nakakapagod na mag-explain. Kayo na bahala humusga, wala akong pake sa opinyon niyo o sa ibang tao tungkol sa video na 'yan."

"Sungit naman. Nagtatanong lang e."

"Oo nga."

I sighed and turned to face them. "Mga mare, nasa trabaho ako at wala akong oras para makipagchismisan sa inyo."

Inirapan lang nila ako. They continued to watch the video and I saw how their eyes widened in shock.

At that moment, I already knew based on their reactions. They were shocked when Ross came into the scene.

"Holy moly! Is this who I think it is?"

Nagkumpulan ulit sila at pinanood ng maigi ang video. They kept on glancing at me with a confused and suspicious look.

"Wait, I think I know him. Tell me, why does he look so familiar?"

"He looks like a celebrity. Parang nakita ko na siya in real life."

"Hold on, is this one of the actors that came here last time?"

Nagkatinginan silang apat. "Sino?"

"Pumunta ang ganitong kagwapong aritista dito tapos hindi ko napansin? Asan ako noong panahon na 'yon?"

Sydney snapped her fingers like she already find out who that man is. "Tama! I think this is Ross. Tama ba? Is that his name? I'm not sure."

I looked away. I thought they'd recognize him right away but it took them a few minutes to do so. For some reason, my heart began to pound inside my chest.

"Ross? Who's Ross? I'm sorry, I don't think I know him," komento ng isa

"He's a new actor. I understand if you still don't know him since he's still new. But guys, in fairness kasi kahit hindi pa showing yung movie niya, ang dami ng tao ang nakakapansin sa kanya dahil sa looks niya. I'm sure he'll get more famous once his movie is out!" ngiting sabi ni Sydney

"I doubt. In this industry, hindi pwedeng gwapo ka lang. Dapat may talent ka rin. Ang hirap kayang makapasok sa industriyang ito. Maraming mas gwapo, maraming mas magagaling, maraming gustong maging artista. I admit, he's quite good-looking pero saan naman siya dadalhin no'n?" komento ng isa

"He has an advantage because of his looks duh. He's lucky he's handsome. You know, pretty privilege. Marami siyang fangirls. Mas maraming opportunities na dadating sa kanya hindi lang maging aktor. He can be a model or something," sabi ni Anna na isa kong katrabaho

"True. Pangarap ko tuloy maging manager niya o kahit personal stylist. I wouldn't think twice to quit this shitty job as long as I can be his assistant or something," Sydney remarked

Given our job, We've already worked with so much celebrities and actors. We did their make-up, clothes, even watch them work on and off cam. There are times when we encounter rude people. May ilan na iba ang treatment sa'min. On the other hand, we also worked with celebs with a kind heart. It depends. Sometimes, they have a different persona in front of the camera and behind the scenes. But still, we can't judge them easily since we don't know their personal life.

Napatingin ulit ako sa kanila noong nagsalita ulit ang isa.

"Tori. Are you and him close? Why are you with him, knowing he's an actor? Aren't you scared of his fans?" Sydney asked, worried. She showed me the video again. Lahat nila ay nakatingin, inaabangan ang sagot ko.

I looked at them blankly. "Hindi 'yan si Ross. Your assumptions were wrong," I said and turned my back to them. Lumabas ako ng make-up room pero iniwan ko ang pinto na nakabukas ng konti at sinilip sila.

May halong pagtataka ang mukha nila. They kept looking at the video while gossiping. I couldn't help but to eavesdropp.

"Malabo naman kasi na kasama ni Tori ang isang artista katulad niya."

"Tsaka kung papanoorin mo yung video, hindi masyadong kita yung mukha ng lalaki dahil sa shades at cap. Baka kaibigan niya lang na mukhang mayaman."

They laughed.

"By the way, may nalaman pala ako diyan tungkol kay Ross. Balita ko, may dark past siya."

Biglang humina ang boses nila pero pinilit kong makinig pa rin.

"Huh? What do you mean? Don't tell me may scandal din siya kagaya ni Victoria," I heard them mentioned my name. 

Yumuko ako at kinagat ang labi. Lagi nalang nilang nasisingit ang pangalan ko sa kahit anong usapan.

