#BWB15

"Tama na nga kakapicture diyan sa pagkain at kumain ka na," sabi ni mama sa'kin

"Wait. Last na," I said and took one last photo before posting it on my IG story

Binalik ko na sa bag ko ang phone ko at nagsimulang kumain. My family and I are here at the mall today to celebrate my brother's birthday. Kumakain kami ngayon sa isang restaurant na pinareserve nila kahapon. It's been a while since we last bonded together as a family. I rarely hang out with them, depending on the occasion. I hang out with my friends more often.

'What gift do you want for your birthday Adam?" my step-father asked him

"I want a new basketball shoes," he said

"Wow, ganda ka?" I teased him

"Ikaw ba may birthday?" he fired back

I only stuck out my tongue at him. He did the same. I smiled back.

"Okay, then let's go to the Nike store later," my step-dad said and went back to eat

"Ang spoiled mo talaga," asar ko ulit

"Hindi kaya."

"Bukod sa sapatos, ano pang gusto mo?" I asked

"Uh, bagong games na pwede kong ilaro sa ps5 ko."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Games? Aren't you too old for that? You're already thirteen."

"No one is too old for games."

"Whatever. Bukod doon. I don't know any games. I don't even play ps5," sabi ko

"Ewan ko. Yun lang naman yung mga bagay na gusto ko, 'di tulad sa'yo, ang dami mong gusto," he smiled to tease me

"Aba, sige, wala kang regalo sa'kin," inirapan ko siya

Bigla niya akong sinumbong kay mama. Hindi ko siya pinansin at kumain nalang ulit.

"Deserve naman ni Adam na ma-spoil. Tignan mo naman, ang tataas ng grades at nasa honors pa," sabi ni mama

Adam laughed and pointed at me. "Si ate puro bagsak ang grades."

"Sige, hintayin mong mag-college ka. Tignan lang natin kung mag-hohonor ka pa," I smirked and took a sip from my ice tea

College is hard. I did well in highschool...sort of. Eventhough I didn't graduate with academic excellence and flying colors, hindi naman ako yung estudyante na puro bagsak ang grades. My grades are average but my behavior and performance in school isn't. 

"Hindi ko nga din alam kung ano nangyari diyan sa kapatid mo. Maayos naman nung highschool. Sadyang na-impluwensiyahan lang ng mga kaibigan," dagdag ni mama

I think I'm the only one different among my siblings. My older sister Olivia is smart eversince highschool. She graduated with bachelor's degree in accountancy. My brother on the other hand, wants to be a pilot someday. I guess that's why my parents are always a fond of them. 

Hindi nalang ako nagsalita. Pagkatapos kumain ay nag-phone ako. I replied to some comments from my previous post.

"Oh, tumatawag si Olivia sa'tin," napatingin ako kay mama

She smiled and answered the call. Tinapat niya ang phone sa'min dahil naka-video call sila.

"Hi anak! Kamusta ka diyan sa Canada?" masayang bati ni mama sa kanya

"Hey everyone! I miss you fam! I wish I was there to celebrate with you guys. Happy birthday Adam! Padala ko nalang sa'yo yung regalo ko," sabi ni ate sa kabilang linya

"Thank you ate! Miss ka na din namin," my brother replied

"Where's Victoria?" she asked

I smiled weakly and waved at her on the camera. "Hey sis. Hinihintay ko din padala mo sa'kin lol."

She chuckled. "Sure. Just wait a little longer. It'll be there soon. I hope you guys are doing well. By the way, asan pala kayo?"

"Andito kami sa Kenny Rogers, kumakain," sagot ni mama

She nodded. "Aw, inggit ako. I really miss you guys. I hope to see you soon."

"Miss ka na din namin. Ingat ka lagi diyan ah. Huwag mo kami masyadong alalahanin," mom said

"Okay. Sige, kain na muna kayo diyan. I still have work to do. Let's talk later mom," she said

"O magpaalam na kayo sa ate niyo," sabi ni mama at tinapat ang camera sa'min

I smiled and waved my hands. "Bye sis!"

"Bye ate! Uwi ka na," sabi ni Adam

Ngumiti lang siya pabalik. Ilang sandali ay binaba na ni mama ang tawag.

