[A/N: Grab your iPod and put the following songs on repeat and enjoy this heartfelt chapter.
- Avril Lavigne // Keep Holding On
- Avril Lavigne // When You're Gone
- Evanescence // My Immortal
- Sleeping With Sirens // Don't You Ever Forget About Me
- We The Kings // Just Keep Breathing]

My bags were packed for college and bundled inside Tyler's room. We didn't have to leave for our new campus until tomorrow but I wanted to get the short flight done and over with. There was the option of driving for four hours, but there was no way I was staying in a car for that long; not if I wanted to avoid a third accident at all costs.

I spent the morning with Mom, absentmindedly poking at my food in a Thai restaurant as she rambled on and on and on about how much she was going to miss me. As soon as she had to return to work, I jumped at the chance to rush over to Tyler's house and here we were, sprawled across the freshly trimmed grass in his garden, staring at the cloudless sky. He didn't seem to be talking much, until I managed to draw him away from his deep thoughts. It turned out he was extremely apprehensive about leaving the town to live somewhere else for a long time without his sister.

"I have an idea," I picked my head up off Tyler's lap and my gaze flickered over the kidney shaped pool. I admired the beauty of the sunlight reflecting off the clear waters. "What if you were to say goodbye to Taylor? You know...like properly."

"Goodbye?" He seemed taken aback and confused. "Why would I do something like that? It's not like she's going anywhere. I'm the one who's leaving."

"Exactly. Think of it as closure. A final way to prove that you're done grieving and ready to move on with your life. Because that's what we're doing: moving on."

His bright eyes seemed to die down at where I was heading with this, but still, Tyler plastered on a genuine smile.

"You think I'm no longer grieving?" He seemed happy with my remark. "Am I seriously doing that well? You said it could take years for me to get over her death."

I lifted my hand and traced my knuckles against his cheeks.

"Well, you proved me wrong. Grief is a lifelong emotion that you'll never really be able to shrug it off but you've stopped letting it consume your life. So what do you think about getting the closure we both need so badly? It could be like another funeral service. We could like dress up and order some expensive flowers, and you could finally finish off the speech you couldn't get through the last time."

"I don't know Ash..." Tyler rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his lap. "It's a bit late notice, don't you think? We're leaving tomorrow night. Even a small funeral service needs time and effort."

"Ty, we are not burying her all over again and neither are we inviting the entire town for a rave. Think of it as a farewell gathering."

"Gathering?"

"Yeah," I smiled, taking his hand in mine. "You, me, Mona and Blake. They're leaving town next week and I think it would do them some good. Especially Blake since your parents didn't give him a slot at Taylor's real funeral even though he was her close friend too."

He knitted his eyebrows together, wrinkling his nose and thinking deeply for a minute. I watched him tilt his head as if he was weighing the pros and cons whilst his lips moved soundlessly until he nodded slowly.

"Hmm...okay, fine. I'd be crazy to shoot down a second chance at saying goodbye properly. Mrs Henderson will take care of flowers. And maybe we can get some candles too."

The excitement in his voice made my insides heat up. He scrambled to his feet and hauled me up effortlessly.

"Sounds good," I grinned before glancing up at the sky. "What time is it? I'll call Blake and Mona now and ask them if they're free."

Tyler pulled his cellphone out of his back pocket.

"It's twenty to five," He replied, glancing at me anxiously. "Will they be up for it?"

I scoffed and waved my hand dismissively.

"Of course they will. I'll smack them silly if they think they're too busy for Taylor. In fact, she'll come down from heaven and whoop their ass herself."

Tyler laughed, clearly visualising his sister going apeshit on our friends, before laughing even harder. Eventually he sobered up and pushed his hair out of his eyes before toying with the neckline of his plain white tee.

"Think we can actually pull this off?" He sounded nervous and I stood on my tiptoes and planted a light kiss on his mouth.

"What's there to stop us? It's our last night in town and I want to spend it with my best friend," I replied and he arched an eyebrow. "And you obviously."

Tyler breathed a laugh, sliding his arms around my waist as he crushed me against his chest and pressing his lips to my forehead, holding them there until we pulled apart.

"You always know what's best for me and what I need most, even when I don't realise it," He shook his head with disbelief. "How do you do it?"

My hand cupped his cheek and he leaned into my palm, kissing my fingers before I let my hand drop to my side.

"I have superpowers, silly billy."

Tyler latched his hands onto my wrist and dragged me back to his chest. He pressed his forehead against mine and gazed into my eyes, leaving me hot and flustered by the intense look that shone from his sea green orbs. Slowly, his lips met mine and my heart instantly began to hammer against my rib cage. Heated shivers rippled through ever nerve ending when his hands clasped my cheeks, angling my head to deepen the kiss.