"Hindi. Narinig ko lang 'to sa boss natin. May rumors daw na before pa siya pumasok sa industriya, nakulong daw siya."

"Nakulong? Seryoso ba? You must be kidding Anna. He's too goodlooking to be in jail. Ano namang kaso niya? Kinilabutan ako bigla ah."

"I don't exactly know but that's just what I heard. Besides, that was a long time ago pa raw. Hindi ko alam kung totoo o hindi. Parang imposible rin kasi. He looks harmless."

"Syempre iba na siyang tao ngayon. Hindi natin alam kung anong klase siyang tao noon."

"Naku, parang ayoko na tuloy sa kanya dahil sa sinabi mo. Baka siya yung tipo na artista na mukha lang mabait kapag kaharap ang camera pero kapag nakatalikod na, lumabas na ang tunay na kulay. I get that he's handsome but if he's rude, major turn off."

I heard Sydney scoffed. "Come on. It's not new for celebs to have rumors or scandals. Even ordinary human beings have those. Maapektuhan nga lang ang career niya kung sakaling totoo at kumalat yung past niya."

"By the way, delete mo na 'yang video Sydney. H'wag mo ng ikalat. Baka malagot ka," utos ni Anna na medyo nag-aalala para sa kaibigan

"Oo nga. Tanda niyo pa ba si Camilla? Yung dati nating katrabaho? Remember, she got fired from her job because she exposed the past scandal of a famous celebrity. They even sued her."

"She's a toxic fan kasi. Sinira niya yung career ng idol niya. She's obsessed."

"Omg, thanks for reminding me. Wala naman talaga kong balak ikalat yung video. Nakita ko lang 'to sa internet. Shut up nalang tayo sa nalaman natin tungkol sa kanya. Nakakatakot baka tayo madamay. Ayoko matanggalan ng trabaho 'no, at maslalong ayoko matulad kay Camilla."

I wanted so bad to defend Ross in front of them but then I realized that they must be thinking the same way with me too. How can I defend him if I can't even defend myself from my own past mistakes? They don't even know the whole story and the truth. Isa pa ay ayoko ring malaman nila na magkakilala kaming dalawa ni Ross. I'm sure it will affect his career more. Mas lalong madudumihan ang pangalan niya kung sakali.

Ross and I have one thing in common. We both had a dark past. Everyone has different versions of the story. In their perspective, we're bad people. I always remind myself that I know me more than anyone else. I know Ross more than anyone else. I wish we have the chance to clean our name and be able to reach our dream freely.

Ross must be privileged since he still made it to the industry. Sana lang hindi bumagsak ang career niya kagaya ng iba. Kagay ko. I see myself in him. We basically switched lives. I just pray he won't experience what I've experienced before. 

After I got out of work, I went to the mall to buy a gift for my daughter for her upcoming birthday. She said she wanted to celebrate her birthday at her school with her classmates. Then the day after, we'll celebrate together with my family.

I went to H&M to look for clothes. I was tempted to buy one for myself too since it's been a while since I last shop for myself. I saw a beautiful dress displayed on the mannequin. It's a short floral dress with puffed sleeves, one of the trends these days. Beside it is another outfit that I adore. A beige coat, a black satin top, and a beige highwaist trousers. It looks elegant.

Lumapit ako roon at chineck ang price. I immediately returned the clothes back to the rack the moment I saw the price. Naglakad ako palayo at nilibot ang buong store, hoping to find an outfit that I can afford.

"Hey you!"

I stopped when I saw a woman approaching me. Hindi ko alam kung ako ba yung tinawag niya kaya huminto nalang rin ako at tinuro ang sarili. Huminto siya sa harapan ko nang makalapit.

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked

I looked at her from head to foot. She's wearing a red crop top and baggy jeans. Looking at her outfit, it made me think that I have the same exact clothes on my wardrobe. I looked at her face again. She has pale white skin, brown curly hair, and a doll like face. I'm assuming she got something done on her face or maybe it's just the make-up

"Ikaw ba si Victoria?" she placed her hand on her hips. Masama ang tingin niya sa'kin sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. 

