#BWB16

The next day, I received a call from Patrick. He offered me another job from some modeling agency.

"Ano Tori? Take it or leave it? Magandang deal ito," he said on the other line

"Manager na ba kita Pat?" I chuckled

"Pwede naman. Mahigit isang taon nadin naman tayong magkakilala girl. Para nadin kitang anak, charot!"

I laughed. "Gusto ko kaso masyado pa kasi akong busy e. May volleyball tournament pa ako tapos malapit na din exams namin. Kailan ba yung fashion show?"

"Naku, huwag kang mag-aalala, matagal pa naman. Ininform lang kita kasi alam kong hindi o ito tatanggihan."

"Baka scam 'yan Patrick ah!" 

"Na-trauma ka ba?" he chuckled. "Don't worry beh. Legit ito. Sa mall pa nga gaganapin yung fashion show. Si Miss Marga, yung head ng show. She's scouting young female models to participate in her show. Maliit lang din ang babayaran mo."

"Kikita ba ako?" I joked

"Kung gagalingan mo."

I laughed. "Ako pa ba. Sige Pat. Susubukan kong isingit sa schedule ko, wow, akala mo naman talaga sobrang busy. I can't believe I'm doing a lot of things at nineteen. Nakakaproud wait, naiiyak ako," sabi ko at umarteng nagdadrama

"Ang OA mo, gaga ka talaga!"

"Mag-audition nalang din kaya ako sa PBB? O kaya bilang sex bomb dancer? O kaya dancers sa wowowin?" I laughed even harder

"Oo naku, siguradong pasok na pasok ka diyan."

Sometimes, I just want to be a stripper in a club so that I could make tons of money. I can literally pay for my tuition fee and still have enough money for some other shit.

"Alright," I chuckled. "I'll just call you if I made my decision."

"Okay madam!" he laughed and ended the call

I smiled while staring at my phone. Tumayo ako sa kama at nagtatalon. I couldn't contain my excitement. I'm so happy that I'm gonna be part of a fashion show. This my first time and I already feel nervous. I need to prepare early.

I immediately took my phone and informed my friends about it on our group chat.

Ako:

Omg guys! I have good news. Someone recruited me as a model for a fashion show event. Sa mall siya gaganapin and I'm inviting you guys to come and watch me! 

I waited for their reply but it didn't came. Hindi rin nila sineen. I thought maybe they're just busy so I placed back my phone on the bed and stood up. 

Tumingin ako sa full length mirror ko sa kwarto at nag-practice ng paglakad ko. I wasn't feeling myself so I decided to dress up. I wore a long red backless dress and a black high heels. I also put some accessories to add spice to my look. Then I applied a light ammount of make-up. I looked at myself in the mirror and practiced my walk again. I'm pretty confident when I walk. I feel like I can pull myself together in the fashion show. I feel like I can do well. I even waved imagining that I have an audience in my room. I also smiled and imagined there are cameras everywhere. I did a couple of poses. Fierce, sexy, cute, and hot.

"Damn, I'm so good at this," I said to myself

I'm born to become a model.

Nagulat ako dahil biglang bumukas ang pintuan ko. I saw my mom standing on the doorway. Nanlaki ang mata niya habang nakatingin sa kwarto kong napakagulo.

"Mom!" I exclaimed

"Anong ginagawa mo at bakit ganyan ang suot mo? May lakad ka nanaman ba? Maglinis ka nga ng kwarto mo, bakit nagkakalat ang mga damit mo? kababae mong tao e," utos niya

"Mamaya na. Naghahanda ako para sa fashion show ko," I smiled and faced the mirror again

"Anong fashion show?"

I sighed. "Makikita niyo lang naman ang pinakamaganda niyong anak na rarampa sa isang fashion show. It's up to you if you want to watch me or not. And you can't say no mom. I know your against be being a model," I picked up a fancy and feathery scarf on the floor and wore it

"Baka scam 'yan Tori ah! Hindi pa nga kita pinapayagan e."