"Mmm, my very own superwoman," He murmured into my mouth before cutting off my next retort with another toe-curling kiss.

I laughed after we pulled apart and pressed my hands against his chest, pushing him towards the door. He walked backwards, keeping his gaze on me as I traced my aching lips. God, I wanted more, so much more. Tyler chuckled at my obvious desire and flashed me a suggestive wink before turning around and jogging to the door.

"Later Ash," He clutched his crotch and arched an eyebrow. "You can do whatever you want to my big black booty later. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself unlike last night."

My face burned and I struggled to hold his gaze. I flipped him off which only made him laugh harder.

"Shut the hell up! Get the candles and I'll get the flowers," I called out after him and he stopped still, shook his ass seductively and blew me a kiss over his shoulder.

"Aye aye captain."

"Moron," I muttered happily under my breath before whipping out my cellphone to call my friends.

**

The cerulean sky held no trace of clouds, allowing the baking sun to bathe us in a scorching heat that made my white maxi dress cling to my body. It didn't help that I wore a light, fitted blazer on top to conceal my burns.

I stared at my brown, leather journal for a long minute, flicking through the pages until I found the speech that I had prepared for tonight. Technically, I did no preparation since this speech was identical to the one I recited at Taylor's actual funeral.

Gingerly, I positioned sixteen candles equidistantly around Taylor's gravestone and took out a matchstick, lighting them all and inhaling deeply when the scent of jasmines and lavenders sweetened the air. The flames flickered in the gentle breeze, shivering every few moments and a small smile worked itself onto my lips.

I took a step back, turning to the blond guy who was too busy scrawling last minute additions into his notebook. His nose was wrinkled with concentration and I cocked my head to the side, studying him as my tousled, beach waves tickled my chin. Eventually Tyler felt the weight of my gaze and looked up, startled for a fragment of a second before he heaved a heavy sigh.

"You okay?" I asked quietly, walking towards him and taking a seat onto the ground beside him.

"Yeah," He glared at the blotchy, inky mess he made and shook his head. "Actually I'm not. What if I mess it up again? I just want to get this right. I really, really want to get it right this time."

I breathed a small laugh, taking the pen out of his hand and replacing it with my fingers. Instinctively, he squeezed my hand and rested his head onto my shoulder. I ran my free hand through his hair, carefully making sure not to ruin the immaculate way he combed it backwards.

"You won't mess up, trust me. You've got this figured out. We've got this figured out," My eyes ran over the notebook. "I promise you things will got smoothly this time."

His voice was faint and weak. "I'm literally one step from running away again."

"I won't let you run away," I whispered, relishing at the soft, silky strands that parted between my fingers. Straw turned into gold, his hair reminded me of; kind of like the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. "I won't let you go today."

"I know you won't," Tyler replied quietly, closing his eyes and relaxing into my arms.

We sat in silence for a minute, for a second; it could have been hours and I wouldn't have noticed anything besides our soft breaths, my aching heart beats and the daunting coil of spring that loosened up inside my stomach before tightening again. Nerves, I reminded myself when my hands began to shake, it's just nerves. Eventually, I followed Tyler's lead and closed my eyes, resting my head on top of his. I buried my lips into his hair, moving them ever so slightly as I hummed one of the songs that was played at Taylor's funeral under my breath.

"Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong, cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you."

My voice thick was with emotion. I pictured the masses of mourners that turned up to my best friend's funeral service and smiled shakily at the memory of the hundreds of people, known and unknown, who cried for the beautiful blonde with the laughing sea green eyes. After the service, I knelt at by the open coffin and wrapped my arms over the very girl who spent years cleaning up my cuts, advising me against her brother and dragging me on random hiking trips to take photographs of the sunset or worse, the sunrise. Her milky eyelids were shut, robbing me of looking into those warm sea green orbs one last time but it was the smile on her lips that made my breath catch. Serene, content and pain free.

She looked happy and I was glad that was the last version I ever saw of her. The last time Tyler saw her was when she flatlined and was moved to the morgue. I sprinted into the hospital a mere hour after her passing, sobbing hysterically when I found her empty room and her brother collapsed on the floor with his head in his hands.

I only had to look in his eyes once to realise she was gone.

Maybe if Tyler had seen his twin the way I had, beautifully adorned in a simple white dress, a golden wig and cheeks flushed with blusher, he could have witnessed the beautiful smile she wore. And then maybe - just maybe - he could've finished his speech.

I jerked when the guy in my arms broke the stretching silence.

"You're crying Ash."

"I am?" I stopped stroking his hair and patted my cheeks, surprised to find them damp.

"Yeah, you're crying all over my head," He teased half-heartedly and I barked a light laugh.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about her actual funeral," I mumbled quietly.

