#BWB19

"So, Tori. I heard you and Jared went out on a date yesterday," sabi sa'kin ni Nicole

Naka-upo kami sa sahig ng court habang nagpapahinga galing training. Kinuha ko ang tumbler ko at uminom. Nakita kong lumapit din sa'min si Karina at Aubrey at umupo din sa tabi namin.

"Anong chismis?" tanong ni Aubrey

"We were just talking about Tori and Jared's date yesterday," Nicole replied

"Kamusta naman kayo? Stay strong pa din?" ngiting sabi ni Karina

I arched my brow. "Since when you guys got interested in our relationship?"

Nag-indian sit sila ng upo at maslalong lumapit sa'kin. "Of course. We're your friends. Common naman 'tong pinag-uusapan ng magkakaibigan e."

"So, how was your date?" Nicole asked

"It was just a normal date. Walang special."

"Did you guys had sex after?" Karina asked

I coughed. "What the heck? No!"

"Bakit ang defensive?" she chuckled

"Ayoko na sa kanya," sabi ko

Nagkatinginan sila sa isa't isa. "Bakit naman?"

"Basta ayaw ko. I already broke up with him yet he's still won't stop bugging me. Ang kulit niya."

"Really? I don't see any problem with him," Karina said

"Basta ang alam namin ay seryoso siya sa'yo," si Aubrey

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me. I've dated guys just like him. Alam kong hindi siya seryoso sa'kin."

"Kung gano'n e bakit siya nag-eeffort pa? Kung hindi naman pala siya seryoso sa'yo? Bakit ka pa niya hinahabol? If you think he's a playboy, then the first time you broke up with him, meron na dapat siyang bago ngayon," dagdag ni Karina

Kumunot ang noo ko at umiwas ng tingin. "Ewan ko. Malay ko sa kanya. Hindi ko din siya maintindihan. There are moments when he's a jerk but then the next day he turns sweet. May sira ata utak niya."

"C'mon Tori. Stop being so paranoid. Isipin mo din naman yung mga efforts niya sa'yo," si Nicole

"Alam natin na marami din siyang naging past relationships pero sa'yo lang siya nagseryoso. Unti-unti nang nagtitino yung tao oh!" si Karina

"Yeah, stop overthinking too much. May trust issues ka ba? Ang tagal na nating magkakaibigan oh," sabi ni Aubrey

I bit my lip. "Bakit niyo ba ako pinipilit kay Jared? Parang botong-boto kayo sa kanya. He's not even that special."

They sighed. "Here you go again. Masyado mo siyang tinutulad sa mga ex mo. Huwag mo naman siyang ituring na parang basura, na parang wala kayong pinagsamahan."

"That's the point. He's like the same guys that I've dated before. Hindi siya gano'n kabait kagaya ng tingin niyo. Pakiramdam ko niloloko niya lang ako," mahina kong sabi

"Pero kapag kay Ross, iba ang treatment mo sa kanya. It's like you hate all guys except him, just because he's what? He looks innocent and shy? Looks can be deceiving Tori," si Nicole

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What? Bakit naman biglang napunta si Ross dito? He's a nice guy-"

They scoffed. "You never know Tori. Maybe he has a hidden agenda. He likes you and he's trying to seduce you by his own innocent ways. Mag-iingat ka. The silent people are the deadliest," Aubrey warned

"Yeah. Ewan ko ah, masama pakiramdam ko diyan kay Ross. He's still new to our squad. Hindi pa natin siya gaanong kilala. Ni hindi nga siya maka-usap. I even warned Tiffany who's head over hills with him," si Karina

They all nodded in agreement except me.

"Why do you judge him so easily? Hindi niyo naman siya kilala," sabi ko

"Exactly. And why would you judge Jared so easily too?" she fired back

"Look, Tori. We have observed that you and him are getting close. We all know that. Huwag mo sanang mamasamain ang opinyon namin sa kanya. We too, are just being careful. And you should be too," sabi ni Aubrey

"At first we thought, he's a good guy. He's quiet and minding his own business but as time goes by, his true colors are showing. He's starting to get close to you, in your relationship with Ross. Hindi mo napapansin kasi masyado kang bulag sa kanya. He's the one who's trying to ruin your relationship and our friendship. He's stealing you away from us. Sa kanya ka dapat h'wag magpapaloko," Karina warned while staring at my eyes intently

