#BWB09

As soon as I got home, I saw my mother waiting for me at the living room.

"Sumagot ka nga nang maayos kapag kinakausap ka. Saan ka nanaman galing at madaling araw ka nanaman umuwi?! Ilang oras ako naghihintay at nag-aalala sa'yo. Hindi ka manlang nag-reply sa text ko pati sa tawag ko," galit niyang wika

I sighed heavily. "Pwede ba ma, hinaan mo nga 'yang boses mo. Nakakahiya sa mga kapitbahay. Gabi-gabi nalang tayong ganito," umiwas ako ng tingin at napailing

Pagod na pagod ako galing inuman tapos ito agad ang bubungad sa'kin pag-uwi? Hindi ba ako pwedeng maging masaya lang? Laging may kapalit na lungkot pagkatapos?

"Ayun na nga e. Hindi ka ba nagsasawa? Ayusin mo kasi 'yang buhay mo Tori. Nakakapagod na e. Nakikita mo ba 'yang sarili mo? Masamang impluwensiya talaga sa'yo ang ng mga kaibigan mo. Nahawa ka na sa kanila. Hindi ka na tumino. Mas lalo kang lumala-"

"Wala naman kasi kayong tiwala sa'kin 'di ba?" I cut her off

Namilog ang mata niya sa gulat sa sinabi ko. "Kahit kailan talaga wala kang respeto sa magulang mo. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba kami nagkulang sa pag-aruga sa'yo. Hindi ka gumaya sa ate mo," she said in disappointment

"Okay e 'di siya na magaling. Siya na may magandang buhay. Siya na perpekto. Wala akong pake!" sigaw ko

I hate it when she compares me with other people, especially my sister. Hindi ako nakatanggap ng kahit konting pagmamahal sa kanya. She loves my other two siblings more than me. She never really cared about me. She doesn't even love me.

"Tsaka pwede ba, tigiltigilan mo nga muna 'yang pagmomodel mo. Wala kang alam kundi puro pagpapaganda. Nakakasagabal 'yan sa pag-aaral mo eh. Wala kang ginawa kundi uminom at maglasing at," huminto siya at tinignan ang bibig ko. "Naninigarilyo ka din ba?!"

Lumayo ako sa kanya sabay iwas ng tingin. "Wala ka ng pake doon. Tsaka pwede ba ma, iyon na nga lang ang nagpapasaya sa'kin tapos pagbabawalan niyo pa ako? Lahat nalang ba pakikielaman niyo? Pwede ba, hayaan niyo naamn akong gawin ang gusto ko. Just leave me alone," sabi ko at nilagpasan ulit siya

Kahit kailan talaga, kontrabida sila sa buhay ko.

"Kung hindi ka marunong sumunod, makakaalis ka na sa bahay na ito. Kaya mo na ang sarili mo 'di ba? Ayaw mo nang pinakikielaman ka. Sige, pwede kang lumayas dito. Mamuhay ka mag-isa mo kung kaya mo," she warned

I stopped and clenched my fist in anger. "Fine! Mas gusto ko pang tumira sa kalsada kaysa dito."

Umakyat ako ng hagdan papunta sa kwarto ko. I slammed the door shut and punched the wall of my room. Napamura ako sa sakit. I went to my bed then buried my head on the pillow and screamed. Bumangon ako at kinuha ang phone ko sa bulsa. Pumunta ako sa twitter at doon naglabas ng sama ng loob.

Pwede bang mamatay nalang? Nakakapunyeta mga tao dito :)

I threw my phone back on my bed. Pumikit ako ng mariin at pinakalma ang sarili. After a few minutes, I managed to calm down but I'm still pissed at my mom. Ang papel niya lang naman sa buhay ko ay pagalitan ako. Nagulat ako noong bigalng tumunog ang phone ko. Kinuha ko ulit iyon sa kama. I saw a message from Ross.

rossclifford

Are u okay? I saw your tweet. Pwede mo sa'kin ilabas ang sama ng loob mo.

I rolled my eyes and didn't reply to his message. Pinatay ko ang phone ko at natulog na mabigat ang pakiramdam.

The next day, I feel much more worse. Inayos ko ang make-up sa CR para hindi ako magmukhang puyat. I applied concealer under the dark circle of my eyes. I also put some on my pimple marks. I put on contact lenses and applied mascara as well to make my eyes popped. I forced a smile on the mirror. Ilang sandali ay lumabas nadin ako ng CR.

