Chapter 38: But First, Let Me Take A Selfie

[A/N: Super, super early upload (18 hours *gasps*) because of saintclarity. Thanks for the lovely comments and keep voting everyone. It makes me happy which = faster updates. Js ;) Enjoy the chapter!
Songs for the chapter:
- Ed Sheeran // All Of The Stars
- Coldplay // A Sky Full Of Stars
- He Is We // Breathe
-Taylor Swift // I'm Only Me When I'm With You
]

 
"Ashley you're being ridiculous!"

"No I'm not!"

Mom laid down her spoon so that it sagged and was swallowed up by her tomato soup. Wispy strands of gold framed her face but she hastily slicked them back before massaging the crease between her taut brow.

"Dr Jillian is willing to charge you nothing for her sessions. She genuinely wants to help you dear."

I viciously bit into my garlic bread and chewed angrily.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" I enunciated each word slowly. "I don't need help because I am absolutely, perfectly and one hundred percent fine!"

Once again, the discussion was brewing into an argument. At this stage Mom would have dropped the matter and carried on eating like she did everyday for the past week, but Dr Jillian had called her this morning and suddenly she was more determined than ever.

I couldn't understand why therapy was a must. It didn't make sense for her to push me into going through with something that put me on edge and made me uncomfortable beyond belief! There was no way in hell that I was going to open up to Dr Jillian after my nightmares got so much worse the last time. I couldn't go through that again. I didn't want to fall asleep sobbing because I was terrified of what I'd see that night.

At least, right now, I had them under control. They weren't seeping into my day and I was perfectly fine as long as my eyes were open. So what if I woke up screaming, at least I wasn't hallucinating in my classes or far worse.

"You're not fine Ashley! You've had bags under your eyes for weeks and don't you dare think I'm deaf to your midnight snacks or when you shuffle around in your room around half past three in the morning!"

I pushed my plate back and stood up; enough was enough.

"How many times are you going to make me say this?" I pursed my lips into a tight line before dragging out my next words very, very slowly. "I'm fine. I'm sleeping fine. I'm eating fine. I'm doing fine Mom!"

She shook her head and stood up but I was already making my escape, abruptly spinning around and heading towards my room.

"Your father wouldn't have wanted this for you! He would have expected you to make the right choice for yourself!" She called out and her voice was followed by the sound of plates hitting the sink.

I froze, leaned against the banister and turned around to eye the front door. Taking deep breaths to hold back an outburst, I stomped up the stairs and blocked out Mom's loud mutters. Just as I flopped down onto my bed, my phone began to vibrate, blaring a ringtone that was assigned to the only person who had a hidden persona of a stereotypical white girl.

I perked up, wondering why he was calling me when it was almost six in the evening. He had dropped me home about two hours ago, forcing me to sort things out with Mom even though he had no idea what was going. My ears relished in the ringtone and I suppressed a laugh when my phone blared: 'But first, let me take a selfie!'

Why did I give in and let him choose his own ringtone? It's like he was obsessed with his 'white girl' persona. Silly jerk. Despite my blackened mood, I leapt up to grab my phone off my bedside table and instantly pressed it to my ear, breathing heavily from the exertion.

"What do you want?" I grumbled through my crooked smile.

"Well aren't you just a chirpy, little ray of sunshine," Tyler drawled in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Sorry," I sighed wearily, sprawling my body across my bed sheets so that I lay diagonally with my legs dangling off the edge. "I just got into a fight with my mom and things are so much worse than before."

Tyler paused for a while before asking, "Are you okay?"

Honestly, I wasn't but the soft tone he used made my insides run into liquid heat, searing through my chest and raising my pulse.

"No I'm not. I need to get out of this house or I'm gonna end up breaking something," I grunted, shifting my position so my feet were planted on the wall.

I scanned my chipped nail polish and I wriggled my toes so that they drummed against the wall.

Tyler chuckled. "I thought you didn't believe in violence."

Although he couldn't see me, I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

"Right now, I would gladly shove my fist through this phone and poke your eyes out if that could shut you up."

His laughter filled the line, loud and booming and I pressed the phone closer to my ear.

"Damn Ash, and people say that I'm violent."