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay naghiwalay muna kaming apat. I went Penshoppe and find a gift for my brother. Naisipan ko na damit nalang ang iregalo ko sa kanya. My step-dad and my brother went to the Nike store to buy him shoes while my mother went to Japan Homes. 

Habang naghahanap ng damit ay hindi ko mapigilang maghanap din ng akin. Mas madami pa akong hanger na hawak ngayon para sa'kin. I told to myself I'm gonna buy my brother a gift but why am I suddenly buying shit for myself? Naka-sale kasi sila ngayon e.

I picked three shirts for him. I noticed that my brother always wear either white or black shirt. I decided to pick light colors for him, like olive green, sky blue, and a gray shirt.

"Excuse me miss, may size medium po ba kayo nito?" I asked the saleslady

"Meron po. Teka lang ma'am. Hanapin ko lang po kung may stock pa," she said and walked away to get some

I nodded and continued to shop for more. I wore the shades that were displayed behind the racks. I smiled and took a picture of myself.

"Omg! Kayo po ba si Victoria?"

I startled when two girls suddenly approached me behind my back. I turned around to face them. They got surprised. "Hala oo nga!" they squealed

"Yes? Am I the one you're looking for?" I smiled

Humakbang sila palapit sa'kin. "Omg ate! Fan na fan po namin kayo. Pwede po bang mag-papicture?"

I was surprised. I think this is the first time someone recognized me in public. I feel so flattered. I feel like a celebrity right now even though I'm not that famous. 

"Sure! Why not?" I chuckled

I think the girls is only around thirteen and fourteen years old. They look cute.

"Thank you po," lumapit sila sa'kin at tinapat ang phone sa'min. Inakbayan ko silang dalawa at ngumiti sa camera

"Ang ganda niyo pa pala sa personal talaga. Hindi totoo yung mga sinasabi ng haters niyo na puro filter lang kayo kaya maganda," one of them said

Tumango naman ang kasama niya. "Sa true lang. Huwag mo ate pansinin yung mga haters mo, mga inggit lang sila."

I laughed. "I know. Huwag niyo nalang din sila pansinin. It's okay to defend me but I hope let's not bully one another. Matuto padin sana tayong rumespeto."

They nodded in agreement. "Marami din kasi talagang judgemental na tao ate. Basta support ka namin no matter what. You are an inspiration to us."

And that warms my heart. I appreciate those people who see my good side too, not only the bad.

"Aw, thank you. What's your name pala?" tanong ko

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa na parang kinikilig. Nagunahan pa silang sagutin ang tanong ko.

"Ako muna. Ako si Jullienne," the girl with the ponytail said

"Fiona," sabi naman ng kasama niya

"Ang ganda naman ng mga names niyo. Nice to meet you," I smiled

"Ang ganda niyo talaga ate, nakakainis. At ang tangkad pa. Mukhang model talaga!"

"Thanks! Kayo din."

Ilang sandali ay nagpaalam na din kami sa isa't isa. 

"Bye ate! Salamat po ulit. More videos to come pa po. Support kami lagi sa inyo!" they smiled and waved their hands

I did the same. "Bye Jullienne and Fiona! Thank you din! Ingat kayo."

Pinanood ko silang maglakad palayo. Hindi padin mawala ang ngiti sa labi ko.

Sometimes, whenever I feel like giving up with what I do on social media, I always remember that I still have a few of them that believes me in me. And they are the reason why I chose to keep moving forward. 

"Yeah babe. I'm here at Penshoppe. Pupuntahan mo na ako? Sige. I'll wait for you," rinig kong sabi ng babae na katabi ko

Agad akong umatras noong dumaan siya sa harapan ko. She's still talking to her phone while looking for some clothes on the table. Tumalikod na ako at naghanap naman ng damit sa kabilang parte ng shop. 

"Oh, babe! You're here na pala."

I glanced back at the woman behind me and an unexpected encounter happened.

"Hey..tapos ka na?" that familiar voice. I know him so well.

Nanatili akong nakatalikod habang tinitignan sila sa replesksiyon ng salamin sa harapan ko. Nakatalikod ang babae sa'kin habang ang boyfriend niya ay nakangiti habang nakatingin sa kanya.