Tyler remained silent but lifted his head off my shoulder and laid it down onto my lap. Looking up at me, he raised a hand to trace my jawline before letting it drop onto his chest. His eyelids fluttered shut and I continued to run my hands through his hair, just the way he liked to be comforted. Back massages seemed to work wonders with Tyler too.

About half an hour later he sat up, closed the notebook and stared up at me, his soft features slack with exhaustion and anxiety.

"Where the hell are they?" He grumbled, glancing at the time on his phone screen. "They're late."

"Chill Ty," I rubbed his back muscles, pressing my lips to his cheek as he blew out a heavy sigh. "They'll be here."

As if on cue, the two latecomers appeared at the entrance of the cemetery. They rushed towards us with apologetic expressions. Blake's outfit was identical to Tyler's jaw-dropping formal wear. He was clad in a fitted black slacks that were held up with burgundy suspenders, a white dress shirt that hugged his muscles and patent Dr Marten shoes. In other terms, he looked remarkably handsome. Mona was adorned in a surprisingly modest, white summer dress. Her red locks were tied up into an elaborate bun that was dotted with tiny rhinestones hairclips and she was wearing a thin flower crown. Despite her flawless makeup, she was red-faced from the exertion of running in heels.

"We're so sorry," She wheezed before pointed a finger at her boyfriend. "This d-bag couldn't find his other shoe."

Blake rolled his eyes before leaning in to give Tyler a man hug. He leaned towards me and landed a small kiss on my cheek.

"You look beautiful Ash," He smiled before his gaze slid to the candles and flowers. "Whoa, like what you did with this place. Looks like fairies came in here and worked some magic."

"Thanks," I smiled. "The candles were Tyler's idea."

Mona approached me and did a double take at my outfit.

"Holy mother of Jesus," She breathed, taking my Greek-goddess maxi dress by the skirt and glancing up at me in awe. "Where did you get this?"

My fingers followed her lead and I ran them over the soft cotton, sleeveless dress. It was clinched at the waist, tight around my bust-line before flowing like a white, snowy waterfall. The belt was a gold, thin chain that was adorned with opal butterflies and I matched it with my snowflake earrings and the promise necklace Tyler bought me for Christmas.

"Taylor's closet, well what I decided to keep before the rest was bundled off to the charity shop."

Mona took a step closer and scrutinised my face before gasping.

"And is that makeup? Damn Ash, who would've known you mastered using liquid eyeliner," She laughed before scoffing teasingly. "You and makeup? Never would've thought the two could mix for a million years."

"Oh shut up," I whined pathetically before grinning when she pulled me into a tight hug. "Have you guys got your speeches ready?"

She nodded quickly and took a step back when the guys joined us. We stared at each other awkwardly, wondering how to proceed with the event since none of us knew how to begin. Eventually, I detached myself from them and began to wring my hands together.

"So I'm not a...I'm not a priest or anything so I'll, erm, just skip the religious mumbo jumbo and cut straight to the chase," I started and Tyler flashed me a grateful smile for taking the lead. "Since we're leaving for separate colleges, that are both miles away from this town, we won't be able to see our beloved Taylor as often as we wish. The real funeral had more crying than laughter. And even though Taylor forced everybody to wear white instead of black, that didn't change the fact that it was still a heartbreakingly sad event."

I took a short pause to catch my breath before continuing.

"So without further ado, let's show Taylor tonight that she hasn't been forgotten and will never be forgotten. Friends like her only come into our lives once in a lifetime, leave their footprints, and move on. But it's the undying love that she shared with us that will stay engraved in our hearts forever. Her love, her friendship, her silvery laugh, her crazy obsession with breaking rules...all those things, they'll stay with us whether we're in town or miles away in another city. We may not see much of each other anymore, but if you plant a hand on your heart and listen closely, Taylor will always be a thought away. You'll feel her love, you'll hear her laughter and most of all, if you listen closely, you might just feel her presence again."

My throat tightened and I mentally smacked myself for feeling the urge to cry already. We hadn't even started and my eyeballs were stinging, pleading me to let the moisture run. But I knew that if one tear slipped out, the rest would follow quickly. I didn't think I could stop if they began so I clamped a hand to my throat and took a step back.

My eyes were trained to the ground. Everyone noticed my agony, but Blake was the first to act upon it.

"I guess I'll, umm, go first," He announced in a strong voice and stepped forward.

The rest of us stood shoulder to shoulder behind him, watching him pull a crisp paper out of his pocket.