"Iba din yung paraan ng pagtitig niya sa'yo. The way he stares at you is malicious and creepy. He's like your creepy stalker," sabi naman ni Nicole. "He's obsessed with you Tori. He's just waiting for the right moment. Gusto niyang kunin ang loob mo at sa huli ay iiwan ka din niya. He could also do something worse than that. Hindi ka ba nagtataka kung bakit bigla siyang naging parte ng squad natin? Kung bakit ikaw lang yung kinakausap niya?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "How could you say these things to him? Mali kayo ng iniisip. Hindi siya masamang tao. Wala din akong ni isang rumors na narinig tungkol sa kanya-"

"See? You're being biased again. Just admit it that you like Ross that's why you broke up with Jared. That's why you couldn't give him a chance, that's why you talk shit about him. Tuluyan nang nakuha ni Ross ang loob mo. I can't believe you're slowly falling into his trap. I thought you're smart? I thought you know how to spot guys who's serious and not? Pero pinakitaan ka lang ni Ross ng konting kabaitan, hulog ka na agad. Kaya ka siguro nasasaktan sa huli e.  Hindi mo alam kung sino ba talaga yung tunay na nagmamahal sa'yo o ginagago ka lang."

"Right. Hindi ka nga pala marunong mag-seryoso sa isang relasyon. Playgirl ka nga din pala," dagdag niya

Unti-unti akong umiling. "No..you guys are wrong."

Nilapitan ako lalo ni Aubrey at tinignan ako sa mga mata. "We're not your enemy Tori. Kami yung kakampi mo dito. We're just protecting you. Kami yung dapat mong paniwalaan," she held my hand

I swallowed hard. "I know...but why do I feel like-"

They looked at me apologetically with a hint of sadness and disappointment on their faces. "It's just all inside your head Tori. Stop comparing Jared to your other exes. It's kind of toxic."

"In my head?" I gulped

"May problema ka ba Tori? I mean, you can tell us about it. Naapektuhan kasi yung friendship natin at yung relatiionship mo, baka may problema ka kaya ka nagkakaganyan," malungkot na sabi ni Karina

Umiling ako. "I don't. I don't know what you are talking about."

"You keep on treating us as if we're not your friends. Nagiging distant ka din minsan. Friends should be open with each other right? Pwede nating sabihin sa isa't isa ang problema natin at bigayan ng advice. We're close but why do I feel like you have this wall between us Tori?" sabi sa'kin ni Aubrey

"Puro ka nalang social media. Your life revolves around it. You forgot about your love one's, your friends, the people surrounding you. Wala ba ka talagang pakielam sa'min?" napatingin ako kay Nicole

I swallowed hard. "Why would you say that? Of course I care about you guys."

Am I really getting distant to my friends?

Am I too self-centered that all I care is about fame?

Why can't they support me?

Sa social media lang ba talaga umiikot ang buhay ko kagaya ng sinasabi nila?

"Look, Tori. We just miss the old you. We miss partying with you. Parang ngayon, hindi ka na namin kilala," si Karina sabay iwas ng tingin

Umawang ang labi ko. Naguguluhan ako sa mga sinasabi nila. "W-what? I'm still me. Ako pa din ito guys. I'm sorry if you think that I'm being 'distant' from you but I have a life too. May pangarap din ako sa buhay."

"Don't you think you're too ahead of yourself? We're only nineteen and twenty. Bata pa lang tayo. Marami pa tayong time para maabot ang pangarap natin. Hindi ba ikaw yung nagsabi na 'You only live once.' We should be just having fun in our youth years..

"Baka gusto lang tlaga ni Tori na sumikat at yumaman. Wala na siyang pakielam sa'tin. Goodluck Tori ah. H'wag mo sana kaming kalimutan kapag nasa tuktok ka na. Sana hindi ka yumabang."

"I am enjoying my life. I can balance everything. I know how to balance my studies, my social life, and my dream of becoming a model. Hindi ko naman kayo kinalimutan e. Hindi ko naman kayo tinalikuran. We're still friends. You can call me anytime when you need me."

"Oh please Tori. Do you really think that after college, magiging model ka na agad? Tingin mo pag-aagawan ka na ng mga brands? Tingin mo sisikat ka agad? Sa tingin mo, makakalakad ka agad sa fashion show? Hindi mo basta basta makukuha ang isang bagay na gano'n kadali."