"Here! Gusto mo ba nito? I'll buy this for you if you want," the woman said and gave him the shirt

He smiled. "Aw really? I like it."

Bumagsak ang mata ko sa sahig. Nagsimula akong maglakad palayo sa kanila. I hid behind the mannequins and watch them from afar. They are still smiling at each other. I can't help but to get annoyed inside.

That fucking cheater. I knew it.

I took my phone out from my pocket and dialed his number. I waited for him to pick it up. Binalik ko ang paningin sa kanila. I saw him took his phone out from his pocket. Kumunot bigla ang noo niya. He looked at the woman again and immediately hanged up the call.

I scoffed while staring at my phone. "Fuck you," I muttered

Hindi na ako tumingin ulit sa kanila at nagsimula ng maglakad palayo. The sales lady came back holding the shirt in front of me. "Ma'am eto na po yung-"

I forced a smile at her. "No thanks. Magbabayad na ako," nilagpasan ko siya at dumiretso sa cashier. I quickly put the two shirts on the counter. Tumingin ulit ako sa likod ko at pinanood silang palabas na ng exit.

"Nine hundred fifty po ang total," the cashier said

Binalik ko ang tingin sa harap at binigay ang bayad sa cashier. She then gave me the paper bag. I smiled and took it. "Thank you."

Pagkauwi sa bahay ay binigay ko na ang regalo sa kapatid ko. "Here. Happy birthday bro."

Kumunot ang noo niya at tinanggap ang paper back. "What's this?"

"You're welcome," sabi ko at umakyat na sa taas papuntang kwarto

Tinawag ako ni mama pero hindi ko siya pinansin.

I had fun today...but Jared ruined it.

Kinabukasan ay nakasalubong ko siya sa hallway ng school. He smiled and approached me. Hindi ko siya pinansin at nilagpasan siya. He suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Hey babe. What's wrong?" he asked

"Hindi mo ba nakita yung ginawa ko? Iniwasan kita, so that means, I don't want to talk to you."

He sighed. "Here you go again. Bakit ba lagi ka nalang walang sa mood pagdating sa'kin?"

"At bakit ka laging sadboy?" I arched my brow

His lips parted. "What-"

"Stop acting all innocent you fucking cheater," sabi ko at nilagpasan ulit siya

"Wait, wait, babe. I don't know what you're talking about," he grabbed my arm

I sighed in frustration. "Where were you yesterday huh? I saw you with some other chic."

His brows furrowed. "Yesterday? I was with the guys. Uminom kami sa bahay."

I scoffed. "Liar. Ang kapal mo namang magsinungaling sa'kin."

Hinarap niya ako sa kanya. "It's the truth! Kahit itanong mo pa sa kanila. Why are you suddenly accusing me of cheating?"

"You can't fool me Jared. I even called you and you didn't pick up. Why is that? Because you are with some other girl."

Umawang ang labi niya habang titig na titig sa'kin. "What are you talking about? What girl? Wala akong ibang babae bukod sa'yo. You must be imagining things. Baka hindi ako yung nakita mo."

Tumingin siya sa kanan at bigla niyang tinawag ang kaibigan niya. "Jude! Halika nga dito sandali."

i scoffed. Tumawag pa ng backup ang gago.

Nakita ko nalang na nasa tabi na namin si Jude. "What's up lovebirds?" he greeted

"Pre. Di ba kasama ko kayo kahapon uminom sa'min? Pakisabi nga dito kay Tori. Sabi niya nakita niya daw akong may kasamang ibang babae," sabi ni Jared sabay tingin sa'kin

Tumingin ako kay Jude at tinaasan siya ng kilay. "Ha? Ahh oo. Kasama namin siya kahapon. Anong ibang babae? Kami kami lang boys naginuman."

Nakatingin padin si Jared sa'kin ngayon. "See? I'm not cheating on you Tori. Why would I cheat? I already told you how I feel about you. Come on, stop overthinking," he held my shoulders

"Naku, loyal 'yan si Jared sa'yo Tori," sabi ni Jude

"Bakit ako maniniwala sa inyo e, parehas lang kayong gago," sabi ko

Napailing nalang si Jared sa sinabi ko. Pinaalis niya na ang kaibigan niya at kaming dalawa nalang ulit ang natira.