"Uh, hey Taylor. Sorry I haven't been visiting as much as I used to," He unfolded the paper and cleared his throat. "Not many people can say that on their first day at a new school in first grade, they were victimised by the two biggest troublemakers in town. I was lost, loitering around in the corridors and you introduced yourself as Tyler with a wicked glint in your eyes. You looked exactly like him. The same boyish haircut, the same clothes and the two of you played games with me, tricking me into believing you were the same person for an entire semester. Then you set up a prank, tormenting me during recess one day until the real Tyler tapped my shoulder from behind and I literally pooped my pants. I had to go home that day," Blake chuckled before dryly adding. "Thanks for that Tay. I always figured you had a split personality and it made sense when I found out that Tyler was the nicer version of you. But then you helped me bury my hamster in second grade and I forgave you. You were always pretty good with stuff like that, helping people get through tough times."

He paused before tossing his paper away, staring at the ground and stuffing his hands into his pocket.

"I wasn't really prepared for the fact that grief could be so unpredictable. It wasn't just about the aching loneliness, or the initial shock. It wasn't just a constant well of sadness, or always straightforward either. I always believed the first days would be the worst and then it would gradually get better...you know...kind of like getting over the flu. But that's not how it was with you. When my Mamaw died in fourth grade, I was sad for a week and then I was playing soccer again, laughing like my world hadn't fallen apart. But when you passed away, every fibre of my body just came undone. I lost your brother, I lost my sanity and worst of all, I lost you. I had nobody to talk to and it sucked because whenever Tyler wasn't around, the person I always turned to was you. But you were gone, so I just kept it all in and that sucked a lot."

Blake took a deep breath, closed his eyes and and I stole a glance at Tyler. His face was torn with guilt and remorse.

"Every time I think of the good moments in my childhood, I realise that you were part of all those memories. Like the time we both ganged up on Ashley and Tyler during that nerf gun fight we had on the last day of fifth grade. Sure, we lost, but you protected me from those traitorous bastards. And that was pretty badass of you. You were the coolest girl I ever had the pleasure of knowing."

Blake's voice began to waver as he continued to ramble about numerous childhood memories and a boulder lodged itself in my throat as he began to conclude his eulogy.

"There are so many good moments I've shared with you. A few bad, but mostly good and those are the ones that make me smile on the most random days when you pop into my mind. And for the rest of my life Taylor, I will continue to search for moments full of you," He swiped a hand fiercely over his eyes and took a step back, breathing heavily to keep his tears at bay.

My own waterworks were on the verge of starting at the sight of Mona's heartbroken expression when she drank in the sight of Blake's bloodshot eyes and shaking shoulders. She looked torn between wanting to comfort him or getting through with her own speech before I laid a hand on her arm and urged her to start her piece. I could take care of Blake for now.

I turned to the sobbing guy, smiling through my tears when Tyler crushed his best friend to his chest and held him close as he let out all the grief he kept hidden from us all for the past two years. Blake was the strongest out of us all, so seeing him cry shook me and scalding tears seared my cheeks before I hastily swiped them away.

Mona gulped nervously, gripping the note in her hand so tightly that it became wrinkled. Ink spots began to bleed into one another, looking as large as black, bottomless puddles. It was only then that I realised she was silently crying and her dripping tears were the reason why the words on her paper were beginning to run.

"Mona?" I took a step forward to comfort her but she held up a hand and turned her back to me.

"I-I'm okay Ash," She croaked before scrunching up her paper and crouching down to let it burn as she held it over one of the candles. "I didn't need it anyway."

She cleared her throat a few times before channelling all her focus on the Taylor's gravestone.

"Umm, Taylor w-was...she was, my umm, my f-f-first..." She heaved a sigh and took a moment to compose herself before starting over. "I've always been the n-new kid and...my p-parents...my parents argued so much that we never really stayed in a town longer than three months so I never u-understood what it was like to have a friend because I was the shy kid who couldn't m-meet anybody's eyes to interact. So when we finally settled here, I was worried I'd get bullied again. Sure enough, Michelle did everything she could do make me run home crying every damn day. Countless teases, pulling my chair out in front of the whole class, setting fire to my assignments...whatever torment that existed in the mind of a twisted sixth grader, that girl did to me. Then one day, I was sitting in the end restroom cubicle and crying that she'd trashed a script I wrote for the Drama Club, and you walked in Taylor. You sat in the cubicle next to mine and refused to leave until I came out and when I did, you did the strangest thing ever. You wiped my tears away and hugged me, rewrote the script for me and welcomed me into your friendship circle with Ashley."

Mona turned around and smiled at me before concentrating on keeping her voice even.