"Can you at least support me for once mom? Yung iba nga diyan walang ganap sa buhay e. Ito na lang ang tanging nagpapasaya sa'kin," sabi ko

"Hindi naman kita pinipigilan e. Ang sinasabi ko lang ay dapat nagpaalam ka muna sa'kin, hindi yung tanggap ka nalang ng tanggap ng offer sa'yo," she said

"Kaya nga eto, nagpapaalam na ako sa inyo," kumuha naman ako ng sunglasses sa dresser ko at sinuot din iyon pagkatapos ay humarap sa kanya

Tinignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. "Mukha kang ewan diyan."

"So is that a yes or yes?" I joked

I know my mom and I have a love and hate relationship. Sometimes, she supports me and sometimes, she's against it. Hindi ko alam sa nanay ko, paiba iba ng mood. I just wish she can see me too as a daughter, na may pangarap din ako sa buhay at hindi lang ako puro inom. It's so hard to earn her trust. I guess she only see me as a rebel daughter.

"Pag-iisipan ko pa. Sasabihin ko din sa papa mo."

"Si papa?" For a second I thought she was referring to my real dad. "I mean, nevermind," I chuckled awkwardly

Umiwas siya ng tingin. Ilang sandali ay nagpaalam nadin siya bago lumabas ng kwarto ko.

I bit my lip and looked at the floor. I sighed and turn to face the mirror again. I can't help but see my dad's features on me. I smiled. Their genes are really strong. Ang ganda ng kinalabasan ng anak nila. I promise to make them proud someday.

Nagulat ako nung biglang tumunog ang phone ko. Dali-dali ko iyong kinuha sa kama. I was hoping to see their reply on my message. Nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko noong hindi sila sumagot. Ross is the only person who saw my message and reacted a heart to it. I sighed and threw my phone on the bed.

"Nakakainis. Hindi ba uso sa kanila ang mag-reply? Kapag sila naman nagchachat sumasagot ako agad ah," inis kong sabi

Whatever. Have it their way! I'm gonna practice my walk until dawn!

The next day, I had to meet Miss. Marga, the head of the fashion show. 

I smiled and took her hand. "A pleasure to meet you po."

"Nice to meet you too Victoria. What a pretty lady!" she praised

I blushed. First meeting palang namin pero pinuri niya na agad ako. I'm screaming! Calm down Tori, be professional. You came here to work not to fangirl.

"Salamat ulit Miss Marga sa pagtanggap dito sa alaga ko. Pangarap niya din kasi talagang mapabilang sa isang fashion show," nilapitan siya ni Patrick

I smiled widely. "Thank you po!"

"Do you have any experience hija?' she asked

"Ahh, I work with small brands po pero hindi ko pa po naeexperiecne yung maglakad sa isang runway."

She nodded. "Kasi, hindi lang naman ikaw yung list of candidates na napili ko. Actually, marami kayo but I will only choose fifteen of you," she said

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Po? Hindi pa po ako yung nasa final na line up?" I looked at Patrick fro help but he too, has no idea. Binalik ko ang tingin kay Miss Marga

"Yes. I will still choose who are the final line ups. I will evaluate each and every one of you. Then after that, I'll train you girls before you run on my fashion show. Of course all of you must be ready and prepared."

I swallowed hard. "Ahh okay po-"

"O, eto na pala yung ibang girls," nilagpasan niya ako

Lumingon ako at nakita ang mga babaeng isa isang pumapasok sa kwarto. I think there are twenty of them. Goodness, they all look stunning!

"Goodmorning girls," bati ni Miss Marga

They smiled and bowed. "Goodmorning din po!" they said in unison

"Thank you for coming today."

Agad kong nilapitan si Patrick. "Anong nangyayari?!"

"Aba ewan. Mag-expect ka na hindi lang ikaw yung gustong rumampa," sambit niya

"Akala ko pa naman kabilang na ako agad. Hindi ko alam na survival show pala ito!" mangiyak ngiyak kong sabi at nilukot ang t-shirt niya

"Huwag ka ngang mag-inarte diyan. Hindi pa nga nagsisimula, kabado ka na agad," nilayo niya ako sa kanya

I pouted. "Patrick. Gusto kong mapili. This is all I ever wanted! I want to run on the fashion show!" I grabbed his collar and buried my head on his chest

"Anyare sa confidence mo te?" he chuckled. "Huwag ka ngang OA diyan! Kaya mo 'yan. SIgurado akong mapipili ka."