"Alam kong hindi madali kaya nga maaga palang ay pinagtatrabahuhan ko na e. Why can't you guys understand that? I'm not building walls between us. Sinusuportahan ko din naman kayo e."

They sighed heavily and stared at the ground.

"Come on guys, enough of the drama. Alam niyong ayoko ng drama e."

Hindi sila sumagot, kaya tumayo nalang ako at sinuot na ang bag ko. 

"Where are you going?" they asked

"Magbibihis na ako," sabi ko at tuluyan silang iniwan. 

Pagkapasok ko ng CR ay pumasok ako sa isang cubicle at doon nagbihis. I wore our university shirt and jogging pants. Pagkalabas ko ng cubicle ay nakita ko si Tiffany, nananalamin.

"Oh, hi Tori!" bati niya

I smiled. "Hey Tif," pinatong ko ang bag ko sa lababo at nilabas ang make-up bag ko. Inayos ko ang pagkakatali sa ponytail ko. 

"Kakatapos niyo lang sa training?" she asked while applying powder on her face

"Yup! Kapagod nga e."

She smiled. "Kaya niyo 'yan. Ipanalo niyo school natin ah."

I sighed. "Hey Tiffany."

"Yeah?"

"May napapansin ka ba sa'kin? Nagbago ba ako?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Ha? What do you mean?"

I smiled weakly. "Wala, uh, sabi kasi sa'kin nina Karina, Aubrey, at Nicole. Parang nagbago raw ako. Hindi ko sila maintindihan."

Her lips parted. "Oh, uhm. Maybe they just care about you. I mean, among us, you are the one who's most exposed in public. You're famous and popular. You know what fame does to people right? We're just protective of you. Ayaw ka lang din namin malayo sa'min."

Yumuko ako. "I won't change alright? Hindi ko naman kayo iiwan."

"Still. We never know. Once, na sumikat ka pa lalo, baka kalimutan mo nalang kami."

"I will never. I promise," sabi ko habang nakatingin sa mata niya sa salamin

She smiled weakly. "That's good to hear."

I nodded and proceeded on doing my make-up.

"Nga pala. Sabi mo sa'kin noon na pwede mo akong tulungan kay Ross," sabi niya sabay harap sa'kin

"Hmm? S-sure. What is it?"

"Nag-uusap naman kami pero alam mo yun? Gusto ko maging close pa siya lalo. You guys seem close right?"

Nag-isip ako. "Uh, hindi naman. Sakto lang din. Parang kayo. I don't know much about him, aside from he has an older sister and he wanted to become an-" I paused when I realized that maybe Ross doesn't want that information about him to spread. Because I remember, our classmates might make fun of him.

"Become what?" 

Ngumiti ako at umiling. "Nothing. I don't know much about him either."

She sighed. "I already know he has a sister. I stalked his social media accounts. Sobrang private niya pala na tao. Parang ang hirap niyang kilalanin."

I chuckled. "I noticed that too. He rarely shares his info with other people. Siguro sa mga ka-close niya lang. You can ask the guys, I'm sure they know him too."

"I even took your advice. Ako na ang unang nag-first move. Alam mo ba, we even kissed sa storage room ng school," ngiti niyang kwento na halatng kinikilig

My eyes widened. "Talaga? Ang wild mo naman. Rawr!" I laughed. I knew what happened. I was there of course. I even protected them. I just acted like I didn't know because I thought she'd get embarrassed

"Oo. I will never forget that day. It's our first kiss. I mean, I initiated the kiss which is kind of embarrassing but yeah, no regrets."

"Did he kiss you back tho?" I joked

She looked away and smiled weakly. "Yeah," mukhang hindi siya sigurado sa sagot niya

"Is he a good kisser?"

She gulped. I saw how her face turned red. "Stop it Tori! Nahihiya na tuloy ako."

I laughed. "Sorry, sorry. Masyado na palang private yun. I won't ask anymore."

"But yeah. I just want to get to know him more. Wala nga akong number niya e," yumuko siya

"You kissed him but you failed to ask his number first. Wow Tiffany. Ang advance mo ah," sabi ko sabay halakhak

"Tsk. Baka nga masyado akong nagmamadali. Ang hirap naman kasi niya kausapin e. Playing hard to get. Alam ko naman na nagkakagusto na din siya sa'kin, ayaw pa aminin," she ranted

I chuckled. "Ay, confident ka girl?"