"Yes, I am but how did you know my name-"

"Can you stay away from my boyfriend?" she cut me off before I can even finish my sentence

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Uh, excuse me, but who are you?"

She scoffed and flipped her curly hair. She then took out her phone and showed me a video. It was the exact same video that my workmates showed to me. "See this guy? He's my boyfriend. Tell me, bakit kasama mo siya?"

I looked at her again from head to foot. "Girlfriend ka niya?"

She bare her teeth. "Kakasabi ko lang na boyfriend ko-"

"Pwede kasing boyfriend mo nga siya pero, ang tanong, girlfriend ba ang tingin niya sa'yo?" I asked calmly with no humor or sarcasm intended. 

Her face turned into a deep scowl.

I don't why she suddenly got offended by what I said. I just asked her a genuine question.

"No offense," I added

Hindi siya nagsalita. Tinignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Can you tell me your name? Sa dami na kasing naging 'girlfriend' niya na kumausap din sa'kin kagaya mo noon ay hindi ko na maalala lahat e. Bago ka ba niya or?"

"I'm his present. Can you just answer my question? I know you're one of his exes," she asked, annoyed

I sighed. Of course I wouldn't tell her what happened yesterday and what Jared and I talked about. That's none of her business anymore. It's personal. Isa pa ay ayoko ng madamay sa relasyon nila.

"Look, I'm not trying to steal your man from you. Heck, I don't even care about him-"

"If that's the case then how can you explain this?" she showed me the screenshots of the video

I opened my mouth to speak but then I don't know what to fucking say. I've already had enough of Jared and now his girlfriends are attacking me? I'm not even sure if the woman in front of me is really his girlfriend o baka gusto lang niya akong siraan, but if it's true then he's a big fat liar! He's really a pest in my life! The big question is, how the fuck does he manage to have a girlfriend? Bakit may mga babaeng pumapatol pa sa kanya?

I licked my lips. "Why don't you ask him instead? Hmm? Bakit ka sa'kin nagagalit? Why don't you ask him first before attacking me?"

I admit, I got anxious because what if Jared actually tells the truth and leave her to come back to me? Siguradong malaking gulo iyon. I don't even know how his mind works. Ang alam ko wala siyang pake kung makasakit siya ng ibang tao.

I looked at her again. This woman, if she's mature enough, I hope she'll make the right decision to leave Jared or what if ako yung siraan niya? What if ipagkalat niya na isa akong kabit? I'm thinking of the worst possible case scenarios. Natatakot ako sa posibleng mangyari.

"I'm not attacking you. I just want to know the truth," she said calmly

"The truth is," I paused. "It's none of your business."

Umiwas siya ng tingin. "I know about his past relationships. I just want him to move on from them. Pakiramdam ko marami siyang tinatago sa'kin. Pakiramdam ko nagchecheat siya. Pakiramdam ko gusto niyang balikan ang ex niya."

"Don't worry. Marami tayong ex niya. I'm not planning to ruin your toxic relationship as well. Good luck tho. Galingan mong maging fuckgirl niya," sabi ko at nilagpasan na siya

"Excuse me? What did you just call me? A fuckgirl?" kunot noo niyang sabi

I stopped and turned to face her again. "If I were you, better break up with him. Wala kang mapapala sa kanya kasi sex lang habol niya sa'yo."

Her jaw dropped. Humakbang ako palapit sa kanya. Tumingin siya sa'kin. "A woman's instinct never fails. I hope you listen to it."

Tinalikuran ko na ulit siya pagkatapos. Nagbayad na ako sa cashier at mabilis na lumabas ng store. I decided to go home already. Nag-taxi ako pauwi.

Habang nasa byahe ay kinuha ko ang phone ko sa bag. I saw a message from Ross. His message was sent three hours ago. I wasn't able to reply.

Ross:

How's your day? What are you doing? Filming is almost finished. The movie will be out soon. I'm nervous yet excited at the same time :)

I smiled upon reading his message.

Ako:

Ross!

Wala pang ilang minuto matapos kong isend ay agad siyang nag-text pabalik.