"I didn't get why such a pretty girl who was popular and smart and funny would want to be friends with a drama freak like myself," She barked a humourless laugh. "All I did was talk non-stop about plays and novels and vintage movies. But somehow, you didn't care that the other kids found me weird. You didn't care about anyone's opinion at all. You just cared about me and how I was feeling. And because of that, I opened up to you. You were the first person I told about my father's affair when I first caught him and you gave me the courage to tell my mom. She forgave him of course, until he did it again and again and again. Still, the amount of courage a thirteen year old needs to reveal a secret that can ruin their family, it's a lot. And you gave me all of it."

I was struggling to keep my shallow breaths quiet but I was on the verge of hyperventilating when Mona nearly broke into sobs. She pulled herself back together quickly and I didn't know if she was acting, but I was glad because if she started crying, I probably would've followed shortly after.

"Thing is, most people learn life lessons as they face their personal problems, or they learn them from their parents or siblings. I learnt all I had to learn from you. You taught me about self respect, confidence, boys, sex, periods, self esteem, boybands, clothes, makeup, hair, trust, parties...everything. But the greatest lesson you ever taught me was about loss. Before you, I had no idea what grief was and how it could change a person. I watched Ashley become distant and bitter, Tyler self-medicate and destroy himself, and Blake struggle to keep himself together when everyone else was falling apart. Suddenly all the friends I made with you scattered and I was alone again, until eventually we pulled through. Somehow, through all the pain, we pulled through and here we are today, waving our childhood goodbye to enter the big world of college."

Mona broke off, dabbing her under-eyes with a tissue from her pocket. She sniffled for about a minute, allowing the comforting sound of chirping crickets, the sweet scent from the candles and the soft breeze calm her down before continuing.

"Apparently we're supposed to spend our whole life searching for ourselves, but I don't need to look anymore. I know who I am now, because I got to know you," Mona whispered quietly. Her voice was clogged and nasally as she whimpered into her palms. "Thank you Taylor, for being my first friend. I was a pretty lonely kid before you came along and changed my life into the one I always dreamed of and I can never r-repay you for that. You will never fully understand how much you've touched my life or how special you are that even on the darkest of nights, you are my brightest star."

Mona staggered backwards, burying her face into her palms as her shoulders shook violently. Blake ripped himself out of Tyler's arms and strode forward. She lunged towards him, throwing herself into his arms as convulsive sobs rocked through her. Tyler and I stood awkwardly for an entire minute, staring at the fancy wreath Mrs Henderson had whipped up for us at such a short notice. It was made from blood red roses, and Taylor's name was spelled out with white lilies.

Soon all eyes turned to me and a tight coil of anxiety ripped through me. Rigid as a pole, I stood rooted to my spot in a struggle to keep my sobs withheld. If I was to fall apart, Tyler would too. And he needed this. He needed to say his goodbye. I couldn't take that away from him, so I took five steps forward and picked my dream journal off the ground where I had discarded it earlier to light the candles.

I flicked through the pages before landing on the eulogy I wrote for Taylor's real funeral. I remembered letting Tyler read it months ago in my bedroom and almost yelped when a tear dripped off my cheek and landed on the page. Another tear followed, and another, and another. Soon, just like Mona's paper, the ink spots began to bleed, forming black puddles everywhere and a whimper left my lips.

"Ashley?" Tyler approached me and looked over my shoulder, freezing still when he looked at the ruined page.

"I-It's okay," I closed my leather journal and gently laid it on the ground. "I know it off by heart anyway."

He hovered over me for a while longer before pressing a lingering kiss on my temple.

"You'll get through this. You've done it before; this is no different except that this time I'm here for you now," He whispered before giving me the space I needed.

And that was all the encouragement I needed to get started. Deep breaths, I thought quietly. In and out, in and out.

"I didn't get to say goodbye to you Taylor. The last thing you ever said to me was 'Bring me some of Rosemary's hot chocolate when you next visit. It's the only thing I can keep down lately.' Moments before that we were laughing about how Tyler shaved his hair when you started your chemo and how he looked just like Mr Potato, except without the black hat obviously. Your laughter was weak, but like your bright eyes, you were alive and that was all that mattered to me. After that, we lay together and you kissed me on the cheek and said that you loved me as more than a friend. You said, 'I love you like a sister, like family; endless and eternal, like our friendship.' And I said...I said..."

I squeezed my eyes shut and decided to screw my speech. The hundreds of people who turned up to listen to my eulogy almost three years ago had no idea how Taylor saved me from plummeting into severe depression. My best friend kept me afloat when I was drowning in a vortex of misery. I was stumbling through perpetual darkness, completely alone and she handed me a flashlight saying, "Hey, I don't know where we're heading or how to get out of this darkness, but I figure that we can do it together. You and me, yeah? We'll do this. You and me. "

I opened my eyes and stared straight ahead, past the gravestone, past the cemetery gates, past the point where the cloudless sky and land met at the edge of the world. There, on the horizon, a blonde haired girl smiled back at me. I wasn't wearing glasses and tears were blinding me, but with my heart I found Taylor in the darkness. Once again, my best friend was helping me find the light. She raised a hand, waving at me, coaxing me to continue.

