Ella

"For a small group," Jayden Miller says, "we sure know how to party."

He swipes his glass of whisky from the table and takes a swig. The taste makes him cringe, as it did back in high school. With his lips pursed, he pushes the glass away. Some liquid sloshes over the edge, wetting the white tablecloth.

"Why do you drink it if you know you don't like it?" I ask.

"It's for show," Jayden sighs. "Shea and KJ can knock them back like nothing. They look so sophisticated when they're drinking them. With their suits and Rolex watches. It's like, 'damn, why can't I be like them, too?' They also got the drink for me, so I can't waste it." He pauses, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. Sadness fills his gaze. "How's KJ holding up? Work's been so busy I haven't been able to contact him often. I feel like a shitty friend."

I give him a nudge. "You shouldn't. Life is selfish that way—it expects you to continue on like nothing's happening. It happens every day. Shitty things are happening all across the globe to people who deserve better. Yet if you stall your life to be a good person, you suffer the consequences. Life makes no sense." I take a sip of my lemon water. "Like why the fuck did cancer choose Melody? She has done nothing wrong. This wedding should be a forever-thing. Not a months-left-thing."

Jayden side-eyes me. "Maybe I asked the wrong question. How are you doing, Ella? Things have been pretty shitty since the last time I saw you."

His understatement makes me snort, and I gaze at my water. Perhaps sticking with water was a mistake. I need liquid confidence in order to discuss all my issues. That being said, maybe it's a good thing I'm drinking water. Otherwise, I might play the damsel in distress and whining about everything.

Instead of the latter, I pick a nonexistent piece of lint from my dress. "It hasn't been that bad. Kaleb and Melody are my saviours. Mikael isn't a threat. Ryland is nonexistent. Abbey will be back from Europe soon, so I'll have one of my friends back. Things are on the upswing." Out of curiosity, my gaze finds Isaac. He's disposed of his suit jacket and joined the group on the dance floor. They're laughing and stumbling, drinks in their hands.

Jayden follows my gaze. "Isaac's been checking you out all night. Anything going on?"

I sigh. "We've gone on a few dates. It's just... My trust is damaged. I don't know if I can risk putting my heart on the line again, Jayden. Every time I do, it breaks. It's not that I don't trust Isaac. He does nothing unless I'm comfortable with it. What makes me uncomfortable is the notion of a relationship. I've had bad luck. Bad luck that seems to persist no matter which route I take, be it a no-strings-attached relationship or a strings-attached relationship. I think I need to take a break."

He nods and rubs his jaw. There's a significant amount of rough stubble, so I can hear it scratching against his palm. "There's nothing wrong with a break from dating, Ella. You're entitled to put yourself first. It's not a selfish decision."

"I know, but it gets lonely in the basement suite. As much as I enjoy hogging the king-sized bed, I miss touching someone and sharing body heat and waking up to breakfast being made for me." My posture slouches in tune with my heart. Everything feels heavy today. It's hard to believe a wedding could be so emotionally draining, but here we are. Plus, I feel like an asshole for wallowing in self-pity when Melody's life-clock is ticking. I shake my head. "Never mind. This is stupid. I shouldn't be talking about this when it's Melody and Kaleb's day. It's not respectful."

Reaching out, Jayden takes my hand and squeezes it. His voice is so soft it reminds me of flower petals. "Ella. Your emotions are not invalid. Maybe it's not a good time to discuss them, but you're allowed to. I'm listening. I'm here for you." He gazes out at the dance floor. "Although KJ and Melody are good friends, you're closer to Melody than I am. You're also watching KJ, a man you used to love, lose a key component of his happiness. What's happening is affecting everyone differently. Brenna and Shea can feel the negative effects and the stress of becoming parents." He points at himself. "I feel like a dick for not being around to help, but I also have a job and a life in Nakusp. And yes, I am reiterating what you just said because you're contradicting yourself."

Again, I sigh. He's right. Jayden is always right. Sometimes, I wonder how our group functions without his presence. He's the only one who bears logic. "I'm worried about Kaleb. He will not handle this well." I clear my throat, willing away the sudden lump that's lodged in it. "Before the wedding, Melody asked me to take care of him. To make sure he ends up being happy again. I promised I would. But how am I supposed to do that? How do I fix Kaleb when I can't even save my own relationships? Can you imagine me trying to save an actual human being? We're all fucked." 

Jayden gives me a nudge. "Hunter's single again. Remember the Hella joke Brenna coined? You two are undeniably good at roasting each one of us during a conversation. As a team? Unbeatable."

His comment catches me so off-guard, I laugh. I laugh until I'm hunched over and clutching my stomach. "What," I wheeze, "does that have to do with this?"

He smiles. "It's a comedic tactic I'm using to distract you. Is it working?"

I wipe the tears from beneath my eyes, thankful I wore waterproof mascara. "A little. Thanks, Jayden."

He loops his arm around my shoulders. "You're welcome, Ella. But in all honestly, you are good at maintaining relationships. Look at all the friendships you have. That's the point I was trying to get at with you and Hunter—and the rest of us. What's happened to you wasn't because you had bad luck or weren't smart enough to pick out the red flags. Those people were shitty people who used your kindness and intelligence against you. They're fucking assholes who used manipulation. It's not your fault, Ella."

I rest my head against Jayden's shoulder, watching as my friends dance to the pounding bass. A small smile crosses my lips. Jayden is the best of us all. No matter the situation, he always sees the good. He'll always cheer you up.

We sit like that until the song ends, sipping our drinks and watching this moment of happiness. I want to ingrain Melody and Kaleb dancing on their wedding night in my head. Brenna and Shea dancing slowly while his hand rests on her rounded stomach. Jayden and I sitting here, embracing this memory.

