[A/N: Song for the chapter:
- Paramore // Last Hope
- Gabrielle Aplin // Start Again]

The next cooking lesson we had started off far better than I had expected. For once, Tyler didn't ignore me or sit around doing nothing, which was good, at least for a while.

We met up at the nearest grocery store to Riverdale High and we - by we, I mean Tyler trailed behind me with his hands in his pockets the whole time - searched every aisle for extra ingredients we could add to the recipe. I decided that it would be better to start off with the most simplistic recipes, build everything up from there and then somehow implement our own twist by adding bizarre flavours to see if we could spice the recipe up.

At the checkout, Tyler hovered over me like an uncomfortable presence. The tip of his sneakers rubbed against the heels of my battered chucks and I felt the sudden urge to remind him to stay out of my personal bubble. All I had to do was take a step back and I was sure to crash into his chest. I could even feel the heat riveting off his body, crackling my insides like humming, buzzing electricity, making remarkably hard not to indulge in the lavishing scent of his aftershave.

When I added bananas to the shopping bags it was as if his dull mood was suddenly lifted.

"Are we making a banana cake?"

There was a soft, almost longing edge to his voice that made me chuckle quietly to myself. I tucked a loose curl behind my ear and spared him a glance.

"Yes, I figured it would be nice to make your favourite."

It sounded odd voicing my plan and I felt even more uncomfortable at the soft look in Tyler's eyes. It wasn't exactly a smile, but it was something.

"You still remember that?" His voice was merely a whisper and that's when I realised I wasn't even supposed to hear his mumble.

His eyes met mine with surprise when I smiled.

"How could I forget? We used to eat it everyday after school in fifth grade."

Smiling at the memory, I handed Tyler the shopping bags and paid for the items quickly before we retreated back to his car.

"Your responsibility is to take the ingredients to school. Think you can manage that?" I asked him.

With an eye roll, he slipped into his car whilst I unlocked my bike and wheeled it until I was standing by his door. He rolled the window down and stared at my bike with a thoughtful expression before looking up at me. I raised my eyebrows with a questioning look as he opened and closed his mouth several times. I wanted to laugh at how much he reminded me of a goldfish but somehow held it together, suppressing the bubble until my throat felt tight.

"Yes?" I prompted him, waving a hand in front of his face before running it through my windswept curls.

Instead of replying he shook his head and began to peel out of the parking lot without so much as a second glance. Weird, I thought to myself as I pushed myself off and cycled after his fast retreating car.

**

Ms Smith's eyebrows shot up high enough to merge with her greying hairline when Tyler and I sauntered into the classroom with our own batch of ingredients: ginger, buttermilk, bananas, cinnamon and brown sugar.

Of course I made Tyler hold all the bags as a form of punishment for yesterday and he didn't protest at all. I guess he was still feeling guilty. In a lazy amble, he headed straight for our work station at the far back of the room. I quickly scanned the classroom and almost giggled at the amount of people who gawked at him as he unloaded our ingredients.

Meeting Blake's puzzled stare, I shrugged my shoulders and made my way over to Tyler, ignoring the intensity of Michelle's glare as I passed her table. Her partner, Dylan Crossway, was oblivious to his partner's lack of attention as her eyes grazed Tyler before they snapped back to mine with irritation.

"Got a problem?" I voiced, flashing her a fake smile before stopping in front of Tyler.

"Slut," She coughed into her hands making the surrounding pairs glance up at the small commotion.

Dylan's dark eyes locked with mine before they slowly raked over my body. My skin began to crawl and Michelle perked up at my noticeably obvious flinch. Her glossed lips curled back as she hissed at her partner. I left the two of them to bicker as I trudged towards the back of the classroom where Tyler was still unpacking the ingredients we had bought.

Standing beside him, I made sure to put some distance between us before clearing my throat. With his usual scowl, Tyler's eyes flickered up to meet mine. They were dark, secluded and made me want to look around the room, terrified to hold his gaze but I held them, drinking in their oceanic glory until I felt incredibly lightheaded.

"What do you want me to do?"

His scowl dropped and it took everything in me not to gawk at him. When Tyler's lips weren't being pulled downwards, he looked exactly like the guy I grew up with. Thoughtful, perceptive and incredibly handsome. It was like the famous clown trick, when they drag a hand over their face and suddenly change their facial expression. My eyes scanned the counter in front of us and I began to busy myself by hauling out bowls, a chopping board and a knife from the nearest cupboards.

