December 25th, 2021

For the first time in a while, Jimmy felt properly rested. He had slept in his old bedroom at his mom's house. Waking up at around 11 am, he moved from the bed to his wheelchair and moved out to the kitchen, the smell of cinnamon rolls making him slightly more awake. The whole house, for the most part, was quiet. He was half-expecting a few others to be awake by now but he didn't mind.

"Mornin' mom."

"Morning, you hungry?"

"Ya, are those cinnamon rolls ready?"

"They sure are!" Grabbing the plate pushed in front of him, he didn't hesitate to dig in, a sweet flavor exploding in his mouth. How long has it been since he'd gotten to eat something this good?

"Hey where the others?"

"Well Chris went to go pick up his wife from the airport with Tucker, Alex left to go buy something, and the other two are still here sleeping."

"Gotchu." Jimmy's eyes were drawn to the decorations adorning the house. Red and green tinsel lining the walls and a pine tree in the corner, towering over the living room and sheltering presents wrapped in golds and silvers and blues. "Um when's Christmas?"

"Today actually."

"...Oh..."

"Christmas miracles do exist huh?"

"I suppose they do..." An empty laugh rang in his throat and his mom fell quiet, searching for words, and then speaking up again.

"I don't think you understand, there is nothing none of us wanted more than for you to return. We weren't going to just forget you like you seem so inclined to believe."

"I didn't think you'd forget me, just thought maybe you'd give up the search..." Before his mom could reply, the front door opened revealing Chris, Katie, and Tucker.

"Unc Jim!" Chuckling at the attempt, he moved his cinnamon rolls aside and went to greet them. After reuniting with Katie, he moved out to the living room. "Chrimas?" Tucker asked, clinging onto his dad's leg.

"Yes once Uncle Alex gets back."

"He calls him Uncle Alex oh this is too wholesome!"

"I know right? Tucker is too precious for this world."

"And then he's gonna be 13 and pretending to drink bleach on the internet for views. Not so precious then."

"I guess we'll see!" The door opened again, this time Alex coming in, some bag in hand. "Hey, how'd it go?" Chris asked.

"Pretty good!"

"What's in the bag?" Jimmy chimed in.

"Don't worry about it."

"Ok...?" It was placed under the tree and Chris left to go wake up the other two. Alex took a seat next to him, letting his legs prop atop the couch. Looking over to the man, he couldn't help but feel so close yet so far from him. The wheelchair supposedly for his safety just made Jimmy feel more caged, more cold. Looking over to the hand hanging off of the couch, he used his good arm to grasp onto it, comfort coming to his chilly bones.

"Hm?" The other looked up curiously.

"Uh sorry I can let go-"

"No, I don't mind."

"...Is it weird that I'm wanting human contact this much? It's almost as if I'm... I'm..." Jimmy couldn't find the words but Alex filled in.

"Touch starved?"

"Ya, something like that." The two stayed quiet, Alex returning to whatever he was doing on his phone. Minutes pass. Feet slowly made their way down the steps. Chandler might as well been sleepwalking, his bedhead was quite messy and his eyes were drooped to avoid the glaring mid-morning sun, meanwhile, CJ looked slightly more put together, glasses on and hair pushed back but not fully brushed either.

"Chrimas?" Tucker asked again, his baby talk still encompassing his speech.

"Mhm, Christmas time." Chris sat down before reaching after one of the presents, assumingly for Tucker. Alex sat up, now mildly entertained by the child's poor attempts to bat the gift open. By his side came Chandler who was weakly holding a mug swirling with coffee, small bursts of steam shooting into the atmosphere. A few minutes passed before he felt a light jab to his side, grabbing his attention.

"I think there is something under that tree for you," Alex told him with a smirk.

"Oh?" The beanie-wearing man stood up, bringing him a small white gift bag embellished in glittery silver snowflakes, the kind that left residue on your hands after just brushing past it. Using his good arm to pull out pale blue tissue paper, Jimmy wondered how and when they even got a gift for him. They never knew he was going to be coming until earlier that week and he certainly never asked for anything. Feeling a box slip between his fingers, he grasped on and pulled it out. "An iPhone 13? Jesus isn't those things like almost 2k?"

"Ya, but your other phone was basically 6 feet under anyway. Besides, it's got a built-in thermometer so we can take action if you get hypothermia again!"

"Wait he had hypothermia?" Chris asked, getting a chuckle out of Alex.

"Long story."