Siya:

Yes baby?

I laughed. Nakita kong sumulyap sa'kin si manong driver kaya tumikhim ako at tiumingin ulit sa phone ko.

Ako:

Did you just call me baby? Na-wrong send ka ata.

Siya:

No I didn't ;)

Ako:

Landi mo

Siya:

Sa'yo lang ako malandi ;)

I chuckled.

Ako:

Can you stop it with the winking emoji?

I was surprised when he sent me a kissing emoji with a heart instead. This man is such a flirt.

Ako:

By the way, I have chika!

Siya:

Spill the tea sis haha

Umayos ako ng upo. I don't know why I got so excited all of a sudden. I'm smiling from ear to ear. My fingers are itchy to type.

Ako:

So nagpunta kasi ako ng mall kanina. I went to H&M to buy clothes for Aurora for her birthday and then a woman suddenly approached me. Sinabi niya sa'kin na boyfriend niya raw si Jared. Ayun, medyo nagkainitan kami lol pero hindi kami nag-away na literal. We just talked. Share ko lang ;)

Ross:

Oh, what did she say to you then? 

Ako:

Nothing much. She just told me to stay away from Jared, as if I'd steal him away from her duh. 

Ross:

Wait, but how did she even find out that you and Jared are...exes?

If only I can see his reaction, he must be jealous. I should have told the story to him in person so that I can tease him and pinch his cheek. I smiled at the thought, but it didn't last when I remembered the video.

Ako:

By any chance, do you know about the video?

Siya:

What video?

I pressed my lips. I thought he knew, but maybe he didn't, o baka rin hindi pa niya alam. I don't think the video spread widely on the internet. Only few people know about it. Only a few recognized him. Isa pa ay wala namang masamang nangyari doon sa video. Maybe I'm just overthinking things. I got anxious. Naalala ko ang nangyari sa'kin noon.

Ako:

Nothing. Never mind.

Ross:

Are you okay?

I bit my lips and typed my reply

Ako:

Yeah. 

Gusto ko siyang bisitahin sa shooting niya para suportahan siya kaso naalala ko ulit yung tungkol sa video. Ayokong magkaron kami ng issue dalawa. 

Ross:

Pauwi ka na ba?

Ako:

Yup. Goodluck pala sa movie mo :) Can't wait to see it

Hindi ko na nabasa ang sunod niyang text dahil biglang tumawag sa'kin si Ate Olivia. Sinagot ko agad siya.

"Hello Ate? Pauwi na ko. Kamusta si Aurora?"

My sister is with Aurora. Binabantayan niya ito.

"Tori. Buti sinagot mo agad ang tawag ko. Someone came here and he's looking for you and Aurora."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What? Who?"

"Is he the father of Aurora, Tori?"

Biglang nanigas ang katawan ko sa kinauupan. Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana. Chineck ko kung malapit na ba ako sa bahay.

"I asked for his name. He introduced himself as Jared."

I swallowed hard. "Where is he? Can I talk to him?"

"I am talking to him right now. Aurora is doing her homework."

Pumikit ako ng mariin at pinakalma ang sarili. "Sige, malapit na ko. Hintayin mo ko."

Binaba ko ang tawag at tumingin ulit sa labas ng bintana. Bigla akong kinabahan sa mangyayari. I'm not yet ready. This is so unexpected

Pagkahinto na pagkahinto ng taxi sa tapat ng apartemtent ko ay agad akong bumaba. Nakita ko agad si Ate sa labas ng gate. Seryoso silang nag-uusap ni Jared. Huminga ako ng malalim at nilapitan sila.

"Ate," tawag ko

Sabay silang lumingon sa'kin. Nanlaki ang mata ni Jared at nilapitan ako.

"Tori!" he tried to reach for my hand but I backed away

"What are you doing here?" malamig kong sabi

He sniffed. "I want to meet her. Please, Tori," he begged

Lumapit sa'kin si Ate. "Siya na ba yung gagong ex mo? Ang ama ni Aurora?" bulong niya sa'kin

I glanced at her and nodded. "Yeah."

She scoffed. "Ang kapal din ng mukha niyang magpakita pagkalipas ng ilang taon."