"Ashley?"

His voice was deep and laced with exasperation making me realise that I hadn't answered his question. I jolted out of my bubble, blinking repeatedly before my eyes flickered around and found his. I sputtered, clamping a hand over my mouth as I tried to process the absence of his scowl. My thoughts were too scrambled for me to even answer his question so I just carried on blinking.

When Tyler's eyebrow rose up and disappeared behind his hair, I stopped sputtering.

"What did you say? Sorry, I wasn't listening," I mumbled pathetically, raising a hand to my flaming cheek when his lips twitched a fraction.

"Sure you weren't," Tyler drawled, rolling his eyes at me and it took everything in me not flash him a giddy grin. "I asked, do you want me to do anything in particular?" He paused, wrinkling his nose before scratching the tip. "Except the washing up obviously."

My cheeks were burning like a scalding fever as I cleared my throat.

"Oh yes, umm, you're going to start off the cake and then I'll take over."

When he flashed me a sour, deadpan expression, I elaborated the role for him until he was fairly confident with what he had to do. With a curt nod, he began cracking the eggs after adding the flour and sugar, taking great care when measuring out the precise amount. Whilst he got to work, I darted around him and switched on the oven so that it could start preheating.

I sat back and admired the immense concentration on his face, the light crinkle that dusted his brow and the tip of his tongue as it peeked out of the side of his wide mouth. He seemed to be doing pretty well, even if it was the easiest job where nothing could go wrong - or so I thought.

When it came to tasting the cake mix, a sharp pang made my tongue reel back in disgust. I felt nauseous when my taste buds screeched at the salty cake mix.

"Tyler!"

His head perked up, confusion lacing his voice. "What did I do wrong?"

"I thought I told you put the sugar in!" My eyes narrowed at him as I tasted the foul mixture again.

The second taste wasn't any better than the first; in fact it was far worse.

"I did!" He snapped, his eyes blazing with irritation.

I held out a spoonful of the gooey, creamy substance and forced Tyler to take it. Cautiously, he darted his tongue out to taste the salty mix and groaned. His face fell as he looked at me again.

"Does that taste like sugar to you?" I placed my hands on my hips.

His nose wrinkled with distaste as I snatched the bowl out of his hands and dumped the entire cake mix in the trashcan.

"Can't you do at least one thing right?" I muttered hotly under my breath, meeting Tyler's gaze before realising he had heard me.

The sea-green tides of his eyes drew back as he masked his hurt and scowled deeply. The resentful glint in his eyes was back as they burned a hole through my guilt-sticken face.

"If you desperately want another partner then I could just drop out of this class!" He snapped, raking a hand through his hair and I felt the urge to sigh at the trait I had missed seeing this past year.

"No! Please don't!" I spluttered, before regaining my composure. "I mean, don't drop out of this class."

His blazing eyes burned a hole through my face and I cowered away, staggering backwards and averting my gaze when he aggressively wrenched his apron from his neck.

"Whatever, I'm done trying to please you!"

The shrill bell drowned out my voice as I continued to apologise but by then Tyler had spun sharply and was already storming out of the classroom. I stood frozen as his words hit me. Was he doing this just to please me?

An overwhelming feeling of self-reproach swam through my body making me feel sick. Why had I just bitten his head off for adding salt to the mix instead of sugar? It was a minor error and it's not his fault he's a guy with zero skills as cooking.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled sharply whilst I glowered at the dirty tools that still needed washing.

**

I was beyond exhausted when I got home that night, feeling absolutely remorseful for having snapped at Tyler when all he was doing was trying. Wasn't that what I wanted all this time? At dinner Mom noticed the downfall of my mood and tiptoed carefully around my emotions, chattering endlessly about her day before she got fed up on my lack of response and cut straight to the chase.

"How was school today darling?"

"Crap," I remarked truthfully, pulling my lips into a grim line.

"Is Tyler giving you a hard time?" Mom peered at me behind her thick lashes.

I dragged my eyes away from my plate and met her curious gaze.

"It's the other way round Mom," I sighed heavily as I told her about the day's events.

This time she didn't snap at me or yell at me, she simply listened and frowned towards the end.

"I'm trying to be nice to him, really I am. But he makes it really hard for me because he has the attitude of an uptight old man. I'm not saying he was at fault today, I'll take all the blame. It's just..." I trailed off and groaned. "I messed up Mom, like really messed up. I've pissed him off after all the progress he was making."

