CH 20: I Can't Decide (edited)
Alfred leaned against Davie's shoulder and sighed. "It's really too bad my dad won't work tomorrow since it'll be the weekend." He mumbled in a glum tone.
Davie smiled apologetically. "Yeah..." He agreed. "But I'll always be here when my dad is working...I hope." His last word had worried Alfred. "What do you mean you hope?" he asked anxiously. "It's just, my dad is getting really tired lately and it's probably because of stress," Davie explained with a glum tone. "I really care about my dad and my family. I can't let anyone get hurt." Alfred felt a pang in his heart.
Tears had filled his eyes unexpectedly he flinched as a few tears slid down his cheeks "Alfred!?" Davie panicked and took Alfred's face in his hands. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" he asked frantically as he wiped away the many tears that fell. "I-it's nothing," Alfred whispered, his eyes clouded with despair. Davie's heart was clenched in pain seeing how hurt and in pain Alfred was.
Alfred remembered how sad his brother looked early in the morning, and his grip was tight, he didn't want Alfred to leave. Alfred had hurt his brother. More tears slid off his cheeks, large and fat they were glistening like pearls on his pink cheeks. "Tell me what's wrong Alfred I want to know what's hurting you." Davie pleaded desperately.
Alfred sniffed and nodded reluctantly. "Okay, I'll tell you." He said, Davie, released him and stood from the ground pulling Alfred up with him. "Let's go somewhere a bit quieter." He suggested as he took notice of the many children staring at them, Alfred let himself be dragged off by Davie as he wiped away the rest of his tears. Eventually, Davie found a quiet little corner and sat against the wall patting the empty spot beside him urging Alfred to sit. "It's either the floor or my lap." Davie grinned earning a giggle from Alfred.
Alfred sat beside Davie, their shoulders almost touching, and Davie who absolutely hated the space between them wrapped his arm around Alfred's shoulder and pulled him closer. "Alright, now tell me." He demanded, Alfred sighed and leaned his head against Davie's shoulder. "I hurt my brother Davie." He whispered in an inaudible voice. "I know I hurt him, and it hurts. My heart hurts." He whimpered and clutched at his chest. "I don't like it." His voice broke slightly.
Davie gave Alfred's shoulders a slight reassuring squeeze. "How did you hurt him?" he asked hesitantly. "I left him even though he pleaded me to stay, I left him alone, and that's one of his greatest fears." Alfred winced at the sudden realization. "He's going to hate me." Alfred felt his throat tighten, he didn't want his brother to hate him. He always wanted his brother to be smiling at all times and always be there for him when something is wrong. Now, look where he was.
Alfred didn't want to think about it, but his mind was filled with images of his brother with tear stains on his pale sallow cheeks. He had broken his promise he made to his mother, his heart shattered. He witnessed his biological father harm his brother and watched the life drain from his mother's eyes and Matthew...
Matthew had also gone through it all with no one but Alfred to lean against for support. And now with Alfred leaving him, Matthew possibly lost all hope. Alfred squeezed his eyes shut his breathing suddenly quickened and his small chest quickly rose and fell with each frantic breath he took. Davie pulled Alfred onto his lap and hugged him tightly. "Alfred calm down!" he pleaded anxiously as he rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down.
Alfred took deep breaths remembering how his father did when he himself had a small panic attack. After a long while, he calmed down and blushed as soon as he realized he was once again on top of Davie in a rather odd position. "I-I'm okay now Davie." He stuttered in embarrassment. "I know." Davie smiled. "But let me hug you for a bit more." He mumbled. Davie was suffering from neglect but hid it well.
His mother hated seeing him around the house because she knew that he would have to be her responsibility, and his father simply dropped him off at the center often forgetting that he was there at times. There was once a time that he had actually forgotten about Davie and left him there for almost the whole night until the boss called him. Davie yearned for a loving embrace, and when he saw Alfred alone just how he was he swore to himself that he would be his friend.
Someone Alfred could rely on.