"Basta. Hindi ako susuko hangga't hindi siya mapapasa'kin. I will fight for him," she said. "Oh, God. What the heck am I even saying? Is this love? Mahal ko na ata siya Tori," sabi niya at hinawakan ko sa braso

I scoffed. "Easy there cowgirl. Mahal agad? You guys are just starting to get to know each other. H'wag ka namang masyadong magmadali."

"I know but ugh! He's making me crazy! Ngayon lang ako nagkaganito sa isang lalaki. Help me Tori. I don't know what to do. What's the way to his heart?" she asked desperately 

"Aba malay ko. Like I've said, we're not that close," I chuckled by her actions. "Tsaka, bakit pala bigla mo siyang nagustuhan? Hindi mo naman siya pinapansin noon ah."

She bit her lip. "Ang pangit niya kasi noon e. Omg, ang harsh ko pero yun nga, napangitan ako sa kanya noon. He was just a loner but then he suddenly became part of our squad. Eversince then, I start to see him more. Hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti na pala akong nahuhulog sa kanya. Hindi mo ba napapansin na gumagwapo na siya? Puberty hit him hard. I know some people still calls him weird and mysterious but that's what I like about him."

Humarap ulit siya sa salamin. "Siguro nga simula noong naging part siya ng squad natin, nagbagao siya. Gumwapo siya, naging badboy siya, he drinks, he smokes, and he became just like the rest of us. He's no longer the shy nerd back then. He's one of the cool kids now. Naiinis nga ako kasi may mga kaklase tayong babae na may pagtingin na din sa kanya! Baka agawin nila si Ross sa'kin."

"I've...I've noticed that too."

I just wish that Ross will not completely change. I like the way he is now. I hope he doesn't end up like a jerk like some other guys.

She sighed, stressed. "Hay...ewan ko ba. Pakiramdam ko ginayuma niya ako. Oh my God! I almost forgot the time when we had sex in his car! Fuck," her face turned even more red

"Shh! Ang ingay mo girl. Kailangan talaga ipagsigawan? Baka may makarinig sa'tin, loka loka ka," sabi ko sabay hila sa kanya

"Sorry. Omg. Ang kalat ko," sabi niya sabay sabunot ng buhok

Humarap ulit siya sa salamin sabay todo lagay ng make-up.

"Nagpapaganda ka ba sa kanya?" I asked, amused

"Oo."

"Maganda ka naman na eh. With or without make-up."

"Thanks but I want to be the prettiest, para sa'kin lang siya titingin."

Kinuha ko ang phone ko sa bulsa at hinanap ang number ni Ross. I remember he texted me last time, after our game in the arena. Buti nalang ay hindi ko dinelete. I smiled when I finally found it. At first, I was hesitant to give his number to Tiffany, but then I realized that they're friends too afterall. Tiffany is not a  stranger. If it's some random girl, then I most likely won't give his number to her.

"Here. I think this is his number. Try mong itext," sabi ko sabay pakita ng number niya sa phone ko

Her eyes widened. Hinawakan niya ang phone ko. "What the heck? May number ka niya? How? Hiningi mo? Binigay niya?"

Umiling ako. "First of all, I didn't ask for his number nor did I give his number to him. You know me? I don't give my number to anyone. Nagulat nalang ako bigla niya lang akong tinext. I don't know why or how he got my number."

Tumango siya at agad na kinuha ang phone niya sa bulsa. She typed his number fast. I chuckled.

"Sure ka number niya 'to ah. Baka niloloko mo ko."

Mahina kong pinitik ang noo niya. "Silly. Kaya nga text mo agad."

"Okay. Thanks Tori!" she smiled widely and looked at her phone again

"You're welcome. Piece of advice Tiffany. Easyhan mo lang, okay?" I chuckled. "H'wag kang masyadong clingy baka kasi hindi siya komportable. He's shy around girls. Malay mo wala pang naging girlfriend yung tao 'di ba? Maybe he sometimes feel awkward."

She nodded. "Okay!" she smiled

"Well, goodluck making your way to his heart. Ross is a good person and so are you. Just take it easy, get to know each other more."

Biglang tumunog ang phone ko. I saw a text from my gay friend Patrick.