I traced my fork around my empty plate before loosening my grip and letting it clatter. Mom eyed me carefully before replying.

"Sweetheart, isn't it the effort that counts?"

I scraped my chair back and picked up my discarded dinner.

"I guess so," I replied, placing my plate into the sink before leaving her to wash the dishes.

To be honest, I wasn't even sure why I got mad at him in the first place. Maybe it was all the built up fury that I had suppressed over the years. He broke my heart, ignored me, trampled over my confidence and then acted like I was worth less than a penny. Then Tyler did the unexplainable - he acted like I didn't exist and that hurt.

It hurt a lot. It hurt the most.

**

The next day I suffered the painful aftermath when Tyler failed to turn up to class.

Isolated, I decided against baking and sat at my desk making a brainstorm about the origins of cakes. I kept eyeing the door but of course he wasn't going to magically appear. This was Tyler we're talking about. The only reason why he came to high school was probably because his parents would cut his trust fund and kick him out if he didn't get a decent education.

Halfway through the lesson, I dozed off only to be jerked awake by a very familiar, screechy excuse for a voice.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Trouble finding yourself new brain cells?" I snapped, meeting her impertinent glower. "Take your brain dead ass elsewhere Michelle."

Her dark brown hair was scraped up into a tight donut bun, stretching her face to look doll-like and surreal. Foundation covered her every flaw and made her dewy skin reflect the light whilst her glossed lips blinded me. Immensely heavy gold earrings dragged her ears down, making them flap about every time she shook her head at me with disgust.

She leaned towards me, forcing me to meet her beady dark eyes. I noticed how close together her eyes were which she tried to hide by dusting the inner corner of her lids with white eyeshadow. I guess she has physical flaws after all.

"You think you're so much better than everyone else because Tyler is your partner, don't you?"

A sardonic bark left my lips as I stared at her in utter amusement.

"Is that why you keep staring at us all the time?" I smiled at her through gritted teeth. "Damn, and here I was thinking that you were only interested in Tyler's junk. It's a shame I don't swing both ways though."

Dark eyes flashed with fury as her full lips twisted into a snarl.

"Even if I liked girls, you would be at the very bottom of my list. I mean, do you ever look in the mirror before you come to school looking like a handicapped hobo?" She cackled, leaning closer and narrowing her eyes. "I seriously don't understand your childish attitude Ashley. I mean, a little jealousy is healthy but you need to calm your tits. Tyler picked me over you in ninth grade. Get the hell over yourself and swallow your jealousy. It doesn't look pretty on you, not that anything ever does."

My mouth dried at the memory. Did she really have to bring that up all the time? I'd already removed all emotional attachments to Tyler in that way, but a lingering taste of the pain always popped up whenever someone mentioned that he picked her instead.

"And sleeping with Tyler is an achievement because..." I trailed off, posing it as a question. "I really don't get it. All you did was spread your legs which, frankly, only requires your motor skills, not your brain cells - I mean, that is of course, if you have any."

Her cheeks became flushed as she leaned even closer. So close in fact that I could distinguish her bottomless pupils and the strip of dark brown that surrounded it. I had to admit her perfume was pleasant but a bit too intoxicating so I made a dramatic show to cough violently and wave the air around me as if she smelt like shit.

"See what I mean about childish? It just goes to show that girls like you shouldn't even bother thinking that you're capable of getting guys like Tyler. They're actually interested in brains as well as looks."

Girls like me? What exactly was that supposed to mean? I have a GPA 3.7 and she was barely scraping a 2.0. I sat up straighter and clenched my fists to bite back a flinch. I couldn't let her see that she was getting to me.

"Did you hear a word I said earlier? You have no brain cells so I'm not really getting your point here," I hissed, grinding my teeth together and trying to mask the fact that she was getting to me.

Why was she making my gut twist and turn like I was plummeting from a skyscraper with no hope of surviving?

"You can throw whatever mindless insults you have at me but the bottomline fact is that I know you still like him. Maybe you're too dumb to realise it yourself, but just remember that he never liked you in ninth grade and he never will now. The longer you take to realise that, the more entertaining it'll be to watch you repeat the same mistake you made in ninth grade, bitch."

She stood up to her full height and stalked away leaving me agitated and in desperate need for fresh air. I was going to wrench her limbs and feed it to Buckbeak if she so much as looked my way ever again.

Bitch.

