That night, I tossed and turned thinking about my best friend's brother, wondering what his life would have been like if Taylor was still alive. I knew it wasn't too good to dwell upon the 'what if's' but I couldn't help myself when this guy was a shadow of the greatness he could've been.

Tyler Miller could've had everything but instead he was left with an aching hole in his chest where his heart once was. It didn't take a blind person to figure out that Taylor had been his world and when you take the most important person away from someone...well, it breaks them. It shatters them to the core and brings them to their knees, unable to continue on without the existence of their loved one. Usually, most people dwell upon their grief for a couple of months and eventually realise that the clock is still turning and that life is still passing by. Only then do they snap out of their grievous haze and slowly - very gradually - they slip back to the routine of their old life.

I took three months.

Tyler's taken almost two years and he's still going strong.

That wasn't the worse part of his situation; grief was one thing but blaming himself for Taylor's inevitable death was a completely different thing.

He hid it well, I'll give him that. Either that or the rest of us, excluding my mother and Mrs Henderson, were too stupid to realise the obvious.

Knowing exactly how soul destroying it is to feel that way, I felt a painful tug in my chest. I'm not saying this proudly, but for once, Tyler and I were in the exact same boat. The only difference is that, there was nothing he could've done to save Taylor even if he was given a second chance whereas I just didn't try hard enough to save my father.

Now that the second anniversary of Taylor's death was rapidly approaching, I knew that I had to keep a watchful eye on Tyler after the stunt he pulled last year. Shuddering at the havoc and misery he brought down on us all, I pushed the thoughts away to the far corner of my mind and carried on reminiscing over the 'what if's'.

It was obvious that if Taylor hadn't fallen ill, Tyler would've had a soccer scholarship lined up for him, ready to secure if he maintained his GPA 4.0 - which he obviously didn't. I mean, how phenomenal do you have to be at soccer to be handed a college scholarship during your sophomore year. He was more fluid than water on that grass pitch, weaving between his opponents at an inexplicable speed and scoring hat-tricks almost every match.

Tyler was the reason why the school team was the reigning state champion. And then he quit and Riverdale High's team was no longer feared; they were just an average team again. Last year they made it to regionals and then lost out to the neighbouring team in the next town.

Pulling my duvet over my head, I groaned at how chilly it was in my room, as well as the fact that it was almost midnight and I was reminiscing over Tyler. It was really devastating how bright his future could have been. It could've shone blindingly like his old dimpled grin. It was all ready for him to grab, all he had to do was reach out but instead grief made him cower away.

The only thing about him that has remained consistent was his physical appearance. Although it had changed slightly, he was still Tyler Miller, gorgeous on the outside as he used to be on the inside. Any girl who attempted to dub him as unattractive was lying to herself.

I'll admit that prior to Taylor's death his eyes held a lively sparkle that lit up his features like a lightbulb. It was almost comical how animated he was when he used to explain things - he was a tangle of hands and very good at hilariously acting out events which he'd over exaggerate.

Also, his hair had been much shorter, styled into a messy but casual bed-head look that made half the females at Riverdale High swoon. Now it was a floppy mop that bounced with any slight movement, but it still held that gleam and smelt as mouthwatering as ever.

"His hair does not smell that good stupid!" I grumbled out loud to myself whilst my mind just ignored my obvious lie and laughed at me.

I wondered, if Taylor was still alive, would he still be dating Michelle?

A deep knife twisted inside me and I mentally slapped myself for still getting jealous over the fact he picked that promiscuous brat over me. Why was it so hard to let go of that part of my life? I mean, I had accepted it but letting go of the confirmation that I wasn't good enough for him still pained me. It wasn't something that I liked to think about often, if not at all, but every so often it cropped up and pulled me into a vortex of insecurity and lack of self-esteem.

I knew that I wasn't as busty as her and my legs weren't never-ending like hers, but I'm certain it wasn't her personality that made him choose her. Her personality was the equivalent of sour milk so it had to be her blessed beauty. That and her willingness to offer him the world between her legs.