I sniffed. "Hindi mo naman kasi ininform sa'kin na ganito pala ang set up. E 'di sana nakapag-prepare ako!"

Well, I practiced my walk last night but I wasn't that serious! I was just playing around. Hindi ko naman talaga alam kung tama ba yung ginagawa ko kasi wala akong experience.

"Victoria," rinig kong tawag ni Miss Marga sa'kin. Bigla akong kinabahan. My heart stopped for a millisecond

"Oh, tawag ka na girl," sabi ni Patrick sa'kin

I swallowed hard. "Ayaw ko na."

"Umayos ka nga Tori. Dalian mo na. Tawag ka na," unti-unti niyang inalis ang daliri ko sa damit niya

Umayos na ako ng tayo. I almost screamed when Miss Marga suddenly appeared beside me. She gave me a small smile. "Let's start."

I gulped and smiled awkwardly. "S-sige po."

Sabay na kaming naglakad sa gitna. Tumingin ako kay Patrick upang humingi ng tulong pero nginitian niya lang ako. I bit my lips and swallowed hard.

Lord help me.

She formed us in one line horizontally. Ako ang nasa dulo, meaning I'm the last girl she'll asses.I looked at the girls beside me. Some look pretty, while some are...I guess I can say I'm prettier. Some are weaing nice clothes. Sana pala ay ginandahan ko din ang suot ko, baka may dagdag points. Lahat sila ay nakangiti habang nakatingin kay Miss Marga. Isa isa niya kaming tinitignan at seryoso ang mukha niya. She looks scary and intimidating. I can't help but to get nervous.

I watch her as she assess every girl one by one. Tiningnan niya sila mula ulo hanggang paa. Pinangiti din at pinatalikod. We're all mixed together. Some of us are tall some are average height. Some are skinny, some are white, some are morena, and some has long hair, and short hair. I also saw a girl that stood out among the rest of us. Mukha siyang may lahi. I can see that Miss Marga is smiling at her. I guess she's already considered to be in the final line up.

Noong malapit na siya sa'kin ay agad kong inayos ang sarili. Tinignan ko ang suot ko. I'm wearing a white off shoulder top and black leggings. I also wore some accessories like a gold necklace and bracelets. 

I started to overthink. Did I overdress today? Do I look okay? Maybe I should have worn something better.

I only stopped from my deep thoughts when I found her standing in front of me. Umayos ako ng tayo at ngumiti sa kanya. Mukhang pilit tuloy ang ngiti ko dahil sa sobrang kaba. I swallowed hard when she looked at me from head to foot. I couldn't look at her in the eye. I'm just praying she'll pick me. Gagawin ko ang lahat, piliin lang niya ako.

"Turn around please," she said

I nodded and turned around slowly and stood straight again. I made sure that my posture is correct. Tumingin siya ulit sa mukha ko kaya nginitian ko siya ulit.

"How much do you weight Victoria?" she asked and lifted my arm

"Forty six po," sagot ko

Kumunot ang noo niya. "And your height must be around 5'7, am I correct? Your pretty tall."

I smiled and nodded. "Opo."

"But you're underweight. You're too skinny," sabi niya at tinalikuran na ako

Umawang ang labi ko sa sinabi niya. I glanced at the girl beside me and I caught her smiling. I don't know if she's laughing at me or not. Hindi ko nalang siya pinansin. Yumuko ako at pinagmasdan ang sarili. I can't help but to compare myself again with the other girls. They all have nice bodies. I noticed that I was the skinniest among them. I look like a fucking stick. 

"Okay ladies. You may sit down first at the side then I'll call you one by one and I want you to give me your best walk," she said and sat on the chair at the middle

Sumunod kami sa utos niya. 