Slowly, I turned around to look at the living, breathing and very much beautiful replica of her. And through the darkness I felt closing around me, I managed to see a light in Tyler.

"Eight years ago," I choked, clasping my throat to force the words out. "My mother lost half of her heart and I lost all of mine. I watched my father burn alive right before me and at ten years old, I couldn't figure what sin I'd committed to be condemned a childhood without a father. Three weeks after the accident, when Taylor pried everything out of me, I broke down harder than ever before and told her I wanted to know why God hated me so much. I mean, what sort of abomination was I for God to take away somebody so important from me? I must have sinned pretty badly and you know what she said? "God only takes back his angels when he needs company. He's a lonely old fart and needs somebody like your dad to liven up the rooftops of heaven." And for the first time in those three weeks, I cracked a smile and told her to stop being so mean to God. She wiped away my tears and laughed that God was mean for taking my dad away and that he needed a taste of his own medicine. There was no way I could disagree with that so I let her hold me and crack jokes about religion until I fell asleep in her arms. That was the great thing about Tay, she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear like all my other relatives. She told me what she wanted to say and it just happened to be exactly what I needed to hear. We were just ten years old yet she spoke more sense to me than my mother. She didn't try to understand why I felt the way I did. She didn't try to understand the overwhelming, soul-destroying guilt I carried around. Taylor just cracked rude jokes. I was broken, confused an shell-shocked yet Taylor took my hand while I was stumbling through the dark abyss of grief and reminded me that I wasn't alone. I'm saddened to admit that she couldn't fish me out completely, but at least I had a hand to hold whenever I faltered and fell to my knees. Taylor was my backbone and even when the burden of my problems threatened to swallow our friendship, she always kept us afloat and I'll never be able to thank her. I'll never be able to thank her for giving me that flashlight. Without her, I would have lost my grip on reality. I would have been stumbling through darkness completely blind. I mean, come on, at ten years old she managed to do all of that for me. Imagine what she could have achieved at twenty-five or even at a hundred years old? Taylor was a bright star in the darkness of my life. Just imagine the light she could have shone on the rest of the world. Just imagine all the lives she could have brightened with her presence, the same way she did with mine."

My voice faltered as it struggled to keep up with my racing thoughts and I paused to catch my breath. My chest was caving in, my knees were trembling and my fingers were shaking. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and it took me a long time to find my voice again.

"Taylor, you wrote me letters so we'd never have to say goodbye the way I had to say to my father. With him, I'll never get to share one last joke, one last laugh, one last smile but with you...You gave me the impossible. You gave me a life after your death. You gave me a reason to carry on because you knew how hard it was for me the first time around. I now have something to look forward to even in the darkest of times - a purpose to fulfill, a role to carry out. You remind me everyday that I cannot ever give up because I am a daughter, I am a friend and I am somebody's world. Sometimes you never learn the true value of a moment until it's a memory. All those moments, all those laughs, all those jokes, the arguments, the little drunk dances, the boy talks, all those silly things, every single moment we ever shared is documented. They're engraved deep into my heart, and it's not something I'm likely to ever forget because how can you forget somebody who gave you so much to remember?"

I closed my eyes and began to recite the concluding poem I ended my speech with almost three years ago. My lips moved softly and I heard Mona sob even harder. She sounded like a strangled cat gargling loudly and that was almost close enough to make me buckle and fall to my knees. Almost.

Somehow, I made it through.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush.
I am the swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die."

I knelt before her gravestone, brushing my fingertips along the smooth grey stone. Stray tears slipped out of my eyes, rolling down my cheeks slowly as I drowned out the sound of Mona's strangled sobs. A small smile stretched across my lips as I traced the outline of Taylor's name. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips just above her name, letting it linger there as I channelled all my love through to her.

"Don't you ever forget about me," I whispered fiercely, leaning my forehead against the gravestone as I breathed in the sweet scent of lavender, jasmines and moist soil. "Because I'll never forget about you."

After collecting my composure, I stood up and took a few steps back so that I was standing beside Blake again. My eyes locked with Tyler's and I was taken aback by the sheen of tears that threatened to break free from his eyes. I gave him an encouraging nod as he stepped forward. He fumbled with his notebook, quickly turning through the pages with shaking hands before he cleared his throat.

No words came out.

His mouth worked soundlessly, opening and closing like a goldfish before his angelic face began to crumple. Instantly, I shot forward until he lifted his hand and halted my sudden approach.