"I'm sorry sa mga sinabi ko sa'yo noong isang araw. Gusto ko lang talaga siyang makilala Tori. Hindi na kita guguluhin pagkatapos. Pangako. Sana naman magkaayos na tayo para sa anak natin," napatingin ulit ako kay Jared na nagsalita

Umiwas ako ng tingin dahil nakikita ko nanaman na naluluha na siya. 

"What do I do Ate?" I whispered to my sister beside me

Nakita kong naawa siya kay Jared sa harapan namin. She's more sympathetic than I do. Mas malambot ang puso niya kaysa sa'kin.

"It's up to you Tori," sabi niya habang nakatingin sa'kin

"I think it's time for Aurora to meet her father. I'm doing this for her, not for him."

And so, I looked back at Jared again. I swallowed my pride and made my decision. I suddenly became anxious. I don't know how my daughter will react. I don't know what to feel. I'm so nervous, good thing my sister is here beside me. She caressed my back and looked at me, assuring me that everything is going to be alright. I nodded and smiled weakly.

"Are you even ready to face her?" I asked Jared

Umiwas siya ng tingin. "Hindi ko pa alam kung anong sasabihin sa kanya pero sana hayaan mo kong makilala siya."

I sighed. "Four fucking years Jared. Four fucking years," I cursed underneath my breath. Nilagpasan ko siya at pinasunod sa'kin. "Come with me."

Tahimik siyang sumunod sa'kin. Si ate naman ay nasa likod niya, nakahalukipkip.

I got inside my apartment first. Tumingin ako kay Jared na nasa labas. "Stay here first. Kakausapin ko lang muna siya. Tatawagin nalang kita."

Tumango siya at malungkot na ngumiti. Nanatili si ate sa tabi niya.

Binalik ko ang tingin sa harap. Hinayaan kong nakabukas ang pinto. I walked towards the living room and there I saw my daughter watching her favorite cartoon show. My tears were threatening to fall from my eyes already but I blinked them away. Humakbang ako palapit pero napaatras din dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya. Bigla akong nanghina, nawalan ng lakas ng loob.

Nagulat ako dahil bigla siyang lumingon sa'kin. She smiled widely when she saw me. Tumayo siya at nilapitan ako. "Mommy! You're home."

I smiled and knelt down to welcome her hug. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. I closed my eyes and I felt a tear escaped my eyes. "Hi baby. I missed you."

"I miss you too mommy."

Kumalas na kami sa yakap. "How are you?" I asked and fix her bangs

She smiled. "I'm done with my homework. Tita Olivia helped me finish it. Come mommy. I want to show you something I did," she held my hand and pulled me to the living room. She then showed me another drawing of hers

"My teacher asked us about our dream. I said I want to be like you when I grow up so I drew you," she said happily

I chuckled when I saw her stick figure drawing of me. She even used a red crayon, my favorite color. My vision began to blur from the tears. 

"And I also drew another one," she then showed me another paper

Mas lalo akong naiyak pagkakita sa pangalawa niyang drawing at ang sinulat niya sa baba.

"My dream is to meet daddy. I want us to be a complete and happy family," she read

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko pumikit ng mariin. Sunod sunod na buhumos ang luha sa mata ko.

"Do you like it mommy?"

I slowly nodded. I looked away because I didn't want her to see that I'm crying eventhough it's already obvious.

"Mommy? Are you okay? Why are you crying," she squeezed my hand which made me cry even more

I slowly wiped the tears off my face and knelt down in front of her. I held her right hand and kissed it. She stared, innocently. Napakurap-kurap siya habang inoobserbahan ang mukha ko. "Why are you sad mommy? You don't like my drawing? Did someone hurt you?" naramdaman kong pinunasan niya ang luha ko

Huminga ako ng malalim at tinignan siya ng diretso sa mata. "Aurora. Listen to me carefully okay?"

She slowly nodded.

"You told me before that you want to meet daddy right?" 

Her lips parted. "Yes po."

I looked at her drawing of her father. "Well, your dream came true princess. Mamemeet mo na si daddy," lumiit ang boses ko

"Really mommy?" biglang sumigla ang boses niya

I looked at her again. She looks happy yet sad at the same time. 