I could imagine his eye roll and brought a hand over my mouth to muffle my giggle.

"Well considering what you told me about your most dangerous warning, you are most definitely way more violent than me!"

Tyler scoffed, "Scott Andraseka broke into Taylor's old locker and hid a stink-bomb in there so I shoved one inside his mouth. I'd say that my actions were pretty justified."

After first hearing the story in his car several hours ago, I spluttered and coughed everywhere, too astounded to speak. But now I just laughed because my knowledge on Scott - now a college freshmen - was broad enough to know that he was a bigger douchebag than Dylan and Jonah combined.

"He could have died Tyler!"'

With an air of nonchalance he replied, "But he didn't."

"But he could have!" I argued back.

"But he didn't," Tyler's voice was factual and bored.

"If he got carted away in an ambulance then you got off pretty lightly," I rolled my eyes at how little he used cared about getting kicked out of school. "If I was Principal Jenkins, I would have booted your ass time ago."

"My parents gave the school some money and he 'reconsidered' expelling me," Tyler replied in a singsong voice. "I'd say it was a win-win situation. Scott got what he had coming, Principal Jenkins got a donation and I got to rearrange Scott's face."

His chirpy tone made me laugh.

"Violence must be a second nature to you but I'm glad you got away with murder. Scott was the biggest jerk in the class above."

Tyler hummed in agreement and I heard him shuffling about before a loud, crunching sound filled the line.

"Are you still eating?" I asked incredulously. "When I left you, I'm pretty sure you'd already had three burgers from Burger King."

"Yeah," I could imagine him raising an eyebrow. "What's your point?"

With a scoff, I bit back a laugh as he began to chatter about how much I ate compared to him. Apparently if I'm allowed to call him fat, then that deems me as obese because I forced him to give me one of his burgers earlier.

We bickered for an hour about gibberish and school related stuff until he confessed that he needed help with his calculus homework so I suggested that we do it together over the phone. Surprisingly, Tyler got the hang of differentiating exponentials but he couldn't integrate trigonometrical terms so we gave up. I agreed to help him tomorrow in the library during our lunch period.

"It's a date then," Tyler announced and let out a monstrous yawn.

Pride swelled up inside me that he was taking his work more seriously and I couldn't believe that I managed to get him to hand in some homework. His grades were hanging on a fine line between a C and a D which was a major improvement. However my own grades were slipping from straight A's to solid B's and that was reinforcing the force field between Mom and I. According to her, my sleepless nights were affecting my GPA but what she didn't realise is that skipping class with Tyler and forgetting to hand in key assignments were the main reasons.

"So do you still wanna get out of your house?" Tyler broke through my thoughts after he finished putting his homework away.

My chest fluttered and my insides turned into liquid heat, scorching its way up and down my body like rippling waves. Why was I suddenly excited by the prospect of meeting Tyler so late in the evening?

"Yeah, I don't think I can survive another fight with my mom," I rubbed my forehead, trying to suppress the ache in my head.

"Great. Meet me at the park by the swings in half an hour and bring food."

I chuckled at his latter request, jumped off my bed and stood in front my dressing table, peering at my dark circles and sullen eyes.

"And you have the nerve to call me obese?"

Tyler replied smugly, "Pretty much."

My laugh mingled with his, light and silvery in contrast with his deep chuckles. Dazed, I rummaged around my closet for a change of clothes. There was no way I was going to leave my house wearing his dinosaur bottoms and the red shirt he let me have after we both fell into his pool. Thinking about my stash of snacks in the kitchen, I groaned at the fact that I was going to have another encounter with my mom to get Tyler food.

"So is it gonna be Doritos or Cheetos?"

A long pause filled the line, stretching out for ten seconds as he thought through the seemingly impossible choice.

"How about both?"


***


Mom complained about me leaving but did nothing to stop me. I guess she didn't want to go through another heated argument either. I told her I was meeting Tyler to do some homework because telling her about the park didn't seem reasonable considering that the clock was striking eight soon. I doubt she bought my excuse but I couldn't care any less. I needed fresh air more than a drowning person and she was suffocating me with her disappointed looks, closing in on me like the four walls of our house.