"Th-thank you so much!"

"Hey don't be thanking me too much, it was Chris's money after all." Jimmy just decided to pull Alex in for a hug using his good arm and motioning for Chris to join with his broken arm.

"You two are too nice for your own good..."

"Heh, kind of ironic coming from you bud."

***

Jimmy was quite excited for dinner at first, finally a homecooked meal after so long was going to be amazing! But then he proceeded to be sick because his stomach had grown accustomed to very small amounts of food with little actual sustenance over the past 6 months. So he had to stick with the mashed potatoes, the salad, and a little bit of the turkey. Still, the food beat anything he had eaten over the last half a year and he was promised a proper Thanksgiving-style meal whenever he could handle it.

Once dinner was done, everyone split up to go do their own thing. His mom left to go play solitaire and watch Good Times reruns elsewhere, Chris and Katie took Tucker with them since it was his bedtime, and CJ along with Chandler went to go play some newly released video game he never had heard of. This left Alex and Jimmy out in the living room, wondering what they should do.

"Want me to start the fire? It's only gonna get chiller with that snowstorm coming."

"If you wanna..." Adding a bit of kindling, it wasn't too long before orangy flames flew up against the brick walling. Placing a guard around it, Alex returned to the couch, laptop in arms.

"I'll probably just edit a bit. When this whole thing settles over, I'll need some content ready. You, I think should check your DMs. I saw a tweet about Keem wanting an interview with you." Pulling out his phone, Jimmy logged into Twitter and went searching for Killer Keemstar.

"Yep he sure is, what should I tell him?"

"Probably no, for now, I mean really it's up to you but in my opinion, you should wait a bit."

"No no that makes sense, probably not even legally allowed to start shooting out details to just anyone quite yet."

"True..." He gave a response to the somehow still not dead YouTuber. Something along the lines of "No not right now, promise I'll give you the scoop later, tell the fans I'm doing better." After this Jimmy scrolled through his DMs. Lots of confused fans ended up there, asking if he truly killed someone. Other YouTuber's asked if he was doing ok and if he went deep enough, a few vent DMs could be found from Chandler which he decided he'd read later when he was emotionally ready for whatever he said. Going down further, Jimmy even found Leafy's concern for him. It was quite surreal to see these messages, some dating back to 5 or so months ago wondering where he was or what happened.

The howling winds outside grew louder as the blizzard drew near. Gusts beating against the window reminded him of storms when he was out on the streets and instinctively, he curled up closer to Alex who gave him a soft laugh.

"I'm not going anywhere don't worry."

"Sorry, I just-"

"Hey, you don't need to keep apologizing. Just relax a bit. Sony Vegas is starting to act up, might as well take a break before something goes wrong." Saving his progress, Alex put the laptop aside and Jimmy moved his head to his lap. "Heh, am I comfy?"

"Mhm..." The two fell quiet for a moment with nothing but the barking gale and the crackling fire to fill the air. His eyes shut and a few minutes later, a question came to Jimmy's head. "Alex?"

"Ya?"

"Do you know what the plan is now?"

"Well, I think they wanna set up your house again since some of your valuables got moved to storage. Chandler I'm pretty sure will move in with you again but Chris has his own house now."

"What about you?"

"I've gotta go back to Mexico. Me still being here is legally stretching it. I'm planning to leave a bit after new years."

"I've never been there before, what's Mexico like?"

"The parts most people go visit are really pretty and peaceful. Nice beaches, good food, and respectful locals."

"What do you mean where most people visit?"

"...I mean there's also where I live."

"And that is?"

"Zona Norte, a decent-sized neighborhood in Tijuana. It's a red light district to and considering it's so close to the Mexico-US border, it's just an accident waiting to happen. All kinds of crimes related to drug sales, prostitution, and theft are common there. But if you avoid going out at night your pretty safe. That's why my streams are always so late."

"If it's that dangerous why are you still living there?"

"I can't really afford to move out. I mean ad-revenue is a bitch on my end and due to the type of content I make, I don't get sponsors all that often. Besides as long as I'm careful it's not all that bad there."

"Do you wanna move to America at some point?"

"Ya, becoming a legal U.S citizen is on my to-do list. I'd be able to make all kinds of other content so much easier just by living in America." A yawn filled the room before Jimmy spoke up once more.

"What if ya just moved to Greenville?" Alex chuckled, what a childish thought that was.

