Kaleb

Time is my enemy.

As the days pass, three things happen. My wedding ring becomes heavier. Melody becomes thinner. Brenna's baby bump grows. There is a brittle imbalance between sanity and insanity. Seeing the stark difference between Brenna and Mel is fucking with my head, and jealousy poisons my body. Nothing excuses my behaviour. I shouldn't be limiting time with one of my best friends because of her pregnancy and my wife dying.

The opposite parallels are difficult to cope with.

So much so that when Shea and I land in Vancouver, we go our separate ways without the usual routine. We don't say goodbye or make plans to grab a beer later. He lingers around the exit, but I push past him, keeping my head low.

I'm green with envy. Shea has a bright future regarding family ahead of him. I have nothing but sorrow on the docket. I'll never have a baby with Mel or grow old with her. We won't get to be the fun grandparents. There isn't even a fucking honeymoon.

Before I can step out into the cold air, Shea grabs my shoulder. He spins me around, and I almost stumble over my suitcase.

His expression is stony. "What the fuck is your problem, Jones? If you have something to say, then say it. Don't keep skirting around me. You know I hate it when you pull that shit. If there's an issue, then tell me so we can resolve it. We're not kids anymore, KJ."

I glance over his shoulder. Fans are whispering about and staring at us, phones in hand. After all the shit that's gone down with this team, an episode between Shea and me is the last thing it needs.

Shrugging Shea off, I adjust my tie. "Nothing. Everything's fucking fine." I grab the handle of my suitcase. "Let's get out of here."

Shea follows me outside. It's cloudy, with a mix of snow and rain. The gloomy weather makes my shitty mood shittier, and I toy with my wedding ring. Here I thought it would be a symbol of our love. Instead, it's a reminder of our inevitable hourglass. Time continues to dwindle.

Especially after Christmas, when flu season is at its highest peak and time with my friends is limited. With all her medications, the doctors advise Melody to avoid public gatherings and for me to limit contact. While I'm on the road, I do my best by wearing a mask, getting my flu shots, and avoiding crowds when I can. Ella also complies with the doctor's orders. With January being a busy travel time for me, she's moved into our guest bedroom. While I'm gone, she takes Mel to her appointments, helps mediate her medication, and acts as her anchor.

Loitering around here with Shea is breaking the rules. I'm about to tell him that when he grabs my arm and tugs me to the side. I have no choice but to follow him. When he corners me, I have no choice but to stay.

He crosses his arms and glares at me. "Talk, KJ. You're projecting again."

I wrinkle my nose. "Projecting? The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Shea sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You're projecting your emotions on Brenna. She thinks you're pissed at her, KJ. Ever since we left for the road trip, she's been calling me in tears." He chews on his bottom lip. Glances around. The deep breath he expels dissipates into the air. Then he pins me with a hard gaze. "It's the baby, isn't it? That's why you've been avoiding me, too."

My silence answers his question.

Shea's laugh is forced. "Really, man? I understand the shitty circumstances. But that doesn't give you the right to shit on us." He pokes me in the chest. "Especially when we're trying to offer you support. Brenna wants nothing more than to support Melody, but they're both in vulnerable positions. However, that doesn't mean you can just take all the food she's been making without thanking her! We're trying to support both of you in any way we can." He pokes me again. "Fuck you, Jones, if you can't see that. Also, what the fuck was with tonight? You kept refusing to pass to me! No wonder we got our asses kicked!"

His poking makes my temper snap. I give him a rough shove. It causes him to stumble backwards, and he has to catch himself on a lamppost.

"Fuck you, Smith!" I yell. "How am I supposed to sit here and watch you and Brenna live happily ever after while my relationship literally goes up in flames? Besides, Ella thanked you multiple times. It's not your fucking problem."

I should know better than to mess with Shea. He's always been bigger than me.

Shea rebounds with ease, pinning me against the side of the building. His forearm is pressed across my chest. Stucco digs into my upper back. His voice is a low growl when he speaks. "When something's affecting my best friend, it is my fucking problem. You were there for me in high school, so you can bet your ass I'll be here for you. But I can't do that unless you tell me what's wrong."

I'm on the verge of breaking. My emotions are volatile. Biting my lip, I cast my gaze elsewhere, ignoring Shea. As much as I want to vent, it feels like there's a barrier. Words refuse to leave my mouth, and displaying my emotions seems foolish. Mel is the one who's sick. I'm supposed to keep my shit together for her. For us.

Although it doesn't do much damage, I attempt to shove Shea away. He doesn't budge, which ticks me off.

"What's with the fucking interrogation?" I spit. "This isn't your relationship, Shea. Back off."

Shea sighs. His posture slouches and he looks defeated. When he lowers his arm and steps back, I rub my chest. "That's not the point, Kaleb." He leans down to collect his bags and then readjusts his posture. "You're jealous and hurting, which is an unstable combination. Come find me when you grow up, man."