Tightening my jacket around my body, I crossed my arms over my chest and focused on the puffs of white clouds that hung around my mouth every time I exhaled. They lingered in the air like smoke before they disappeared, rising up only to be replaced by another heavy breath.

Winter was just around the corner and there were four weeks until the end of the semester so I had been spending my sleepless nights revising for my upcoming exams. Problem was, I couldn't concentrate at all. My mind kept wandering from calculus equations to Tyler and I couldn't figure out why he kept cropping up in my thoughts at the least expected times. I tried to quell his presence in my mind, it was already full of enough problems, but he popped up and stayed for hours on end. I was so over him. He broke my heart, and we both moved past that experience. 

I was so over him. I had to be.

Stuffing a hand into my pocket, my other one clung onto the two packets of chips I had sneaked out for Tyler. My fingertips were numb from the cold and the brisk wind nipped at my nose so I buried my chin until hidden behind the zipper of my coat and strode past the park entrance. The sky was darkening at a rapid rate, stealing away any traces of peach and purple by sucking them into the horizon alongside the sun. I could already see the moon peeking at me from behind the skeletal branches of the trees, twinkling amongst the stars that were coming alive one by one.

I spotted Tyler by the swings, completely stationary with his head craned up. His lips moved as if he was murmuring a song under his breath and his eyes flickered from one star to another. Clad in a forest green parka, stonewashed jeans and white converses; Tyler looked extraordinarily handsome and I tried not to dwell on the fact that he had changed his clothes since school. I'd done the same too, so it was no big deal, I guess.

"You look insane talking to yourself," I joked, taking the left swing and handing him one bag of chips.

Tyler's eyes snapped down from the sky and narrowed into slits.

"Where's my food munchkin?"

With a heavy sigh, I reluctantly handed him the other bag and he gave me a thankful nod. He popped a chip into his mouth and chewed noisily as I swung back and forth slowly.

"And I'm not talking to myself silly," His gaze returned to the sky. "I'm seeing if I can still remember the name of every star."

I craned my neck, drinking in the dark, blue expanse that was dotted with pulsating diamonds, twinkling with a brighter intensity that couldn't be seen anywhere else in town. Orion's Belt had taken it's place amongst the other celestial constellations, twinkling like tiny diamonds that I could just about reach up and snatch from the sky. I picked out the brightest star and focused on it until it flickered like a flame, shivering along with the swaying trees and wailing wind.

My gaze lowered to the lonely park, picking out a woman jogging and an old man walking his dog. There were a few kids our own age smoking besides the trees that opened up to the woods but other than that our only company were the scurrying squirrels and rustling leaves.

We sat in silence for a long time, munching on potato chips and staring at the sky although I kept sneaking glances at Tyler. The moonlight cast a shadow on half his face but highlighted his strong jawline and cheekbones making them jut out. My eyes found his mouth, zeroing on the way he muttered quietly to himself, reciting constellations and naming every star using his ridiculously good memory. I thought back to all the books he used to have on astronomy when we were kids and smiled at what a perceptive, cute, little boy he used to be.

He was still perceptive and cute, just not so little any more.

Slowly, my thoughts shifted from Tyler and back to my mother. I picked at the conflicting choice I had made to opt out of therapy, sifting through my torrent of doubts until they pushed against every corner of my skull, inducing a dull headache.

"Do you think parents always know what's best for us?" I blurted out, breaking the pleasant silence between us.

Tyler kept his eyes trained on the sky but the muscle in his jaw ticked. For a moment, I wondered if I had spoken too softly but his eyelids fluttered shut and he knitted his eyebrows together.

"I think..." He paused, opening his eyes again and flicking them back to the sky. "I think they try to do everything in our best interest but that doesn't mean they're always right."

With an appreciative nod, I grabbed the chains that held the swing upright and pushed myself off, moving back and forth like a pendulum until I lost momentum and came to a halt again.

"So should we follow their advice just to appease them even if they're wrong?"

This time, I felt his eyes lower to meet mine but I forced my gaze on the trees ahead.

"No, not really. It depends on the situation," He bit his lip with uncertainty before blowing out a long breath. White fog lingered around his rosy lips. "Most of the time, I don't think they even realise they're wrong, but then again, neither do we."