Patrick:

Tapos na ba klase mo? Asaan ka na? Magpapractice pa tayo para sa pageant at magsusukat ka pa ng gown mo.

My eyes widened upon reading his text.

"Fuck. I almost forgot I entered into a beauty pageant," bulong ko

"Ano yun?" napatingin ako kay Tiffany

I smiled awkwardly. "I have to go. May practice pa ako para sa pageant."

"Pageant?!" gulat niyang sabi

I nodded. "Oo. Punta ka ah. I mean, kung may time ka. Nakalimutan kong sabihin sa iba kasi nga nagkaro'n bigla ng drama," I chuckled. "Basta, pasabi nalang sa kanila."

Umawang ang labi niya. "Ha? O sige pero-"

Agad kong niligpit ang mga gamit ko at sinuot ang backpack ko sa likod pagkatapos ay humarap ulit ako sa kanya at tinapik siya sa braso. "I'll get going," sabi ko at nilagpasan na siya. "Don't forget what I said," ngumiti ako at tuluyan nang lumabas ng CR.

"Ayos lakad Tori. Sway your hips more. Relax your shoulders and smiled," my mentor said

Sinunod ko ang sinabi niya. I straightened my back and started to walk again.

"The pageant is already tomorrow Tori at mukhang hindi ka pa prepared."

I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry.."

"Ang boring ng lakad mo. Wala kang energy. Anong nangyari sa'yo? Maayos naman yung practice natin noong isang araw ah," inis niyang sabi

Umayos ako lalo sa paglakad. I smiled and held my hips. My heart stopped when I almost tripped. Tumingin ako sa mentor ko at napailing nalang siya.

Tumayo siya bigla at pinatigil ako. Lumapit siya sa'kin. "Ano? Gusto mo ba talagang manalo? Sa tingin mo ba hindi magagaling yung mga makakalaban mo? Masyado ka atang naging confident na mananalo ka. Masyado atang lumaki ulo mo purket pinuri ka ng maraming tao sa lakad mo nung fashion show. Bakit? Sa tingin mo magaling ka na?"

Yumuko ako at pinaglaruan ang daliri. Tiniis ko lahat ng mga masasakit na salita na sinabi niya sa'kin. 

"Sagot!"

I startled when I heard him yelled. "Hindi po."

He sighed. "Ako na ang nagsasabi sa'yo. Ang pangit ng lakad mo. Kung gusto mong manalo, huwag kang umarte arte diyan."

Pumikit ako ng mariin. "Sorry po."

"Seryoso ka ba talaga sa ginagawa natin? Hindi ito playtime Tori."

"Seryoso po. I'm sorry. I'll do better. I promise."

I don't know what's happening to me. I couldn't focus on our practice today because I kept on thinking what my friends told me earlier. Hindi iyon maalis sa isip ko. I was distracted. I'm not in the right headspace right now, but I must be professional regardless of my situation. Ang liit lang na bagay na 'yon pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya pinoproblema. I shouldn't be thinking about it too much, it's affecting my performance.

He suddenly walked out in front of me. Nanatili akong nakayuko. Naramdaman kong may lumapit sa'kin. 

"Oh, pahinga ka muna," sabi sa'kin ni Patrick sabay abot ng mineral water

"Thanks," kinuha ko iyon sa kanya. Tinitigan ko ang bote ng ilang segundo bago uminom

"Okay ka lang?" mahinahon niyang sabi

I smiled weakly and nodded. 

He went closer to me and caressed my back. "Sabi ko naman sa'yo, hindi madali itong ginagawa natin."

I gulped. "I know. It's my fault anyway. Dapat ay maging professional ako."

"Ano ba kasing problema? Marami ka bang schoolworks? Stress sa acads?"

Umiling ako. "Wala ito Patrick. Wala akong problema. Hindi naman valid yung reason ko kapag sinabi ko sa'yo e."

He sighed and fixed my hair. "Sabi ko naman sa'yo magpahinga ka muna sa pagmomodel. Estudyante ka palang, college pa, athelete pa. Alam kong nahihirapan ka din ibalanse ang lahat. Okay lang magpahinga at iprioritize mo muna ang pag-aaral mo. Ayokong mangyari na biglang bumaba o bumagsak ang grades mo dahil inuuna mo ito."