After the song is over, Kaleb passes Melody over to Shea. They toss their heads back and laugh at whatever Kaleb says. Then he spins on his heel and heads to our table, but not before he swipes a bottle of champagne from the bar.

At our table, Kaleb sits beside me and sets the glass bottle down. He tells Jayden to pop it open while he loosens his tie and shrugs off his suit jacket. Then he unbuttons the first three buttons of his dress shirt. Small beads of sweat accumulate on his temple. His cologne is potent; it's something spicy with vanilla undertones.

Next to me, the bottle pops. Jayden passes it to Kaleb, who takes a sip from the bottle. When he hands it to me, I take a few long sips. Why should I limit the fun I'm having? Having a buzz won't be too bad. There are undertones of peach and citrus, and the bubbles dance across my tongue. It makes my taste buds feel drunk. Bottle still in hand, I wipe away the residual champagne from my lips. Then I hand the bottle back to Kaleb.

I watch as he takes another long swig.

Once he's swallowed, he sets the bottle down. His gaze hasn't strayed from Melody.

"She's going to die," he says.

I punch him in the arm, already feeling the effects of the champagne. Unless I'm cautious with drinking, I'm a lightweight. A few more gulps and I'll be sloshed, especially because I'm on my period. "Don't be pessimistic! Yes, the situation is shitty as fuck, but at least you have some time! If you turn into a grumpy old man around Melody, Kaleb, I will throttle you. She needs as much happiness as possible. Right until the end."

"Ella's right, KJ," Jayden says. "You can't let the pessimism win."

"I know. But it's hard to wrap my head around. I love her, Ella. Soon, I'll be living without her." He shoots me a pained look, his words slurring.

I rest my hand on his shoulder. "How much have you had to drink?"

He stares at the bottle of champagne. "A bottle-and-a-half of alcohol." He shrugs. "That's an estimate. Shea and I started with the whisky, then did some tequila shots, and now..." The gesture to the champagne is sloppy because he almost knocks it over. Jayden grabs the bottle and pushes it aside. "Don't judge me. We're having fun."

Jayden raises his hands. "No judgement here. It's your wedding. I just don't want you getting sick."

Kaleb tilts his head back and closes his eyes. "Yeah, until death do us part. Maybe I'll get drunk enough that I fall, crack my head open on the floor, and then die."

I punch his shoulder again. "Kaleb!"

He doesn't reply. Instead, he grabs the bottle and takes another swig. When he passes it to me, I follow suit. So does Jayden, despite him voicing his concerns. If Kaleb wants us to drink with him, we can't argue too much. He needs his friends.

We're silent for a moment.

"If... If things had turned out differently, do you think this would be us?" Kaleb asks.

He gestures to the dance floor where Brenna, Shea, and Hunter are dancing with Melody. Shea, because he's so drunk, keeps stepping on the train of her dress. He's fallen a few times already. I'll be surprised if he makes it out of here without a broken limb or a concussion.

For a moment, I try to picture Kaleb and me getting married. The imagery unstitches my heart, and I feel a sudden wave of jealousy that ties my stomach into knots. Had things gone differently, yes, I could see us swaying to a cheesy love song on the dance floor. But that's not what happened. We went our separate ways because of external factors we couldn't control. Just like Brenna and Shea, we weren't about to give up our dream universities for a relationship based on adolescent love. We just didn't have the same luck as Brenna and Shea. Which I'm okay with. Kaleb and Melody are perfect for each other, and watching my friends' relationships blossom gives me hope. Not enough hope to start dating right away, but enough that I know I'll find chemistry with someone in the future.

While I'm lost in thought, Jayden answers the question for me. "Tell me to stop if this feels intrusive, but I don't think it's a good thing to discuss, KJ. You just married the woman you're in love with. Your relationship with Ella is in the past."

I mouth a silent thank you to Jayden. He's saved me from a topic that still affects me. Although the final decision was mutual, my father played a large role in ruining my relationship with Kaleb. The worst part is I was too weak to stand up for myself. I let my father gaslight me into believing I was too young to understand love. That education was more important than having a social life. He helped create a mindset that almost forced me into a burnout. I'm glad I could knock some sense into myself—even if I still feel flashes of disappointment and self-loathing.

Jayden flashes me a subtle smile. His hand is wrapped around the bottle of champagne, and he pulls it closer to himself to prevent Kaleb from grabbing it.

Kaleb's head bobs forward and a jolt of energy goes through his body. His posture is suddenly ram-rod straight. He rubs his tired eyes. "I think I need to sleep. I'm fucking hammered. Mel's gonna be so pissed."

Looking at the clock, I see that it's almost two a.m. No wonder Kaleb's exhausted.

I rest a hand on his arm. "Melody will not be pissed. She'll be happy you had fun." Jayden and I exchange a glance. He's already collecting his belongings. "Jayden'll take you to your hotel room. I'll let Melody know you've gone to bed."

Kaleb's head knocks against my shoulder. "Thanks, Ella."

Jayden's chair screeches against the hardwood as he slides back. Pulling on his suit jacket, he steps around my chair and helps Kaleb to his feet. "Come on, man. Let's get you to bed."

They stumble away from the party, Kaleb relying heavily on Jayden's strength. I watch until they've rounded the corner to the elevators. My chin rests on my fist while I try to comprehend what just happened. Or why there's a small seed of jealousy and longing in the depths of my stomach.

I'll admit that I miss the relationship I had with Kaleb. We were good together, and he's the most respectful man, aside from Jayden, that I've ever met. Grabbing the bottle of champagne, I take one more long gulp, hoping that Jayden's right. That one day, I'll meet someone like Kaleb. Someone that will chase away all the negativity that I've experienced with my past relationships.

With one last glance down the empty hallway, I push to my feet to tell Melody where Kaleb is.