**

I spent the remainder of the morning in crestfallen haze, constantly replaying the memory of that morning in ninth grade when I blushed at every reference to Tyler, only to realise later on that he had stolen my first kiss shortly before giving up far more to Michelle.

Why was I torturing myself with these toxic thoughts? It was like I was peeling back a plaster from a festering wound, allowing the cuts to bleed again, marvelling at just how much Tyler broke me when I was fifteen.

I was simply prolonging my healing time by picking at these memories like scabs.

Still, I continued to replay the day I found out that Tyler and Michelle had hooked up. Upon hearing it the first time round, the puncture in my chest was so immense that it formed a gaping wound, like a cannonball had shot through my rib cage, leaving me with an unsealable hole. I honestly felt as lost as I did when my father died.

I gave him my heart, knowing that I was more fragile than other girls my age, knowing that I was still piecing myself back together as a result of my father's absence, knowing that he could crush me with the blink of an eye.

And he did. Tyler blinked and forced me to wake up from the facade he set up for me. He set me up for a fall and I tripped. I buckled so hard that my entire organs seemed to spurt out of my eyes in a torrent of tears that very day.

I told myself that night when I cried myself to sleep that I was letting it get to me more than it should have, but I just couldn't help but feel insignificant compared to Michelle. I had given Tyler all that I had to give up yet she gave up far more, which was more than I was willing to give up.

She was his first.

At fifteen, I had this hope that maybe I'd be his first when I was ready and confident. I knew that he wasn't as reckless as his friends. I knew he was a virgin and I knew he was saving himself.

Or at least, I thought he was.

I don't know, was I stupid to think he was saving himself for me? That maybe, just maybe, he would wait for me. Damn, everybody is understandably stupid or pathetic in ninth grade but I was just pathetically stupid. I was a combination of both.

After that night, I tucked myself up into a sturdy yet impregnable barrier that saved me from any further heartbreaks because if nobody could get in, then nobody could hurt me. I guess the barrier did have its downside since it meant I couldn't get around it to like anybody enough to fall for them but I would rather be safe than sorry - always.

During my last lesson today, I bagged a seat next Blake, grateful that Michelle wasn't interested in AP Physics - not that she had the grades to enrol for this class, but I had seen enough of her face to last me a lifetime.

"You seem distant," Blake nudged me in the latter half of the lesson during Mr Davis' animated lecture about simple harmonic motion. He spent the first half shooting me uncertain glances, leaning forward in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest.

I tore my eyes away from the whiteboard and was about to give him a reassuring smile and shrug it off, but the intensity of his gaze made me think otherwise.

"Home Economics is stressing me out," I started, biting down on my bottom lip.

"It's an elective Ash, you'll get by."

I blinked slowly and drew out a long breath.

"But the problem is that Ms Smith refuses to accept any of my work unless Tyler steps up. And it was okay because I got around to him but then I ruined everything yesterday."

Blake's eyes narrowed a fraction at my grimace so I fixed my gaze onto my hands and started to pick at my cuticles, occasionally biting the fraying skin around my thumb as I waited for him the break the silence.

"What happened?" He frowned when I pursed my lips as guilt coloured my face. "Ash, what did you do?"

"I-I..." I trailed off and gnawed on the inside of my cheek.

"Ash?"

With reluctance, I told him everything that had happened with Tyler over the past few days, even our little trip to the store. I could have sworn Blake's eyes danced with amusement when I told him that I remembered how much Tyler liked banana cake.

"Damn right he does, he used wolf it down in seconds!" He chuckled, green eyes glazing over.

When I got round to yesterday's lesson, his gaze softened.

"Oh Ash," He breathed and I shook my head and sighed.

"I know, I know, I know. I don't know what came over me. I feel so bad but he'll never forgive me now."

I stole a glance at him and saw that he was searching my eyes before his lips curved into a small frown. I bit my bottom lip with uncertainty as his thin black brows scrunched together. He caught on pretty fast.

"There's more, isn't there?"

I nodded slowly before telling him about all the stink glares Michelle had been giving me the past week. Then I told him what she said and his eyes darkened.

"God she's such a--"

I had to bite back a laugh as a ring of curses flew from his mouth.

"Agreed. But what I can't figure out is why? It's not like I like Tyler, not anymore."

Brushing his hair from his eyes, he leaned back in his chair and stretched his forearms. His back muscles rippled under his white shirt just as he began to click his backbone. I cringed when he started cracking his knuckles and smacked his hand to force him to stop. Eventually Blake let out a defeated sigh.