"I can do it Patrick. Hindi ko naman napapabayaan yung pag-aaral ko. I can handle myself. Siguro ay pagod lang ako ngayong araw."

"Kung pagod ka e, paano nalang bukas? Nag-aalala lang din ako sa'yo kasi ang dami mong ginagawa. Kamusta pa mental health mo Tori? Nakakapagpahinga ka ba talaga? Nakakatulog ka pa ba? I'm just concerned about your health and well-being."

"Hindi naman ako pwedeng mag-back out e. Bukas na yung pageant. I have to do my best," sabi ko habang nakatingin sa kanya

He looked at me apologetically. In the end, he only nodded and gave me a small smile. "Sige, pahinga muna tayo saglit. Gusto mo bang makita yung gown na susuotin mo?"

I smiled widely and nodded. "Yes! I want to see!" biglang bumalik ang energy sa katawan ko

He chuckled and showed me the gown on his phone. My jaw dropped when I saw the gown. Pinigilan ko ang pagsigaw sa sobrang excitement. Nginitian din ako ni Patrick at sabay naming binigay ang opinyon namin sa gown.

I can't wait to try it on!

My heart is beating wildly inside my chest while waiting for my turn. May nakasuot na headphones sa tainga ko. I can't hear anything but complete silence. I'm up on stage and I'm smiling widely while looking at the crowd. Isa-isa kong tinignan ang mga tao sa audience. All eyes are on us. 

I know how loud they are based on their facial expressions. I know they are cheering for us. I badly want to hear their loud cheers. I'm getting more and more nervous every passing minute. Hindi ako mapakali sa kinatatayuan ko. My cheeks already hurt from smiling. My legs are numb. These heels are killing me. I'm so tired from standing. I want to sit down, but I can't. I have to remain strong. 

This is harder than I thought. 

Is this what it feels like being a candidate in a beauty pageant? You have to smile no matter how painful it is. I have to show that I'm not physically hurting. Kailangan kong tiisin. Ginusto ko 'to e.

I practiced for a month. It was just a short period of time but it was hard for me. I tried my best to attend every session. Yesterday, I practiced the whole day until night. I admit, it was hard. I think I pushed myself too much. I crammed. I haven't got enough sleep that's why I feel restless. I got so worried because I might not be able to show my best performance. I started to overthink again. 

I straightened my back and put my right hand on my hips. I made sure my posture is correct. I looked at the lady who's in the center with the MC. We're now in the question and answer portion which is the hardest and most nerve-wracking part of the pageant.

I then looked at my fellow-candidates beside me. They all look gorgeous with their gowns. Lahat sila ay nakangiti habang nakatingin sa audience. I looked at my gown. I'm wearing a long red gown that has a deep v-neck and a long slit on my left leg partnered with a black high heels.  It kind of resembles the gown that Miss Catriona Gray wore in Miss Universe. I'm also wearing pieces of silver jewelries. My hair long black hair is parted in half and it's placed behind my bare back.

Tumingin ulit ako sa harap at nagulat nalang ako noong pabalik na ang isang candidate sa pwesto niya. I'm the next one. I know I'm the next one. Just as I expected, the lady removed my headphones. And just like that, I've heard the loud cheers from the audience. It felt great. I feel energized.

I smiled and waved my hands to the audience as I walk to the center stage. Nakaabang sa'kin ang lalaking MC habang nakangiti.

"Goodafternoon candidate number fifteen," he greeted while holding a mic. He's wearing a formal attire just like us. A black tuxedo. 

"Goodafternoon," I smiled at him

"Are you nervous?" tanong niya at tinapat sa'kin ang mic

"A little.."

The audience cheered again. Umalingawngaw ang boses nila sa venue.

He chuckled. "I guess you have a lot of fans who attended candidate number fifteen."

Ngumiti lang ako sa sinabi niya

"That's why you also look familiar to me," he added

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

He chuckled. "I mean, not personally but I've seen you before in the internet. Would you look at that, an influencer who joined a beauty pageant. Kaya pala, mas marami kang supporters kaysa sa mga ibang candidates na nandito. Your cheers are by far the loudest," he said and looked at the paper in his hands

I was a bit attacked by his statement. It was such an inaapropriate thing to say. I'm sure the ladies behind me got offended. 

What does that even mean? That I'm most likely to win just because I have a huge fanbase? Baka isipin ng tao ay privileged ako.