"Charmaine," she called

Agad na tumayo ang babae. She's petite, mestisa, nakasuot ng simpleng shirt at pantalon, at kulay brown ang kanyang buhok. Pumunta siya sa harap at nagsimulang maglakad. Her walk was simple yet elegant. She's wearing flats that's why she walks properly without worrying is she'll trip or not. Tinignan ko si Miss Marga. Pinanood niya ang babae kung paano ito maglakad bago may isinulat sa papel na hawak niya.

"Okay thank you. You may sit down. Next is Cindy," she called and looked at us

Umupo na si Charmaine at halata ang kaba sa mukha niya. Pinaypayan niya ang sarili. Kinausapn naman siya ng katabi niya. Binalik ko ang tingin sa harap. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

Cindy stood up and went to the center. Cindy is pretty tall, she has a nice and curvy body, her butt is huge too! Nakita kong sobrang toned ng abs niya. She's wearing a black crop top and low waist jeans that emphasized her curves more. Low waist jeans are not a trend anymore but I can't believe she pulled it off. 

She did the same. Naglakad din siya palapit kay Miss Marga. In my opinion, her walk is better than the first one. Wala akong nakitang kaba sa mukha niya. She looks confident and relaxed. Her walk was amazing. I can tell she has some experience. Tinignan ko naman ang rekasiyon ni Miss Marga at naka-poker face lang siya. Hindi ko mabasa ang isip niya. I don't know if she's pleased, satisfied, did she like the walk or not. I have no idea.

Sunod naman niyang tinawag yung babaeng mukhang foreigner. Iba ang aura niya. She looks like a full time model. Her face can be a cover of a magazine. She's beautiful, tall, and sophisticated. I'm not even surprised when she started to walk in high heels! Lahat kaming naka-upo ay tulala habang pinapanood siya. She even did a spin. Dinaig pa si Catriona Gray. 

I bit my lips. I couldn't help but to stare at her. I feel intimidated kahit na wala naman siyang ginagawa sa'min. Her aura just screams power. Fuck. I'm screwed. All these ladies have different charms and strong assets. I didn't expect this would be harder than I thought.

"Thank you Quinn. You may sit down," Miss Marga said with a smile on her face

"Thank you," she replied. Even her voice is beautiful! How unfair.

"Next up is Victoria," umayos bigla ako ng upo noong bigla ako ang sunod na tinawag

Napatingin ako kay Miss Marga. Agad kong inayos ang sarili bago tumayo. I looked at the girls behind me.

Be confident Victoria. Confidence is key. That is one of your biggest strength.

You can do this. Just do what you practiced last night.

I'll show these ladies how it's done.

I smiled at Miss Marga and started to walk. I'm wearing heels too but only three inches, still I tried my best to give her my best walk. I raised my chin a bit and let my body move to the rhythm. If only I have a background music right now then I would have been more confident. Hindi ko inalis ang paningin kay Miss Marga habang naglalakad. I kept my face and shoulders relaxed. I stopped then placed my hand on my hip, then flashed a smile.

"Thank you Victoria. You may sit down," she calmly said

Again, the same response! Her expression didn't even change when I walk.  

"Thank you din po," sabi ko at bumalik na sa upuan

I saw from the corner of my eyes that the other girls are staring at me. Hindi ko sila pinansin at nanatiling nakatingin sa harap. On the inside, I was proud of my walk. I think I did well. I gave it my best shot. I didn't come here to lose. I will be part of the final line up. Wala akong pake kung ano pa ang ipagawa sa'min. This ain't a competition but I'll never let this opportunity slip away from me. I'm giving my best regardless.

Time flew by and the evaluation ended. I was happy for us because everyone walked nicely. I can say that half of us have an experience in terms of modeling while the rest are just beginners. I don't know where I'd put myself in the category. Siguro amateur na feeling veteran.

We waited for at least an hour before she announced who'll be the final line up. Nakatayo na ulit kaming lahat at nasa gitna naman si Miss Marga.