I smiled weakly and nodded. Biglang kumunot ang noo niya.

"But why are you crying mommy?" she asked innocently

I chuckled and shook my head. "I'm just...happy."

"You're crying because you're happy?"

I nodded. "Do you want to see him now?" I asked, diverting the topic. It's not about me. It's about them.

Her eyes widened. "He's here?"

"Yes baby. He wants to meet you."

Naramdaman kong may tumabi sa'kin. Inangat ko ang paningin ko at nakita si ate. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at tipid na ngumiti. I saw Jared standing behind her. He's looking at our daughter.

Binalik ko ang paningin kay Aurora. Unti-unti akong tumayo pagkatapos. Naramdaman kong humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. Bigla siyang nagtago sa likod ko habang nakatingin sa papa niya.

"Who is he mommy?" she asked, pertaining to the man behind my sister

I looked at her. "He's your daddy Aurora. I'd like you to meet him."

Tumingin din siya sa'kin. "Si daddy?"

I nodded. I diverted my gaze to Jared and gave him a small smile. Humakbang siya palapit sa'min. Lumuhod siya sa harapan ni Aurora. I then released my hand on her. Bigla siyang kumapit sa legs ko habang nakatingin kay Jared.

"Hi Aurora," bati ni Jared

Aurora didn't speak. Ramdam ko ang takot at kaba niya. I feel like she doesn't know how to react when she saw his father after so many years. She seems hesitant.

I caressed her hair. "It's okay baby."

Tumingin siya sa'kin sabay tingin ulit kay Jared. "Are you really my daddy?"

Tumango si Jared at malungkot na ngumiti sa kanya. "Yes Aurora."

Lumayo na ako sa kanila para bigyan sila ng space. Nakita kong nakatingin lang sila sa isa't isa. I couldn't read their expressions but they seem overwhelmed now that they've finally met each other. Nakita ko nalang na niyakap nila ang isa't isa.

I looked away and began to cry. Lumapit sa'kin si ate at dinamayan ako. She wrapped her arm over me and I laid my head on her neck while crying. "It's okay Tori. Ate is here," ramdam ko rin na nagpipigil siyang ilabas ang emosiyon niya. 

I closed my eyes and hugged her. Ayaw tumigil ng luha sa pagbuhos sa mata ko kahit anong pilit ko pigilan. I just let them fall.

"I'm sorry for leaving you Aurora. Andito na si papa. Hindi na kita iiwan," rinig kong sabi ni Jared

"Bakit ngayon lang po kayo nagpakita sa'kin?" si Aurora

"I'm sorry. Sana hayaan mo si papa na makabawi sa'yo."

My heart is breaking into pieces right now hearing their first conversation as a father and daughter. Mas lalong sumakit ang puso ko dahil ramdam kong umiiyak din si Aurora. Pinilit kong tumingin sa kanila. They're still hugging each other.

"H'wag mo na po kami iwan ulit ni mommy. Mahal niyo naman po siya 'di ba?"

Jared looked at me. Mukhang hindi niya alam ang sasabihin. Yumuko lang ako dahil hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin sa kanya.

"Mahal kita anak. Sana mapatawad mo ko."

This is time, he sounded so sincere and genuine. I've never really believed his words before except for our daughter. May konting takot pa rin ako na nararamdaman pero masasabi kong masaya siya makilala ang anak niya. I just pray that his words are true. Sana, sana seryoso na siya. Ayokong pati sa anak ko ay magsinungaling siya. 

Pumunta kami ni ate sa dining area. Parehas naming pinapanood ang mag-ama na nagbobonding sa may living room. Tuyo na ang luha sa mata ko pero pakiramdam ko ay gusto ko pang umiyak. I felt my sister's hand on top of mine.

"Tori," she softly called

I sniffed. Hindi ko inalis ang paningin sa mag-ama.

"Everything is gonna be okay."

I swallowed hard. "I don't know Ate. Nag-aalala pa rin ako."