I wondered, was I the one in the wrong?

"So what if we're actually wrong? Do we have to follow their advice even if it makes us miserable beyond belief?"

His eyes flickered across the blanket of darkness above us, lingering on the holes of twinkling light before they focused on the crescent moon.

"Sometimes we're blinded by our emotions and we can't see past them so we disregard everything our parents have to say. I don't know...I think we forget that they've been where we are. They've been eighteen, they were young once so they've been through roughly the same things; so their advice is usually more important than we think."

"But what if they haven't been through some of the stuff we're going through? Does their opinion weigh as much even then?"

Tyler shook his head, blond hair falling into his eyes although the wind brushed it to the side moments later. His liquid eyes were burning with curiosity but I knew that he would never ask me for specifics and for that, I was grateful.

"You're on your own then. You'll have to make decisions without their help and that's worse because you won't have anyone to guide you to the right choice."

I cocked my head to the side, trying to digest his words before I nodded.

He gave me a wry grin, "As long as you know what's right for you, there isn't much they can do but if they're wrong then you should tell them and ask them to understand things from your perspective."

We lapsed into silence, both sucked into a vortex of our own thoughts and I felt at ease. The tight knot that had formed inside my stomach since my last nightmare uncoiled itself and I was surprised that all it took was the wise words of Tyler Miller to help me see the light.

Mom wasn't right to insist that I book an appointment but my choice to shrug off her suggestion wasn't right either. We were both running to opposite ends even though our destination was the same finish line; all we had to do was meet halfway and agree to disagree. My eyes found Tyler's, caught up in the array of green and blue until I averted my gaze, unable to remain unflustered by the intensity of his gaze.

I wish he'd stop looking at me like that all the damn time.

"Your mom will love you even if you make wrong decisions in your life Ashley," His smile was bitter for a moment, laced with remorse. "That's the great thing about parents, they love you no matter what you do."

I let his words sink in and and wash over me like a tide, cold and refreshing like the wind that continuously nipped at our cheeks.

"Yeah," I breathed, stealing a look at him behind my curls. I pushed them back and gathered them to one side so they hung around my waist in messy ringlets. "I wish someone could've told me this a while back but you're right."

A floppy smile crept along his lips, stretching them wide until they morphed into a smirk.

"Aren't I always?"

With a scoff, I dug my feet into the ground and began to swing slowly, picking up the pace to match his until we were swinging like a pendulum in fast motion; back and forth, back and forth.

"You think too highly of yourself," I chided, rolling my eyes although my smile stretched wide.

I parted my lips to let the ice cold air numb my airways, taking delight in Tyler's rumbling laughter when he tried his hardest to get his swing higher than mine. But I was smaller, faster and my legs worked more quickly so I dissolved into giggles when he shot an arm out to grab my chain. He narrowly missed and almost toppled off his seat.

Eventually, after he sabotaged my impossibly high swinging, we slowed down to a halt and I felt the urge to smack his smug grin away. Standing up, I rubbed my frozen hands, hoping to bring some warmth back into my numb fingertips.

"Cold?"

"Just my hands," I replied, surprised when Tyler held out his gloved hands. "What?"

"Give me your hands," He smiled.

Reluctantly, I held them out and he took them between his, lifting them to his mouth and blowing over them. I froze, startled by the warmth that washed over my numb fingertips. It wasn't the heat from his mouth that chased the cold away, it was the way he kept his gaze locked on mine the entire time he blew into our hands.

"Better?" He asked, rubbing my hands between his before letting go.

"Uh, y-yeah," I stuttered, shoving them into my pockets.

He began to bounce on the spot, shaking his limbs and stretching his muscles as if he was preparing for a soccer match. I kept an eye on his strange movements, narrowing them when he zipped up his pockets and tightened his scarf around his neck.

Tyler's eyes twinkled. "Race you to the bottom?"

His hopeful grin disappeared when I shot past him, sprinting down the winding path until I caught him cutting across the grass. With a grunt, I shot him a glower just as he glanced over his shoulder and flashed me a smug smirk. His attention was diverted, glued to my face and it was no surprise when his legs got tangled up like cable wires and he stumbled, careering forward.