"Bakit ba wala kang tiwala sa'kin Tori? Seryoso nga ako sa'yo e. Ikaw pa nga itong-"

"What? Bakit biglang napunta sa'kin ha?" hamon ko

"Kapag kayo ni Ross okay lang. Hinahayaan ko nalang kayo," malungkot niyang sabi

I sighed. "Seriously? Ross again? Why are you always bringing him up in our argument? Nananahimik yung tao, pinapakaelaman mo."

"Maybe your the one who's cheating. Kunwari friends lang kayo pero ang totoo ay friends with benefits ang dating niyo."

"What the fuck?" I couldn't take him anymore. I immediately pushed him away.

"O, bakit ka sobrang apektado? Kasi totoo?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "You know what? I can't with you. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa utak mo."

He sighed, again, like he's the victim. "Why are you so hard to handle? Ang bilis mo magalit, mag-overthink, manisi, at-"

I stepped forward and looked at him in the eye. "If you can't handle a bad bitch then don't date one. Let's break up then. Enough with this stupid game," mariin kong sabi at nilagpasan na siya

This is by far our calmest argument yet without the shouting and cursing. I guess I really am tired with him. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya nakakayanang tiisin.

Dumiretso ako sa cafeteria at pinuntahan ang mga kaibigan ko. They were gossiping about something. Sobra nilang magkakalapit sa isa't isa sa lamesa. I immediately sat beside them.

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked

"Shh Tori!" sita sa'kin ni Nicole

"I'm not even saying-" she suddenly pulled me closer

"Be quiet."

"Ano ba kasi yun-"

"We found out that one of our schoolmates got pregnant," Aubrey whispehered

I swallowed hard. "Who?" I asked eventhough I somehow knew who the person is

"Hindi pa namin alam kung sino, basta second year," Tiffany said while smirking

"Paano niyo naman nasabi na buntis? Ang bilis niyo namang maniwala sa chismis," I said and took a bite from my apple

"Ewan ko dito kay Karina. Siya yung nakaalam eh, kinwento niya lang din sa'min," she said

I looked at Karina. "Where did you get that information?"

"I have a lot of connections guys. Alam ko lahat ng chismis," she smiled proudly as if it's something to be proud of

"O tapos? Ano na nangyari? Pumasok ba siya? Nalaman ba ng school? Ilang weeks na siya preggy? Alam ba ng school?" sunod-sunod na tanong ni Tiffany na isa pang chismosa

Tahimik lang ako habang nakikinig sa kanila. I can't think of anything right now aside from Andi. I wonder where she is. Gusto ko siyang puntahan ngayon.

"Hindi ko alam ang buong kwento okay? Basta nabuntis daw siya ng jowa niya," sabi ni Karina at umayos na ng upo. Nagsimula ulit siyang kumain habang sila ay nakatingin lang sa kanya, hinihintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin

"What?" Karina arched her brow

"That's it?" Nicole said, not satisfied

"Yeah. I said I don't know much. Jeez. I'm not a reporter or something."

They sighed. "Ang bitin naman."

"Ang arte niyo, e 'di tanungin niyo isa isa ang mga estudyante dito para malaman niyo."

"How about you Tori? May alam ka ba? I'm sure you know something. You're the most popular girl here," Nicole said

Umiling ako at tipid na ngumiti. "Wala akong alam diyan."

They look skeptical by what I said. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin. "CR lang ako," paalam ko at mabilis na umalis sa lamesa nila

Hinanap ko si Andi sa buong canteen. I went to her room too but she wasn't there either. Pumunta naman ako sa girl's comfort room at wala din siya doon. I keep searching for her everywhere but I still couldn't find her. I searched the library, the gym, the computer lab, the vacant rooms, but to no avail. Naisip ko na baka hindi siya pumasok dahil baka nalaman na ng ibang estudyante dito.

I stopped when I saw her got outside of the principal's office. Tulala lang siya habang nakatingin sa sahig. I swallowed hard and found myself walking towards her. "Hey.."

She ignored me and continued to walk. I held her wrist to stop her. "Andi."