He walks away before I can say anything else. All I can do is watch as my best friend leaves me behind in the sleet. My chest feels heavy, and I can't prevent the tears from falling.

Everything is fucked up.

* * *

Things aren't much better when I arrive home.

I walk inside, set my bags down, and find Ella scurrying around the house, collecting her belongings: purse, phone, Mel's medical card, and other information.

Mel is laying on the couch, wrapped in a cozy blanket. When I kneel beside the couch, I hear laboured breathing. Her face is flushed, too. Sweat pools at her temples and dampens her hair, making it curl a little.

Anger rushes through me. Fuck this. We've been doing everything the doctor said! Why does life have to be so fucking cruel?

With that same anger rushing through my blood, I push away from the couch and saunter into the kitchen. Ella is standing on a chair and rummaging through the cupboard. Below her, on the countertop, is a line of Mel's medications. I lean against the counter, waiting for her to step down.

After she's collected all the medications, she turns around and blinks in shock. "Kaleb! You're back. We need to take Melody to the hospital. She's been under the weather for a few days, but it's gotten progressively worse. I think she has pneumonia."

I pin her with a glare. "Yeah? And how the fuck did she get sick?"

Ella freezes. Her eyes widen with shock, which quickly ignites and turns into anger. Anger that is directed at me. It fuels my volatile emotions.

"Groceries, Kaleb!" Ella snaps. "We need food and other necessities in this house. I also have a job. I'm following whatever protocols I can to help Melody, but I can't uproot my life for you two. Life is cruel that way. When you're struggling through tough shit, life expects you to keep living. Time goes on. That's not something I can control! Trust me, I would if I could."

Her voice is aggressive, and I get this strange sense of déjà vu. How many times did Ella reprimand me back in high school? She was always so feisty. It's good to see her gaining that momentum again.

Still, I'm fucking pissed. My anger blinds me.

"You were supposed to take care of her!" I shout. "Why the fuck is she sick?"

Ella tosses the bag of medication to the counter. The pills in the bottles rattle. "You know what? Fuck you, Kaleb. Shea warned me you were in a shitty mood. Had I known it was this bad, I would've taken Melody to the hospital already." Frustrated, Ella throws her hands up in the air. Then she grabs the bag and slings it over her shoulder. "There's no time for a stupid argument. We can fight after the doctors are looking after her."

I cross my arms, keeping my gaze level with hers. "Maybe you should've. Taken her already. If she gets worse, it's all your fault!"

She wrinkles her nose. "What the hell is wrong with you? Does it kill you to be appreciative? We—me, Brenna, Abbey, and Shea—are doing what we can to help. You're stuck in a gutter, Kaleb. Either remove yourself from the gutter or remove yourself from my field of vision. Your attitude isn't helping anyone. In fact, it's making the stress worse."

My lips part.

Ella waggles her finger at me. "If you yell at me again, I will rip your balls off and shove them down your throat." Her voice is venomous. "You've pissed me off. Once we get Melody to the hospital, I will sleep downstairs. You can stay up all night with her."

An urge to argue lingers in my chest. Every fibre of my being is burning with rage. Nothing is going right. Mel wasn't supposed to get sick ever again. Yet here we are, stuck in another rut. I know I'm being callous. There's no justifying being rude to my friends. My actions are foolish. Somewhere, deep down, I know this.

"Ella..." I say.

She shakes her head. "I'm done, Kaleb. Done with you. I'll continue to take care of Melody because she's my friend. But until you sort yourself out, I'm through with being your friend. How dare you treat me so poorly? How dare you waltz in here and blame me?" Her gaze bores into my soul. "Don't talk to me until you learn what an apology is." At the edge of the counter, she pauses. "Start by apologizing to Brenna. Not only for not thanking her but also for lying."

Guilt stabs me in the back. Ella was with Mel and I at the last appointmet. I may have overstretched the truth. Seeing Brenna pregnant kills me. I thought keeping her away from Mel would make me feel better. So far, that's proven to be false. Instead, I feel like an asshole. The doctor told us to limit social contact, but there's nothing wrong with Brenna and Shea coming over. As long as they're okay with it, Mel is fine to be around others. Meaning, I lied to Brenna and Shea.

Two of my best friends.

I bite my bottom lip and cast my gaze downward, unable to say anything. Shame burns in my chest.

"That's what I thought," Ella says. "Figure your shit out, Kaleb."

Just like Shea did, Ella leaves me behind. From the kitchen, I can hear her talking to Mel. Mel's voice sounds like sandpaper. I should be out there helping them, but I know Ella will push me away. Which is what I deserve. When I married Mel, I promised I would be a good man. Everything I've done today is shitty. From the lies to my behaviour, I'm not acting like the man I should be.

Whenever I think about my life in a year, I want to crumble into dust. Life won't be the same without Mel. I'll never find the same happiness or love. Instead, I'll spend the rest of my days watching the people I care about fall in love, grow old together, die together.

They'll have everything I ever wanted.