Someone his parents couldn't be.
Davie released Alfred from the tight embrace and smiled at him. "Alfred, let me tell you something." He said. "Being alone is one of the worst things ever, it's scary." He shivered. "So if your brother is afraid of that, then I suggest that you go to him as soon as possible and hold him tight." The smile on his face was one of pain. "You'll never know when it'll be the last." He mumbled.
Alfred frowned and swallowed. "But Davie, I don't want to leave you alone either." He grasped onto his hand. "You're my friend now, and I'm a hero. And a hero never leaves his friends behind!" he exclaimed. "But what about the hero's family?" Davie asked. "Isn't family more important than friends?" the question had caught Alfred off guard. "F-family and friends. They're both important." He stated. "And if you have to choose to save only one what would you choose?" Davie asked.
Alfred froze and struggled as he tried to find an answer. "I...I can't decide." He whispered with wide eyes. "Alfred." Davie sighed. "Family always comes first." He stated. Alfred looked down, he still hadn't moved from the position he was in, he was too deep in his thoughts. He was so confused.
Davie carefully lifted him off of his lap and faced him once again cradling his face in his hands. "Alfred it's just how things work." He did not want to see Alfred upset again, it had hurt him the first time. Alfred wordlessly shifted his gaze to the children peering over Davie's shoulder with wide eyes giggling and whispering to themselves. "A hero saves all." He mumbled. He shifted his gaze back to Davie who had a very concerned look on his face. "And if I have to choose one then.." He paused and took a breath.
"You'll be part of my family then." Davie flinched at Alfred's words and nearly fell back, the words had full impact on him. Davie released Alfred and gave out a forced shaky laugh. "You're so...wow.." He muttered in awe. "You're very determined Alfred you know that right?" he shook his head and ran his hand through his own hair. "You're really strong." Alfred didn't know how to respond, so instead he looked down, he noticed that Davie seemed a bit stressful himself.
Davie took notice of Alfred's questionable silence and tapped his shoulder. "Is something wrong Alfred?" he asked quietly. "I was about to ask the same thing." He said and lifted his face. "Is something bothering you Davie? You seem really upset about something." Concern laced his voice.
Davie thought for a while and hummed. "I just wanted to let you know that if something is wrong with one of your family members then you should really take care of them," Davie spoke as if he himself had experienced such things. Which, surprisingly he had.
He knew that his parents would never return the love he gave to them, he remembered a time when his mother was greatly ill he stayed by her side as his father worked, and at that time his mother was too drowsy to push Davie away, so she allowed him to stay. Just that one time, but when Davie was sick he had to tend to himself with no one by his side.
The loneliness was too much for him, so he started spending his time outdoors and grew fascinated with the many flowers he came in contact with, one day a neighbor had taken notice of his liking to the beautiful flowers and gave him a book all about flowers. Davie was extremely happy that day and kept the book like it were a golden ring. It was a valuable item to him.
Davie shook his head as soon as he realized that he had gotten lost in his thoughts, and Alfred was staring at him not uttering a single word. Alfred gasped when his eyes caught the glistening of tears on Davie's face. "D-Davie!" he scrambled to him and wiped away his tears. "What's wrong?" this time Alfred was the one comforting Davie.
Both boys were filled with sadness in their hearts, and they both knew it. They both understood. Davie forced on a painful smile and wiped away his tears brushing away Alfred's hand. "I'm sorry Alfred, the topic about your family being hurt really got to me." He lied with a tight throat making it hard for him to breathe. "Does it really hurt you that bad?" Alfred whimpered. "It's pretty silly huh?" Davie shook his head felling ashamed in himself.
Alfred frantically shook his head in protest. "N-no! You really care..." He mumbled and grasped onto Davie's hands. "Even though they're not your own family you still care. You're so kind Davie, your family must be proud." He smiled. Davie flinched as if the words Alfred spoke were fire. "...yeah." He whispered mostly to himself, keeping on the forced smile.