"Did you told everyone about it?" malamig niyang sabi habang nakatingin sa kawalan

"What? N-no. Of course not. Hindi ko alam kung paano nalaman nung iba pero maniwala ka, hindi ko sinabi kahit kanino."

"B-but how..how did some people find out?" she said weakly

Hinarap ko siya sa'kin at hinawakan ang balikat niya. "I don't know."

"Umabot pa nga sa office. Lagot na ako nito," sabi niya

I pulled her closer and hugged her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I don't know how to comfort her right now. This is the least thing that I could do.

"I already aborted the child...pero bakit nakarating pa din sa iba?"

My lips parted. Unti-unti akong kumalas sa yakap at tinignan siya sa mga mata. Her eyes look dead and lifeless. I couldn't see any emotion at all. Tulala padin siya hanggang ngayon.

"You already did?" I asked carefully

She slowly nodded. I saw tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "Pinangunahan ako ng t-takot."

"Andi.."

Even if she already told me her decision, I still didn't expect she'd do it. 

"I just want to get back to my old life. I don't even know if I have the guts to go to school after what happened," sabi niya at pumikit ng mariin

"Where's your boyfriend? Bakit ikaw lang ang nahihirapan dito? Where is he when you needed him the most?"

Ako yung nahihirapan habang nasa harapan ko siya ngayon. She looks so weak. She looks like she hasn't eaten and slept for days. She's broken on the inside.

"Wala naman akong maasahan dun. We...we already broke up," she sniffed

"Andi," I softly called

This is not right. How can he leave him broken like this? He's a douchebag. Wala siyang kwentang boyfriend. Si Andi lang ang lumalaban mag-isa at hinayaan niya lang ito.

"Siguro naman tapos na ang problema ko pero bakit parang maslalong lumala? Bakit maslalo akong nagsisisi ngayon? Bakit pakiramdam ko ang laki ng nawala sa'kin? Why am I suddenly regretting my decision? This guilt...this guilt that I'm feeling. I-" her voice broke

I sighed heavily. I pulled her again and hugged her. "It's okay. Just cry all you want. Let it out," I caressed her back

In times like this, only women can understand you more than anyone else.

Kanina pa ako nakatingin sa laptop ko habang gumagawa ng thesis report namin. Research title palang ng paper namin ay wala na akong maisip. The topic I had in mind was abortion, but deep inside I knew I'm not confident enough to defend my topic. Tanungin palang ako ng panel kung bakit ito ang napili kong topic ay hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin. I already know what's gonna happen since there's a lot of sexist and misogynistic here in our school. 

I wouldn't fully claim myself as a 'feminist' but I understand the feeling of neglect and discrimination towards us. I feel like thee voices of women can't be heard without being judged. There's always these double standards and stereotypes when it comes to us, to both genders in particular, but I guess women are the one's who's most highly to suffer from this toxic culture. It needs to stop.

"Kanina pa malalim ang iniisip mo diyan ah," sabi ni Ross sa tapat ko. Magka-grupo kami ngayon sa thesis. I don't know where our other members went. Fuck, ako nalang lagi ang gumagawa. Wala silang mga ambag.

"Ross," I called

Napatingin siya sa'kin habang gumagawa ng survey. "Hmm?"

"I have a question for you and I want you to answer it as honestly as possible."

He swallowed hard. "Bakit ang seryoso mo naman? Math problem ba 'yan? Naku, kapag math 'yan huwag ako ang tanungin mo."

I smiled weakly. "Halimbawa lang na nakabuntis ka ng babae, anong gagawin mo? Are you gonna accept the child or run away from your responsibility?"

Umawang ang labi niya habang nakatingin sa'kin. He was caught off guard. Hindi agad siya nakasagot. "Uh, b-bakit mo naman natanong?" he asked nervously

I realized that maybe it was an inappropriate question for him but I just got curious of his answer. I was about to take it back when he suddenly spoke.

"Siguro oo..." sabi niya sabay yuko

I arched my brow. "Oo? Saan ka nag-oo?"

"Pananagutan ko," he sounded so unsure of his answer. He can't even look at me in the eye.

I smiled weakly and looked at my laptop again. "Just what I thought."

I came to a conclusion that in the end, women are still the one who suffers more than men in this kind of situation.