My hand shot up to clasp my mouth with horror but he managed to regain his balance, holding his arms out like a bird taking flight and I sniggered, pleased about his sudden setback. By then I was zooming past him, flashing him a cocky grin as my brain pumped adrenaline, power and anticipation to my muscles in a burst to beat him.

Tyler's pounding footsteps were hot on my tail; loud like his heavy breaths but I was ahead by miles so I threw my head back and laughed, relishing the feeling of cold hands weaving through my curls and biting my cheeks.

"I win!" I screamed when we reached the bottom of the hill, jogging to a stop just in front of the park entrance.

Tyler draped an arm around my shoulder to catch his breath, glowering at me although I wrapped an arm around his waist and pushed him out of the the park. All coldness was chased away by his body heat so I snuggled closer, relishing the sharp rise and fall of his chest and I laughed, teasing him about his near fall as he grunted about his crushing loss.

Soon he was laughing with me, reenacting his fall as I clung to his parka, giggling with a case of hysterics. When we reached the traffic lights, the deserted sidewalk caused Tyler to shoot me a sideways glance.

"Rematch?"

The moment the words left his lips, we left a cloud of dust behind us and in that moment: we were eight again, we were free again and we were friends again.


**

I knocked on the front door even though I had my own keys. White puffs of water vapour hung around my mouth with each exhalation and I jumped from one foot to another, shifting my weight in an attempt to stay warm. I wanted Mom to open the door and when she did, we stared at each other for a moment, locked in a state where neither one of us knew what to do with our fidgeting hands.

"I'm sorry Mom," I blurted out, throwing myself into her arms.

Startled, she opened out her arms just in time to catch me and we stumbled back. She managed to keep us upright as I buried my head into her hair and sighed; I was ready to meet her halfway and tell her the truth.

"You were right. I haven't been sleeping well because of my bad dreams," I breathed in her strawberry shampoo and paused, trying to gather my thoughts into one place. "The last one kept me awake for three whole days and then I nearly passed out in school so Tyler took me to his house and let me crash there."

We stood there, enveloped in each other's embrace as I confessed my real reason for shooting down the idea of resorting to therapy again. I told her about my last sessions with Dr Jillian when she unravelled my deepest fears and how the nightmares got so much worse. I told her the real reason why I lied: I was scared, I was scared that my dreams would seep out of my mind and become a reality.

In my dreams, somebody always died at the end and I couldn't deal with anymore abrupt deaths. I lost my father and my best friend and I was scared to lose her, my friends and Tyler.

"Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?" She asked, tightening her hold on me and I felt tears seep into my shirt.

"I'm still scared Mom. Talking about it makes it more real and I wanted to see if I could handle it myself." I paused, "I still want to see if I can. Do you think you could give me more time? I promise if it gets worse, I'll tell you and we can talk about seeing Dr Jillian again."

She nodded fiercely, "Of course dear, of course."

I pulled back and gazed at Mom when she held me at arms length, blue eyes rimmed with unshed tears.

"I love you regardless of your choices. Even if we don't agree, I do love you Ashley," Her pale, blue eyes rippled like a clear lake. "You know that dear, right?"

A small smile crept along my lips and my chest lurched at how right Tyler was. Was there anything he wasn't good at besides being humble about his appearance?

"Yeah," I smiled, tucking a curl behind my ear. "I know that now Mom."

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[A/N: So the favour has been returned. Tyler has helped Ashley out, which is kinda amazing since she's always helping him.

Chapter 39: "Beach House Memories".... It's gonna be a really, really long one, and you'll finally understand what Tashley were like before ninth grade. It's one of the major turning points in this story. Pay attention people ;)

Also, help me pick out a ship name for them. Ashler or Tashley? Comment away :D

I'm having a little problem getting this story out there, so if you think it's good, maybe you could help me promote it? Idk, tell your Wattpad friends to check it out. Either way, I'm really hungry and haven't had breakfast yet. It's 2pm in London so...wait, I just digressed really badly right there. Oh.

Next upload in two days. Vote, comment and fan.

Peace and cheers and all happy things,

- Kaddy].

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