"Hey Tori! Did you have fun last night? Cause we did," salubong sa'kin ng mga kaibigan ko

I smiled and nodded. "Of course! Bitin pa nga ako. Bakit ba kasi ang aga natin umuwi?"

"Syempre may pasok. It was just a last minute plan. Don't worry, may next pa naman. Let's have a sleepover!" Nicole suggested

"That's a great idea!"

Dumiretso na kami sa gym dahil may training kami ngayon. Napahawak ako sa puson ko dahil biglang sumakit.

"Ayos ka lang girl?" tanong ni Karina

I nodded. "It's that time of the month again."

"Hala. Pano 'yan. May training pa naman. First day mo ba?"

"Second. Malakas pa yung dugo ko. Wala naman akong choice e, kundi tiisin yung sakit. Kailangan ko pading mag-training," sabi ko

Pagkadating namin sa court ay tumambad sa'min ang mga naglalarong players. I also saw our guy friends at the bleachers. It looks like their suspension are over. Nakita kong nanonood sila ng training namin.

"Why are they here? Wala silang training?" tanong ko

"After pa natin. Tignan mo oh, bihis na yung iba."

"And look at Tiffany and Ross on the side. Ang sweet nilang nag-uusap ah," kinikilig na sabi ni Nicole

What's so sweet about that? They are just talking. Ang issue nila.

Tumingin ako sa kanila na nag-uusap sa gilid. Well, I'm happy for Ross 'cause finally, he's coming out of his shell. Tiffany, on the other hand, is the friendliest among us. I'm not surprised she's talking to Ross even after what happened to them. Surprisingly, mukhang hindi naman sila naging awkward sa isa't isa. Nagulat ako noong nagtama ang mata namin ni Ross. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin. Pinuntahan nalang namin si coach dahil bigla kaming tinawag.

"Mag-stretching muna kayo girls then warm-up. Karina, you lead," utos ni coach sa kaibigan namin

We nodded and followed his order. We all formed a circle then start to do some stretching. I winced in pain due to my period cramps. Kinagat ko ang labi ko at ininda ang sakit.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight," bilang ni Karina

Ang hirap maging babae tang ina.

Every time I move, the blood flows more. Kinabahan ako dahil baka ako tagusan. I don't know if my menstrual cup is full or not. Huminga ako ng malalim at pinakalma ang sarili.

After we finished our stretching, we ran around the court for five minutes straight. Hingal na hingal ako pagkatapos. Pakiramdam ko ay matutumba ako. Natauhan ako noong narinig kong pumito si coach. We then made our way to the center of the court and went to our positions.

"Since malapit na ang semi-finals, everyday training na ang gagawin natin. Bawal na ang umabsent at humingi ng excuse. Doblehin niyo ang effort sa pagtatraining dahil magagaling ang magiging kalaban niyo. Naiintindihan ba?" anunsiyo niya

"Yes coach!" we all shouted

Tumango siya at tinignan kami isa-isa. He divided us fifteen into two teams. Magkakampi kami ni Nicole habang si Karina at Aubrey naman ay sa kabilang side ng court. Our coach threw the ball to me first. Naglakad na ako papuntang service area. Masakit padin ang puson ko hanggang ngayon. I bounced the ball three times when I heard a loud whistle. I raised my arm, then threw the ball up high and hit it with all my might...but it didn't went in.

Fuck.

"Sorry coach," I apologized immediately

He stared at me and shook his head in disappointment.

"Go girls! Kaya niyo 'yan!" I heard our guy friends cheer for us at the back. Hindi ko sila nilingon. I tried my best to focus on the game. Nainis ako sa sarili ko noong hindi ko naipasok ang bola.

Naglakad ako pabalik sa loob ng court at pumwetso malapit sa net. I lifted both my arms up high, preparing to block. Karina's on the serving line. She hit the ball and it went inside our court. I prepared for a quick attack. I looked at the setter and gestured her to pass me the ball. She jumped and set the ball just right in front of me. I jumped high and hit the ball. I sighed in relief when I managed to score a point.

"Nice one babe!" sigaw ni Jared sa likod ko

"Go St. Westonridge Academy! Go Lady Wolves!" they cheered

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Hinawakan ko ang puson ko dahil kumirot iyon. Sobrang sakit. It's like it's being chainsawn in half. I couldn't take it.