Groaning loudly, I turned my entire body so that I was lying flat on my back staring up at the ceiling.

"Why are you still awake?" I muttered to myself, rubbing my eyelids.

It had been over six hours since he dropped me off home but I still couldn't let go of the amount of concern in his eyes when he switched off the engine and just stared at me for a full minute before finally speaking up.

It was very unnerving.

Closing my eyes, I could see how blue his eyes were, bright like the sky on a sunny day with a few traces of sea green. They were so intoxicating that my breath got caught in my throat.

"Hey Ashley?"

His voice was so deep. Something in my chest stopped before it began to inflate like a balloon until it was on the verge of popping. I wondered quietly at the back of my mind, why was it doing that so much lately?

"Yeah?" I breathed, fiddling with the strap of my bag feeling slightly nervous for unknown reasons.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

First, I was beyond confused and my eyes snapped in his direction. Then the look in his eyes made me hold my breath as I just stared at him, still confused.

"About what?"

His eyes bored into mine making me want to cower away and sink into the seat because they were so fierce and intense and it scared me that my body reacted the way it did to his gaze. It was like a slowly fire was seeping through my chest and making it's way to my stomach to intensify the fluttering butterflies.

"The cemetery. You were quite upset."

I bit my lip as realisation hit me. He was talking about the moment when I could barely hold myself together in front of the gravestone. I wish he hadn't seen me like that but I guess that's what you get for taking me to see my best friend. Tyler's eyes scanned his effectively, search for any grief or sadness but other than usual amount, I was feel rather elated from our scrumptious dinner.

"I'm fine." I assured him, unbuckling my seatbelt and pushing the door open.

Without giving him a second glance, I let myself into my house and sighed heavily when I heat the roar of his engine as he drove away.

Spending the remainder of the evening tackling my build up of torturous homework, I skipped dinner and tried my hardest not to think about him. Then I slipped into my bed and turned restlessly for the next hour, leading me to my position right now: completely and utterly wide awake.

And I was thinking about him, a lot.

Sighing heavily, I pulled back my duvet and hauled myself out of my bed. Padding over to the bathroom, I opened the medicine cabinet and blindly patted around until I found the sleeping pills I was looking for. I filled up a glass with water and downed two tablets before heading back to bed.

Counting to six hundred, I think I made it past four hundred before slowly losing count and drifting into a dreamless sleep.

***

"How was your date with Tyler?" Mona sang, linking an arm through mine as we made our way to homeroom.

Coming to a sudden halt outside our classroom, I yanked my arm away from hers and frowned deeply.

"What are you talking about?"

She raised both eyebrows and crossed her arms over her full chest.

"You and Tyler both skipped or is it a coincidence that you both failed to turn up for Home Ec. even though you were both in school yesterday."

Man, this girl was far too good at deductions. She never failed to miss a single detail and when my mouth fell ajar she nodded slowly, confirming her statement.

"I knew it!" She giggled, bringing a hand to her mouth whilst I turned the same shade as her hair.

"It wasn't a date!" I hissed at her, cautiously scanning the corridors for any eavesdropper.

God knew what uprising would take place if people knew Tyler and I were hanging out outside class. They'd only assume that he and I were hooking up for sure. Michelle would see to that.

"Of course it wasn't." Mona said solemnly and I smiled at her for finally understanding. "It was a first date!"

My smile flipped upside down.

"It wasn't a first date either!" I hissed through gritted teeth.

"Sure it wasn't. Now spill!"

I groaned loudly and pushed the classroom door open because of the shrill bell echoing overhead. Slumping into our usual table in the back corner, I rubbed my eyes behind my glasses and sighed heavily. Seconds later, the redhead was scraping back the chair beside me. Leaning forward, her eager brown eyes drank in my mortification as I vaguely explained that Tyler and I skipped together, visited his sister and then went to get food.

When I accidentally let slip that he paid for my food she squealed and clapped her hands together.

"It was definitely a date!"

"Was not!" I snapped.