"So, I'll now be announcing the top fifteen who will be part of the fashion show. There are twenty of you but unfortunately I'll only choose fifteen of you, and the rest will go home. Don't worry, all of you did well. I was amazed. It was a hard decision for me. Sa limang matitira na hindi ko napili ay huwag kayong mag-alala dahil hindi ibig sabihin na hindi ko kayo pinili ay hindi na kayo magaling. There's still room for improvement," she announced

We all nodded. Ang mga kamay ko ay nasa likod habang pinipisil ko ang mga daliri ko sa sobrang kaba. Kung hindi ako mapipili ay siguradong maiinis ako sa sarili ko. 

"So here are the following ladies that earned the spot, congratulations Quinn, Maggie, Penelope, Kayla, Sheena, Margarette, Nicki, Cindy, Gina, Liza, Bea, Risa, Hanna, Andrea, and...Kristen," basa niya sa papel

Halos manghina ako sa kinatatayuan noong hindi niya binanggit ang pangalan ko. I froze on the ground. I want to tell her to repeat the names but I was still shocked by the results. 

How-

Did she skip my name?

Did I hear her right? Why did she not call my name?!

This can't be!

There must be problem.

Tumingin ako sa mga babaeng napili at kita ko ang saya sa mukha nila. They congratulated one another. Bumaba ang mata ko sa sahig. I feel so ashamed of myself. The girl beside me sighed. I guess she wasn't picked too.

Fuck this shit.

Nilapitan kaming lima na hindi napili ni Miss Marga.

"Ladies. Thank you. You all did well. I'd still like to congratulate you too," she said to us

Pero bakit hindi mo kami pinili kung gano'n?

I forced a smile at her pero nawala din iyon nung tinalikuran niya kami at pinuntahan naman iyong mga napili.

I sighed and clenched my fist. 

"Okay lang 'yan girl," nagulat ako noong nilapitan ako ng lima kong kasama. Pinalibutan nila ako at dinamayan

"Thanks girls," I said and smiled weakly

"May next time pa naman. Siguradong mapipili din tayo," she said

"Actually, I was surprised when you didn't get chosen. Ang ganda kaya ng lakad mo."

"Tsaka parang familiar ka din sa'kin. I think I've seen you on the internet. Are you perhaps a celebrity?"

Unti-unti kong inangat ang paningin sa kanila. "Thank you. I'm not a celebrity. I'm just an aspiring model who create make-up videos online. Follow niyo ko sa IG ah!" ngiti kong sabi

They laughed with the sudden change of my mood. "Of course. You're so pretty Victoria!"

We took our phones out and followed each other on social media. 

"Wow! Ang dami mong followers!"

"Wait! Hindi kita mahanap. What's your username?"

"I knew I've seen you somewhere. Are you an influencer or something?" she chuckled

"I wouldn't go that far!" I laughed

It was nice meeting them. Kahit papaano ay alam kong hindi lang ako yung nag-iisang hindi pinili. I feel relieved. Well, at least I've made some friends.

But I still can't help but to ask Miss Marga why she didn't choose me. Kakapalan ko na ang mukha ko dahil gusto ko talagang alamin.

"Uh, excuse me Miss Marga," I said and tapped her on the shoulder

She turned around and was surprised to see me. "Oh, hey Victoria. Tama ba? Ikaw si Vic-"

I nodded. "Yes, ako lang naman yung sinayang mo este- opo, ako po si Victoria," I smiled awkwardly

"What can I help you with?" she smiled back

I gulped. "I just want to ask why uh, you didn't...choose, I mean, how can I improve my walk? I just want to hear your feedbacks po."

Is because of my walk? Is it not enough?

Am I not pretty enough?

Is it because of my weight?

Her lips parted. "Oh, right. You are a beautiful lady Victoria. I love your confidence but sometimes, it can be overwhelming. Parang masyadong exaggerated kanina yung lakad mo. You were too bouncy, your hands are moving too much, it was distracting. But, I like your posture and smile. Those were your charms. Maganda din ang proportions mo. Hindi ka man kinabahan pero masyado ka namang naging confident. I think it overpowered your walk."