Nicole went beside me and caressed my butt. "Okay ka lang?"

I forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah."

Pinabalik ko na siya sa likod ko dahil nagsimula ulit ang game. Team namin ang magseserve ngayon. Nanatili ang mata ko sa harap. My vision started to blur. I can't see my teammates clearly. The next thing I knew, Karina is already on the side, preparing for her attack. Mabilis akong tumakbo sa kanang bahagi ng net. Sabay kaming tumalon. She hit the ball hard and it slipped through my arms. My butt then landed on the floor. Hindi agad ako nakatyo sa sakit. Naramdaman ko nalang na tinulungan ako ng team mates ko patayo.

"Okay ka lang Tori?" Jane asked

"I'm fine..." unti-unti akong nahilo. Napakapit ako sa balikat niya. Agad niya akong inalalayan.

My head is spinning and throbbing in pain. Mas dumoble ang sakit ng ulo ko at ng puson ko. I closed my eyes and massaged my head. My team mates are all surrounding me.

"Give her some air guys," sabi ni Nicole

"Okay lang ako. Medyo masakit lang yung ulo ko," I smiled weakly

Nilapitan ako ni Nicole at hinanap ang mga mata ko. "You sure you're okay? Pahinga ka muna sa bench.."

Narinig kong pumito ang coach namin. "Anong problema niyo diyan?" he asked

"Wala po," sagot ko at binalik ang tingin sa mga teammates ko. "Sige na. Bumalik na kayo."

They were hesitant at first but later on followed. Umayos ako ng tayo at tumingin sa harapan ng net. I swallowed hard. My throat felt dry. Gusto ko sanang uminom ng tubig kaso hindi pa namin water break at kakaumpisa palang ng game. Baka hindi ako payagan ni coach. Pinilit kong dinilat ang mata ko at nag-focus sa game.

I was about to block the ball in front of me but my vision slowly darkened until I felt myself collapsed on the floor.

Unti-unti akong dumilat at tumabad sa'kin ang puting ilaw galing sa kisame. Tumingin ako sa katabi ko at nakita si Jared. Nagtama ang mga mata namin. He stood up and held my hair. "Hey babe. How are you feeling?" he asked

Unti-unti naman akong bumangon. "I'm fine now. Ilang oras akong nakatulog?"

"About an hour. You suddenly collapsed in the middle of the game. Agad ka naming dinala dito sa clinic," he said, worried

I smiled weakly. "Thanks. Tapos na ba yung game?"

"I think not."

I nodded. "Sige, babalik na ako."

"What? No. You should stay here and rest."

"Okay na ako sabi eh," mariin kong sabi

He sighed in frustration. Hindi ko siya pinansin at bumangon na sa kama. Dumiretso ako sa pinto. Pagkalabas ko ay nagulat ako pagkakita kay Ross. Nakasandal siya sa gilid ng pinto habang nakayuko. Bigla siyang umayos ng tayo pagkakita sa'kin.

"Kamusta pakiramdam mo?" he asked

I sighed. Paulit-ulit naman.

"I'm fine," I lazily replied

"Kanina ko pa napapansin na may masakit sa'yo bago palang magsimula yung game niyo. I got worried when you collapsed on the floor," he swallowed hard

"I'm just on my period. No big deal. I'm fine now," sabi ko at nilagpasan siya

"Where are you going?"

"Babalik ng game," sagot ko at dire-diretsong naglakad pabalik ng court. Nagulat ako dahil unti-unti nang nagisislabasan ang mga team mates ko. I saw my friends Nicole, Karina, and Aubrey. Nagkasalubong kaming apat.

"Tapos na training?" I asked

They were surprised to see me. "Oh, gising ka na pala. Kamusta pakiramdam mo?" tanong ni Nicole

"The training already ended," Karina replied

I clicked my tongue. "Ah shit. Hindi pa ako umabot."

"It's okay. May next training pa naman. How are you feeling anyway?"

"Okay na ako. Sumakit kasi bigla yung ulo ko tsaka badtrip, ngayon pa ako nagkaron."

Sabay-sabay na kaming pumunta ng locker room upang magbihis. I opened my locker and grabbed my shirt.

"Happy pader's day pala Tori," sabi ni Aubrey sa katabi kong locker

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ha? May araw pala kaming mga flat chested?" I joked

"Gaga. Father's day kasi ngayon," sabi ni Karina

"I know. I was just being sarcastic."