"I-I can do this," His voice was strong and determined unlike his broken features. "Just give me a moment. I can do this. I know I can."

I made no attempt to retreat and Tyler didn't mind the proximity between us. We were close, but not too close. Eventually, his breathing became less erratic and shallow, and I became certain that he wouldn't falter again. I returned to my spot beside my friends. It was agonisingly painful to be so far away from him but I knew that this was something Tyler needed to get through alone.

A choking silence fell as he struggled to compose to himself but after a perpetual minute, he shakily lifted his notebook and began to read off it in a hoarse, tight voice.

"Love like you has no beginning, and no end. It cannot be broken, replaced, distorted or changed in any way. It has no limits. It has no borderline because it's strewn everywhere and it is uncontrollable. So when you feel it, you feel it everywhere. It washes over you like the ocean, overwhelming at first, kind of like when you first get into the waters. Initially it's cold and then you get used to the strong currents. You swim with it and it just takes you away. It takes you to good places and to bad places. It takes to arguments, to laughter, to deep conversations and light-hearted banter. It takes you down a river of hopes, a stream of dreams and a canal of wonder. Taylor, you swam with me, side by side, since the day we entered this world together until shortly after our fifteenth birthday. When you got sick, you started lagging behind and I tried to force you to keep up with me, but you couldn't. You had to drop out of school, cease your dream of becoming a photographer and you lost your best friend. Still, we swam together and I carried you on my back when you could no longer swim by yourself; just like I carried the secret of your illness. Keeping your cancer from everybody was a burden on my shoulders, but I didn't mind because it was what you wanted. And if it made you happy, then I was happy too. Late into our sixteenth year, you couldn't swim any longer and you asked me to let go of you. You forced me to keep swimming even though I had no idea where I was going without you. With you on my back, dying, I kept swimming. The day you left me, I sank to the bottom of the ocean like a dead weight. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't see. I was blinded by the most impacting, strongest wave of grief. I didn't know how to free myself except by letting go of you. But I couldn't do that. Not to you. I was drowning with the weight of your dead body, your memories, your dreams...your everything. You were drowning me but I refused to let go."

Tyler paused momentarily to catch his breath. He took a few steps forward and pulled the matchsticks I used to light the candles out of his pocket and crouched down to light four sky lanterns I bought from a store several hours ago. One by one, they came alive and glowed orange when he stood up to his full height again.

"Letting go is hard..." His eyes found mine, quaking an earthquake of tears from my eyes and my breath caught when his heated gaze flickered with immense sadness, relief and undying gratitude. "...But Ashley taught me that sometimes holding on is harder. I'm ready to swim again, right now, in this moment, I'm finally ready to let go of you forever. You'll always have a special place reserved in my heart Tay, but it's time we both moved on. I'm going onto greater things, bigger things, scarier things, and don't you ever think for one second that a day will go by when I won't think about you; because I will. You'll always be with me; watching, smiling and laughing, just like you always did. Just like you always will."

He stepped forward, and grabbed hold of the sky lantern at his feet. The rest of us grabbed ours, mimicking Tyler's stance as we craned our heads to the purple streaked sky, scanning the deep blue tides that were slowly ebbing away any trace of the bright, sunny day.

"We're only parting to meet again...somewhere, someday. And when we do meet again, I promise I'll never let anything separate us ever again."

"I love you so, so much." His lips stretched into a wistful smile and he pushed his sky lantern into the air and watched it float upwards. "So long sis."

"So long Taylor," The rest of us chorused.

Blake let go of his sky lantern and Mona followed his lead. Soon I was the only one clinging onto mine like it was the final shred that remained of my connection to Taylor. Pale green eyes locked onto mine, deep and bottomless with understanding and I forced myself to smile back at Blake.

"It's okay Ash. It'll be okay," He assured me, clasping my shoulders and giving it a squeeze.

My eyes sought out teary brown orbs, comforted that they were trained on me with a heartbreakingly soft smile.

"You've got this Ashley," Mona's full lips curled into a grin, bunching up her cheeks so that her tears spilled out of her eyes and rolled down her flushed cheeks. "We've got each other now."

My friends turned their attention to the rapidly darkening sky, following the three retreating orange lanterns that grew smaller with each second. They were carried by the breeze, rising higher and higher like curling smoke.

Finally I turned to Tyler, surprised to find his gaze trained on me rather than the sky lanterns. He kept quiet, studying my pathetic attempt to hold my tears back until two teardrops broke free. Humiliated, I stroked the smooth, peach paper keeping the lantern intact as the small fire inside blazed, eager to escape into the sky.

"Say hello to my dad, will you?" I whispered to the lantern.

