Chapter 10

"Okay." Nadia exclaimed, when I sat down heavily on my desk, making her look up from her phone. "What the heck is going on? Half the school is saying you had a bomb in your locker yesterday."

"Really?" I grumbled, feigning ignorance. "I mean, it could have been drugs or something."

"They wouldn't call bomb disposal for drugs." Nadia deadpanned.

I sighed. "Cody told the principal that I had a bomb."

"And he believed him?"

"That's what I said!" Salma interrupted, plopping her bag onto a desk besides Nadia's, and pulling out a mirror to fix her already perfect hair.

Nadia shook her head, appalled and I turned away and inwardly groused. It had taken all my willpower to get up from bed that morning. Walking into the school building felt like I was a scrap of meat in a yard of bulldogs. People pulled off my skin with their eyes and their whispers were claws that pierced my flesh. A few kids yelled out, asking me why the hell I was still here, why didn't I just go back to my own country and terrorize my own people, why was I even born?

I'd kept my mouth shut and walked, hoping the ground beneath me would open up and swallow me whole.

"Let's get back to work." I offered, pulling out a half finished portrait of Nadia's face/

I'd had to start a new one, since the one before had nearly gotten me killed. Nadia whined when I got to work on drawing her mouth. I delicately darkened the lines I'd traced out before, while her real mouth twisted into a disapproving frown.

"Nooo." She cried. "You're going to make me look ugly."

"You're already--" I stopped because I didn't even know how to say such lies.

Because how could I tell her that no matter what I did, my portrait would never compare to her actual beauty, that no one in the history of ever could conjure up a piece of art that would ever surpass her attractiveness? But of course, since I've already opened my big, fat mouth and almost called her ugly, Nadia pouted at me. She turned to my sister, eyes gleaming in mischief and I was ready to throw my head on the floor and beg for forgiveness.

"Salma, your brother has the actual audacity to think I'm ugly."

"Pffff." Salma snorted, as I sulked, unable to take back my words. "Has he seen his own face?"

"Instead of bombs, he should install a mirror in his locker." Nadia nodded.

"Why would I need a mirror?" I interrupted, stinging from the bomb comment. "I'm already aware of my great looks."

"Make up checks." Nadia said seriously.

"Imperative." Salma deadpanned.

"Why would I wear make up??" I yelped.

"I mean with that face, you should consider it." Nadia shrugged.

"I hate you."

Lies. So many lies. No one would be able to tell that I loved Nadia more than myself, not if they paid attention to my words, which were definitely not true. But if they looked at me right then as I watched her laugh, eyes fixed on her gorgeous eyes which glittered in glee, then perhaps they would realise that I was totally whipped for the girl.

That, and I would do or say anything to hear that beautiful laugh.

- - -

It was a warm day outside, and the clear blue sky was only blemished by a few fluffy clouds. It was unusually warm for fall, and the trees are already turning yellow and red and orange. A few houses near the school already had Halloween decorations up, grey ghouls and snow white ghosts and fake graves litter their lawns.

I finished up my lunch by the time I saw Ian exit the school. He slowly walked up to the tree we sat by and hesitantly sat down, glancing at me a few times. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rest my head on my arms, wondering why it was so warm today. It made me sleepy but I supposed that this could also be a result of going to bed at 3 am the night before.

Ian, having said nothing, pulled out his lunch: tuna sandwiches (no surprise), tomato soup with crackers, and brownies. I was puzzled by his silence and lack of smile, as usually he was cheerful and talkative but I figured he was also disturbed by yesterday's events.

"Well, at least Cody won't bother you anymore." I said outloud and he stilled.

I expected him to turn to me and say something, but he doesn't. He nodded and continued to eat, avoiding my eyes. Now this makes me sit up, worried.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He nodded, and I raised a brow.

"Did you, like, lose your voice overnight?" I joked.

"I thought you were different then them." He said quietly.

"What?"

"I thought your were different!" He yelled. "But you're not! If the principal didn't stop you, you would have punched Cody, you would have fought him. You're just like Cody and his friends! You're just like them!"

"Woah!" I said, putting up my hands. "Okay, maybe I reacted wrongly, but I was angry that they were picking on you."

"It doesn't matter." Ian said, quietly. "In the end, you were just as violent as them."

"Violent?" I said, appalled. "You think I'm the violent one? For defending you? For sticking up for you?"

"I don't need you to stick up for me!" He cried, slowly standing up. His hands curled into fists. "I don't need defending! And I'm not going to resort to violence like them. Or like you!"

"What the hell, Ian?" I jumped up and stared down at him. "Just because I fight back unlike you, doesn't mean I'm like them."

"Unlike me?" He blinked.

"Well, yeah." I snorted. "You just stand there and take it. That's freaking weak."

Ian stared at me, his mouth falling open but before I could let regret and shame filter into my heart and hold my words in my throat and gritted my teeth, thinking of how I cared enough about this kid to go up against ten bastards and all he could say was that I was just like the fools who got us into this mess. He closed his mouth, lip quivering.

"I'm not weak." He whispered.

- - -

Ian didn't say a word to me after that. He took his lunch, packed up, and walked off. I spent the rest of the lunch hour trying now to think of the way his eyes shone with unshed tears and his harsh whispered words as he left me to stare at the spot where he'd stood. It had never occurred to me before, that maybe Ian didn't want to be defended, didn't want me to help him.

The remainder of the day crawled by, unbearably slowly. As my last class of the day comes to an end, and the bell rang, I bolted to my locker to grab my coat. Outside, grey clouds build up overhead and I brushed off tiny raindrops from my cheeks. I decided to power walk to the bus stop before it began to pour.

I saw her hand first, peeking out from the bus station doors, extended out towards the sky as she caught raindrops in her hand. She'd pulled her hair into a ponytail and for a moment I stopped to admire the open look of admiration she had on her face, looking up to the sky.

"You like rain?" I asked.

I slipped in past her, as Nadia turned in surprise, her face closing as her usual expression of mild disdain and amusement replaced her softened features.

"I guess so." She remarked.

"Do you prefer it over the sunshine, then?"

"Hmm." She hummed, and shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"What do you mean?"

At that, she turned to the glass doors to stare outside, and she seemed as sad as the sky. I waited a few moments, and am about to repeat my question, thinking she hadn't heard me when she sighed and gave a little laugh, as if she was trying to make herself feel better.

"I just mean that," she began, "it's not like it matters what I like. The sun will shine and it will rain weather or not I like one over the other."

"Oh."

I watched her reach out again outside to catch raindrops in her palm, as if she wanted to gather all of the rain that fell from the rumbling, grey clouds. The ones which fell from her eyes do not go unnoticed, but I am too struck to say anything or offer comfort. I watched her cry silently, and my gaze drifted over to her hand which is outstretched towards the sky. I'm unable to think of words that will make her tears vanish, but I wished desperately for the sun to come out right then and make everything feel warm again.

_______________________________________________________

I tried to write happy things once and it ended up sad and so now I just stick to ripping out my own heart :)

Votes/comments/ hugs for Ian and Nadia are appreciated!