They laughed. Some of my teammates greeted me too. Nakitawa nalang din ako sa pang-aasar nila sa'kin.

"Happy pader's day sa pinakaflat chested sa'tin!" sabi ni Nicole

I rolled my eyes and fixed my hair. "Hindi mo kailangan ipagsigawan sa buong barangay. Alam ko naman. At least ako may pwet!"

"Aray!" natamaan siya sa sinabi ko

I laughed and slapped her ass. Her eyes widened when I did that. Gumanti naman siya sa'kin at hinampas din ang pwet ko. "Meron ako ngayon ano ba!"

"Bye guys. Una na ako," paalam ni Karina

"Ako din. May date pa ako," sabi ni Aubrey

"Aba aba, mukhang 'di ka na single ah," pang-aasar ko

"Gaga. Ka-date ko kasi ngayon si papa dahil Father's day."

My lips parted. "Ahh," I smiled awkwardly

Tuluyan na siyang lumabas ng locker room. Naiwan kami ni Nicole.

"Sa tingin mo may chance magkatuluyan si Ross at Tiffany?" she abruptly asked

Tinignan ko siya nang nakataas ang kilay. "Why'd you ask?"

Ngumuso siya habang nagliligpit ng gamit. "Wala lang. Bagay sila e. I think they both like each other. Magkakaroon ng bagong couple sa squad natin," ngiti niyang sabi

"I don't care. They can date if they want to," replied

"Ship ko sila!"

Hindi na ako sumagot. Inayos ko nalang ang magulo kong locker.

"Tara na Tori. Nood tayo ng basketball training ng boys," aya niya

"Sorry. I can't. May lakad ako e."

"Ganun ba? Sayang, pero sige, kami nalang ni Tiffany," ngiti niyang sabi

I only gave her a small smile. Ilang sandali ay narinig ko nalang ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pinto hudyat na nakalabas na siya.

I sighed and stared at my locker. Tinignan ko ang replesksiyon ko sa salamin. I then continued to clean my locker. Habang naglilinis ay biglang may nahulog na gamit ko. I picked it up on the floor to realize it was actually a photo of me and my dad. It was the only photo I have left of him before he left us. Nakaupo ako sa hita niya habang karga ako. We look so happy in the photo. I've never smiled like that before in my life again, eversince he left. That was the time when I felt the most happiest.

I smiled weakly. "Happy Father's day dad."

Binalik ko ang picture sa loob ng locker ko, pagkatapos ay lumabas na ng locker room. Nalagpasan ko ang court at nakit ang mga kaibigan kong nagtatraining ng basketball. I fixed my duffle bag on my shoulder and continued to walk until I found myself outside the campus.

Since it's Father's day, I decided to pay him a visit. It's been a while since I last visited him. Wala kasi akong lakas ng loob ipakita ang pagmumukha ko sa kanya. Lagi lang akong nakatanaw sa bahay niya nang malayo. I've never went inside his house 'cause I was too scared.

I got back to my senses when I felt someone hugged me from behind. I immediately know who it was by the smell of his perfume.

"Hey babe..bakit ka umalis kaagad? Hindi ka manlang nanood ng training namin?" malambing niyang sabi

I sighed. "I got plans."

Hinarap niya ako sa kanya. "Mas importante kaysa sa'kin?"

I scoffed. "Oo."

"Are you meeting with someone? Who?!" medyo lumakas ang boses niya

"Chill dude. Ir's just my dad."

He sighed in relief. "Oh, sorry. Akala ko may ibang lalaki ka na e."

I rolled my eyes and started to walk again. He siddenly pulled me by the waist. "Pwede bang pagkatapos mong bisitahin ang papa mo ay magkita tayo sa bahay?" bulong niya sa tainga ko

I remained a poker face. His hand lowered down and slightly lifted my shirt. "Meron ako ngayon Jared."

"O? Ano naman? We can still do it," he said and bit my earlobe

I pushed him away. "I said no...tsaka, wala din ako sa mood kaya pwede ba, huwag ngayon."

Kumunot ang noo niya habang nakatingin sa'kin. He looks pissed. "Ang arte mo naman."

I scoffed. "Ikaw pa galit ah."

Ako itong may period pero siya pa itong mas moody kaysa sa'kin. Men are indeed much more complicated than women. Hindi sila makuntento sa isang salita.