"Was too!" Her eyes sparkled with a dangerous amount of certainty.

Wow, my friend was living in a constant state of delirium and fantasies.

"Whatever, are you gonna let me continue or?"

"There's more?!" She squealed.

I raised an eyebrow. Instantly she motioned zipping her lip and swallowing the key. I don't think she realised that sewing her mouth shut meant that she couldn't open it to swallow the key, but that's Mona for you.

Slowly, to her torture, I told her how bad my food had been and how the chef had mixed up my vegetables. She frowned, listening intently.

Then she shrieked. She literally let out a shriek that woke up our teacher from his deep slumber and boom at her to shut her trap. Literally.

"He. Gave. You. His. Chocolate. Milkshake."

Her loud whisper made me laugh gently.

"No silly! This is Tyler we're talking about. He never shares his food. I think he ordered it for me beforehand."

"Ahhh," She nodded with understanding, "He had already planned to make you orgasm."

The last part she said very loudly, earning us a few curious stare but not before I shrieked at her and flipped a finger at her, turning the same colour of her hair.

"I meant food orgasm Ash. Jeeze!"

Her eye roll made me pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale sharply.

"That's it, I'm not telling you the rest."

In a split second, she was on her knees pleading at me to continue. Her big brown eyes were wide, repenting and begging for forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She rushed out in a scream, getting up off her knees and crawling back to her seat.

I couldn't hold back my laugh at how dramatic she was. Mona was without doubt the biggest drama queen at Riverdale.

"I'll continue only if you promise to stay silent and not interrupt me. Think you can do that?"

Her vigorous nod made her bob flop back and forth.

"I promise." She swore solemnly, before holding up her hands in a scout's honour. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

Heaving a sigh, I brought my fingernails to my mouth and began to chew thoughtfully before diving back into the story. True to her dramatic promise, Mona listening eagerly without a sound up until the part where Tyler gave me a burger.

"He didn't!" She breathed incredulously.

"He did," I nodded slowly, still in shock that he found it in his heart to part with his food.

Her red lips hung open so wide that I wouldn't have been surprised if she caught flies in them.

"Whoa," She breathed, eyes wide. "I thought it was more likely for Tupac to still be alive than for Tyler to share his food with anyone."

Taking advantage of her shocked state, I quickly finished my story and leaned back whilst my friend just gaped at me, occasionally closing and opening her mouth like a goldfish.

"That was most definitely a date Ash!"

"Your idea of a date is messed up. A date usually ends with a kiss and Tyler and I did not kiss." I huffed, trying to cement the fact into her mind.

A slow smirk played on her lips when the shock finally wore off. Weaving her fingers together, her calculating and intense gaze irritated me as she studied me carefully.

"I bet you wanted to kiss him, didn't you?"

Letting out a loud groan, I ran a hand over my face and counted to ten, trying to will my immense exasperation to go away. I glowered at her and sunk further into my chair, grumbling about how my friends were the equivalent of Thing 1 and Thing 2, interchanging between whose turn it was to torment me daily.

"You love us really," She smiled, dramatically reaching over to table to cup my hand two of hers.

I snatched my hand away as if she had burned me and received a chuckle in response.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed Ashley. All first kisses are awkward."

I inhaled sharply, gasping for fresh air, only to choke and splutter at the grinning redhead.

"WE DIDN'T KISS!"

I kid you not, every head in the classroom turned at the sound of my booming shriek whilst my friend let out an echoing hoot. My face spontaneously combusted as I buried my head into my hands and groaned loudly.

"I hate you so much right now!" I grumbled into my hands, peeking a glance at Mona through my fingers.

Just when my cheeks finally simmered down to a less frightful shade of pink, Thing 2 strode into the classroom, scanning his green eyes effectively over our sleeping teacher before breaking into a grin when they settled on us.

"Blake," Mona sang, waggling her eyebrows at me as his eyes flickered between the two of us.

"Mona please don't!" I whined, pleading with my panicked eyes to keep the information to herself but she only flashed me a wink.