"I don't think she really knows that Ash."

I snapped my head to meet his eyes and he just stared at me in that whole don't-act-like-you-didn't-know way.

"You're kidding me right?" I grumbled.

Blake ruffled my hair as he let out a little chuckle.

"Sometimes you're the most dense chick at Riverdale. Cute but dense as hell."

Shoving his hand away, I grunted as I smoothed my frizzy curls, shooting him irritated glares every few seconds. With a curious look in his pale eyes, he leaned closer and playfully bumped his shoulder against mine.

"So what are you gonna do about Tyler, little munchkin?"

"Don't call me that," I groaned as he waggled his eyebrows at Tyler's nickname for me when we were kids.

"It suits you," Blake laughed, holding up his hands in a defensive manner when I raised a fist. "Fine, I'm sorry. Just tell me what you're gonna do about Tyler?"

I let my hand flop down onto my lap as I shrugged my shoulders. Absentmindedly, I flipped through the Physics textbook in front of me, watching the colourful diagrams blur into a one as I pursed my lips.

"There's nothing I can really do."

"Ever heard of a thing called an apology?"

The amount of sarcasm dripping from his voice made me flip my middle finger at him.

"Like he's going to accept another one of those. This is Tyler Miller we're talking about. I've known him since I was five and if there's anything I've learnt about him is that when he hates a person, he will hold onto any grudge he can hold against them. You should know this dumbass!"

"Then make him. Make him listen to you and make him accept your apology. What have you got to lose? You're gonna failing Home Ec. anyway."

Soon after Blake's advice, the bell rang and we headed out of class. We separated; him to the grass pitch for soccer practice and I hastily rushed down the stone steps that opened up to the parking lot.

The rain was swirling from the blackened skies, dark and ominous, like a foreshadowing to protest against my plan to followw Blake's advice. I trudged into the parking lot with my messenger bag slapping my side as I sped past the clumps of teenagers squealing their way to their cars.

I jogged over to where my bike was chained and shivered as the water ran down my skin, splitting into tiny little streams as they disappeared down my face and seeped into my clothes. With my hair plastered onto my face, I rode into the open roads, ignoring all sounds but the music that was emerging from my new iPod and the sound of the passing car tyres wheeling past me, splashing rainwater onto my legs.

Despite the deafening music and thunderclaps, my mind drifted away from the road as I sped past a traffic light and replayed Tyler's pained eyes when I snapped at him. I couldn't bear the thought of intentionally upsetting him but what had happened had happened and I already caused the damage.

Now was the time to fix everything.

By the time I neared my house I felt like I was flying and my legs worked hard as they matched the rhythm of the ferocious rain. Before I knew it I was speeding past my house, zigzagging through the streets, using the power of my muscles to try and make up for my wrongs: snapping at Tyler.

I don't know how long I spent riding through town but soon I was in the far side of town, surrounded by towering mansions and yards that made public parks look like little patches of grass. I wasn't fully aware of my actions, just using the strength I had in my rapidly tiring muscles to take a step closer to forgiveness.

By the time I reached my destination, I squeezed past the towering gates and followed the concrete path that opened up to a gigantic, extravagant white mansion.

My hair was a sodden rope that slumped against my lower back and my soaked Vans squelched with every step that I took towards the immense white oak door. Wheeling my bike required more effort than I had energy for, so I laid it down on the grass and trudged up the steps that led to the spotless porch.

I could still feel the effects of flying and my limbs felt lightweight yet heavy from the stubborn rain as I lifted the huge brass knocker. I let it crash against the door thrice before taking a step back and staring up at the sky, letting the rain patter on my skin like tiny, little footsteps conducting a rhythmic dance.

A slit of golden light ran across the porch as the door slowly opened, letting the slit grow into a flood that contrasted with the quickening departure of the daytime sky.

A plump woman in her mid-sixties squinted at me before inhaling sharply, the wrinkles around her mouth forming a small frown before pulling back into an astonished smile.

"Ashley? Is that really you?"

Staring back at Tyler's housekeeper, Rosemary's sparkling brown eyes danced with confusion as she took in my dishevelled and soaked body. My lightweight, surreal mood crashed to coincide with a flash of lightning as I nodded slowly.

"Is Tyler home?" I managed choke out before she ushered me into the warmth of their extravagant household.