"Hindi ako galit. Ikaw nga itong moody e. Bakit ka ba laging suplada?"

I rolled my eyes. "Kasi putang ina mo," sabi ko at nilagpasan na siya

I didn't bother to look at him anymore. Buti nalang talaga ay hindi na niya ako sinundan. That guy is really getting on my nerve sometimes.

***

Ilang sandali ay nakarating nadin ako sa bahay ni papa. Nakatanaw lang ako mula sa malayo. I looked at the cake on my hand that I bought for him. Napalunok ako sa kaba. I'm not sure if I have the courage to face him right now...but I must. I took a deep breath and started walking towards his house.

Bawat hakbang ko ay sumasabay sa lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. I feel so fucking nervous, now that I'm getting nearer at his front door. Huminto ako pagdating sa harap ng pinto niya. Tinignan ko ang itsura ko. I'm wearing jeans and a sleeveless blouse. Binalik ko ang tingin sa harap. I raised my arm with closed fist at the door.

Calm down Tori. All you have to do is greet him a Happy Father's day and give him this cake. That's it. Then you can go home afterwards.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I was gathering my thoughts while waiting for someone to open it. I smiled when the door open. "Happy Father's-" the smile across my lips slowly faltered when a woman appeared in front o fthe door instead of my father

"Oh, hi there young lady," ngumti siya sa'kin ng matamis at tinignan ako mula ulo hanggang paa

I swallowed hard. It took me a while to answer her. "Uh, h-hi. Is uhm, my father home?"

Her eyes widened. "Oh, so you must be Victoria."

I was surprised when she knew my name. Tumingin ako sa likod niya at doon nakita si papa. My lips parted when our eyes met.

"Who's that hon?" unti-unti siyang naglakad palapit sa babae

"Oh, your daughter is here," the lady said

Tumingin ako kay papa at pilit na ngumiti. "Pa..."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Tori? Is that you?"

I swallowed hard. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa cake habang nakatitig sa kanya. I don't know what to feel right now. Seeing him right now this close brought back so many memories. Ngayon ko nalang ulit narinig ang boses niya. The sound of his voice when he said my name hurt, but in a good way.

"What are you doing here?"

Natauhan ako sa tanong niya. Hindi ko alam kung saan titingin kaya tumingin nalang ako sa cake na hawak ko. "I, uhm, Happy Father's day. I-I bought you a cake," I said and showed it to him

"Aw, how sweet of you Victoria," the lady commented

Hindi ko inalis ang tingin kay papa. Kinuha niya ang cake sa kamay ko. "Thank you, Tori."

There was a long moment of awkward silence. Well, I've said my lines already. I don't know what to say anymore. Hindi ko kayang mag-impromptu.

The woman beside her chuckled awkwardly. "Uh, thank you Victoria for the cake. Why don't you come inside for dinner. You were just in time," she insisted

My lips parted. "Ahh, huwag na po, uhm. Nakakahiya-"

"No it's okay. Celebrate with us since it's Father's Day."

Napakurap-kurap ako habang nakatingin sa kanya. I was about to speak but my father suddenly spoke.

"It's okay anak. Nagluto si Kelly ng masasarap na pagkain. I hope it's okay for you to celebrate with us," he said

I bit my lips. I don't know if I should accept their offer or not but again, I can't say no to my father. Besides, it's Father's Day and I badly want to celebrate with him. Hindi ko alam kung magkakaroon pa ako ng chance para makasama siya ulit.

Unti-unti akong ngumiti at tumango. "Sige po."

Tahimik lang kami habang kumakain. It's only the three of us at the table. I feel so uncomfortable but when I realized that my dad is only a few inches away from me, I feel at ease. God, I miss him so much. I want to hug him right now. Ang dami ko ding gustong itanong sa kanya pero wala akong lakas ng loob.

"How's the food Victoria?"

I looked at the woman in front of me. I then stared at my plate. "It's good. Ang sarap po ng luto niyo," I smiled

Ngumiti din siya pabalik. "Thank you. I'm glad you like it."

I'd never expected that she's a kind and lovely woman. Her bright smile radiates joy and happiness. Unti-unti na akong nagiging komportable sa kanya kahit na ngayon lang kami nagkita.

"Kamusta ka na anak? Ngayon ka lang dumalaw ah," sabi ni papa

I'm holding back my tears right now. Hearing him call me 'anak' made my heart ache.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kutsara at tinidor ko. I looked at him and smiled. "I'm doing good pa. I'm really happy to see you especially ngayong Father's Day."