"Oh, you're funny. Didn't I just tell you I can't afford it?" Jimmy opened one eye and met Alex's gaze, a semi-serious look on his face.

"Well I mean look at who you're talking to."

"Jimmy you can't actually get me to move to America. Do you realize how complicated that would be?"

"I'm MrBeast Alex. Nothing is too complicated for me and my team."

"Your not really MrBeast right now. Currently, you are Jimmy Donaldson, a man who just barely escaped death and should be focusing on himself right now. Mexico is not that bad. I'm planning to move out of Tijuana soon anyway."

"Right but I don't want ya to go. Your nice!"

"Oh uh thank you... But really can't just do that. Getting just a green card is difficult enough as is."

"Me and the boys can set you up with what you need!"

"Ok so in the theoretical scenario in which I get my green card, abandon everything I've known in Tijuana for Greenville North Carolina, where would I live?"

"We can get you a flat anywhere in the town or you can stay with me and Chan."

"And what based card would I be getting?"

"Employment maybe? You can work under the MrBeast company. All you'd need to do is pop-up in videos here and there so it'd count. Being there would only boost your ratings to." Alex couldn't lie, what he was selling was appealing, though unrealistic. "The doctor told me to try to get back into a consistent routine. Helping people was my constant for so long! Please, at least let us try."

"...Tomorrow we'll figure it out ok?"

"It's not a no!"

"...It's not a no."

***

The days that passed were rough. Jimmy was deadset on getting the paperwork needed for Alex to get his green card. While Garret and Chris led a small team of Desire Drive workers on closing down the MrBeast orientated funds, re-opening bank accounts and generally making Jimmy prepped for society again, at least in some aspects. A smaller team out of those Desire Drive employees moved some items put back in storage to his house. It was quite surreal for Jimmy to meet his financial advisor Ryla. All of his employees always were personally taken care of by him. Not a single person worked for him without meeting with him typically several times but her... She had dedicated her entire (but short) professional career to a company linked to him and yet never had met him until now.

Jimmy couldn't do much for the next few weeks, being bound to his wheelchair and all. Not wanting to fully invest himself into the internet so quickly, he took on poetry and doodling to keep himself entertained when Alex and the boys were out of the house. He wasn't the best at it; his drawings definitely not on par to that of the cartoons and anime he watched and the poetry never quite rhyming but it took his mind off of the chaos his life had become. The creative work he did stayed personal for the most part, he was not the most confident in his ability, after all. But he did post some of his work to a small anonymous Instagram called "mister divine" where he took on an aesthetic artsy persona.

When they were home, however, they caught him up on movies and tv-shows he missed in his absence. In a world where even a few thousand people gone in an instant meant nothing to the general machine of society, the media certainly didn't slow down due to his disappearance. The day he got his arm cast off, they made smores around the outdoor fire pit and told stories. Alex ended up becoming the center of attention for the insane anecdotes of his youth. The shanagins he and his friends got into were outlandish but somehow mildly believable. From eating weed he was told was dried kelp to staying in a strip club for nearly an hour on complete accident when he was just 8 years old, his stories were nothing short of exciting.

Everything was going pretty easy until just three days after new years. Jimmy met up with a public relations worker named Darren Rickson who was requested for his case. Chris told him they wanted to send out a short statement on the Disneyland Fiasco to calm the ramped theorizing and panic.

"So let me clear this up." Jimmy began that afternoon. "I don't need to reveal like what happened to me when I was kidnapped and stuff."

"No, for now just explain what happened in Disney that day and why Dawood was there."

"What about B-"

"Just Dawood. He was the only one significant there right?"

"Ya... Where should I post the statement? YouTube, Twitter, Instagram..."

"Leave a link to one of those longer tweet sites on Twitter. Perfect size for clearing things up." Opening up one of those sites, Jimmy began writing. The first thing to inform people about would be exactly who he killed.

I just wanted to clear things up about the Disneyland Fiasco, there is a lot of misinformation and I want everything to be clear and concise. The man who was stabbed is one Dawood Ibrahim Kaskar; head of D-Company, the primary Indian crime syndicate (mafia group), and is an Indian terrorist. He has a bounty on his head of over $25 million and is believed to have had a role in the Bombay bombings. So why was he in Disney? He wanted me dead. About a year ago on December 19th, 2020, I was kidnapped by him. Dawood and another one of his associates wanted my wealth. After about two weeks, I gave into him taking 90% of each of my videos ad revenue and I was returned home, threatened to keep my mouth shut. Somehow, I played off the whole thing as me taking an electronic free, unprecedented road trip because "YouTube was stressing me out." No one knew about any of this until after the Disneyland fight. Jimmy took a breather, re-reading what he had written so far.