Alfred frowned and was about to hug Davie until his father called him over, he gave Davie a quick hug goodbye. "I'll bring the flower to you." He stood and gave him a bright smile before dashing off to his father's side, he waved at Davie and Davie waved back. He was so close to breaking down, just a little more...
He didn't want Alfred to see him cry again, as soon as Alfred was gone he turned around and faced the corner allowing his tears to fall. He cried for his parents, he yearned for their love.
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Alfred fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat Arthur took notice and looked at him with concerned filled eyes. "What's wrong Alfred?" he asked, Alfred jumped and faced his father.
Arthur grew more worried when he saw the sad look on his son's face. "Dad.." Alfred mumbled and looked away not being able to hold his gaze. "I hurt Matthew." He admitted with a guilt-stricken tone. Arthur wanted so badly to comfort Alfred, but he needed to drive though he promised himself he would talk to him when they got home.
When they did get home Arthur stayed in the car with Alfred. "Tell me everything." He turned to face Alfred. And so Alfred spoke telling his father everything that had been bothering him, at first Arthur didn't know how to react knowing that his son was feeling so down it worried him when Alfred was done he kept his head down. "Alfred, when your papa and I first brought you both home we didn't know what to do. Your papa didn't know how to calm Matthew down because he was crying so much." Arthur smiled at the memory.
Francis was so scared and panicked as he barged in the room with a sobbing Matthew in his arms, and Arthur scolded him. Alfred's interest peaked and he lifted his head. "What happened then?" he asked curiously obviously wanting to know how they got Matthew to calm down, Arthur sighed. "I took Matthew from your papa's arms and held him close to my chest." He whispered. "So, I held him close to my heart and told your papa that children will always feel alone." He smiled at Alfred and rested his hand against his cheek.
"That's why you got to hold them close and tight so they won't feel scared or lonely." Alfred stayed silent astonished by his father's words. "And Matthew stopped crying?" he asked to which Arthur nodded in response. "Yes, he instantly calmed down." Alfred thought for a while and came up with a solution. "Dad I want to hold Mattie tight, and close to my heart." His eyes were filled with determination. He was going to cheer his brother up.
Arthur agreed and they both climbed out the car, Alfred ran to the house not bothering to close the door behind him, Francis had a tired look on his face as he exited the boys' room where sobbing was heard. "He won't let me touch him..." He mumbled in defeat and looked down biting down hard on his lip. He was not going to cry. Alfred grew worried fearing that maybe it was already too late to comfort his brother, but he was still determined.
Arthur was instantly by Francis' side and comforted him whispering sweet words to him allowing Alfred to pass through. Alfred took a deep breath and entered the room closing the door behind him, Matthew was curled up on the bed with large fat tears rolling down his cheeks, just how Alfred imagined it.
His heart literally shattered at the sight, he slowly walked over to the bed and tapped his shoulder earning a small whimper. Matthew slowly turned to face his brother and flinched. "Hey, Mattie..." Alfred mumbled and slowly climbed on the bed. Matthew stayed in his curled position and closed his eyes waiting for his pain to go away, but something suddenly startled him.
And before he knew it he was in his brother's arms. "I'm here Mattie," Alfred whispered to him and hugged him tight holding him to his chest, to his heart just how his father did. Matthew grew tense as soon as his head hit his brother's chest and he was able to hear his steady heartbeat. "I'm sorry Mattie, I left you all alone." Alfred rubbed his brother's back. "But I promise I'll never do it again. I'll stay by your side." Alfred's words soothed and calmed Matthew down.
Matthew took a shaky breath and allowed himself to calm down, comforted by his brother's embrace he soon fell asleep thanking Alfred as he drifted.
Alfred sighed and lied down still holding tightly onto his brother. "I'm so sorry Mattie." He turned to face his sleeping brother and wiped away the remaining tears. "I'll never ever hurt you again." With that promise made he himself drifted off to sleep, the heaviness in his chest was gone, but not completely. He was still worried.
Worried about Davie.
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