YeongMi didn't find solitude by going outside. Instead, she was met with crowds of kids making out on the beach.

With a bitter scowl, she started walking down the beach. Each step resulted in angry sand flying forward, and YeongMi found that her hands were clenched into fists, her nails pressing harsh crescents into the skin.

She walked along, hardly registering anything around her, not noting the distance she was going, nor the direction.

No, all she saw was Bora's hands on Namjoon, Bora pulling Namjoon in circles, and the embarrassed smile coating his lips, that her mind so cruelly replayed over and over in her head.

She could imagine how it was going right now. Bora would be dancing gracefully, leading the awkward but all-too-willing Namjoon along. They'd be laughing, maybe recalling memories that they shared,  finding new ways to connect by rekindling old sensations, the familiar touch of a hand, just as their childhood had been spent together.

The thought made YeongMi feel physically sick, her stomach clenching up painfully, her throat closing up, imaginary bile rising up to press against it.

Her entire body tensed up, and with a gutteral cry she started running, running until her legs were burning, her feet throwing sand everywhere.

She ran, but no matter how fast she went, she couldn't escape the intense, overpowering emotions rising at the thought, the image of Namjoon and Bora.

She collapsed onto the sand, a gasping mess. Laying her chest on her knees, she pressed her head to the sand.

It was warm against her forehead, and she sighed before shifting to lay on her side.

The light wind carried the chilled sea air and pressed goosebumps to her skin, and she curled up tightly into herself.

Once she caught her breath, she had already decided not to move.

"I'll stay here until the sea takes me." She spoke to herself, perhaps to not feel so lonely in that moment.

Slowly at first, the tide lapped at her feet, sending jolts of ice up her legs.

Even when the water was pressing against her entire body, she made no effort to move, despite the shivers that were taking over her body.

It's pathetic.

This can't just be about a boy.

No, it wasn't.

But whenever the quiet took over, her mind found a way to torture itself to near madness.

Memories.

Her parents lack of interest, their blatant ignorance to anything about her, and their phony attitudes.

Her struggle with friends, always feeling used, only wanted for the benefits she brought. Their insistence to be brought into her world.

The hatred that befell her when she didn't give them what they wanted.

Her distrust of nearly everyone, and her fear that everyone would give her a good cause to never trust again.

The loneliness, how she wanted to have somebody special, but she was too scared to let anyone even try. She wanted to depend on someone, but she was scared of letting anyone have that kind of power over her.

Goddamnit, and she knew exactly who she wanted it to be.

But she couldn't.

Especially not with Bora here.

No, she shouldn't feel betrayed; he had admitted that he wouldn't promise that he wouldn't fall for Bora. And yet, she still felt betrayed.

She had to have expected it. So why did it hurt anyways?

Namjoon, god damn you.

But worst, the intense, immeasurable, vivid hatred that she held for herself.

She was the problem behind every other problem. The one fixed variable. It had to be her.

And she hated herself for it.

"Jesus christ, I found her." 

She barely peeked her eyes open; a blinding orb of light fixed on her face, and a faceless figure was soon pulling at her arms.

"Don't you mean Jisoos christ?" She lazily mumbled as she let them pull her away from the water.

"God, looking like something from a depressing movie, and you still manage to joke like a loser."

She smiled faintly; it didn't reach her eyes.

"What can I say, it's a talent."

Her eyes adjusted, and she let Seungkwan pull her up.

"You're soaked, what the hell."

"Oh, I had hoped that you'd never see me like this, poor brother. So embarrassing."

Vernon scrunched his eyes at her.

"Was that a sex joke?"

"Isn't everything?"

He took a moment before nodding, and YeongMi finally found it in her to be embarrassed at the situation she was in.

Of all the stupid things she had done, this must be the least entertaining one.

Now all she was left with was an empty feeling in her gut, wet clothes, and a sticky face.

At least the water had hidden the tears well enough.

"How did you even know I was out here?"

Seungkwan gave her a patronizing look, "probably because you did that little cry-scream that you do."

"It could've been an animal."

"Nah, it was too ugly to be an animal." 

She glared at her brother, and then they walked in silence, until they reached a house that was overflowing with boisterous people.

That had to be the rest of them.

Seungkwan soon disappeared into the house, and Vernon stood awkwardly before doing a little dance to ease the tension.

YeongMi smiled at his effort, nudging his shoulder.

"So, you and my brother are really close?"

He nodded, "even though there's so many of us, we're all pretty close. But I'd say some of us are closer than others."

"You know that's what makes the fans ship certain people more than others."

Vernon laughed. "And despite anyone insisting they're straight, everyone ships Jeonghan and S.Coups."

YeongMi smirked, "well yeah, but I was talking about you and my brother."

Vernon was lucky that Seungkwan came out then, handing YeongMi a large shirt before turning away.

A second passed, and then he was shoving Vernon, who seemed to finally realize what was going on and quickly turned around.

With the privacy, YeongMi peeled off the wet clothes before putting on the shirt.

It came down to her upper thighs, and she immediately hugged the soft material closer.

"You're never getting this back, you know."

Seungkwan shrugged.

"I don't care, I stole it from Mingyu."