Thankfully, only Tyler picked up on my soft murmur. He cocked his head to the side, eyeing me with a pensive half-smile that made my heart accelerate and thump against my rib cage. His smouldering gaze heated my cheeks and with an embarrassed, sheepish smile, I released my lantern into the sky and watched it rise. It chased after his one, following it past the leaves of the weeping willow tree as it swirled and spun in tight circles.

I looked back at the sea green eyes trained on me. With a heartfelt, shaky grin, I stepped forward and took the hand he held out for me. Blake took a seat on the ground, leaning back on his elbows and motioned at his girlfriend to lay down beside him. I tugged Tyler's hand and took a seat beside Blake, smoothing my dress out before sprawling myself on the ground and gazing at the four orange lights wavering in the sky as they continued to rise higher towards the heavens.

Maybe Taylor might catch them all. Maybe the lanterns might reach her way up high.

Large hands wove through my mine, playing with my fingers before giving them a sturdy squeeze. I turned my head to the left and smiled at Blake as I returned the squeeze.

"Think they'll reach heaven?" He asked, reading my thoughts as I nodded slowly.

"I really hope so," I replied, feeling a squeeze on my other hand.

Turning to my right, I drank in the sight of Tyler's serene expression. He had his eyes closed, breathing so softly that I would've thought he was asleep if he hadn't just squeeze my hand. Untangling our hands, I shook mine free before planting it on his abdomen.

Slowly, I traced a message on his stomach.

P-R-O-U-D...O-F...Y-O-U.

A soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips but his eyes remained closed. Instead of using his own fingers to reply, Tyler clasped his hand around my forefinger and began to trace his own message on his stomach.

I...L-O-V-E...Y-O-U.

A hoard of butterflies rose to my chest, flapping their great wings until I was certain there were doves desperate to break free from my heart. Each thump was like an earthquake riveting through my rib cage, shaking the foundations of my existence. And all this, the heat, the butterflies, the giddy grin, it was just from the sight of Tyler's exhausted yet content smile.

He was happy, truly happy.

I almost jumped out of my skin when his eyelids slowly cracked open, drinking in my doe-eyes and parted lips. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me and I let him. I stared back, magnetised by the strong, electrifying sea green that swallowed the ocean blue ring around his dilated pupils.

No words, sentences or thoughts crossed my mind as he sucked me into the vortex of his powerful gaze. The moment lingered on forever, stretching further than the deep, dark blue sky above us and his smouldering eyes heated every fibre of my body from head to toe. I knew he was trying to convey his gratitude in that one gaze but instead, Tyler managed to pour every ounce of his affection, undying love and happiness right into my chest, inflating it like a hot air balloon until I felt like my body was going to rise like the sky lanterns did.

A single tear crept out of the corner of my eye, disappearing past my ear and I broke eye contact to track the lanterns. They were gone. They'd reached their destination. Maybe they found their way to Taylor, maybe they didn't. The cloudless sky was the deepest royal blue I had ever seen, so rich and bright; almost as if it's beauty was more than a mere coincidence to mark today's momentous occasion. Stars gradually began to dot the sky, blinking brighter and brighter. I wondered if perhaps they weren't actual stars in the sky, but openings in the floors of heaven, letting us know that our loved ones were happy where they were. What if Taylor was happy with the lanterns after all?

The four of us stayed put until the early hours of the morning, relishing the starry sky as the surrounding sixteen candles lit up the world around us. The experience was hauntingly beautiful.

A chapter of our life had now ended. We were moving on, evolving and learning. It was all part of growing up. We weren't going to be seniors forever. Tonight we waved goodbye to the last remnants of our childhood, we waved goodbye to Taylor.

The blonde haired beauty was the centrepiece to my childhood, the queen to my chessboard. She shone wisdom, understanding and unconditional love into my life when I turned ten, like a sun's ray breaking through the dark clouds after a thunderstorm. Taylor helped me see the light after my father's death, pulling me out of my internal abyss of misery. She pieced me together, fumbling with millions of broken jigsaw pieces as she tried to make sense of my shattered life.

Still, she stayed. Still, she persisted. Still, she fought.

Taylor didn't die. She stayed with me; after all this time, Taylor stayed.

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[A/N: Choo, choo...Can passengers collect all their belongings and ready themselves for touchdown? Wait, that doesn't even make sense. What I'm trying to say is that we have one final stop remaining before we part ways with Tyler and Ashley.

Sorry for keeping it on a low but yes...you just read the final chapter today. Show me some love and vote if you cried, comment if you're still crying and follow me if you wanna cry with me forever haha.

Epilogue: It's Okay Not To Be Okay

See you tomorrow. Ilysm and keep on being yourself. I love you for you, just saying <3
- Kaddy]

P.S.  I just realised Ariana Grande is the perfect actress to play Mona O.o