He smiled back and nodded before he went back to eating.

Umiwas ako ng tingin. He has no idea how my life turned eversince he left. He doesn't know shit about me. Ang sakit lang noong hindi manlang niya kami binista, kahit isang beses. How can he move on so fast? How can he easily forget about us? Ano ba talaga kami para sa kanya?

I want to hate him but I can't. I hate that I still love him even if he left us. I hate myself because I'd choose to be with him than my mom.

"Oh, I forgot the desert. Teka lang ha, kukunin ko lang sa kusina," tatayo na sana ang babae pero bigla siyang napaupo ulit

I only realized now that she has a huge bump on her belly. I swallowed hard while staring at her stomach.

Agad siyang inalalayan ni papa. "Hon. Are you alright? Anong masakit?" nag-aalala niyang tanong

The woman still managed to smile at us. "I'm okay. It's just her kicks are getting stronger each day," she chuckled while breathing heavily

Dad held her stomach. "I guess she wants to see us soon," he smiled

"Oo nga e. We can't wait to see you soon my love," the woman said and caressed her belly

Napatingin siya sa'kin. I forced a smile at her. "Ilang...months na po?" my voice broke

"Mag-aanim na buwan na. Konting tiis nalang," she sighed and smiled

I looked at them and the way they stare at each other screams joy and love. Ramdam ko ang pagmamahal nila sa isa't isa. It breaks my heart seeing dad happy with someone else. I've never seen him this happy with mom. Ang pinakamasakit ay mukhang mas masaya siya ngayon kumpara sa'min noon.

"I just wish the best to both of you and your future family," my voice broke but I still managed to smile

Napatingin sila sa'kin. Dad couldn't look at me for too long. The woman beside her gave me a warm and genuine smile. "Aw, Victoria."

I felt a tear escape my eye. Agad ko iyong pinunasan. "I'm sorry, oh God, uhm. Tears of joy," I said and chuckled awkwardly. Kinuha ko ang baso ko at unimon nalang ng tubig para pakalmahin ang sarili.

This hurts like fucking hell.

My heart is breaking into pieces.

I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm staring at the empty ceiling of the room right now. My thoughts wouldn't let me sleep. I feel numb and lifeless. Memories from few hours ago flashed inside my head. My father, his new partner, the woman's belly, and their soon to be daughter.

I looked at Jared beside me who's sleeping peacefully. As soon as the dinner ended, I went straight to his place. We just had sex. Now we're both laying naked on his bed, under his sheets.

I felt him moved. He went closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He burried his head on my neck. "Ready for round two babe?" he murmured

I didn't move. My eyes remained on the dark ceiling. "Do you ever feel how fucked up your life is?" I asked him. "Minsan ba, parang gusto mo nalang mawala sa mundo na parang bula?"

I had sex with him just to forget everything that happened a few hours ago but it didn't help. I feel much worse.

"Kasi ako oo. Halos araw-araw lagi kong iniisip na sana pala hindi nalang ako nabuhay sa mundo. Ay hindi, sawang sawa lang ako sa buhay ko. Ayoko ng ganito. Gusto kong magkaroon ng masayang buhay. Ayoko pang mamatay kasi marami pa akong pangarap sa buhay. Ayoko lang ng ganitong buhay. I hate God for giving me this life. It's so unfair. Why do I have such a miserable life? Like fuck, I don't deserve this."

There was a long moment of silence. Kanina pa tahimik si Jared sa tabi ko. I can feel his hot breath on my neck. "Hey. Are you even listening?" inis kong sabi. I looked at him and he's asleep. I rolled my eyes and cursed him inside my head.

Kanina pa ako nagsasalita dito pero hindi naman pala siya nakikinig. Para akong tangang nakikipag-usap sa hangin.

What can I even expect from this man anyway. He's just my fuck buddy. All he knows is to have sex.

I removed his heavy arm on my body. Unti-unti akong bumangon sa kama. I use the blanket to cover up my naked body. Our clothes are scattered on the floor. I picked up his pants and searched its pockets. I felt a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Nilabas ko iyon. I opened the half-empty pack and took one out. I put it between my lips and lit it. Pumikit ako at dinama ang usok na unti-unting pumasok sa baga ko.

Cigarettes After Sex.

A remedy for my broken heart.