"Want me to look it over?" Darren asked.

"Nah I've got more ideas of what direction this should take. Gimmie a minute." His fingers continued their tango across the keys.

You might've also seen another big YouTuber, QuackityHQ, along with me. He saved my life from some of Dawood's associates a few days earlier and was planning on just finishing his Vid-Con obligations before taking me back to Greenville. But then, of course, they attacked leaving us to fight back. I don't believe anyone was caught in the crossfire (except for myself). But if anyone was hurt because of my actions I deeply apologize. I should've looked after the safety of the park guests more. Darren had noticed Jimmy had visibly tensed. About to stop him, his typing only became faster and more ferocious. I should've just run away like I originally intended. I shouldn't have killed him, I shouldn't have-

"Jimmy." His eyes darted up swiftly, a light smile seeming to trail behind a bit. "How about I give it a few edits real quick?"

"Oh ya right sorry!" Handing Darren the laptop, Jimmy heard "incoherent" and "redundant" under the other's breath.

"Here, you approve of this being sent out?" The version he read over seemed a lot more refined, still keeping with the core ideas but being treated less like an apology and more like a formal statement. Guess if that's what he wants...

"This is perfect! I'll tweet it out now." The TwitLong link was attached to a regular tweet and sent out, quickly gaining responses, most at first just being bots asking for money. Some things never change...

***

"We submitted all the forms! ...Yes, we did an I-864... Form I-551? ...No for the last time we are NOT applying for citizenship. We are trying to GET the Green Card!" Jimmy's first day back at his old house was going about how he excepted it to. Bad. With Chris on the phone with one of the USCIS employees who apparently barely spoke English, he was on hold for several hours and the back and forth wasn't getting anyone anywhere. "Yes, we filled out an I-185... WHAT THE HELL IS A SUPPLEMENT J! ...Ya, I'll get his boss to fill it out I'll bring it with me Monday... Ok, thank you..." Hanging up, Chris collapsed into the couch next to Jimmy.

"I heard you on the phone, what form is it?"

"I-185, Supplement J. CHANDLER!" It took him a few moments but a sleepy-looking Chandler emerged from his room.

"I'm about to start a League match what do ya want?"

"You gotta print out this form!"

"Ok but the office has a printer just use that."

"The office is a five-minute drive from here!"

"It wouldn't kill you to go there."

"Chris I have an old printer in my room want me to just plug that in?"

"Yes thank you, Jimmy. Need any help up the stairs?"

"I keep telling you the stairs have railings for a reason."

"Whatever whatever..." It still took a bit out of him going up but he reached the top fairly quickly. Meeting him in his room was Alex, checking something on his phone. Since the room, he was going to move into had no furniture (Chris's old room), he was sharing his room for now. Jimmy didn't mind though, his presence being helpful to anchor himself if a midnight panic attack clawed at his mind.

"What ya up to?" Alex asked as he began digging through a pile of assorted things for the printer.

"Gotta print out ANOTHER form! Something J, I dunno. I mean we just want you to be a citizen of another country it shouldn't be this complicated!" The other chuckled at Jimmy's response.

"Look we don't have to keep going through with this-"

"Oh hush we're already too deep, might as well see it out to the end."

"That's what she said."

"Goddamnit Alex." After finding the correct form he needed, he printed it out and began filling in certain parts to it.

"After this form is filled out, how long you think till I'm approved?"

"Well you know that I know people, they'll be able to help make sure the process is quicker."

"Alright good! Wait I got stuff back at my house when should I be able to pick that up?"

"While your forms finish being approved I can have movers come help you."

"Really? Thank you, you've helped way more than you needed to with all of this."

"No you deserve it... You've helped me so much more than I think you can realize. Alex you didn't just save my life in that alleyway or in Disney, you set me free from this cage in my mind. For a whole fucking year I've just been paranoid and scared and distrustful but now..." Tears welled up in Jimmy's eyes, now meeting the other mans gaze. "I don't have to be."