I had a mistake in confiding in her and with the addition of Thing 2 finding out, the level of teasing I was going to receive doubled. His confused smile froze before it widened, threatening to split his face into two.

"Something's up with you two," He mused and loped an arm around my shoulder, scanning my mortified expression and Mona's beaming smile.

"Ya think?" She giggled, teasing her bangs with her fingers to add more volume.

"Okay now you've got to tell me!" Blake laughed at my pained expression, scraping a chair from another table and dragging it over to us.

Plopping down on it, he leaned forward and propped his elbows onto the table before cradling his head and watching me with the creepiest grin known to man.

"Sooooo..." He drawled in a deep voice and I rolled my eyes. "What's the latest news in the Mr and Mrs Grumpy chronicles?"

"Blake!" I snapped as Mona let out a silvery laugh.

"See, even Blake has figured it out and he's dumber than a neanderthal!"

Remaining frozen with the same creepy stance, he lazily lifted an arm up and smacked the redhead lightly on the back of her head.

"Blake!" She shrieked, rubbing her scalp and shooting him a death glare.

Ignoring her incoming profanities, his green eyes continued to bore into mine.

At that moment, the ground should have opened up, swallowed me into the fiery depths of hell, leaving my two friends mourning and regretting the day they started their interrogation about my extra curricular activities.

"Are you going to tell me or do I have to resort to forcing it out of you Ash?"

A hand reached out to my side, threatening to dig into my waist.

"You wouldn't dare risk your ballsack bro," I breathed, edging away from his incoming arm until I was pressed against the wall.

"Try me," He laughed with a lilting tone that put me on edge as he painfully poked my cheek. "I have steel balls today."

Before I could blink, both his hands shot to my sides. I wheezed and doubled over as air rushed out of my lungs. I couldn't even manage to scream at him to stop because my throat was too busy trying to force down some oxygen.

He continued to tickle me for an excruciating minute before finally pulling away.

"So are you gonna spill or am I gonna have to go in for round two?"

I was too busy recovering from my close call to experiencing a cardiac arrest whilst Mona patted Blake's bulky arm affectionately. She rested her head on his shoulder and when he draped an arm around her shoulders I made a mental note to strangle them in their sleep.

Morons.

"Let me put you out of your misery Blake," Mona sighed dramatically.

"H-His...misery?" I gasped incredulously, giving the two of them a death glare.

Mona rolled her eyes at me before filling Blake in and I just shrunk deeper and deeper and deeper into my seat, praying for a miraculous disappearing act.

"What?" Blake exclaimed when Mona finished.

His eyes snapped in my direction, wide with astonishment before his mouth stretched into a very wide grin.

"Sound like you and Tyler had a great date!" He chided, waggling his eyebrows. "Though, I'm quite surprised he didn't take you home and defile you on the dining table."

In response, I just pressed my hands up to my flaming face and let loose a never ending chain of curse words whilst they doubled over and laughed at my expense.

Gee, I sure was lucky to have such good friends!

***

After lunch we headed to Home Economics together and I couldn't deny the excitement that was surging through me. It was obvious that I was looking forward to seeing Tyler and for once I happily ignored Mona's secret smiles and Blake's knowing winks.

"Come on guys! We're gonna be late!" I sang, linking my arms through theirs and pulling them down the corridor.

There were about a dozen people from our class lingering outside the door, waiting for Ms Smith to turn up. I was surprised she wasn't barking orders at us to get into the room as the bell was due to ring any moment soon.

"Someone's excited," Blake grinned, letting me drag his six foot two body towards the approaching classroom door.

"Well what do you expect after her date last night." Mona interjected, bursting my bubble of elation.

"It wasn't a date!" I repeated for the umpteenth time.

"Mmm hmm," She laughed at the same time that Blake cut in with: "Keep telling yourself that."

I couldn't come up with a good enough retort because my eyes landed on a lonesome figure leaning against the wall. Red headphones were snugly positioned on his head and his blond hair flopped everywhere as he bobbed his head to his music.

