Kaleb

Pushing through the front door, I almost trip on the rug. My snowy shoes catch the edge of it and I fall to my knees, my palms landing flat on the floor. Although alcohol is still coursing through my veins, I feel sober, especially as the weight of what I just did falls on my shoulders.

Not only did I kiss Ella's jaw without her permission, I also potentially cheated on my wife. Does kissing someone's jaw count as cheating? I think so. It was an act of passion. One that wasn't directed at my wife. 

My wife I just cheated on. 

I hang my head low, feeling the fresh burning sensation of tears. As much as I want them to scald my cheeks and reinforce the shame in my chest, the tears don't come. Instead of sitting here, dreading my decisions, I force myself off of my bruised knees and to my feet.

Hoping Mel is asleep, I drag myself up the stairs and into our bedroom. Minus the muted TV and Mel's soft breathing, the room is dark and quiet. Pressing my back to the wall, I stand and stare at Mel, listening to her breathing. The cat is cuddled near her hip.

The sound is enough to break me.

Soon, our bedroom will become my bedroom and I'll be alone in the silence. With that fucking cat. 

I sit on the edge of the bed, dropping my face into my hands. No matter how hard I try, I can't control my emotions. Soon, I'm silently sobbing. Every so often, my sniffles reverberate through the room. I don't want Mel to wake up. Not because I don't want her to see me like this, but because she needs her rest. We definitely need to discuss what happened between Ella and me, but not until Mel's rested. Her well-being is more important. So I just let myself cry, wondering why the world has to be so cruel.

But the plan doesn't work out.

When Mel stirs, the mattress creaks. Then comes the shuffling of the pillows and blankets. A soft mew from the cat.

Mel wraps her arms around me from behind and rests her chin on my shoulder. "What's wrong, Kal?"

Her voice is sleepy

I tilt my head back, resting it on her shoulder. When I close my eyes, I can see the horrified expression on Ella's face. But I can also feel the invisible string between us, pulling us together and reminding us of how electric our relationship was in high school. What if my feelings didn't fade after high school? I care about Ella. A lot. She's one of my best friends and the first woman I fell in love with.

"I kissed Ella," I whisper. Shame stabs its blade into my chest and twists it with a vengeance. "Not on the lips. But I think I wanted to."

Mel is silent for several seconds, which makes me feel shittier. This is not how things were supposed to go. I'm supposed to be the loyal husband who loves his wife until death parts us. She's supposed to own every fucking piece of me. I love Mel with all my heart.

But I think a sliver still belongs to Ella.

Finally, Mel moves. She crawls around until she's straddling my waist. Her arms are wrapped around my neck. I rest one hand on her hip, but don't make eye contact with her.

"Kal. Look at me."

I force myself to look at her.

Mel's eyes glisten with tears as she cups my face. I want to tear my gaze from her to prevent myself from seeing the pain and compassion, but I can't. Her eyes are whirlpools of emotions that I'm drowning in.

"Ella deserves a happy life. She's been through enough shit. Shit that's been caused by shitty men." She brushes her thumb along my cheekbone, removing the single tear. "She doesn't deserve shit from anyone."

I love hearing Mel use the word 'shit.' It's her favourite swear word. I'll miss hearing her say it when she dies.

"You were the only good man in her life, Kal." She pauses, a sad smile on her lips. "And if you're still that man, then that's okay. We have to face the inevitable. I won't be around for much longer."

"Mel..."

She presses a finger to my lips, shushing me. Tears glisten in her eyes. "You know it's the truth. Don't deny it, Kal. Everything we have... the memories and remnants of our relationship will linger on forever. But my physical presence will be..." She shakes her head. "You deserve to be happy after the mourning passes and you learn to cope with the pain. I-I never wanted to inflict this kind of pain on you. Not again. For that, I'm so sorry. It devastates me, knowing I won't be around to help you heal." She takes a deep breath. "But I know Ella will. Brenna and Shea. Hunter, Jayden—all your friends. My parents."

Dropping my face into my hands, I tune her out and continue to sob silently. Mel pries my hands away from my face and cups my face again, forcing me to look at her. Tears slide down her cheeks and her eyes are pink and swollen.

"Just like Ella, I want you to have a happy life. If that means you two finding comfort in each other after..." She directs her gaze to the ceiling, trying to regain her composure as more tears slip down her cheeks. "Kal... I've been trying to push you two closer together."

I blink in surprise. "What?"

"I want both of you to be happy. Like Brenna and Shea are. You and Ella are two of the most important people in my life. And my biggest fear is my passing driving a wedge between you two and your friends. I know you Kal. You isolate yourself when you're upset. I can't rest peacefully without knowing that won't happen. You have to embrace your friends and the people who love you." She smiles through the tears, and it shatters my heart. "Ella still loves you. A piece of you still loves Ella. This doesn't change my faith in you. In our love."

Mel takes my hand and rests it over her heart.

"I know you love me," she continues. "You show it to me every day. I—" Mel has to pause and clear her throat before speaking again. Her voice is soft. Every so often, it cracks. "I love you, Kal. That's the reason I married you. If I had one wish, it would be to cure this fucking disease and spend eternity with you. But magic is an illusion in the world; we can feel it but never grasp it." She runs her fingers through my hair. "You're my magic. My everything. And because of that, there's nothing I want more than for you to be happy. For you and Ella to be happy. All those times I went to bed early were for a reason. For you to find solace in someone other than me. To realize someone else cares about you. I... You're allowed to be upset with me. Perhaps I should've been more open about it."

I sob harder, wishing I could stop. Aren't tears supposed to dry out after a certain amount of time? "Mel," I hiccup. "I-I'm s-sorry." I pause, feeling like I'm choking on my tears. "Why?"

I ask despite knowing the answer. Maybe I'm trying to justify what I did. Or maybe I feel a sense of relief already. Perhaps I hate myself too much.

Her thumbs dig into my cheekbones, just enough to apply a bit of pressure. "Kaleb Rose Jones, don't you dare apologize to me. You deserve to love someone after I'm gone. Nothing means more to me than your happiness. I know you love me. Even if you had kissed Ella on the lips, I wouldn't be upset. I. Just. Want. You. To. Be. Happy. I can't emphasize that enough. You deserve happiness and love and adventure. And—"

Mel's sentence is cut off abruptly.

Too abruptly.

When I look at her, I see she's staring off into the distance over my shoulder.

I grip her shoulders, giving her a soft shake. "Mel."

She doesn't respond. All she does is stare.

Then she loses consciousness and her body begins to shake uncontrollably.

A seizure takes over her body, and I lay her on the bed. I do my best to stay calm by removing any nearby hazards. In addition, I start a timer on my phone. The doctor told me to time any seizures she has. If they don't stop within five minutes, I'm supposed to call 911.

Thirty seconds feels like an hour. A minute feels like days. And when it doesn't stop, when the clock switches over to three full minutes, I decide the suggestions made by the doctor are useless. I stop the timer and dial 911, filling them in on all the information. They tell me they're on their way.

The seizure passes at the four-minute mark, leaving Mel still and unconscious. In the distance, I think I can hear the sirens. It's difficult to tell. Maybe I'm hearing things. 

If I am, I don't care. Because all I can focus on is the bad feeling spreading through my gut.

This feels like the end.