"Just think about that Aurora is now happy that she finally met him. You did the right thing but that doesn't mean he'll be a part of your life again. I know how much he hurt you. I won't let him hurt you again. Kahit ako ay ayokong maging parte siya ng pamilya natin. Hindi ko siya kayang tanggapin. Hindi ko siya kayang patawarin. We're just doing this for Aurora."

"Ang komplikado ate. Gusto kong ilayo siya kay Jared pero alam kong hindi rin pwede. Ayokong masaktan si Aurora, ate. Gusto kong tuparin yung pangarap niya na magkaron ng masayang pamilya kaso, paano?"

"Masaya naman siya kasama tayo Tori," sagot niya

"I don't know. I guess I feel like I'm still not enough for her. I can tell she likes Jared. We can't be selfish and just think of ourselves. Aurora deserves to be happy too."

I heard her sigh. "Do you think she'd still be happy once she find out the truth? Masyado pa siyang bata Tori," she said. "Si papa, iniwan niya tayo noong-" she paused

Unti-unti akong tumingin sa kanya. Ramdam ko ang pagpipigil niya.

"Malaki na tayo noong iniwan tayo ni papa. Kung tayo ay nasaktan ng sobra, paano pa kaya siya? Ayokong pagdaanan niya ang sakit na pinagdaanan natin. I don't want her to hate her father but I also don't want her to get hurt. I don't want to give her false hopes. Ang hirap ate," I said, tired

"Magkaiba rin tayo ng sitwasyon. Dad left us and didn't come back, but Jared did to Aurora. My question is, tatanggapin mo ba ulit si papa kapag bumalik siya sa'tin?" garalgal ang boses niya

Yumuko ako at umiling. "Hindi ko alam. Hindi siguro. Masyadong masakit yung ginawa niya," sagot ko. "Magkaiba sila ni Jared ate. Kahit bumalik pa si Jared ay hindi ko rin siyang kayang tanggapin. I don't love him either."

"Siguro ay hayaan muna natin makasama ni Aurora ang papa niya. I'm sure Aurora will understand everything when the time comes. H'wag natin siyang bibiglain."

Binalot kami ng katahimikan. Ilang sandali ay nakita kong nilapitan kami ni Jared. Tumingin ako kay Ate dahil hindi ko kayang tignan si Jared.

"Pwede ba tayong mag-usap Tori?"

"Bakit?" si ate ang sumagot sa kanya. May halong inis ang tono ng boses niya.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni ate. Napatingin siya sa'kin. "It's okay. I want to talk to him as well."

She seems hesitant but I nodded at her for assurance. She looked away and sighed. Wala na siyang nagawa kundi tumayo at iwan kaming dalawa. Pinuntahan niya nalang si Aurora sa living room.

There was a long moment of silence between us. I heard him pulled the chair in front of me and sat down. I kept my hands on my side. My eyes are fixed on the table. Hindi ko magawang tignan siya sa mata.

"Tori," he softly called

I swallowed hard. "Can I go first? Please?" I said desperately

"Sure."

I inhaled deeply before I speak. "Kung bumalik ka lang kasi nakokonsensiya ka sa ginawa mo sa'kin noon at para sa anak natin, I'm sorry pero hindi kita kayang tanggapin ulit. I'll let you visit her here. I'll let you be with her under my guidance but please Jared, please don't hurt her. I'm begging you. Nasasaktan ako tuwing nakikita kita at natatakot ako na baka saktan mo siya. I just want you know that I'm doing this for her and not for you."

"Alam kong hindi tayo nakapag-usap ng maayos noong isang araw at gusto ko ulit humingi ng tawad sa'yo. You're right. I just came back for her too. Noong una ay umasa ako na magkabalikan tayo para sa anak natin pero naisip ko na imposibleng mangyari yun. Tanggap ko na hindi mo ko kayang bigyan ng second chance. I don't even deserve it anyway. We don't deserve each other. Naiintindihan kita. I'm sorry kung pinilit kita. Don't worry. I won't hurt her Tori. I promise. This time, I hope you believe me."

Tulala lang ako habang nakatingin sa lamesa. I honestly don't have the energy to talk to him but I must.