"Tyler?" I breathed, pushing past my friends and approaching him.

His eyes were closed so I had to lightly prod his cheek to get his attention. Biting back a laugh, his lids instantly flung open and I met with furious sea-green orbs.

"What?" He snapped and I rolled my eyes at his cranky mood.

Bravely, I pushed his headphones down so that they were slung around his neck. His terrifying scowl dwindled into an irritated frown as I rocked back and forth on my feet, watching him with a wide grin.

"What?" He repeated, this time in a less harsh voice.

"I just came over to say hi," I managed to spit out, trying my hardest to keep my composure when he was looking at me with those intense eyes.

A frown returned to his lips and they tugged downwards. Eventually he gave a heavy sigh and scanned my face, searching for god knows what.

"How are you feeling?" He asked after a moment's silence. "You look exhausted."

The question caught me off guard and I stopped rocking back and forth and froze. He must have noticed it because a heavy hand landed on my shoulder, reminding me that I was almost a foot shorter than him.

"I didn't get much sleep I guess," I replied before my shoulders deflated under his hold. "Probably because these upcoming two weeks are gonna be really hard."

The hand on my shoulder tensed and I peered up at his face, slightly surprised that his jaw was working angrily as he clenched and unclenched it. He grunted in agreement but there was no longer any softness around his hard eyes. Slowly, I realised he was trying to hide something from me and it came as a sudden realisation that it was sorrow. He was trying to hide the fact that he was sad.

Feeling guilty for bringing up Taylor's upcoming anniversary, I shifted my weight awkwardly and looked at him.

"Hey, trust me Tyler, this year isn't going to be as bad as last year."

I reached out and rubbed his arm reassuringly but he shrugged me off and turned his head to the side. Suddenly, the shrill of the bell cut through us and a flushed Ms Smith came huddling towards us with her classroom keys dangling around her neck.

"In you go guys! Come on! Chop chop!" She bellowed after she unlocked the door.

I gave Tyler one last lingering glance before bowing my head down and trailing after the other students. With ease, I slid into my desk and watched Tyler as he strode into the classroom and sat down without sparing me a second glance.

For the rest of the lesson, Tyler and I didn't really get a chance to talk because Ms Smith was yapping at us whilst she went through a never ending PowerPoint presentation on the structures and multiple arrangements of cake layers.

I did try to lean forward and poke at the back of his chair but he was just out of reach and didn't seem all that intent on talking to me. It wasn't too hard to figure out that I'd upset him by bringing up his stupid stunt last year.

When the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson, I quickly shoved my textbooks into my bag and was just about to head over to Tyler but by the time I glanced up from my bag, his blond head was darting out of the classroom.

The only person who beat him to the door was Mona who raced to get to her piano recital in time.

My shoulders deflated and I trudge after everybody else. Blake stood beside me as we exited the classroom and gently nudged his hip against mine.

"What's with the long face?" He asked, gesturing towards my deep frown.

I sighed heavily and peered at him before telling him how I'd upset Tyler.

"I didn't mean to bring it up but I feel like he's shutting me out again." I heaved another heavy sigh as I finished explaining everything to Blake.

Slinging an arm around my shoulders, I was unexpectedly pressed against his brick wall of a chest whilst he ruffled my hair affectionately.

"Let me go!" I choked as he cut off the circulation around my neck.

After giving me one last right squeeze, he dropped his arms to his side and placed some distance between us so that we were facing each other completely. On his lips he wore the all too familiar, sad and nostalgic smile he was always sported when Tyler cropped up in our little heart to heart sessions.

"You know what you have to do," His eyes sparkled with a hint of agony. Shaking my head with confusion, I just stared him, unblinking, waiting for him to carry on. "Give him space Ash, that's all he needs when he gets like this."

Nodding slowly, I ignored the aching feeling spreading through me as I realised he was correct. Together, we walked towards the parking lot and I had to try my hardest to hide the faint quivering of my bottom lip.

Giving him space was going to be hard. Maybe a lot harder than I was expecting.