***

The door unlocked. God how long has it been since he's been here? The warehouse was like his second home, he missed it. The employees that chose to stay followed behind him. Desire Drive themed stuff was still on the wall but he had plans for the organization to continue as a charity for missing children. Passing all the offices, waves of nostalgia went over him. Jimmy couldn't wait to show Alex all of this. He was currently back up in Mexico getting all of his belongings so he had about a week to get this place in perfect shape. Returning to the main room where most videos were recorded, ideas rushed into his head. He's been wanting to do something with Segways, that'd be fun! Bringing his attention back to the employees that were filing in, he cleared his throat.

"Alright everyone gather around! It's the first day back but we got lots to start working on. Me being gone definitely set back work on some projects so now we gotta catch up. We've lost some people in the process of setting everything back up so, for now, some of you are gonna have to help out on different things. Karl, take about half of the editors to the break room and start planning out realistic video ideas. Our budget is going to be abnormally low for a bit until we restabilize as a channel. So think of stuff that doesn't take too many big flashy items."

"Got it!" Karl went with a group of people to a far corner to divide up and Jimmy sorted through all the things that needed to be done, continuing to give the employees tasks.

"Bailey, take about 3 or 4 cameramen and 15k. Go buy anything you think the office needs. I'm sure lots of the equipment has collected dust and might be wearing down."

"I thought you said our budget was low!"

"I mean like we can't spend 5 mil on one video right now. Can't afford to be scrapping videos right now either. What we make should be coming out perfectly the first time. Seamus! I know you're good with stuff involving the algorithm so keep collecting data. We need whatever the new content coming out to appease it so we can maintain relevancy while we regain lost growth time. Also when you can send out a message to the 100 man Discord saying we'll start making new challenges in the next coming months.

"Jimmy with all due respect I don't think we should be rushing to pump out new content so soon, right now you at least should be at home spending more time with the people you've gotten separated from."

"That's sort of what I'm doing. YouTube is what I consider my normal and my staff are the people I love being around. And of course, getting my fans high-quality content is of utmost importance to me. I don't want to ever go that long without making videos ever again, the wild world of YouTube is what keeps me grounded, ya know?" A loud sigh echoed in the warehouse.

"You are a goddamn workaholic Jimmy... but I can respect it." With Seamus and his team gone, he finished up group-making.

"The teams that were working on Team Seas and the Beast Brand Homeless Shelters need to reconvene. I'll meet with both of you guys sometime this afternoon. The finance workers... uh already told you your tasks over email... and anyone else who still doesn't have anything. Go meet in the Editors room and start sifting through all the responses to our interest questionnaire. Chandler I sent you the access link so make sure the group has that. Pick out a few things that seem realistic and desired amongst the community. I need to call Devon and make sure he's still coming up this weekend for the meeting. Oh and Chris!"

"Mhm?"

"Confirm with the movers that they'll be at Alex's place by the 26th. If not call Devon he'll get actually competent movers there. And one more reminder that we have a whole group meeting tomorrow afternoon." He got a mixed reply of yes's and the like before everyone split off to go to different rooms. Humming a little tune he couldn't quite remember the name of, Jimmy took in everything around him, enjoying the familiar comfort the office brought. His little corner of the warehouse was left untouched during the Desire Drive rebranding so all he to do was set down his laptop and everything would be perfect again. Leaning back in his PewDiePie chair, he was prepared to make his phone call, something caught Jimmy's eye. A note. "Ugh is Chris gonna do that bit again with hiding 420 notes in the office that say 69?" Unraveling it, what he saw wasn't the numbers 69, or any sort of joke from any of his employees. Not anyone asking him anything or welcoming him back or wanting to set up a meeting. No, what he saw made his blood run cold, his skin pale, and his heart skip a beat.

I think someone else wants you dead.

~Everlasting hate, Bhushan Kumar

~~~

To be continued in book 2...

Sneak Preview of TDoB Book 2 - A Million Dim Stars

Jimmy's fingers hovered over the 'tweet' button, he's had this planned out since last night but he just couldn't bring himself to. Sure they've already begun working with sponsors on the event but if his past were to come back to haunt him, possibly putting innocent people in danger was this even a smart idea? Everyone told him he might as well just do it, but Jimmy knew this was his final chance to turn around, cut off every deal, put the money into something different... Before he let himself take in another breath, he forced himself to send it, sealing his fate with the competition. Within seconds, the post was already gaining traction, there was no chance to turn away now.

Minecraft in Real Life was officially gonna be a thing.

(Announcements on book 2 and an audiobook coming in the next day or so. Thank you for taking this wild journey with me and I'll see you in the final notes.)

~ Fear Itself

(Original Publication Date: July 29th, 2020)