Tumango-tango ako sa sinabi niya. "Ahh ganun po ba?" sabi ko. "Well, uhm, thank you for the feedback. Tatandaan ko po yung mga sinabi niyo. Salamat po ulit."

She smiled. "You're welcome hija. Goodluck!"

Pagkatapos ng meeting ay kumain kami ni Patrick sa Mcdonalds.

"Alam mo? Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit hindi ako pinili. Umasa ako e, alam mo yun? I'm not hurt, I'm just...mad. Deserve ko din naman kasi," I ranted and ate my burger

I don't care if I sound so bitter right now. I'm not happy with the results. Wala silang taste!

He chuckled. "Hindi maka-move on sis? Ako din, hindi niya pinili," sabi niya at tumingin sa labas ng bintana

Binatuhan ko siya ng tissue. "Hindi love life ang pinag-uusapan ko dito."

He laughed. "Alam ko," sabi niya sabay kagat din ng burger

"OA ba talaga yung lakad ko?"

"Aba ewan. Hindi ko naman kayo pinanood. Bawal ata, kaya naghintay lang ako sa labas mg kwarto niyo."

Bumuntong hininga ako at sumandal sa upuan.

"Ganyan talaga. Masanay ka na dapat sa mga rejections-"

"Puro nalang ako rejections e," I frowned

"What did I told you? Sabi ko 'di ba mahirap talaga magtrabaho sa ganitong industriya. Mabait pa nga si Miss Marga e. Tignan mo, kapag tanda mo marami ka pang makikilala na mas strict at talagang sasabihan ka ng masasakit na salita baka umiyak ka. You should learn how to accept criticisms and rejections. If not, you won't be able to grow."

"I'm not a crybaby. Hindi naman ako mabilis panghinaan ng loob. Alam ko naman yung pinasok ko..pero ganito pala kahirap," I said bitterly

"It's a harsh world out there. Kailangan mo talagang tatagan yung loob mo," dagdag niya

I sighed and drank my coke. "On the other note, I like that I'm being challenged. I know I'm also being tested, mentally and emotionally. I'm becoming more and more eager to work hard. I don't care how long it will take me or how many obstacles I must face. I don't care if I have to crawl, climb, or walk to make it to the top. No one can stop me.  Lalaban ako," sabi ko at tumingin sa kanya

This industry is really a tough competition. Weak is not in my vocabulary. I came by the name Victoria that represents victory, success, and triumph. 

"That's the spirit! Plaban ka girl?!" he teased

"My mom did not raise a weak bitch. She raised a bad and strong bitch!" I proclaimed

He laughed. "Gaga 'to."

"Sinayang nila ako. My God! Sila talaga yung nawalan, hindi ako," ngumuso ako at kumagat ng fries

"Laban lang Tori, at the same time, be humble pa din," he reminded me

I nodded and smiled weakly.

"Tsaka at least 'di ba? Nagkaroon ka ng new friends," he cheered me up

"Yeah, but honestly, a while ago. I felt like I was in a competition. I wasn't planning to make friends. Kilala mo naman ako, may pagka-competitive talaga ako maslalo na kapag tungkol sa pangarap at passion ko," mariin kong sabi

"Rawr! Para kang mangangain sa paraan ng pagtitig mo sa'kin. Mukha kang tigre."

I smirked. "Friends or foes. I'll fight whoever comes in my way."

There's a lot more things that I can show, that I can offer. Ang dami ko pang gustong patunayan sa kanila. They haven't seen the best of me yet. The world ain't ready for me. 

Inubos ko na ang burger ko bago nilukot ang wrapper nito. Pagkatapos ay kinuha ko na ang bag ko atsaka tumayo.

"Hoy, saan ka pupunta? Bakit mo ko iniwan dito? Hindi pa ako tapos!" tawag sa'kin ni Patrick

I was at the door of the restaurant but I stopped and turned to face him.

"Maghahanap ako ng bagong raket. I won't stop until I reach the top and get to sit on my throne. Soon, the whole world will know my name. Mark my words," I confidently said