Tinignan naman niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. "Another red candidate wearing a red gown. Say, a copycat of Catriona Gray. Get it?" he chuckled

The crowd suddenly booed at him. Tumawa lang ang MC at hindi sila pinansin.

I can't believe how unprofessional he is! Nakangiti lang ako pero gusto ko na siyang sakalin ngayon.

"Is this still a beauty pageant or a cooking show? It seems like it's fame over talent nowadays, don't you think?" he looked at me

I took the mic off his hand. "I think you should ask me the question now," I smiled sweetly and returned the mic to him

His lips parted but he later smiled like nothing happened. "Very well," he cleared his throat and read what's on the paper.

Ang dami mo pang sinasabing hinayupak ka. How dare you embarrass me and my fellow candidates to the audience. I feel disrespected. I'm sure the other girls feel the same way too. Instead of feeling uncomfortable by his inappropriate and unsolicited comments on us, I feel mad at him. I still put on a smile on my face even if I want to slap this guy in the face. Like seriously? Who the fuck hired him. He better not get payed for this. He should be sued for this.

"Here's the question. In today's generation, what do you think women are today? How does the society perceives women? Because for me-"

"Thank you for that question," I immediately cut him off before he make unnecessary comments and insults us again even if I still don't know what to answer. This misogynistic asshole! 

He gave me a small smile before giving me the mic. Kinuha ko iyon sa kanya at hinarap ang audience. "In today's generation, it's quite unfortunate to say that women are still labeled and viewed as weak. That they don't have a voice to speak. That they are powerless. As a woman, I want to use my platform to promote women's rights and gender equality. I know that Feminism is misunderstood by a lot of people but let me clarify that Feminism is not just about women, but for all people, regardless of gender, sexuality, race, culture, and many more," I paused to catch my breath 'cause I started to get nervous again

"I solemnly believe that women are as equal as men. Women are as capable as men. Let us stop all these double standards, stereotyping culture, and sexism. Even gender role. Women are expected to be at home taking care of her children and doing household chores. Women are expected to get married, to find a husband and bare a child. That women must act a certain behavior and attitude that the society expects just because it's the norm. The way we dress, speak, or act shouldn't be categorized. That is not a definition of a woman and it does not define our worth. It doesn't make us less of a woman if we decided not to do those things. Again, Feminism doesn't fight for superiority, but gender equality. Thank you," I ended and returned the microphone to him

I was breathless.

I can still feel my heart beating inside my chest even after my long ass answer. I can't recall everything that I just said but I hope it enlightened the audience. I hope it changes their perspective of women. I hope they don't misinterpret my words. I hope I said the right words.

It was a tough question and it's something that not a lot of people talk about...but I know I have the platform and the voice to speak about that issue. I firmly stand on what I believe in. I guess I'm not scared if people will judge me after this. Afterall, it's one of my advocacies. I'd expect both positive and negative feedbacks.

"Thank you candidate number fifteen," the MC announced

I looked at the audience again. My friends and family are nowhere to be seen. Hindi nakapunta ang pamilya ko dahil mas pinili nilang umattend sa recognition ng kapatid ko. Ang sabi nila hahabol nalang sila pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa din. Hindi na ako umasa. I knew in my heart, that my parents would choose my brother over me. I understand. He's an achiever. Mas pipiliin nalang umakyat ng stage at sabitan siya ng medals kaysa manood sa pageant ko na may walang kwentang MC. Even my biological father didn't come to support me. Right. I forgot he has a new family now.

My friends aren't present either. I was really hoping they'll come. I guess, maybe they're still mad at me. They're still not over the drama. I understand. Baka busy din sila. Why would they even waste their time on me anyway?

They have a life too, Tori, just like you.

No. They just don't support you at all.

I shook the thoughts off my head. I fixed my posture and forced a smile to the audience. I was about to return to my spot when I suddenly heard a familiar voice from the audience.

"Go Alejandra Victoria M. Andrada!"

Sinubukan kong hanapin sa audience kung sino iyong sumigaw at nagulat ako noong nagtama ang mata namin. He was so damn tall that I immediately spot him. Umawang ang labi ko habang nakatingin sa kanya. 

He's behind the barricades again, smiling widely while waving his arms up in the air. He even moved backward, for me to see him. He screamed my name again like a proud...friend.

Ross. Ano ba talagang papel mo sa buhay ko?