"Pagod na pagod na ko Jared. Tama na. Patahimikin mo na ang buhay ko. Pagod na kong marining ang 'sorry' mo. Pagod na kong magalit sa'yo. Pagod na kitang sigawan. Paulit-ulit nalang. Pagod na kong magtanim ng galit sa mga nanakit sa'kin noon. I want to forgive you but I can't. I don't think you will ever deserve it but I know it's the only way for me to move on, is to forgive those people who hurt me before. Gusto ko lang na magkaayos na tayo para sa anak natin. I'm not saying that we should get back together nor be friends. I want us to be civil. As her parents, we should learn how to compromise and deal with this maturely despite our ill feelings toward each other," malumanay kong sabi

Life is so unfair. Ang unfair na ako yung nasaktan pero ako pa yung dapat magpakumbaba. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba yung ginawa ko at kailangan kong masaktan ng ganito. I just want to live in peace. I don't know if my situation is complicated or I'm just the one who's making it so complicated.

He slowly nodded. "I'm sorry Tori. You're right. Hindi ko na pipilitin ang sarili ko sa'yo. Ayos lang kung hindi mo ko kayang patawarin. Hayaan mo kong ipaliwanag kay Aurora ang lahat. H'wag kang mag-alala. Hindi ko siya bibiglain. Ipapaliwanag ko sa kanya ng maayos kapag okay na ang lahat."

"I'm not telling you this just because we're in front of our daughter and your sister, but because this time, I'm really serious, and I hope you believe me. Pangako, hindi na kita guguluhin pa. I'll let you live in peace. Hindi na natin kailangan magkabalikan pa. Again, I apologize for everything. And thank you, thank you for raising our daughter. Thank you for keeping her despite our relationship. Masaya ako na ikaw ang naging ina niya. You did well Tori. Kahit na hindi ako bumalik, alam kong ikaw lang ay sapat na sa kanya. I don't think I'll be a good father to her anyway. I'm sure she'll hate me."

Tuluyang bumuhos ang luha sa mata ko. Pumikit ako at tinakpan ang mukha ko habang patuloy sa pag-iyak. "Thank you."

That was all I can say to him. I felt so relieved when he finally said that. Nabawasan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko. I really thought he'd still pursue me but I'm glad he didn't. Nagpapasalamat ako dahil naawa rin siya sa'kin. Inisip niya rin ang kalagayan ko. 

I don't know if he only told me that because he actually realized his toxic behavior and he's trying to change it or maybe he already has a new relationship and wants to move on. Nonetheless, I'm still grateful that he finally decided to let me live in peace. I just pray that he'll keep his words. Sana nga ay totoo at seryoso na siya sa mga sinabi niya sa'kin.

Narinig ko nalang na tumayo na siya at naglakad palayo sa'kin. I remained on my seat and continued to cry. 

Naramdaman ko nalang na may yumakap sa'kin. Tumingin ako sa tabi ko at nakita si Aurora. 

"Mommy. Why are you still crying?" she asked

Naiiyak din siya habang nakatingin sa'kin. I sniffed and carried her. I placed her on my lap and hugged her. "I love you princess. Always."

"Stop crying mommy. I'll cry too," she wiped the tears off my face

I chuckled. "Okay. I'll stop. I don't want to see you cry."

Biglang dumating si Ate at nilapitan kami. "Tori."

Napatingin ako sa kanya.

"He already left. Nagpaalam na siya sa'min ni Aurora," sabi ni ate. I can tell she dislike Jared so much and I can't blame her.

I nodded. "Okay.."

I looked at Aurora again because she suddenly hugged me. "I'm so happy today mommy. I finally met daddy. Thank you mommy. I love you and daddy!"

I teared up not because of sorrow, but because of joy. I hugged her back. "You're welcome baby."

"Daddy will come to my birthday party, right mommy? I told him to come. I also invited Tito Ross! I want him to come too!" she happily said

The question is, will both of them be able to come for tomorrow's party? Or maybe only one of them will...or maybe none. 

There's only one man who came to my mind that, in no doubt, will show up.

I looked at my daughter and gave her a small smile. "He'll come."